Bad Game Descriptions: Porn Edition

[Jason Tandro]

A carry-over from the always popular "describe a video game poorly" game, this one is describe a video game as if you were describing a porn movie.

I'll give a few examples:


Final Fantasy VII
The adventures of a cross-dressing muscle-bound soldier who goes around shoving big balls in all his slots.

Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII
A revived half-deity goes around in skimpy costumes fulfillling everyone's deepest desires. (Didn't actually have to reach too far for that one).

Skyrim
A prisoner gets freed and has to travel the land using their mouth to save the world.

 

[Cthulhu]

FFXIV: Grindr, the game.

 

[Joe]

Tomb Raider
British woman gets wet and dirty as she explores all manner of tight, dark spaces.

 

[Splintered]

Kingdom Hearts:
Boy goes on journey. Half the cast ends up inside him.

 

[Octo]

Katamari: Every fetish rolled into one with the Prince's big sticky balls.

 

[Geostigma]

Wouldn't this game be much more fun if we had to guess which game was being described?

 

[Jason Tandro]

Wouldn't this game be much more fun if we had to guess which game was being described?

Not a bad idea:

A young boy with all the right tools goes around grabbing huge throbbing cocks.

Spoiler: Answer

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Cuckoos.. I mean.. Time

 

[Geostigma]

Wouldn't this game be much more fun if we had to guess which game was being described?

Not a bad idea:

A young boy with all the right tools goes around grabbing huge throbbing cocks.

Spoiler: Answer

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Cuckoos.. I mean.. Time

Alternatively could have been Billy Hatcher

 

[Ryushikaze]

In which a woman explores every single deep nook and cranny she can find with her arsenal of crazy toys. She gets hot, she gets wet, and in the end, it's explosive.

Spoiler

Super Metroid

A woman passes something onto a young boy in a chance encounter. He links up with everyone around him, man, woman, child, even wild animals, and later learns that woman passed the same thing on to two others in town.

Spoiler

Persona 4

 

[Ite]

After drinking some taint, your mission is clear. Find the snake and put it inside you! Your taint will show you the way.

Spoiler

Dragon Age: Origins

 

[Cthulhu]

Neckbeards getting off on spreadsheets

Spoiler

Eve Online, off course