An article that made me laugh.

[Hinata Hyuga]

http://www.1up.com/do/blogEntry?bId=8993904&publicUserId=5379721

I dunno if I'd want one or not(a remake), just definitely a fixed translation.

But this article made me giggle picturing some of the things he mentions.

(I don't think this is the wrong place, right? I didn't see another thread in this section that I could add this in. If I messed up, I'm sorry!)

 

[Russell]

To be honest, FFVII was a damn weird game. It featured a number of sequences that were almost like a fever dream. Cloud getting dolled up as a girl, and competing in a bizarre homoerotic muscle competition -- possibly being molested while unconscious -- in order to max out his feminine appeal. The slapfight between Tifa and Scarlet atop the Junon Canon. (Hmm... I see a pattern of subconcious imagery beginning to emerge, here.) How about Red XIII comically walking on both legs on a rocking boat to the accompaniment of flat, synthesized tuba music? Or the random tactical defense of Fort Condor minigame? Or the bizarre decision to mourn Aerith's death with a snowboarding race? Or all the run-ins with the TURKS?

None of that stuff would fly in a more realistic-looking game. The drawback to more visual realism is that you expect characters to behave more, well, realistically. FFVII's squatty Popeye people could get away with all sorts of random behavior, because they were only a step removed from the simple midget sprites of FFVI. Give them realistic proportions and detailed facial expressions and suddenly you'll find that the idea of a talking robot cat on a giant stuffed moogle is a bit too far beyond the pale to really work.

Remaking some of those scenes in full modern graphics & HD does sound weird, how would they do it without the game seeming schizophrenic? It would lurch between seriousness and a drug trip.

Cloud was a human experiment by a ruthless evil corporation, so you take him out cross-dressing?

 

[Max Payne]

How much anime does Russel watch?

Sort of thing not uncommon in them, why it wouldn't work in videogame I don't know.

 

[Russell]

How much anime does Russel watch?

Sort of thing not uncommon in them, why it wouldn't work in videogame I don't know.

Zero Anime, which is probably why I’m having a hard time seeing it.

And there’s two L’s in Russell.

 

[Smaddy]

The game certainly has its weird parts, but honestly if it were remade graphics-wise, it might make it seem more weird or more funny.

If they did it in HD though, I guess Red XIII would just appear in like, the ending...?

I think that's what I miss from the Compilation... the lack of silly and funny parts. FF7 had some hilarious parts, actually.

 

[Ravynne Nevyrmore]

I wouldn't see something silly like a slapping fight minigame or a crossdressing quest being totally out of place with the graphics and attitude of CC. You can have silly moments in a story (like the entirety of Wall Market) while still telling a serious story overall.

 

[Frostwave]

Oh god I wanna see this stuff in (more)realistic graphics.

How about Red XIII comically walking on both legs on a rocking boat to the accompaniment of flat, synthesized tuba music?

'Specially this. And that hot tub scene would be... something.

I agree that all the jokes could still be pulled off. It'd be a little different, because part of what made the jokes funny was the goofy, awkward look of the game. But it'd still work imo.

 

[Tetsujin]

Overall I don't agree with the statement that "sillyness doesn't work in realistic graphics".

Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy disagree too.

 

[Vendel]

 

[Tetsujin]

Wtf are you talking about? My screen resolution is 1440x900. Clearly that's way too HD for anything silly to be working in this thread.

 

[Dashell]

That basically summed up why I don't want a remake.
They'd either have to tone the game down or give it an adult rating.

 

[Max Payne]

That basically summed up why I don't want a remake.
They'd either have to tone the game down or give it an adult rating.

this is dumb.

 

[Makoeyes987]

They're not gonna tone down shit, and at most it'll have a teen rating.

FFS, look at FFX-2. They're not gonna tone down humorous shit no matter how realistic looking it looks.

 

[Dashell]

My point wasn't that it would look real and that they'd have to tone it down. It just seems what was allowed back then isn't always allowed now. I seem to remember when the game originally came out Barret would say shit all the time. Now in all the rehashes and what not, they took out the word shit. But they never changed anything else or the rating never changed so I'm probably wrong.

They're not gonna tone down humorous shit no matter how realistic looking it looks.

Why must you remind me of bad massages I'd rather forget?
All though I don't think anything in FFX-2 quite relates to Cloud losing his anal virginity in the Honey Bee Inn.


And honestly, my main argument for not wanting a remake is, has been and always will be, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

 

[Makoeyes987]

My point wasn't that it would look real and that they'd have to tone it down. It just seems what was allowed back then isn't always allowed now. I seem to remember when the game originally came out Barret would say shit all the time. Now in all the rehashes and what not, they took out the word shit. But they never changed anything else or the rating never changed so I'm probably wrong.

Why must you remind me of bad massages I'd rather forget?
All though I don't think anything in FFX-2 quite relates to Cloud losing his anal virginity in the Honey Bee Inn.

I have no clue what SE games you're playing.

And Cloud didn't get buttrapped. You pervert. He either got massaged by a gay man, or squeezed between a bunch of them in a hot tub. The hot tub scene would probably play out just like the hot spring scene did in FFX-2, which was almost as gay.

SE didn't shy away from homoerotic undertones and sexual humor before, and they haven't now, and more than likely never will.

 

[Dashell]

I have no clue what SE games you're playing.

FFVII, FFX, FFX-2, Kingdom Hearts 1, 2 and sorta COM

And Cloud didn't get buttrapped. You pervert

Oh yeah like I'm the only one who thought that XD

The hot tub scene would probably play out just like the hot spring scene did in FFX-2, which was almost as gay.

Oh yeah now that I think about it, didn't they compare breast sizes? Too bad Lulu wasn't there to dominate that competition

SE didn't shy away from homoerotic undertones and sexual humor before, and they haven't now, and more than likely never will.

whoa whoa whoa, never said anything about this. It was just the sexual stuff I was referring to. I mean Cloud wakes up with a guy on top of him saying, "Well that was fun.." or something to that effect. What am I supposed to think? Key word being "I" as in, Quexinos.

 

[Makoeyes987]

FFVII, FFX, FFX-2, Kingdom Hearts 1, 2 and sorta COM

Oh yeah like I'm the only one who thought that XD

You should play more games. And Kingdom Hearts certainly doesn't count for any mature themes, since its aimed at kids and has Disney tagging along.

Oh yeah now that I think about it, didn't they compare breast sizes? Too bad Lulu wasn't there to dominate that competition

Don't forget the splashing, naked tickling, and wrestling they did in the hot springs too.

whoa whoa whoa, never said anything about this. It was just the sexual stuff I was referring to. I mean Cloud wakes up with a guy on top of him saying, "Well that was fun.." or something to that effect. What am I supposed to think? Key word being "I" as in, Quexinos.

Yeah. It was a dirty joke. He didn't screw him, he massaged him. It's supposed to make you think that but at the same time dismiss it by him admitting it was only a massage.

 

[Bex]

Whereas I dread the laughter scene in FFX (the thing that delays my replay), I adore the hot tub scene and the cross dressing moment in FF7.
Yhey're so classic, on acid and out of place in a way that works so well. TOTALLY unlike the laughing scene from FFX.

 

[ForceStealer]

Also, everybody acts like they showed what happened in the hot tub and got away with because of goofy graphics. Remember the camera moved up so all you could really see was Cloud's hair. Why exactly couldn't they do that with good graphics?

Barret's and Cid's language is the only thing I suspect they'll have to "tone down." But if they don't voice everything (which they haven't done since X), they can still throw in all the %*#^s there.

 

[Tetsujin]

Bleh. Toning down language would be lame though. FFVIII had loads of uncensored swearing and I liked it.

 

[Cthulhu]

WAIT! Are there severe lesbian undertones in X-2?

If so, it's the best FF game hands-down.

Spoiler

 

[ForceStealer]

Bleh. Toning down language would be lame though. FFVIII had loads of uncensored swearing and I liked it.

8 did? Really?

 

[Dashell]

You should play more games. And Kingdom Hearts certainly doesn't count for any mature themes, since its aimed at kids and has Disney tagging along.

Well obviously, but you said SE so

Don't forget the splashing, naked tickling, and wrestling they did in the hot springs too.

I don't think I ever could

Yeah. It was a dirty joke. He didn't screw him, he massaged him. It's supposed to make you think that but at the same time dismiss it by him admitting it was only a massage.

I'm also remembering the "How does it feel?" With he choices being, "It hurts" and "....."

 

[Smaddy]

Also, everybody acts like they showed what happened in the hot tub and got away with because of goofy graphics. Remember the camera moved up so all you could really see was Cloud's hair. Why exactly couldn't they do that with good graphics?

Barret's and Cid's language is the only thing I suspect they'll have to "tone down." But if they don't voice everything (which they haven't done since X), they can still throw in all the %*#^s there.

Worse comes to worse, the entire Honeybee room segment(s) could just be one gigantic blur.... I don't think there was anything so explicit that it would affect that (it was just very suggestive), but keep in mind there sometimes can be rules applied to 'cartoon' vs 'realistic'. That might be what the article is getting at: because FF7 had 'cartoony' type character sprites (polygons), they could get away with it. If they went to high-def quality like in the more recent games, they might have trouble because it's realistic-looking, human characters in suggestive scenes.

Censorship on tv has really, really weird rules sometimes. If videogame censorship is anything like that, there might be weird rules too.

And as far as the cussing, if it's in a voiceover scene, they'd just bleep it. Which would be kind of funny in a FF game.

 

[Tennyo]

They did a good job with Barret and Cid not cussing up a storm in AC and DC, if that works. lol I think it can be done.

WAIT! Are there severe lesbian undertones in X-2?

If so, it's the best FF game hands-down.

Spoiler

Rikku is a perv.