Valid Music Articles Thread

Alex

alex is dead
AKA
Alex, Ashes, Pennywise, Bill Weasley, Jack's Smirking Revenge, Sterling Archer
World Police and Friendly Fire said:
“Anyway, to continue talking about music.
1) When I’m at Reggae/Dub shows I hate being surrounded by stoners or, even worse, white guys with dreads.
2) When I’m at Goth shows I hate having to deal with the fat girls squeezing themselves into corsets and the boys stealing their sisters eyeliner.
3) When I’m at small Indie shows I want to see girls who wear less than 5 jumpers, all of which they bought in second hand stores. I wouldn’t mind but they’re not even girl jumpers.
4) When I’m at larger Indie shows I want to see less girls wearing thick glasses for no reason. I wear thick glasses, but that’s because I need glasses and they suit my face.
5) When I’m at a Rockabilly show, I hate having to deal with the girls who think it’s all about being a skank. This is tripled if Burlesque is mentioned on the flyer.
6) When I’m at Breakcore gigs I hate that everyone just wants to get fucked up.
7) When I’m at Punk gigs I hate all the old guys breaking out their studded leather jackets and mocking the MCR fans.
8) When I’m at a Post-Rock gig, I hate the skinny guys in check shirts and big glasses who stand with a bottle in one hand and their girlfriend (who is always incredibly hot) in the other, who is also wearing really bog glasses, but she obviously doesn’t need them.
9) I hate when I’m at Hip-Hop shows that everyone around me is quite obviously more into bitches and bling than the Hip-Hop. And I also hate the fact that I’d love to go up to the DJ afterwards and talk to him or her but I’m far too trendy, middle class and white to ever be taken seriously.
10) When I’m at metal gigs, I hate that one skinhead guy who’s like 300 pounds and just stands in the middle of the pit and windmills. Seriously, I’ve seen this guy at shows since I was like 14. Whilst I have no fear of being in a pit normally, the guy is more than twice my weight and usually drunk. If he hits me, it’s going to drop me like a sack of shit.
11) I hate when I go to see a band for the first time in Dublin, and it’s in a smaller venue. And the crowd is small enough that I can talk to the band afterwards. And then we strike up a bit of a friendship. And then the next time they come around the crowd has gotten bigger, and I can go and congratulate them on getting big. And then the third time everyones heard them on the radio, so all the assholes show up and start showing off to their mates.

Basically, I go to loads of different kinds of gigs, and at every single kind of gig there’s a different kind of asshole. If you’re there for the music, you’ll be able to ignore them. If you’re there to be seen, then yeah, you’re kinda fucked. But don’t go dissing the Scene kids just because it’s the new trendy thing. They enjoy the music just as much as you do, they just look different.

Like I said, I’m skinny, white, middle class and dress like an Indie Fag. Does this mean that I’m just showing up to Grindcore shows to look cool? No. I’m doing it because I really like Grindcore. End of.”

I swear that bald guy goes to virtually every gig I show up at too.
 
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Alex

alex is dead
AKA
Alex, Ashes, Pennywise, Bill Weasley, Jack's Smirking Revenge, Sterling Archer
I've seen him at a fucking Sonic Youth gig. That's how devoted he is.
 

CK

buried but breathing
AKA
CK, 2D, wanker
Don’t Blame Us For Metalcore
In the last few years I've seen some album and show reviews that credit us, as well as bands like Overcast, Integrity, and Converge, as the precursors to what these days is called metalcore. Thanks, but no thanks. To be responsible in any way for the rise of metalcore is like being responsible for a dirty diaper. In all of the bastard forms of metal and hardcore that have come out over the years, grind, crust, etc, metalcore is the most base and thoughtless of all forms. We commonly refer to it as lowest common denominator rock, geared more towards fan reaction and record sales than the passion and honesty that comes from sheer volume, chemistry, and the ability to both physically and mentally stun an audience. There were bands, often overlooked, who were able to meld the two forms of music into a sum greater than it's parts. To me the originators were The Amebix, one of the first underground bands to mix both clean and screaming vocals and delicate musical passages with sludge ridden ferocity, as well as bands like Born Without A Face from Michigan, The Black Flag metallic damage of Blast, Corrosion Of Conformity's Sabbath worship, the skronk of Die Kreuzen and early Prong, Sheer Terror or Leeway as well as next generation bands like Deadguy, Absolution, Bloodlet, Coalesce....

Every once in a while I get suckered into buying one of the new metalcore releases, either to check out the production or because of the reputation of a guitar player, and every time I call Rennie in shame and confess what I have done. It seems that these bands go to the recording studio, set the Pro Tools rig to the generic metalcore template of beat detective drums, a solid but unimaginative rhythm guitarist, a technically exceptional yet equally unimaginative lead guitar player, a monotone screamer, and enough chugging low E and breakdowns to make the 'kids' move in the pit. Presto...mediocore. Please, I'm begging you, stop with the Maiden via At The Gates riffs, the breakdowns that the Cro Mags will always do better than you, the tone deaf vocals and tough guy lyrics, and the typewriter accurate quantized drums. Give a listen to a band like The Chariot and The Psyke Project who record live in the studio and show more heart and metal damage than a roster full of metalcore. I long for natural sounding drums, songs that sway and surge like a heartbeat, raw and ragged guitars, and lyrics that speak to me the way Articles Of Faith, The Amebix, and Bad Religion spoke to me.

Sure, the guys in Starkweather are still musical barbarians, knowing nothing of chords, scales, or sometimes even the names of the strings, sure I still don't know the difference between meter and tempo, or what 3/4 or 7/8 timing is, but I do know how to drive 6 fucking hours in Garden State and Jersey Turnpike traffic every Saturday to leech the poison from my fucking head, I know how to celebrate an insane drum fill that Harry goes for and doesn't quite make, a new vocal pattern, Vin mercilessly trying to rip the neck off of his bass, or the rush of crafting a 12 minute long song and getting through it for the first time. Starkweather will never ride in a bus unless it's Greyhound, never sell more than a handful of albums, and never get packs of clean socks or towels on our show rider, but we will always light up the fucking room with fury, passion, and a deep love of who we are and what we do.

Fuck Metalcore.
http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=17977834&blogID=404140118
Link to article.
 
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Alex

alex is dead
AKA
Alex, Ashes, Pennywise, Bill Weasley, Jack's Smirking Revenge, Sterling Archer
Overcast, Integrity
I highly recommend both of these bands to you Tony :monster:
 

Alex

alex is dead
AKA
Alex, Ashes, Pennywise, Bill Weasley, Jack's Smirking Revenge, Sterling Archer
Joe Mathlete's Great American Blog said:
If you’re in a band and you have a MySpace page, you probably get friend requests all the time from terrible bands you want nothing to do with. Bands that have nothing to do with your own, bands from towns you’ve never heard of, bands that are usually rather terrible.

(If you’re a guy and you have a MySpace page, you probably get a lot of friend requests all the time from sexy bikini models. DON’T TRUST THEM THEY ARE ROBOTS THEY WANT YOU TO BUY CELL PHONES)

(If you’re a girl and you have a MySpace page, do u cyber lol)

Anyway: For a little while there in The Mathletes’ MySpace blog, I used to do a thing I called “My New Internet Friends: All you need to know about the latest band to randomly send the Mathletes a friend request.” I stopped rather quickly because it was frankly kind of mean, and I’ve never been one to snipe at other people’s creativity. But for awhile it yielded some chuckles.

Here is the first installment from early 2006, for a band called Cascade in Blue. Rescued from the depths of MySpace and reprinted here for your pleasure. No links, and don’t anyone go giving these guys a hard time for spamming somebody close to three years ago. But trust me: their page looked like shit.

“Enjoy!”

-----------------------------------------------------------

NAME: Cascade in Blue

GENRE(S): Rock / Indie / Jam Band

HEADLINE: "whats that noise? SMELLS LIKE VIOLENCE!"

LOCATION: "ROCKVILLE," Maryland

IS THIS LOCATION REAL OR MADE-UP? Made-up. There actually probably is a town somewhere in the United States called Rockville, but I sincerely doubt that the real Rockville is spelled with all caps.

MEMBER SINCE: 10/12/2004

NUMBER OF FRIENDS: 1439

IS THEIR PAGE EDITED WITH THOMAS' MYSPACE EDITOR? IF SO, WAS IT A MISTAKE?: Yes, and definitely. All they did was change the color scheme to white text on a gray background, which is both hideous and nearly impossible to read (I had to highlight stuff with my cursor to even make it out). Beyond the lack of both aesthetic charm and user-friendliness, you think they would've at least considered using the color blue in some way (there is the slight possibility that they would've thought that was too obvious, but, c'mon, they identify as a jam band).

BEST BLOG HEADLINE: "the texture of reality."

BEST COMMENT FROM A FAN AND/OR SPAM VICTIM: "hey guys, its kl... You kinda have a Corrs feel maybe kinda Mogwai. I didnt listen very hard, i was listening quietly (lol) so i couldnt hear much, but what i heard was v. good." Petey Pete

NOTABLE HYPERBOLE: Where to begin.

"In an age where changing the radio dial yields a lack real musical inspiration, six boys from Maryland are starting a music revolution."

"Their music intrigues audiences breaking all the demographic barriers of race, gender and age. As Cascade in Blue performs they give the audience no choice but to listen. A strange phenomena occurs as they play drawing people closer and closer to the stage with each song making them a hard act to follow."
My favorite, however, is this part:

"Each member possesses the kind of talent that cannot be taught it is embedded into each of their existences. What needed to be learned was not how to play music, but how to harness their abilities to form what has become known as Cascade in Blue."

Apparently each of them was born knowing how to play violin or double bass or "the Percusions."

NOTABLE OUTRIGHT LIES: Sounds Like: "Nothing youve ever' heard before."

"As Cascade in Blue plays, the musicians' souls open, inviting each soul in the audience to come and dance with themif even for a mere 40 minutes."

I doubt that happens at even half of their shows.

WORST SONG TITLE: "Song of Sea"

WHAT THEY SOUND LIKE BASED ON THE FIRST THIRTY SECONDS OF THAT SONG: The Arcade Fire fronted by a guy with Downs Syndrome covering "Desert Rose"-era Sting b-sides.

WHAT BAND PHOTOS SAY ABOUT THEM: "We got kicked out of high school jazz band for smoking weed."

SUGGESTED ALTERNATE BAND NAMES: Cascade in White on Grey
Humility on Parade
Cascade in Poo

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS: Cascade in Blue's profile is packed to the gills with a wonderfully contradictory blend of earthy arrogance. You get the feeling that these are probably nice kids and all, but they really need to learn not to update their profile while they're stoned. Their main page is hard to beat, but the blog reveals plenty of interesting details. Highlights:

- They were rated "numero 1 - grupo de la semana" last January by a Spanish music site called Rock Style. The Cascader writing that particular blog entry reveals that he doesn't really understand much Spanish (although he was pretty pumped that their "awesome picture" was on the site), which leads me to wonder why they bothered sending their CD to websites based in Spain in the first place.

- They signed up to play the Emergenza "Festival," which is a combination battle of the bands/pyramid scheme where unwitting groups (who usually hear about it via MySpace spam mmm, mmm, irony!) pay an entrance fee to get put on a bill with 20 other gullible bands from their city in hopes of advancing to the next round, then the next, then however many more until they get signed by Interscope or something (also, the bands are encouraged to get their fans/friends/parents to buy "presale" tickets). The blog only mentions Cascade in Blue playing in round one, so I don't think it turned out the way they had hoped.

- They are as passionate about meaningful human relationships as they are about how awesome their music is. One entry (this one by "luke") begins "i think blogging needs to stop. we cant forget how to speak with our mouths. face to face. please. but, since we are all here, and gathered infront of the lsd fire... dsl... pdh... lcd, that's it. i hope that EVERYONE MUST BE AWARE..." And then he lists two upcoming Cascade in Blue shows (both of which he gives the designation "MUST SEE"). After their shows, Cascade in Blue encourages their fans to speak to each other with their mouths face to face, just so they don't get rusty while the rest of us blog enthusiasts' mouths crust over and seal up.
Finally, they really do state (in the General Info section) that one of their members plays "the Percusions."

SPAM EFFICIENCY RATING: 2.86*

OVERALL RATING: Two roaches and a pinch of shake

CASCADE IN BLUE, ENCAPSULATED: "after the show, someone by the name of Ben Krehbiel stopped me and said, "dude.... that was the soundtrack of the universe." it is a well crafted statement, and i hope that more and more people can hear that as well when they listen to our music"

- from a blog entry with the headline "a reflection on the 1 hour and 40 minute set we played tonight"


* : calculated by dividing their number of friends by the number of days they've been a member of MySpace; basically, the average number of people they've added per day
 

CK

buried but breathing
AKA
CK, 2D, wanker
HIPPIE KILLER
Hippie Killer is so good, you'll want to develop a massive marijuana habit right away and spend your days lurking through the ten part expedition of doom laden valleys and psychedelic post rock peaks, bong in hand. After the first intro piece, Bongripper literally rips your head off and dumps all sort of riff heavy hallucinogens right down your neck. I am not kidding. Demon hands actually rip out of your speakers, threatening your very well being and replace your life with the chunkiest riffs known to man. And just when you think, "Damn! I needs me some oxygen!! Bongripper is stealing all the atmosphere!", just then, they lay on the breeziest post-rock bliss, sending you soaring through stratospheres of lost planets, skating on rings of Saturn, fluffy white clouds belying the utter sonic death you just experienced. These parts are equally as powerful as the face-melting doom they just ended your measly life with. Imagine if Godspeed You! Black Emperor just took a left turn into Absolutego territory. Not only would all those violin players be scared shitless, you'd have Bongripper standing right in front of you, blowing smoke right in your face, laughing Legions laugh.
The guys from Bongripper seem really cool. They have personally stated that they do this only for the love of music. One of the members even leaked the albums in an effort to pollute our minds with weed smoked doom. They are from Chicago and they are selling Hippie Killer on CD for 7 bucks... a steal. Go to their myspace and check em out. They all play in various other bands, all in the metal / post-rock variety and they have two more releases coming out this year - Heroine and Satan Worshiping Doom.
- Zen and the Art of Face Punching ..http://zen-face-punch.blogspot.com/2007/07/bongripper.html..

Note: Zen is a great blog where you'll find lots of rare gems that are almost impossible to find.
 

Alex

alex is dead
AKA
Alex, Ashes, Pennywise, Bill Weasley, Jack's Smirking Revenge, Sterling Archer
I'm the Most Important Fucking Person in the World said:
ell, not really. But I am back in town. Either later today or tomorrow I'll have a review up here, but now I'm just going to get back into the swing of posting with a list of things that bug me. In no particular order, they are:

1) People who complain that all a band's songs sound the same (amusing and egregious example here).

Several years ago I received an e-mail forward which featured a list of bands and people's dismissive descriptions of what each of there songs sounded liked. You were supposed to add a band/description and then send it to everyone you know. This bugged me at the time, and continues to bug me, because in reality (and I'm putting this in caps so you know I mean fucking business) WE ALL WANT BANDS TO HAVE SONGS THAT SOUND THE SAME. If they didn't, WE WOULDN'T LISTEN TO THEM.

Writing a bunch of songs that all sound the same is called having "a style." The vast majority of bands do it. Slayer, for example, has two songs: the fast one and the not fast one. Both of these songs rule and Slayer can keep writing them until the day they all drop dead and I'll be happy. When Slayer tries to add a third song, I am unhappy, and respond by not listening to it.

Most bands whose songs don't all sound similar suck and suck well. I call this the "Mr. Bungle theorem." They suck because you wind up liking one thing they do, but not the next. You inevitably want them to go back to playing what you like, as in "hey, this metal part is totally awesome. I can get into... wait a second. Why are they yodeling?"

On top of that, this is one of those things that people only care about when they don't like a band. Given that most bands songs sound pretty much all the same, every person who criticizes a band for having songs that all sound the same probably has a whole music collection filled with bands doing the exact same thing. Those who live in glass houses, you know?

If you're one of those people who really gets off on bands whose songs all sound radically different, that's fine. More power to you. Might I suggest, however, that you would be better served by listening to a really good jazz band, a really good metal band, and a really good funk band, instead of some band that tries to juxtapose all those styles?

So stop complaining that bands songs all sound the same and come up with some real reasons to not like a band.

2) Faux controversy.

I was reading this thing in The Onion that pointed out that that Katy Perry girl's song "I Kissed a Girl" is trying to pitch itself as controversial, but the lyrics are wildly inoffensive and Jill Sobule wrote a song with the exact same title that had more offensive lyrics 15 fucking years ago (and no one really gave a fuck then, either).

In fact, I only heard the song for the first time the other day, while in the dollar store (an appropriate place for it, as it might be the worst, most low-rent song I've ever heard). When I saw the title of it on iTunes I assumed it was a cover of the Jill Sobule song.

Here's an even more amusing example.

Please note that they refer to their album as "one of the most controversial albums the world has ever seen" right before pointing out that it's limited to 250 copies.

Now I don't expect a lot out of Christian Black Metal, but is it too much to ask to look up the word controversy?

Please note that the definition requires debate, preferably public.

In other words (all caps, once again), YOU DON'T GET TO DECIDE IF YOU'RE CONTROVERSIAL. The public at large decides if you're controversial. The fucking Norwegian Black Metal church burnings were controversial. How do I know? Because we're still discussing them 15 friggin' years later! THAT'S controversy. It doesn't matter how offensive, poignant, or challenging it is. If there's NO DEBATE around it, it's not a controversy.

Okay.
 
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