a member feels they have been treated unfairly by the moderation team, but does not wish to discuss the matter with the mods at large, but only by you. how do you respond?
I would listen to the member's side of things, but would make it a point to explain that I may not be able to change anything. That is the only fair thing to do, in my opinion. Everyone deserves to be listened to, and as much as it may be a pain in the butt to consider, but most instances usually have more than one side to them. That said, just because that is true, doesn't mean that one moderator can really overstep another (or should.) I would then bring what I've been told to the other moderators and see what can be done for this member.
A member who you consider a close friend is being a dick/is violating the rules/being a naughty little piglet - their post/s have been reported, and you are the only mod available to deal with it.
I would definitely ask the member (in private, via PM) what's the deal with the attitude. Honestly, I can't see anything less as fair or logical. Depending on how dire the situation is, I may even put a short suspension (ban) on the person. Of course, it being a friend would be hard and pull at the emotions, but I don't believe that should stop me from doing what's right.
For anyone: If the person feels s/he is just and was only speaking her/his mind, I would have to remind the person that some members' opinions are and this moderator's opinion is against her/him, and that despite it being her/his truth, it's not going to have a place here on the forum. If the person does not agree to drop the situation, then the ban is going to have to be longer. I would have to go from there if the person is showing any attitude that just may be a problem in the future and we can deal with it in the present since the person is already in a suspension/ban. The person may lose her/his membership to the forum. There are some people who live just to cause some issues for others, and while I would do what I could to find out everyones' part in whatever drama is going on, I realize there are some people who just may not be right for the forum at all/at that time.
someone posts something highly offensive to everyone on the board. they apologize and say that their actions were clouded by poor judgement due to stress/depression/etc. What would you do?
While this does happen I'm sure, it would depend on the severity of the situation. How you described it, I would again wish to inquire, but have to put a suspension/ban on the person until I know what's going on, due to the fact that it seems it brought the forum to an uproar. (Again, such actions I would hope to leave to the very last resort, but realize sometimes that is not going to be the case.)
A prickly character posts a potential flame, though it hasn't been reported, its clear that it could lead to trouble. How do you deal with this? Bearing in mind there is a good chance a hissyfit may result?
I would have to stick to my guns and do what I would do: find out what's going on with the member. If it's - as you describe - really bad, then I may remove the post and put a suspension/ban on the member. As for any 'hissyfit' that would erupt, I would have to stay strong through it. I understand my opinion is not always popular, but as long as I'm doing what I feel is right - this is all I can do.
Honestly, in regards to repeat offenders, I do not believe should be given more chances to cause drama. In my opinion, as they say, once shame on me, twice shame on you. Two or three times, you're out.
I will answer the other questions tomorrow.