Chapter 16 – A Miserable Feeling

Chapter 16 – A Miserable Feeling

by December 28, 2014

Chapter 16 - A Miserable Feeling

Translated by Mecorx and Pixel

The truck continued toward Edge without encountering a single monster. Inside the car was the Mayor, who volunteered to drive; Fabio, whose whole body ached; Throp, who moaned that he had been deafened by the explosion; and Keough, the bomb maker. Kyrie and I snuggled up like winter doves on the windswept bed at the back. The wasteland, illuminated by the moonlight, drifted by to the left and right of us, as we sat there. Since the truck would bounce along the uneven ground, I exercised due vigilance so as not to be thrown off.

“Do you know how to use this?”

Kyrie showed me the gun, which she had apparently been holding the whole time.

“I don’t know about this type.”

Needless to say, I didn’t know how to use any type of gun. And the stupid lies keep piling up.

“Hey, what did you talk about with the President?”

I didn’t even know how to explain it. According to what Reno had expected, it was supposed to be the touching reunion of two half-brothers. There was nothing emotional about it. All there had been was confusion. And a sense of inferiority. Compared to Rufus Shinra, I was pretty mediocre. And even as I knew I was no match for him, I still put on the bravado. It was the kind of incident that would cause me to scratch my head in embarrassment for the rest of my life, whenever I would think back to it.

“It seemed he wanted me to be his stand-in, because we look alike. Of course, I refused.”

Let’s just keep it at that. It shouldn’t be a problem.

“Well you do look pretty similar— but I think they were messing with you.”


“Think they’ll come after us? There was what you did to their President, as well as the fact that Fabio and the others blew up one of their buildings, right?”

“They won’t come.”

I was reassured, remembering Rufus’ parting words.

“But he may change his mind.”

“Well, I guess nothin’s for certain in this world.”

“Quit trying to be cool.”

“I didn’t mean it like that— Frankly, we’re nothing to Shinra. To them, we’re nothin’ but small fries.”

“Well that’s kind of irritating, too.”

“We live in a different world.”

When I thought of it that way, it felt as if the sense of inferiority I experienced standing in front of Rufus became somewhat irrelevant.

“But, Rufus Shinra sure was impressive. I can’t call him Idiot President anymore.”

“Yeah, I can’t win against him”

“Yeah, he seems really sharp, and quite bold for how calm and collected he is. He’s got good looks and, above all, a big heart. He’s kind of like the ideal man.”

While it had been me who said that I couldn’t win against him, the way Kyrie cemented it was rather irritating. Unfortunately, my heart isn’t that big.

“Then, why don’t you go back?”

I was aware that the damage was already done. So I couldn’t bring myself to look Kyrie in the face.

“I give up. Why’d it turn into this?”

Kyrie stood up slowly. She supported herself against the cabin, and aimed the gun toward the rear.


“Evan, you idiot”

A flash appeared out of Kyrie’s hands, followed by a sharp bang. Then, the truck bounced heavily. Kyrie let out a short yelp as she lost her balance, almost falling off the truck bed. I stretched out my right hand quicker than even I expected, catching Kyrie’s arm and pulling her back. Kyrie fell hard into me as I sat there. I thought that was the end of it. But then, the truck bounced once more. Kyrie’s feet left the truck bed, and she completely fell on top of me, like a pile of bricks. Unable to fully support Kyrie, I toppled backward. A shock spread across the back of my head. I guess you really do see sparks flying. For some reason, the smell of gunpowder drifted into the back of my nose. And everything went dark.

* *

“This kid said there’s something wrong with his head, too. Mom said he collapsed after she heard that.”

I could hear the voice of a young woman at the back of my ear. There was a smell of disinfectant.

“Shh. Don’t talk like that in front of the patient.”

Another woman warned. I pretended to be asleep with my back to them. My head throbbed with pain.

* *

“Oh, are you awake now? Let’s see.” Circular, thick-lensed glasses peered into my face. A penlight was being shone into my eyes. “Follow the light.”

I followed the light with my eyes, as I was told.

“Okay, that looks alright. Does it hurt?”


“You have a bit of a bump. It’s probably that.” Dr. Drake squinted his eyes behind his glasses. “Just rub some dirt on it or something. Come to my office when you’re ready to go home.”

With that, Dr. Drake left. As the huge, bear-like figure left, I caught sight of Kyrie’s figure behind him.


“Does it hurt?”

“It’s no big deal.”

“I’m sorry. Why’d I go and do something like that?”

Kyrie looked down. I was surprised at her behavior. But it was my fault. I made her angry. No, I disappointed her. So much that she fired the gun.



“The bump is a little painful, I’m gonna shut my eyes for a while.”

I did just say it was no big deal, but it was as good a reason as any. I wanted to buy some time.

“I understand. I’ll be in the waiting room.”

Suddenly, I remembered talking about trying to escape from Rude in the office. The twinkle in Kyrie’s eyes. Her bouncy tone. She deserves a man who she can have fun with, someone who can easily handle that kind of a situation. For example, that man in Healin.

“You know, you really don’t need to wait.”


I stopped her right there.

“There’s no need for you to feel responsible, Kyrie. It comes down to the fact that I’m useless. Worthless. A failure. ‘Night.”

Yeah, that’s right. I closed my eyes. Ten seconds later, I heard footsteps running out of the ward. I thought it was over.

After about ten minutes, I got up. There were four beds in the ward, but there was nobody except me. I put on the boots that were on the floor, and put on the jacket on the coat stand by the wall. My shoulder bag and hat were placed on the bed next to mine. I put them on, and checked that I hadn’t left anything behind. Finally, I quickly made the bed, then left the ward. There was a bathroom at the end of the hallway on the right. I went to the left. The short corridor came to an abrupt end. I turned to the right, into the waiting room. I took a deep breath, then entered the waiting room. Nobody was there. Yup, that’s about right. I still expected it. Even though I figured she’d go home, I was still hoping the see Kyrie waiting there. If there was a contest of selfishness, I’d definitely be at the top of the leader board.

“Ah, Evan. This way.”

Dr. Drake came out of his office and called to me.

“Evan. This is important, so listen up.” Dr. Drake’s pushed back his head of grey hair, which looked too full for a guy his age. “You hit your head. Normally, the appropriate tests would have needed to be done. But I don’t have the right equipment here.”

“It’ll be alright, I’m sure.”

“I’d like to think so too. But head injuries are difficult. Symptoms sometimes show up years later. In that case, it’s usually irreversible.”

“Please, don’t try to scare me.”

“No, this is a warning. Alright? From now on, come to me if there’s anything that worries you, even a little. Got it?”

The doctor looked serious. I felt a lump growing in the pit of my stomach. I nodded, wanting to finish the conversation quickly. It wasn’t as if anything could be done here, anyway.

“By the way, Evan. The first time you came here was about a year ago, right?”


“I had a look earlier, but… the scar you have on your chest is from surgery isn’t it?”

“Uh huh.”

My chest has a scar on it from an operation I had when I was 5 years old. Perhaps the doctor who sewed me up hadn’t been very good. It looks pretty gaudy.

“It was me who sewed you up.”


“Must be about 15 years now, right? Back then, I was still a fledgling army surgeon. For Shin-Ra, of course. I mainly treating gunshot wounds, or general cuts. I used a needle and thread on the human body every day. But these soldier guys like to have showy scars, kinda like medals. I thought it was ridiculous, but I followed orders, so I became a doctor who couldn’t do delicate suturing. Your scar is the result of that. I’m sorry. This is just an excuse, but that was my first time suturing a child. Also, it had been large incision to begin with.”

“It’s alright. I’m alive.”

“Yes. I was hoping for that answer.” The doctor smiled a toothy smile. “So, how’s your heart been?”

“I haven’t really thought about it.”

“I bet. The operation went perfectly.” The doctor nodded, and searched my face. “Hey, how did you get that kind of a connection? You got Shin-Ra’s top surgeon. Normally, he would never have operated on member of the general public.”

I see. I, well, my Mom, had a stronger connection within the Shin-Ra Company than anyone else. To think this would become proof of that.

“Beats me. I haven’t heard anything.”

I wanted to avoid this topic, if possible. I should head back soon.

“I see. Well it was an unusual operation for a child. Wonder if it was done as part of a study for free. Or maybe your mother knew someone who was a Shin-Ra doctor. It must have been something like that.”

I nodded and stood up. Oh yeah—

“Doc, about the treatment costs—”

“Oh, it’s been paid already. By that scrawny girl.”

Scrawny girl? Who’s that?

“Sorry. It was rude of me to call her scrawny Hmm—” The doctor looked at the paperwork on his desk.

“Kyrie Canaan. Your girlfriend, maybe?”


“Did you have a fight? She looked pretty angry when she left.”

“Nothin’ like that—”

“None of my business, huh? Well, anyway, give this back to her.”

Dr. Drake opened the bottom drawer of his desk, took out a gun, and held it out to me.

“She left this and a materia as payment for the treatment. I took it for the time being, but I’ll return this gun. I already have a few.”

It was the gun we got from Rufus. I made a weak sound of acknowledgement, and took it from him, putting it in my bag

“Well, I’ll pay you for the treatment soon.”

“No, the materia will do. Guess it’s an apology for the scar, let’s just leave it at that.”

I was grateful, but I’m not sure I got a good deal. The scar on my chest is permanent, but this injury was something that could be fixed by rubbing dirt on it.

“Anyway, Evan. If you feel anything is off, come see me right away. Eyesight, hearing, numbness in your hands or feet. Symptoms can vary.”

“Sure. Oh and, Doctor—” I felt like I had to say something. “Kyrie isn’t scrawny.”

The Doctor looked at me with a puzzled expression. Then smiled.

“Shouldn’t you go after her?”

In front of the clinic, I thought about what I should have done for a good 3 minutes. Then, I started to walk toward the slums. I went over what I should say to Kyrie when I saw her. Should I apologise? I definitely need to. And then what? I just have to go with the flow. Though, I always seem to make the wrong choices when I go with the flow. What would Rufus Shinra do? No. Rufus wouldn’t ever have let a little jealousy disappoint a girl he liked in the first place. In other words, I was always in the wrong. It was already too late. Hopelessly so.

I changed direction, and began to walk toward Doyle Village.

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