Holy **** has anyone played this?

[Makoeyes987]

Final Fantasy: All the Bravest

I cannot fucking believe this shit. I thought Airborne Brigade was a piece of dogshit but this is fucking amazing. Square-Enix has seriously fucking hit a new low in terms of brand whoring.

This is the worst cell phone "game" (and I call it this loosely, due to literally only having to slide your fucking finger across the screen to do anything) I have ever had the displeasure to play.

This is horrifying. If this is where Square is right now. It's fucking done. I seriously am gobsmacked they'd put the "Final Fantasy" name on a piece of shit like this. A "shitty cash-in" does not even begin to describe what this is.

It's like they literally thought, "Hey guys! We have all these 8 and 16 bit sprites from all our FF series..LET'S JUST PUT THEM IN A FUCKING SHITTY CELL PHONE GAME AND MAKE SOME CASH! FUCK YEAH SEAKING!"

Destructoid's review of the game.

Make no mistake -- Final Fantasy All the Bravest did not come about through lazy design. While the mindless battles may look like the result of a total lack of effort, it was a coldly calculated, meticulously developed system crafted to draw out your wallet. It's as intricately designed a game as any other Final Fantasy installment -- the design simply wasn't used to enhance the gameplay this time around.

In a way, I'm almost impressed. This is a game that you don't really play while it demands money for no good reason. The nerve, the sheer rotten gall of that is almost laudable. Despicable, intellectually offensive, and grotesque, most certainly -- but still deviously magnificent. What really hammers it home is the fact that, during the course of the game, you acquire masses and masses of Gil -- in-game currency that has absolutely no in-game use. It's almost as if Square Enix is gleefully mocking its users by showering them with useless coins as it vacuums up the real ones.

Final Fantasy All the Bravest is not really a game. It's a cash delivery system, with you playing as the courier, your money the cargo, and Square Enix the unpaying recipient. After years of trying to monetize videogames, Square Enix has now moved on to monetizing customers themselves. It's cut out the irritating middle man that is the videogame, and found a way to simply get people to hand over money in exchange for nothing. That is what All the Bravest is. It's nothing. It's air. It's a thought. You're buying a concept in order to keep buying concepts.

Final Fantasy All the Bravest is fucking disgusting.

If this is the future, then we're fucking done, Square. Go fuck yourself, lol.

 

[Tetsujin]

:slowpoke:



Guess they need to earn back the money they blew on seven years of development for Vers...I mean XV.

 

[Strangelove]

hold on, i got to check if people are wearing neon colours and using huge brick-like cellphones and mtv plays actual music

nope, i haven't travelled back in time

mako is just slow

 

[Makoeyes987]

hold on, i got to check if people are wearing neon colours and using huge brick-like cellphones and mtv plays actual music

nope, i haven't travelled back in time

mako is just slow

Yes...I am at times.

I foolishly thought I'd give this a try and boy. Was I disappointed..on a metaphysical level. I might as well have lit my money on fire; I'd have been more entertained than this. God, did I get owned.

I am curious at who did the sprites for the newer FFs though. Cause their talent is sure as fuck wasted.

I never wanted to get 3 dollars back so hard IN MY LIFE.

 

[Joe]

It's pieces of shit like this that have forced me to watch reviews and previews for most games before I buy them, though I wish I didn't have to.

 

[Shademp]

The game is playing itself Jon! THE GAME IS JUST PLAYING ITSELF JON!!! THE GAME IS JUST...GAAAH! AAAH!!! AAAH!!! AAAH!!! AAAH!!! AAAH!!! AAAH!!! AAAH!!! AAAH!!! GOD HAS COME TO REAP THE SINNERS AAAH!!!

(Source if you don't mind a little ear rape)

 

[The Twilight Mexican]

I never wanted to get 3 dollars back so hard IN MY LIFE.

Imagine how The_Kusabi must feel:

http://thelifestream.net/forums/showpost.php?p=521501&postcount=55

 

[Arianna]

It spends real-life dollars to resurrect your characters right away? I am watching the video right now. It doesn't say outright, but it seems like it's alluding to real-life dollars... Sorry for the slow moment if it offends.

 

[Makoeyes987]

Yes. You have to pay money. To fucking revive your party.

LOL

 

[Strangelove]

to be fair, no one has played this game

they have been played by the game instead

 

[Shademp]

Kusabi is a hero for making the sacrifice so that we could gain a little more knowledge. *tear* WE WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER

 

[Makoeyes987]

I seriously would buy Kusabi a beer and more, for fucking doing that. That's amazing.

This game is one of the blackest marks on Square's entire gaming history. It's offensive on all levels and definitely taught me a lesson to research games before buying them... Because they can end up being utter trash.

 

[Ⓐaron]

You forgot the best part of that review:

MSRP: $3.99, $3.99, $3.99, $3.99, $1.99, $2.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99

This makes me glad the first time I heard about this piece of trash was from this forum.

 

[The_Kusabi_]

I thanked every post in this thread
I know I shouldn't have given them any money, but sometimes curiosity gets the best of me

 

[ForceStealer]

Playing the role of X-SOLDIER today, Mako.

Anyway, yes. Far and away the best part are the little descriptions of the characters and items.

 

[The Twilight Mexican]

Those are cool, yeah. Not a constant stream of $0.99-cool, but cool.

I know I shouldn't have given them any money, but sometimes curiosity gets the best of me

It was for glory, dude. And that glory is forever yours.

 

[Alex]

Keeping your characters dead and unusable until you start throwing big gobs of money at it?

I didn't know SE were meta (terrible) enough to basically turn the development process for FFXV-Versus the Universe into an actual game.


(Yes I did)

 

[Lex]

I remember how disgusted I was with this game after reading Tres's review. Sad times SE, sad times.

 

[Shademp]

Was it not Airborne Brigade that Tres reviewed? Or did he publish reviews for both? Or was the All The Bravest review forum-only?

I would check, but currently the frontpage is down and now the forum is acting very slow for me. =/

 

[The Twilight Mexican]

I did Airborrne Brigade, yeah. This might as well be the same garbage, though.

 

[Lex]

Whoops. There's no recovering from a mistake like that, so I'll just

 

[ForceStealer]

This was before Square said they're not doing any more mobile games, right?

 

[The Twilight Mexican]

It was, yes. Or, more accurately, I think their message was that they would stop doing money-funnel mobile games and give their mobile focus to productions comparable to the stuff you would see on a console.

 

[ForceStealer]

Okay, I thought so. Just before

Spoiler: Mako

makes a thread announcing that

 

[Selphie Tilmitt]

I think if you're lucky enough to get Aerith you can revive characters in battle (that's her skill) without having to pay money/wait to revive each character each time but yeah. What do you need to get Aerith?

Also I think I read something on GameFAQs that characters auto revive after a certain amount of time but you can cheat the system or something by messing with the time settings on your fone

Agreed about sprite talent being wasted, Cloud, Aerith and Tifa sprites are <333 and Tifa's profile is funny at least