Well, nevermind, that didn't last long. They quickly followed up wit ha stupid article. Indeed, the same article that EVERY crappy game journalist has written to argue against a remake...although this guy says he's not arguing against a remake...
just that these things won't be in it when/if we get it.
I've given my exhaustive take on these types of articles, but some
highlowlights:
Straight-Up Acts of Terrorism by the Protagonists
...um, why not? Games and movies depict heroes performed what would probably be classified as acts of terrorism all the time. In fact, FF7 makes a point to call the heroes out on their bullshit...so why would they take that out? If they flew a plane into a building, sure. But blowing up a power plant is not going to be "too sensitive." He mentions all the games that got delayed after the earthquake/tsunami...but they still came out, they were just delayed so as to not be tasteless.
Yes, he lauds that the Final Fantasy series has moved away from these. Screw you, dude, I think the games are worse for the lack of minigames. I guess he just wants a cutscene for the motorcycle chase.
And another reference of the "tonal dissonance" of going snow boarding "so soon" after Aerith's death. I seriously never heard people mention this before a year or two ago. How else are they supposed to get down the mountain? Or are you going to completely redo the geography of FF7's world? Is skiing more somber, would they be okay with you? I guess we're just supposed to sadly trudge down in snow shoes.
And it's an hour or so after her death, how long would it have to be before snowboarding would be "acceptable?"
Weird Stuff
If you go back and replay FFVII with a more mature eye than you had back in 1997, you'll realize that the game can be downright weird at times. Remember that part where Barrett (the huge, angry dude with a gun for a hand) dressed up in a sailor suit while the feline Red XIII wobbled about the deck of a ship on two feet? Remember that couple that inexplicably passed out at the train station after spouting what appeared to be random innuendo? Or how about the part where Cloud started talking to the player before looking up to the on-screen cursor and sputtering, "What the hell? Finger?"
That stuff was pretty strange, right? Much too weird to fly in a modern Final Fantasy game. Let's face it: Square takes itself a lot more seriously these days. There may have been some parts in FFXIII that you laughed at, but the humor wasn't deliberate. Somehow Square Enix wrote a 60-hour game without a single real joke to be found. Have you slogged your way through any of the Compilation of Final Fantasy VII material, like Dirge of Cerberus or Advent Children? Grim, joyless stuff. There's no room for humor in Square's revisionist version of Final Fantasy VII, so you can forget all about Cloud breaking the fourth wall or going on an awkward man-date with Barrett. FFVII is serious business.
"What the hell? Finger?!" WOULD be too weird, yes. Honestly it was too weird back then. Also, this guy didn't play Dirge or Advent Children. Cid was spouting crazy stuff in both of those. Yuffie was slapstick extraordinaire in DC. People complained how NOT serious the Turks are in Advent Children. Whether any of this humor is funny or not is irrelevant. He's saying there's no goofing around in the FF7 spinoffs, and this is patently false. And weren't you JUST going on about "tonal dissonance?" I'm surprised you want any humor.
A Nuanced, Interesting Cloud Strife
I won't start this argument, as I know many here agree with him. And even I would to a point, but what stupid examples he picks:
Watch him stumble sadly through Crisis Core! See him mope his way through another fight with Sephiroth in Advent Children! See him proclaim meaningfully in Dissidia!
Wow, that's your best? Cloud isn't sad at any point in Crisis Core outside where it already was established in FF7 that he was. He was laughing and chatty and inviting Zack to dinner the rest of the time. Play the game.
And out of all of Advent Children you pick a scene that takes place AFTER he stops moping? Not his conversation with Tifa? But the Sephiroth fight, right after he smirked at how much he was curbstomping Kadaj?
And Dissidia? He's not emo in Dissidia. Wouldn't a Kingdom Hearts reference made more sense? I know that's AU, but it doesn't seem like it would stop this guy.
So your singular point where people might agree with you you pick out stupid examples?
Yeah, we've discussed this one before.
Author - Jeremy Parish
1UP Editor-in-Chief Jeremy Parish would kind of like for them to keep most of this stuff if only they'd get rid of Cait Sith, who was to Jar-Jar Binks as the Silver Surfer is to Galactus.
Oh, it's DLPB.
