Mantichorus
"I've seen enough."
- AKA
- Kris; Mantichorus; Sam Vimes; Neku Sakuraba; Koki Kariya; Hazama; CuChulainn; Yu Narukami; Mewtwo; Rival Silver; Suicune; Kanata; Professor Oak; The Brigadier; VIII; The Engineer
Hey all. I was just wanting some opinions and stuff on a chapter I've written for one of my FFVII fanfics. The basic premise is: AU setting, a more proactive Vincent breaks out of the Nibelheim Mansion several years before the game ends (the night Cloud talks to Tifa by the water tower, matter of fact).
This isn't completely finished, I'm just wanting some general "why'd you put that it?" "that sucks" "oh God, what were you on?!". Anyone can feel free to give any and all opinions.
What's already been writ can be found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2361809/1/Blood_Feud
=======================================================
It was shortly past noon by the time the truck rolled up to the outskirts of Nibelheim. The two SOLDIERs were the first to disembark, with the two infantrymen with the soon after. As Sephiroth went to give the driver his instructions, Cloud paused for a second, before reaching back in to retrieve his helmet.
“Uh, Cloud…?” Zack asked, amused.
“Gotta look the part…” Cloud mumbled, fumbling with the klatch to reaffix the helmet in place.
Zack shrugged. “OK man. Just hurry up, or we’ll both get behind and Sephiroth will have both our asses as an early lunch.”
“I heard that, Lieutenant!” Sephiroth said, from the front of the truck. “And for the record, both of your asses combined don’t have enough meat on them for how hungry I am right now.”
Zack winked at Cloud. “That’s what he says now…” He then turned towards where Sephiroth was standing. “And hey! I’m a Lieutenant-General, so why do you always call me Lieutenant?”
“Even if you call a dogsbody a general-dogsbody, he’s still a dogsbody, not a General,” Sephiroth said dryly, coming around the corner with a jovial smirk. “Come on, we have a job to do.” He turned to Cloud. “You don’t want to let your hometown down now, do you?” he asked, with no hint of irony.
“No, sir,” Cloud answered.
Sephiroth nodded. “Good man. Now, you’re local, so you no doubt know where the hotel we’re staying at is. We’re due to start out to the reactor first thing tomorrow, oh-six-hundred hours, so until then, you’re free to go visit your…kith and kin, friends and family, whatever you want to call them.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was the final few moments of dusk, before night truly set in by the time Cloud left his home… his mom’s house. He wasn’t afraid to admit to himself that he’d been hiding from the other people in town (especially Tifa and her Pa) so they wouldn’t find out he hadn’t made it into SOLDIER. As it was, it’d taken a lot of swallowing his pride before he’d been able to admit it to his mom. As typical with mothers, she was completely understanding and comforting, not to mention proud with her son anyway.
One thing she’d said had dug itself quite firmly into Cloud’s mind though, that Tifa had been asking his mom about him a lot. It coupled up with the fact that he’d recognised Tifa waiting at the town gates, and the look of disappointment on her face --
--Huh. Cloud paused for a second and frowned into the darkness. Weird, for a second there, he could’ve sworn he’d seen something move at the edge of town. Must have been a trick of the dimming light. Still… He shuddered as a feeling of premonition ran down his spine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vincent breathed a sigh of relief as the infantryman started walking back towards the hotel. For a moment, he thought he’d been spotted. He’d put off trying to enter Nibelheim until darkness fell, and the moment of impatience had almost been his undoing. Vincent shook his head. It was too late to get to the reactor now, he’d have to camp out near the mountain trail.
With the silhouette of the ruined mansion standing out against the first newly risen moon, Vincent slipped through the quiet streets of Nibelheim.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next morning, Zack lead the party along the mountain trail towards the Mako Reactor.
“Umm, if you don’t mind me asking…” Tifa said, a few steps behind him. “Why hire a guide if you’re going to walk ahead of her the whole time?” Despite the joking tone, she sounded slightly nervous.
“You kiddin’?” Zack asked, throwing a glance over his shoulder. “You have any idea what your father would do to us if anything happened to you?”
Sephiroth nodded solemnly from the rear of the column. “I killed a dragon on the way here, an honest-to-Minerva dragon,” he said. “But your father still scares me.”
By now, Tifa was swallowing back giggles. “Oh, stop it, both of you!” She recovered her composure. “There’s a rope bridge just ahead, past that corner,” she said, pointing, sounding more confident. She paused for a moment before continuing; “It’s a bit rickety I’m afraid, but it should be stable enough. I mean, it’s only broke once before, but that was years ago and it’s been mended since then.”
“Wait, it’s broken before? Is that safe?” Greg, the second infantryman accompanying them asked. In contrast, Cloud said nothing. He’d made his situation clear to the others last night, and they’d agreed to protect his anonymity as much as possible.
“Hey, chill,” Zack said. “I’ll go on to check it out.” With that, the energetic SOLDIER broke into a sprint, easily leaving the others behind. Zack personally thought the bridge sounded safe enough, as long as they took things stead --
As Zack turned the corner, he saw that there was someone already crossing the bridge. His mind raced, forming a preliminary report: about Sephiroth’s height, that suggested a male; long hair, dark, probably black; gauntlet -- interesting, shaped like a claw, dull-goldish colouring; red cloak, ragged, mid-calf length. The figure turned (confirmed: male, around mid-to-late twenties) at the sound of the stones disturbed by Zack’s stride.
“Howdy friend,” Zack hailed, noting that the man’s hand automatically slipped to hip height, the movement causing the cape to momentarily reveal a holster. Friend? Yeah, right. The garb the stranger wore was like nothing worn in Nibelheim, while the pose he had subconsciously assumed… He had training, no doubt of that. Maybe even Turk level.
After a minute’s pause, the stranger turned away from Zack. “Walk away, SOLDIER,” he advised, in a weary tone that suggested he knew Zack wouldn’t take his advice, but he could still hope.
Zack shook his head. “If you know what I am, you know I can’t,” he said.
The stranger shook his own head. “Foolish pride,” he muttered.
Zack smiled to himself. “Not quite. Foolish honour,” he said.
The stranger chuckled at that. “Well, if that’s the case, then it would be an insult to ask you to walk away again,” he said, turning back to face Zack. The two men stared at each other for a moment, before the stranger drew his gun. Zack wasn’t an expert on firearms, but to him it looked to be incredibly similar to the model favoured by the Turks.
“Do you have a name, friend?” Zack asked, drawing the Buster Sword.
This seemed to throw the man off balance for a second, and then he answered. “Names are to be put on gravestones and to be signed on messages. You won’t kill me today, and I have no plans for killing you,” he said. “Now, do we have to continue this stupidity?”
“You said it would be an insult to ask me to walk away again,” Zack reminded him.
“So I did. My apologies,” the man said.
“No worries,” Zack replied.
With that, battle was joined.
The gunman threw Zack off-balance slightly by taking the initiative and swiftly closing the gap between them, the arm holding the gun held across his body. ‘So that’s how it’s gonna be, eh,’ Zack thought to himself, arcing the Buster Sword through the air. However, his opponent had already made it inside his guard and used the knuckles of his gauntlet as a sword-catcher.
Zack smiled grimly and instinctively reversed his swing to free the blade. The gunman grabbed the Buster Sword with his gauntlet before bringing his feet up to propel himself off the blade like a springboard, the bridge swaying ominously as he landed a few yards away from Zack.
This time Zack took the initiative and charged onto the bridge after his foe. The gunman casually loosed a couple of shots in Zack’s direction. He easily deflected them both using the Buster Sword with a deft flick of his wrist. They clashed again, the gunman again using his gauntlet preternaturally to divert Zack’s swordsmanship. There was no doubt in Zack’s mind now -- the speed, the strength on display; his opponent had to have been enhanced.
Zack pushed in further into his opponent’s guard, searching the glaring crimson eyes for the faint but telltale glow of Mako energy. There was something there, something like a Mako glow, but…darker. A half-remembered phrase flashed through Zack’s mind: stagnant Mako. Could his opponent be infused with stagnant Mako?
“ZACK!” Sephiroth’s voice carried easily through the pass, the senior SOLDIER no doubt summoned by the sound of battle. Zack allowed himself a small moment of triumph. All he had to do was hold out a few seconds longer… However, the momentary distraction did the job, and the gunman used his whole body to force Zack back. As the SOLDIER regained his footing on the bridge, he saw his opponent had already reached the opposite end of the bridge. The man pivoted on his heel and levelled his gun at Zack.
“Farewell,” he said, two shots echoing out almost as one…and flew past Zack on either side. It made no sense -- everything he’d seen made him doubt that the gunman would have missed if he’d intended to hit Zack, so what could he be aiming… Ah.
Before he consciously knew what he was doing, Zack found himself somersaulting backwards onto solid ground, landing on two feet and one hand, the Buster Sword extended out to his right. It was just in time, as the two bullets buried themselves into the knots holding the bridge up. There was a sharp crack! as the ropes frayed and then gave in, snapping, throwing the bridge towards the opposite canyon wall. Zack and the gunman held each other’s gaze silently for a moment. Then Sephiroth rounded the corner in a shower of gravel and the spell was broken. The mysterious gunman took a backward step, before sweeping his cloak around himself and beginning to stalk towards the reactor.
Sephiroth watched him go with trepidation. “…So. Who was that?” he asked, nonchalantly.
“Didn’t say,” Zack admitted.
This isn't completely finished, I'm just wanting some general "why'd you put that it?" "that sucks" "oh God, what were you on?!". Anyone can feel free to give any and all opinions.
What's already been writ can be found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2361809/1/Blood_Feud
=======================================================
It was shortly past noon by the time the truck rolled up to the outskirts of Nibelheim. The two SOLDIERs were the first to disembark, with the two infantrymen with the soon after. As Sephiroth went to give the driver his instructions, Cloud paused for a second, before reaching back in to retrieve his helmet.
“Uh, Cloud…?” Zack asked, amused.
“Gotta look the part…” Cloud mumbled, fumbling with the klatch to reaffix the helmet in place.
Zack shrugged. “OK man. Just hurry up, or we’ll both get behind and Sephiroth will have both our asses as an early lunch.”
“I heard that, Lieutenant!” Sephiroth said, from the front of the truck. “And for the record, both of your asses combined don’t have enough meat on them for how hungry I am right now.”
Zack winked at Cloud. “That’s what he says now…” He then turned towards where Sephiroth was standing. “And hey! I’m a Lieutenant-General, so why do you always call me Lieutenant?”
“Even if you call a dogsbody a general-dogsbody, he’s still a dogsbody, not a General,” Sephiroth said dryly, coming around the corner with a jovial smirk. “Come on, we have a job to do.” He turned to Cloud. “You don’t want to let your hometown down now, do you?” he asked, with no hint of irony.
“No, sir,” Cloud answered.
Sephiroth nodded. “Good man. Now, you’re local, so you no doubt know where the hotel we’re staying at is. We’re due to start out to the reactor first thing tomorrow, oh-six-hundred hours, so until then, you’re free to go visit your…kith and kin, friends and family, whatever you want to call them.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was the final few moments of dusk, before night truly set in by the time Cloud left his home… his mom’s house. He wasn’t afraid to admit to himself that he’d been hiding from the other people in town (especially Tifa and her Pa) so they wouldn’t find out he hadn’t made it into SOLDIER. As it was, it’d taken a lot of swallowing his pride before he’d been able to admit it to his mom. As typical with mothers, she was completely understanding and comforting, not to mention proud with her son anyway.
One thing she’d said had dug itself quite firmly into Cloud’s mind though, that Tifa had been asking his mom about him a lot. It coupled up with the fact that he’d recognised Tifa waiting at the town gates, and the look of disappointment on her face --
--Huh. Cloud paused for a second and frowned into the darkness. Weird, for a second there, he could’ve sworn he’d seen something move at the edge of town. Must have been a trick of the dimming light. Still… He shuddered as a feeling of premonition ran down his spine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vincent breathed a sigh of relief as the infantryman started walking back towards the hotel. For a moment, he thought he’d been spotted. He’d put off trying to enter Nibelheim until darkness fell, and the moment of impatience had almost been his undoing. Vincent shook his head. It was too late to get to the reactor now, he’d have to camp out near the mountain trail.
With the silhouette of the ruined mansion standing out against the first newly risen moon, Vincent slipped through the quiet streets of Nibelheim.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next morning, Zack lead the party along the mountain trail towards the Mako Reactor.
“Umm, if you don’t mind me asking…” Tifa said, a few steps behind him. “Why hire a guide if you’re going to walk ahead of her the whole time?” Despite the joking tone, she sounded slightly nervous.
“You kiddin’?” Zack asked, throwing a glance over his shoulder. “You have any idea what your father would do to us if anything happened to you?”
Sephiroth nodded solemnly from the rear of the column. “I killed a dragon on the way here, an honest-to-Minerva dragon,” he said. “But your father still scares me.”
By now, Tifa was swallowing back giggles. “Oh, stop it, both of you!” She recovered her composure. “There’s a rope bridge just ahead, past that corner,” she said, pointing, sounding more confident. She paused for a moment before continuing; “It’s a bit rickety I’m afraid, but it should be stable enough. I mean, it’s only broke once before, but that was years ago and it’s been mended since then.”
“Wait, it’s broken before? Is that safe?” Greg, the second infantryman accompanying them asked. In contrast, Cloud said nothing. He’d made his situation clear to the others last night, and they’d agreed to protect his anonymity as much as possible.
“Hey, chill,” Zack said. “I’ll go on to check it out.” With that, the energetic SOLDIER broke into a sprint, easily leaving the others behind. Zack personally thought the bridge sounded safe enough, as long as they took things stead --
As Zack turned the corner, he saw that there was someone already crossing the bridge. His mind raced, forming a preliminary report: about Sephiroth’s height, that suggested a male; long hair, dark, probably black; gauntlet -- interesting, shaped like a claw, dull-goldish colouring; red cloak, ragged, mid-calf length. The figure turned (confirmed: male, around mid-to-late twenties) at the sound of the stones disturbed by Zack’s stride.
“Howdy friend,” Zack hailed, noting that the man’s hand automatically slipped to hip height, the movement causing the cape to momentarily reveal a holster. Friend? Yeah, right. The garb the stranger wore was like nothing worn in Nibelheim, while the pose he had subconsciously assumed… He had training, no doubt of that. Maybe even Turk level.
After a minute’s pause, the stranger turned away from Zack. “Walk away, SOLDIER,” he advised, in a weary tone that suggested he knew Zack wouldn’t take his advice, but he could still hope.
Zack shook his head. “If you know what I am, you know I can’t,” he said.
The stranger shook his own head. “Foolish pride,” he muttered.
Zack smiled to himself. “Not quite. Foolish honour,” he said.
The stranger chuckled at that. “Well, if that’s the case, then it would be an insult to ask you to walk away again,” he said, turning back to face Zack. The two men stared at each other for a moment, before the stranger drew his gun. Zack wasn’t an expert on firearms, but to him it looked to be incredibly similar to the model favoured by the Turks.
“Do you have a name, friend?” Zack asked, drawing the Buster Sword.
This seemed to throw the man off balance for a second, and then he answered. “Names are to be put on gravestones and to be signed on messages. You won’t kill me today, and I have no plans for killing you,” he said. “Now, do we have to continue this stupidity?”
“You said it would be an insult to ask me to walk away again,” Zack reminded him.
“So I did. My apologies,” the man said.
“No worries,” Zack replied.
With that, battle was joined.
The gunman threw Zack off-balance slightly by taking the initiative and swiftly closing the gap between them, the arm holding the gun held across his body. ‘So that’s how it’s gonna be, eh,’ Zack thought to himself, arcing the Buster Sword through the air. However, his opponent had already made it inside his guard and used the knuckles of his gauntlet as a sword-catcher.
Zack smiled grimly and instinctively reversed his swing to free the blade. The gunman grabbed the Buster Sword with his gauntlet before bringing his feet up to propel himself off the blade like a springboard, the bridge swaying ominously as he landed a few yards away from Zack.
This time Zack took the initiative and charged onto the bridge after his foe. The gunman casually loosed a couple of shots in Zack’s direction. He easily deflected them both using the Buster Sword with a deft flick of his wrist. They clashed again, the gunman again using his gauntlet preternaturally to divert Zack’s swordsmanship. There was no doubt in Zack’s mind now -- the speed, the strength on display; his opponent had to have been enhanced.
Zack pushed in further into his opponent’s guard, searching the glaring crimson eyes for the faint but telltale glow of Mako energy. There was something there, something like a Mako glow, but…darker. A half-remembered phrase flashed through Zack’s mind: stagnant Mako. Could his opponent be infused with stagnant Mako?
“ZACK!” Sephiroth’s voice carried easily through the pass, the senior SOLDIER no doubt summoned by the sound of battle. Zack allowed himself a small moment of triumph. All he had to do was hold out a few seconds longer… However, the momentary distraction did the job, and the gunman used his whole body to force Zack back. As the SOLDIER regained his footing on the bridge, he saw his opponent had already reached the opposite end of the bridge. The man pivoted on his heel and levelled his gun at Zack.
“Farewell,” he said, two shots echoing out almost as one…and flew past Zack on either side. It made no sense -- everything he’d seen made him doubt that the gunman would have missed if he’d intended to hit Zack, so what could he be aiming… Ah.
Before he consciously knew what he was doing, Zack found himself somersaulting backwards onto solid ground, landing on two feet and one hand, the Buster Sword extended out to his right. It was just in time, as the two bullets buried themselves into the knots holding the bridge up. There was a sharp crack! as the ropes frayed and then gave in, snapping, throwing the bridge towards the opposite canyon wall. Zack and the gunman held each other’s gaze silently for a moment. Then Sephiroth rounded the corner in a shower of gravel and the spell was broken. The mysterious gunman took a backward step, before sweeping his cloak around himself and beginning to stalk towards the reactor.
Sephiroth watched him go with trepidation. “…So. Who was that?” he asked, nonchalantly.
“Didn’t say,” Zack admitted.