Before Crisis Novel (alpha)

Hello, so I joined this cool FF forum here after a few days of lurking. Anyway let's not annoy anyone and get straight to the point!

If you don't wanna read my big explanation and just go to the first chapter continue reading at the arrow.

I came across this nice summary of BC chapters by S and G. And the thought came to my mind how cool it would be to have a novel about Before Crisis. Since I'm living in europe I will probably never see BC released her, what a pity Anyway all I found about BC were the scripts from Gunshotromance (and i also found german scripts on CetraConnection) Anyway since I can't read japanese or speak for that matter I had to resort to those scripts. What I am trying to do is writing a BC novel, it would be a bunch of work doing all and I already came across some big problems (there are too many turks in BC and the game is just written for only one player at a time). I also wanna note, i didn't play the game neither have I watched gameplay footage yet, but if I continue writing this I probably will take a look at those vids since it's gonna help me with writing (describe locations, characters etc...)

Of course I take myself a lot of freedom while writing it, you can see it as fanfic based on BC. Well I wanna try to make a lot of character development and interaction between the player turks so i'll see how far that's possible.

----> This is just the very first chapter of the game and I just had the script and screenshot as main source. Also I'm nowhere near perfect in english so excuse me my typos and grammar mistakes and do point them out if you want. I used Rod and Gun for this Chapter I might change it later on, i havent read through all the scripts yet and i have to plan on which turk i use where...anyway i don't wanna bore you so here:

Episode I - Those Who Lurk in the Night​

30th February 2001
2:15 a.m.
Midgar, Sector 8​

I​

Two figures creeped through the night, both were wearing silver helmets with three red eyevisions. Their uniforms blue and clean, covered by silver shoulder and knee protectors which reflected the artificial light of the city. The heavy boots, as they stomped through the street, echoed in the near distance, followed by clattering of their standard equipmet, the ShinRa club and the Machingun. Those two were ShinRa infantrymen on duty.
"Damnit, why do we get this useless job again....just a waste of time", one of them muttered.
The other one looked at him and calmly said: "Well someone has to do it, the reactor is important afterall. Someone has to go on patrol around it."
"Yea, but that's the problem a ‘patrol job’. Can't they give it to some rookie?" complained the first one again.
The second one sighed and explained: "Since the Wutai War ended just some time ago we are short on manpower, obviously lots of casulties in the war..."
There were a few seconds silence between them they probably had some bad memories from the war. Nevertheless the infantryman continued: "...so even though now everything seems calm someone has to keep this city quiet. Besides you don't wanna get caught complaining about your assignments again, then you can forget your pay raise." The first one made big eyes as the other grinned at him.
"Alright, alright let's get moving. The sector eight reactor isn't gonna guard itself."
"That's more like you" Both laughed and moved on in direction of the mako reactor.​

Meanwhile a man wearing a bandana stood in the sewers of sector eight, he had chin-long drak-brown almost black hair and his bandana covered most of it. He seemed determined and he had to be, since there is a whole contingent of soldiers lined up before him. All of them have the same goal as him, to destory the virus of the planet, ShinRa, once and for all.
The soldiers were awaiting his orders, none of them moved, they had discipline. They wore olive-brown uniforms and googles. Every one of them had a protector on their left shoulder and their brown combat gloves and boots had some metal strengthener embedded. Each one of them was equiped with a machine gun similar to those of ShinRa infantrymen and ready to use it that night. The guns had red ribbons tied on them, just like any of the soldieres had one on their left arm. Red Ribbons were AVALANCHE’s trademark.
Finally the man with the bandana began to speak, his voice loud and steady: "Our revolution begins tonight! This is the beginning of our fight! It’s our fight to bring ShinRa down. Down with ShinRa!!"
The soldiers replied unison: "Down with ShinRa!!"
The man with the bandana lifted his right hand and gave the command: "Move out!"
More wasn't needed everyone knew what to do. The soldiers started moving out of the sewer to get to the sector eight reactor…​

Four of the AVALANCHE soldiers came out of the sewer, one of them apparently the leader told them: "We're going to secure the route for the main forces. Move out."
All four of them moved across the street to a corner. The leader peeked around the corner and whispered to the others: "Two ShinRa soldiers ahead. We'll kill anyone that stands in our way!"
The other three gave him a nod.​

"Do you think tonight will be calm like any other?" one infantryman calmly asked the other.
"Well it's just a patrol what shou..." Suddenly a man that just turned around a corner began to charge at them. Both infantrymen looked at him confused, as three other men came around the corner, they wore uniforms and guns. Caught by surprise both of the infatrymen couldn't move until one of them pulled up his machinegun and yelled at the four men: "This area is off limits. Get lost or I'll shoot!"
But it was too late the first man was already too near and the infantrymen wasn't fast enough to release the sefaty on his gun. The one that charged at him knocked him out quickly as the other one still surprised finally got to raise his weapon, but it was useless. The other three already came too close, they knocked him out quickly.
All four soldiers made a fast and clean job and after getting rid of the infantrymen's bodies the leader said: "You two stay here and wait for the main forces. You go with me and we'll secure the street up ahead."
All three nodded again.​

Not far away two guises entered sector eight, both of them wore black suits. A black suit was the trade-mark of the Turks, a special unit within ShinRa. Mostly they take on classified missions, or clean up missions. One of them had red-brownish spikey hair and the other one, a female, had blonde neatly combed chin-long hair.
Both of their PHS rang at the same time.and they also answered the call simultaniously. A steady voice came out of both phones: "These are your orders. You’re to patrol sector eight. This is standard work for all new Turks. It’s company tradition. Your seniors Rude and Reno, and even I started off with this work. This is a real mission. This job should get you used to your future duties."
"This is Gun. Tseng, you can leave sector eight to us", the blonde haired women replied.
Tseng continued: "Before you start, make sure you have some materia with you. In case of emergency or battle materia makes all easier. You did create your own materia in the HQ before you left, right?"
This time the red haired man replied: "Yea, yea we have it."
"Rod, don't take this lightly, this is your first real mission!! Good Luck!" Tseng added.
"Yes, Sir", Rod muttered. Both of them let the PHS disappear somewhere within their suites. Rod and Gun began to start their patrol.​

After some time Rod broke the silence between them: "So…Gun, tell me a bit about yourself"
"How about we just do our mission and don't talk? Gun replied objectively.
"Aww...come on. We went through training together and you never told me anything about you. Don't you like me?"
"No, I don't"
Rod made big eyes, but it didn’t seem to bother him too much.
"Well if you won't talk then I will..." Rod meant. He waited for a respones from Gun, but didn't get any.
He continued: "So no objections about it, good. Hmm…let’s see. I was born in Midgar. I grew up...eh let's leave the boring part out and get to the interesting one. I was a gang leader in Midgar oh man we had so much fun. Fighting other gangs and stealing motorbikes. I love motorbikes. Back then I was unbeatable, i never lost any battle or got caught stealing something. I decided to sneak into ShinRa HQ and steal a motorbike there. But luck was not on my side. Reno caught me and pretty much beat me up. ShinRa arrested me, but thanks to Verdot I was offered a job within the Turks. Well that's how I got to join the Turks, what about you?"
Rod looked at Gun, but she was totally unmoved by any of his words, so he thought about something else to say, but decided against it. They continued their mission in silence.​

Later, Rod didn't know how much time had passed they came to a crossroad. Both of them instictly doged behind the corner as they both heard voices. The voices came from around the corner so Rod peeked around it. Two men in uniforms where standing there in the middle of the street.
"The long awaited day of ShinRa’s downfall is near. So stay focused. Down with ShinRa!" one of them said to the other.
They both saluted each other and the second one replied: "Down with ShinRa!"
Gun whispered: "Down...with ShinRa? What's going on there?"
But before Rod could say anything to her, his PHS suddenly rang, he startled to silence his phone. He managed to switch it off and got a glimpse of Gun's face which said more than thousand words to him: 'You fucking idiot. What the hell where you thinking when you left your ringtone on'. Rod couldn't defend himself against Gun, because one of the soldiers around the corner yelled: "Who the hell is there!?"
Rod and Gun had no choice but to reveal themselves, so they stepped around the corner.
"That suits...it's the ShinRa's Turks!!!" one man said.
Rod couldn't oppress a smile as he noticed the man was slightly scared of them. He taunted the soldier: "And what do you think you are doing here?"
The second man then shouted: "You overheard our plans. We’re going to have to kill you!"
Rod took out his Electro-Magnetic-Rod (EMR) and said: "Come and try!"
Gun took out her phone and saw that Tseng was calling and then she said to Rod: "I guess you can handle them alone?"
She didn't await Rod's answer and answered the phone while Rod charged at the two soldiers. He was too fast for them they didn't have any time to aim their weapons at him.
Tseng asked Gun over the phone for a status report. Gun told him that they were ambushed by two unknown soldiers, but Rod is handling them. Rod knocked one of them out and the other one yelled: "How dare you do that to my comrade, die!"
Gun continued: "They were saying something about 'ShinRa shall burn!'"
"'ShinRa shall burn'? Who might those people be? We need to know more, check the streets for more of them!" Tseng told her.
"Understood!"
Gun hung up the phone and turned around just to see Rod knocking out the other soldier.
"Rod, let's go look for more of them!"
Rod nodded and they started to move again.​

In the Turks headquarter Tseng was about to talk with Verdot, the leader of the Turks.
"Verdot, Sir! There seems to be a disturbance in sector eight. There have been reports of men planning an attack on the company."
"What?! Who are they? How many are there? What have they planned?"
"I’ve got our new recruits looking into the situation."
"I don’t feel comfortable letting rookies handle it. Keep me updated and see if you can get someone else in there to act as support."
"Roger."​

Click to expand...

Hope you had fun with it!!! So I would be happy about any kind of feedback and mainly if it's worth to continue Thanks in advance.

Oh so your writing a novelized version? Cool.

I wonder if this should go in the art section, though.

I liked this, though it probably should belong in a different section.

A bit of advice for you (Bear with me; I write and...my inner editor is poking me):

1. Everytime a new person speaks, you need to start a new paragraph.

2. The grammar tense--it's not quite right. In the beginning, you wrote everything in past tense, somewhere in the middle you've switched to present tense. Stick to just one tense.

It's good beginning, and I do hope you continue with this!

Moved from BC => Writing and Art.

Also, to add to ^, you seem to use very short sentences at times (in the beginning), and the whole writing just doesn't seem to flow / read nicely. Which is why I have only read bits of it, mind.

You should probably read up some properly written books and take notes on how they structure sentences, do conversations, expressions, environments, etcetera.

Sorry for posting it in the wrong section, thanks for moving though.
Big thanks for your comments!!! My guess was that grammer would be my biggest problem with this.

Calenlass:
to 1. I notice it now, it needs new paragraphs everytime someone new speaks, it looks disorganized the way it is.
to 2. Hmm, yes I noticed this already as I was writing, I'll look out for that when I continue and stick to one tense.

Cthulhu:
I agree with you too. Yes, I haven't read that much english books yet, I'll have to look into some to steal some tricks

I do hope my grammer and writing style will get better over time, I'm kind of a newbie anyway in that department
I'll be sure to keep you guys updated every once in a while...

I have to get ready for work so I've only glanced this over for now and will be sure to read it later, but I'd like to add another picky technicality.

When books are written in print, the paragraph breaks are often single spaced and that's okay. You'll notice they indent the first line of every paragraph when this is done, also.

example said:

——— Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
——— "Blah blah," blah blah blah, "blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah." Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Click to expand...

There are some things that are okay in print but taboo when formatting copy digitally. You'll notice I had to use long dashes to indent the paragraphs because when you insert a bunch of spaces on this forum (like most forums, blogs, etc.), it only counts it as one space or just omits the spaces entirely. The same is done to the "tab" character. This leaves the whole thing looking quite messy because the eye can't as easily distinguish where a new paragraph begins.

This is likely one of two reasons why the digital convention for paragraph breaks is to double space them with no indentation.

example said:

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

"Blah blah," blah blah blah, "blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah." Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

Click to expand...

If you write a school report like this you'll probably have points deducted, but when you do it for something that will be read digitally—i.e., on a monitor, whether online or not—it's preferred.

The other reason is probably for general ease on the eye. No one likes a text wall on a monitor. In fact it is known that reading on a monitor causes more strain than reading print (because your eye is receiving the light directly from the monitor rather than light being reflected from the paper to your eye) so this is only one of several precautions that are meant to be taken when one formats digital copy. (Incidentally, you're also supposed to use sans-serif fonts and it's preferable to use dark text on a light background, but light text on a dark background is okay sometimes too.)

Now I'm running 11 minutes behind! D:

Just a note though, you can use indentation on the forum, but you have to put it in

Thanks Ravynne!
I'm aware of paragraphs etc, but either i forgot to format it properly here or I didn't care cause it's kinda hard on forums, like you said. Of course I will format it properly on a later point and release it in a .pdf file or something similar. Now that you pointed that out I'll make it 'look good for the eye' in the future.

EDIT: Thanks for the tip Cthulhu, I'll see what i can do with that....

Well no one wants to read your entire fanfic in a code box and that justified font. xD Besides, if you want to post it somewhere else, like on a website, a blog, LiveJournal, deviantART, Fanfiction.Net, etc. it will more than likely remove whatever indents can be processed by one place but not another.

Just double space between paragraphs and it will give you one less thing to have to go through and format all over again. That's typically the digital standard.