FFVII CHARACTER SMACKDOWN - The Neutrals Championship

[Channy]

I wouldn’t mind a break tbh. If others are still good I can step out for a round.

[Minato]

I'd appreciate the break.

[f a n c y]

I’ll update this post as more folks vote. There’s about 7 regulars, so the first side to get to 4 is the direction we’ll go.

2 - Break
4 - Going 2 More Rounds

[Ergo]

I'm good to go with the last two so it's an even break

[Clement Rage]

I'm not sure it's fatigue so much as 'who the hell is Noppo?'

My vote is keep going, we can wrap up Round 1 closer to Borderlands kicking off (which better be good, Fancy! *shakes fist*)

[LicoriceAllsorts]

Two more rounds, please.

[f a n c y]

Thank you to spectators and audience members who voted!

Round 1-7’s Winner is…

VICTORY GOES TO TEAM MOOGLE


Spectator’s MVP

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*FancySycamoreTree*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

The ‘pool’ that we’re drawing team players from

1. BforBrigitta
2. Channy
3. Clement Rage
4. Ergo Proxy
5. Fancy (will spectate or play if neccesary)
6. Joe - spectating (when he has the time)
7. InterfaceLeader (on weekends)
8. LicoriceAllsorts
9. solo player sab - spectating

Let’s push through these next two rounds. Recess will last a little longer as to give players an opportunity to step in or step back!

[LicoriceAllsorts]

Gasp!

[f a n c y]

Round 1-8

Your Teams...



Ergo
FancySycamoreTree
LicoriceAllsorts




Clement Rage
Minato
Channy


Your Champions...

VS


The Location...


Old Man’s House (Kalm)

Beautiful Girl - A stunning resident of Mideel...
Are you ready Team Chocobo?

Pilot - A man of the skies training under the watchful eye of the one and only Cid Highwind...
Are you ready Team Moogle?

___________________

The countdown begins when the first team player posts!

[Clement Rage]

The pilot is a trainee in one of the most stressful jobs imaginable, in some of the most stressful conditions imaginable. Not only is he serving under Cid Highwind, never a man to suffer any fools, he's also piloting a fugitive vessel, where any mistake could be fatal. The Highwind has no ground crew to make repairs, if he messes up, it's game over for everyone.

And he pulls this off flawlessly, no matter what crazy stunt the party asks of him. Fly directly at the giant WEAPON? Sure thing. Oh, you want to do that again. I gotcha, boss. Land in the crater itself? Done. Ram Sephiroth's barrier? Done! He's a little shaky at first, but grows in confidence over the course of the game, and loyally returns to help the party after getting permission to leave, finally qualifying as a pilot to cap it all off.

Against this tough, loyal, brave man, who do we have? A beautiful girl from Mideel. That's nice, but the world is full of beautiful girls (and I mean literally using the same character model) What stands out about this one that can help her here?

[f a n c y]

CLEMENT RAGE SAY WHAAAA?!?!

Let the record show that the battle phase of Round 1-8 was initiated by Team Moogle on 30th May, 21:33 GMT.

All players have until...
1 June, 21:33 GMT
...to sway their spectators.

Here's a link to a time zone converter in case anyone needs it.

Best of luck!

[LicoriceAllsorts]

Beautiful girl #metoo.

If there's one thing our Beautiful Girl, or B.G. for short, knows how to do, it's fight off men. She's been doing it all her life.

It started in the kindergarten playground, when boys used to trip her up, pinch her, and pull her hair because they 'liked' her. She got in trouble when she defended herself, so she learnt to be cunning: she got her own back when the grown-ups weren't watching, in ways that wouldn't leave a mark on them, but ensured they left her alone.

It continued in middle school, when she floored a boy who snapped her bra with a swift left uppercut to the jaw. She got suspended for a week, but it was worth it.

We can never know for sure one way or the other whether she was one of Zangan's pupils, but we do know that he travelled the world teaching girls and boys the art of self-defence, and if an opportunity like that arose, B.G. would certainly have taken advantage it, since she had need of it.

She's got mace in her pocket and can remove a man's eyeball with her car keys.

[f a n c y]

*cracks knuckles*

Hello spectators, my old friends. Now, I know what some of y’all might be thinking today.

Smfh, here comes Fancy with the photoshop...

Nah. I got something even better for you lovely folks.

I have science.

Please take a look at my opposing champion here.

As his name suggests and as my opponent, Clement Rage, has pointed out… he’s a pilot. Now, what does the title ‘pilot’ entail? Sharp navigational skills, yes. Stress (doubly so under a man such as Cid Highwind), yes. What else? Long, long hours spent suspended in high altitude.

Do you know what happens to the human body as it ascends high into the air? Well, as air pressure decreases, the volume of gases increase. This means that whilst the pilot is in flight, the pockets of air in his ears, nose, stomach, and throat have expanded. Not only that, but he’s in a state of generalised hypoxia or a deprivation of adequate oxygen supply.

Now what happens when you take a human body that was suspended high in the air and suddenly land them on solid ground (in this case, the Old Man’s house in Kalm)?

I’ll give you a hint: something not very nice happens. That’s what.

When the Pilot suddenly finds himself in the middle of a stranger’s home, the last thing on his mind is gonna be, ‘Where the hell am I?’ or even, ‘Hey, that chick is kinda hot…’ It’ll be, ‘BY THE PLANET, I'M DYING’ because he’ll be suffering from explosive decompression. Contrary to what the term suggests, the Pilot would not explode on the spot, but he would be at high risk of lung trauma as the air around him has decompressed faster than the rate at which air can escape his compressed lungs. The pockets of air aforementioned would POP, leaving the Pilot disorientated, dizzy, and discomforted. The poor man would likely start gagging with the sudden desire to throw up the lunch he was refused by an extra surly Cid Highwind. There would be an explosive pain in his muscles and joints. He’d be jet-lagged to all hell. His nerves, already shot up by long hours under the disapproving gaze and mouth of Cid Highwind would snap after suffering this sudden and devastating trauma.

This is the opponent that BG is supposed to take on?

Assuming that she doesn’t knock him out completely cold after being startled by his sudden wheezing and woozy movements (‘Is this druken creep coming onto me???’), she might instead have to watch on in horror as the man contorts with pain and a lightheadedness so overwhelming, he’s knocked himself out cold by the laws of nature.

SAD.

Guess that means BG is the winner.

Uh… yeah.. there she go again. MC Fan-C comin’ at ya

I recognise that this a sad state
I’m sure the Pilot’s great
But his ass is bound for bad fates

Strugglin’ to breathe air as he lands
Somewhere on foreign lands
As BG looks on tryin’ to understand

The man ain’t drunk, it’s decompression
Due to his quick recession
From flying the skies to feelin’ ground oppression
Shit, would you look at his expression?
As he’s faced with the end of his life knowing ‘No more Cid Highwind lessons’.

We know this battle is a quick one
I'll let the fates run
No need for violence, just decompression
BG looks to be so done.
Without lifting a finger, you know this girl's beautifully won.

I recognise that this a sad state
I’m sure the Pilot’s great
But his ass is bound for bad fates.

His final home is the ‘Kalm House’
Become food for the plant louse
As BG walks away from trouble that rouse-d

Word to ya family.

[Minato]

It only takes one look at the portrait my insidious counterpart provided to see the obvious oversight to her claim. Even in the event that our pilot is catapulted from the air to the battle site at high speed, given no time to acclimate himself before start of combat, he would still be connected to his Captain by headset. There will be no falling unconcious with Cid Highwind shouting directives into the dutiful pilots ears and even if he did, Cid would surely shout him awake before the Beautiful Girl dares come near the source of the noise.

As my opponents say, the Beautiful Girl only has all the laws of nature and self-preservation instincts honed over many years supporting her in this fight.

The pilot has this.

YouTube Video

There is no contest, the pilot will survive no matter what is neccesary to do so, the stakes are higher then B.G can even fathom.

[LicoriceAllsorts]

Referee! Foul! Unsporting!

Cid's far more likely to cuss the pilot out and give him a painful ribbing for getting into a fight with beautiful girl ("Buddy, that ain't what girls are for, don't you know nothing?") than he is to talk him through the fine art of how to punch a lady into unconsciousness. In Before Crisis, after the Tiny Bronco was stolen Cid could barely keep it together long enough to talk down the Turk who ended up flying the plane, and Cid loved the Tiny Bronco more than he loved Shera even.

Do you think he'll have the patience to coach the Pilot through a meaningless smackdown of NPCs, when he and the other main characters are right in the middle of the crucial mission to stop the Huge Materia falling into Shinra's hands? Nah, Cid'll just drawl, "Good riddance to bad rubbish. Varmint didn't know his port from his starboard anyway," and take the helm himself.