Everything Wrong with Final Fantasy IX

[NC1234567]

You've said you want to draw attention to what you think are the issues ahead of the possible remake. Why are you doing this by posting on forums? Why are you even using fanfiction.net? Surely at the very least you'd get more traffic on AO3?

Upthread you link to a deviantart status update as well. I think you might be living in a version of the internet that hasn't existed since like 2007. Which would maybe explain why your criticisms sound about as outdated.

FYI, I have this fic posted on AO3 as well. (but without the game dialogue due to the rules of that site)

Why...did you feel the need to complain about this? Why is the opening battle (which is meant to ease new players into the battle system/story) a point of contention for you? Have you not heard of the term "in media res" before? Have you not played other Final Fantasy games that have started off with a fight, like say....Final Fantasy VII, which has Cloud backflipping off the train in the coolest way possible and killing two guards in the first 3 minutes of the game with no one explaining anything? Choosing to criticize how a story starts is like criticizing how people greet each other -- some people like to wave hello, some like to fist bump, others like to shake hands, the extra touchy feely type of person would like to hug as a greeting while there are people who prefer to just nod their heads as a hello.

Why is this such a noteworthy flaw to you?

I tried to continue on, but this

It’s not really such a noteworthy flaw, I was just asking a question as to why Baku randomly wears a dragon mask to attack his kids, it was even listed as a “Big Lipped Alligator Moment” on TV Tropes. It is just a minor nitpick, I acknowledge at the end of chapter three: Dali, that there where a few nitpicks, but chapter four: Lindblum is when the real big criticism starts.

Made me quit reading and close the tab immediately. I'm absolutely flabbergasted that you would chose to whine about this because

Thieves

don't make it a point to tell the world

that

they

are

thieves.

Are you this...naive to think that being a thief is a 24/7 occupation that can be can be taught in college or something? You do know that it's possible for people to moonlight as a thief while using their career as a cover, right? You do understand that it's possible to be a gang of thieves but also a world famous acting troupe, right?

I'm not going to bother reading the rest of your "review". You say that this is supposed to be a work of criticism but I think you need to practice your critical thinking skills and learn what is worthy of criticism and what isn't. I'm not going to read 190k+ words of you not understanding how things work and complaining about how you don't understand.

Did you even bother to read the rest of that paragraph?

Here is the rest of it: There are also several other things that confuse me about this scenario. They have a theater ship, costumes, actors who know all the lines to a popular play, etc. Plus, they are performing for royalty, which I'm guessing your average theater company couldn't just show up and do. It seems like quite a masquerade for a bunch of thieves, unless they are also an actual theater company. But if that were the case, then why did Baku refer to them as the "infamous" band of thieves, Tantalus? Infamous, as in everyone has heard of them. I could buy the whole "thieves and theater company" thing, but who has the time to do both?

The fact that Baku said that they were infamous suggests that they are already commonly known as thieves which is what I am criticizing.

At least read the rest of the lines before making a butthurt complaint.

”I'm not going to bother reading the rest of your "review". You say that this is supposed to be a work of criticism but I think you need to practice your critical thinking skills and learn what is worthy of criticism and what isn't. I'm not going to read 190k+ words of you not understanding how things work and complaining about how you don't understand.”

YOU need to practice reading an entire thing before making a judgment on it. At the very least you can skip to Chapter three or four, because that is when the real big criticisms start, particularly when Garnet starts being an idiot.

 

[NC1234567]

Someone rolls in on occasion attempting to troll the FF7 site by shitting on FF7, and everyone's like "move along, we're all in our 30s and don't care anymore."
Someone comes in to troll the FF7 site by trashing FF9 and

I’m not trolling, I am being completely serious. I do agree with everyone loosing their minds though. They treat IX as “sacrosanct and perfect” and anyone who raises criticism with it, regardless of how valid it could be, is automatically wrong and a “troll”.

FF9 is one of the best games ever made. Has very few flaws

I got to your criticism of their use of crystals, and closed the review. Sorry

No it isn’t.

What is wrong with what was said about the use of the Crystal, that it didn’t show up until the last minute and the tagline was lying a lot?

Here is the quote:
Okay first thing, The Crystal.

As many know, crystals are a staple of the FF series, with most games having some form of crystals in it and varying story significance, this game being one of them, however this game and the advertisement for it really overhyped the Crystal, it being on the logo art, the tagline literally being "The Crystal comes back", etc… but there's no freaking crystal in 99% of the game. It's just thrown in at the last minute with barely any buildup and referencing throughout the entire game. They can't even get THAT right. Not that it's close to being one of the biggest issues with the game, it's just...really funny that even the most simplistic nostalgic promise of the game was an outright lie.

Speaking of "nostalgic promises" another thing to talk about is the artwork.

Now people have mocked IX's artwork in the past, but it's not one of the biggest problems and people focus too much on that as opposed to the other issues with the game and story, but I'm talking more about how the artwork is another one of the game's "nostalgia promises" being an absolute lie. The artwork in the older FF games during the NES and SNES was done by Yoshitaka Amano, and since FFIX was supposed to be using the classical style, that means that IX would use his artwork, right? Well not really, he did draw concept art, but the staff didn't use them and instead had the guy who later on did Crystal Chronicles (not a critique against that game, just a detail) do the art. They got this genius artist back to do the character art and… used almost none of it. The chibi art style would have been less controversial if they still looked like Amano characters! IX is supposed to be in the classical FF style and yet they didn't even use the artist who did that classic style.

Heck, FFXV (with all it's own flaws) handled this all better, not only did it have a Crystal that was repeatedly build up and referenced throughout the entire game, it used Amano's artwork! While Nomura's artwork was used for the human characters, Amano's classic designs were used for the creatures and monsters.

 

[LNK]

No it isn’t.

It is imo. It's also one of the best Final Fantasy games, according to the fans.

What is wrong with what was said about the use of the Crystal, that it didn’t show up until the last minute and the tagline was lying a lot?

there's no freaking crystal in 99% of the game

That's what is wrong. You clearly had a different expectation for what the crystals were going to be. Contrary to what you think, they were introduced fairly early, and littered throughout the game

 

[Highwind]

Because it is one of the few forums that I am able to sign up on (the others like Eyes on Me and TFF have some sort of issue where I am not getting the confirmation email)

Looks like TLS needs better spam protection.

 

[NC1234567]

It is imo. It's also one of the best Final Fantasy games, according to the fans.





That's what is wrong. You clearly had a different expectation for what the crystals were going to be. Contrary to what you think, they were introduced fairly early, and littered throughout the game

First off, those fans are most likely just a loud vocal minority, IX is one of the least selling FF games mind you. Also this quote sums it up:

“I've been here since '04 and FF9 being universally beloved is wholly some 2010's nonsense.

People used to ride FF6 and act all contrarian about FF7 because that was the hot stuff to do.

Then for awhile it was cool to insist that 5 was totally your favorite one.

People universally shat on FF8 until just the last few years, too.

I'm sure I'll see the day when you come around on FF13 as well and act like I'm some noob when I talk about how it wasn't always some 'beloved hidden gem' of the franchise or whatever people are saying about 9 nowadays.”

Here is also what one of my commenters on FF.Net said about what forums said about IX back then: “I did used to frequent the forums back in the day; two of the biggest ones are still around (TFF and EoFF), although they’re a shadow of what they used to be. The main thing I can recall was people complaining about the plot being cliched, the characters being shallow, and that the overall development was rushed because Square were already making FFX. They also thought Trance was crap compared to Limit Breaks and that the battles were frustratingly slow, even with the battle speed turned up to max (although the HD remaster fixed this).”

Crystals where NOT introduced early and littered throughout the game, the blue and red crystals of Gaia and Terra aren’t shown or even mentioned. The tagline was huge false advertising.

Looks like TLS needs better spam protection.

Oh hah hah, look who’s being the REAL troll now.

 

[Makoeyes987]

You literally do not know what you're talking about. FFIX has consistently polled as one of the most favorite FFs among fans and you only need look at the latest NicoNico polls and the NHK poll done 2 years ago.

Like, what are you talking about? Your limited experience on FF.net isn't indicative of the entire fandom.

 

[ForceStealer]

People used to ride FF6 and act all contrarian about FF7 because that was the hot stuff to do.

Then for awhile it was cool to insist that 5 was totally your favorite one.

People universally shat on FF8 until just the last few years, too.

I'm sure I'll see the day when you come around on FF13 as well and act like I'm some noob when I talk about how it wasn't always some 'beloved hidden gem' of the franchise or whatever people are saying about 9 nowadays.”

This phenomenon is definitely a real thing. And I myself have commented at how the VI evangelists have moved on to IX as the dark horse pick once they had picked up too many members of the VI movement. Indeed, someday maybe we'll loop all the way around to VII being underrated or something.
And I will also admit to rolling my eyes at the 7 millionth IX fan that rolls into some comment section about a Square Enix stock report and be like "aM I ThE OnLy oNe tHaT LoVeS FiNaL FaNtAsY IX??" No, obviously you are not, since people are saying it all the time.

However, none that saves nearly all of your criticisms from being nonsense. And part of the reason I roll my eyes at those posts is because it is broadly known that IX is great. IX's sales numbers suffered from being released on PS1 after the PS2 was already out, as well as, yes, the super-deformed look of the characters when most games at this point had moved to realistic proportions. That doesn't really mean anything as to how well-liked it was within the fandom. The diehards make up a minority of sales on any broadly successful game.

1) The battles are sluggish, and 2) Amarant is one of the worst main characters in a story-driven FF. That's it, there's the list of significant FFIX flaws.

 

[Lex]

1) The battles are very sluggish, and 2) Amarant is one of the worst main characters in a story-driven FF. That's it, there's the list of significant FFIX flaws.

Wholeheartedly agree.

Idk, maybe as an admin I should be more diplomatic here but this entire thread is hilarious and brightened an otherwise dark day, so thank you all for that. Please keep it civil.

Other than that please return to your regularly scheduled roasting (this thread has a hint of, if not but a ~subtle odour~ of ye olden TLS days, am I right? The nostalgia is hitting).

 

[LNK]

First off, those fans are most likely just a loud vocal minority, IX is one of the least selling FF games mind you.

Who said anything about sales? Is that how you tell what is the best, based on sales? FF15 almost doubled the sales of FF9, but if you look on most polls, you'd be hard pressed to see any that have 15 over 9.

Crystals where NOT introduced early and littered throughout the game, the blue and red crystals of Gaia and Terra aren’t shown or even mentioned. The tagline was huge false advertising.

Again, they were. They just weren't what you expected. Which makes sense, when you think about what FF9 was as a game. They were definitely there. The stones that were used to summon Eidolons, were considered crystals. Plus you had the 4 crystals that were used to summon Alexander.

 

[Kai Schulen]

Here is the rest of it: There are also several other things that confuse me about this scenario. They have a theater ship, costumes, actors who know all the lines to a popular play, etc. Plus, they are performing for royalty, which I'm guessing your average theater company couldn't just show up and do. It seems like quite a masquerade for a bunch of thieves, unless they are also an actual theater company. But if that were the case, then why did Baku refer to them as the "infamous" band of thieves, Tantalus? Infamous, as in everyone has heard of them. I could buy the whole "thieves and theater company" thing, but who has the time to do both?

You said it yourself: The Tantalus Theater Troupe has a theater ship, costumes, actors who know the play and they're performing for royalty, which your average theater company couldn't show up and do.

What part of "The Tantalus Theater Troupe are both accomplished thieves and actors" are you not understanding? Maybe you don't have the time to be both an actor and a thief, but Zidane and rest of the Tantalus Theater Troupe sure does.

The fact that Baku said that they were infamous suggests that they are already commonly known as thieves which is what I am criticizing.

Baku refers to the Tantalus Theater Troupe as "an infamous band of thieves" for the player's benefit to clue in on who these characters are and what the plot is, after introducing them to the battle system.

No one in Lindblum has made the connection that the Tantalus Theater Troupe, a famous acting group, are also a gang of thieves. If the Tantalus Theater Troupe were publicly known for their thievery, then why would Queen Brahne allow them to show up in Alexandria to put on a play? The moment the M.S. Prima Vista showed up in Alexandria's skies, she would have immediately shot down their ship with Bombs, have the survivors arrested and thrown in jail and then executed later on when she finds out that they were here to kidnap Garnet.

Again: The Tanatlus Theater Troupe are both

Actors
and
Thieves

It's not that hard.

YOU need to practice reading an entire thing before making a judgment on it. At the very least you can skip to Chapter three or four, because that is when the real big criticisms start, particularly when Garnet starts being an idiot.

If your only defense to your useless padding is "but my real criticism starts on chapter 4, just skip ahead", then why include those chapters at all? You should have started with chapter 4 as chapter 1 and trimmed the fat from there. You need to re-evaluate your style of doing things, along with your lack of critical thinking skills and reading comprehension. If the first 3 chapters of your "critique" is just you complaining about things you don't understand/like, it speaks by and large what the rest of your review is like: clickbait and that you just want your "critique" to look impressive at 192k words and 29 chapters.

 

[NC1234567]

However, none that saves nearly all of your criticisms from being nonsense. And part of the reason I roll my eyes at those posts is because it is broadly known that IX is great. IX's sales numbers suffered from being released on PS1 after the PS2 was already out, as well as, yes, the super-deformed look of the characters when most games at this point had moved to realistic proportions. That doesn't really mean anything as to how well-liked it was within the fandom. The diehards make up a minority of sales on any broadly successful game.

1) The battles are sluggish, and 2) Amarant is one of the worst main characters in a story-driven FF. That's it, there's the list of significant FFIX flaws.

First off, READ MY WHOLE FIC before deciding to be an asshole towards me and accusing my criticisms of being “nonsense”, seriously I expected some quality discussion here, but all I got were hostile commenters that are too blinded by their rose-coloured nostalgia glasses of IX to see the points. What is “nonsense” about criticizing what a poorly written character Beatrix is and how she is responsible for war crimes, or criticizing Garnet for her contrived stupidity? (Also surprised that you made no mention of the final boss or Freya’s and Fratley’s subplot being wasted)

Secondly, there are WAY more flaws than that, one of the biggest ones are the poorly done love story of Zidane and Garnet and Garnet’s stupidity: An idiot princess who risks dozens of lives to escape her murderous mother, witnesses tons of evidence of her mother's genocidal tendancies, then decides that no, her mother can't be mean and she'll just run all the way home and have a friendly chat with her and get to the bottom of this. Thus rendering massive sections of the game pointless. Not to mention all the people that die because of it, and she ABANDONS the guy who loves her and she never gets called out on any of this.



Because she's just. Stupid.



Okay, I guess she's not technically the protagonist....oh no, wait, I had to walk her through large sections of her stupidity, didn't I? And unlike FFVIII, there was no voice of reason telling her she was being stupid, selfish child that needed to grow the hell up. We were supposed to feel sorry for her.

Seriously, FFIX puts in castles and airships and apparently that's all it takes for people to worship it as the second coming.

You literally do not know what you're talking about. FFIX has consistently polled as one of the most favorite FFs among fans and you only need look at the latest NicoNico polls and the NHK poll done 2 years ago.

Like, what are you talking about? Your limited experience on FF.net isn't indicative of the entire fandom.

Keyword: two years ago, read the comment again about the person commenting talking about hearing the fanbase since 04, also this: “I did used to frequent the forums back in the day; two of the biggest ones are still around (TFF and EoFF), although they’re a shadow of what they used to be. The main thing I can recall was people complaining about the plot being cliched, the characters being shallow, and that the overall development was rushed because Square were already making FFX. They also thought Trance was crap compared to Limit Breaks and that the battles were frustratingly slow, even with the battle speed turned up to max”

People just forgot about IX issues to complain about something else.

This just proves how overrated IX is, it is the most overrated game I have ever sat through. I know what Final Fantasy was before the PS1 gen. So to see people lap up something that plays nothing like them, has a story nothing like them, has an art style nothing like them, and has characters nothing like them, and contains Garnet who is by far the most horribly written character in the series and I have to keep pandering to her stupid cliche naive princess stereotype for the 1000th time...and this is a "brilliant throwback" simply because it has castles and airships in it? That's ALL it takes to have a "nostalgic love letter?" I mean, for the love of Torgo, the tagline was literally "The crystal comes back" and there's no freaking crystals in 99% of the game. They can't even get THAT right. Not that it's even close to my biggest beef with the game, just...really funny that even the most simplistic nostalgic promise of the game was an outright lie.



It should had been some fantastic deconstruction of the NES and SNES games.

 

[NC1234567]

Who said anything about sales? Is that how you tell what is the best, based on sales? FF15 almost doubled the sales of FF9, but if you look on most polls, you'd be hard pressed to see any that have 15 over 9.



Again, they were. They just weren't what you expected. Which makes sense, when you think about what FF9 was as a game. They were definitely there. The stones that were used to summon Eidolons, were considered crystals. Plus you had the 4 crystals that were used to summon Alexander.

No, just that it was after VII and VIII which had some of the highest sales, while IX’s was quite a drop, it was half of VII’s sales. While X’s sales had a huge jump up. As for XV, there was a lot of hype surrounding it, what with it being in development for so long and Versus XIII, the problem with XV was Nomura being kicked off and ruining it, also Nomira had no involvement with IX, which is also probably why it was badly written, Nomura would have objected to a lot of the things Sakaguchi had written into IX.

Regarding the crystals, that is not good enough, first off, we don’t even get renders of most of the Eidolon crystals, secondly the tagline is the CRYSTAL comes back, as in singular, clearly referring to the Crystal on the logo art, that doesn’t show up until the last minute with no build up and foreshadowing throughout the game

No one in Lindblum has made the connection that the Tantalus Theater Troupe, a famous acting group, are also a gang of thieves. If the Tantalus Theater Troupe were publicly known for their thievery, then why would Queen Brahne allow them to show up in Alexandria to put on a play? The moment the M.S. Prima Vista showed up in Alexandria's skies, she would have immediately shot down their ship with Bombs, have the survivors arrested and thrown in jail and then executed later on when she finds out that they were here to kidnap Garnet.

Again: The Tanatlus Theater Troupe are both

Actors
and
Thieves

It's not that hard.

It’s bad writing and inconsistent if they are called “infamous” as in everyone knows them as thieves, but really instead of nitpicking this one detail, you can ignore it and read the rest of the chapter.

If your only defense to your useless padding is "but my real criticism starts on chapter 4, just skip ahead", then why include those chapters at all? You should have started with chapter 4 as chapter 1 and trimmed the fat from there. You need to re-evaluate your style of doing things, along with your lack of critical thinking skills and reading comprehension. If the first 3 chapters of your "critique" is just you complaining about things you don't understand/like, it speaks by and large what the rest of your review is like: clickbait and that you just want your "critique" to look impressive at 192k words and 29 chapters.

Because IX actually starts out decent enough, which I acknowledge in the fic, and I also acknowledged that some of the things I said before were nitpicks, it’s not until Lindblum that the game really starts to go downhill, but also it’s called “Everything WRONG with Final Fantasy IX” which means I am still going to point out problems with some stuff before Lindblum, such as Steiner’s obnoxious behaviour and Garnet’s flanderization and annoying internal monologues, and also stuff that foreshadows and contradicts later events.

Since you don’t get it, I will post the second and third chapters right here:

Chapter 2: Disk 1.2 - Evil Forest

First thing to say, "EVIL Forest"? Real subtle name there and not at all cheesy and childish. "WOOOOOOOOOO… SPOOOOOOKKKKKKYYYYY".

*Edit: Okay, it turns out this part is more the fault of the English translators as the original Japanese title was "Lost Forest".*

[FMV. Zidane gets up in the middle of a forest, as the wind howls. He steps forward and sees the crashed Theater Ship]

Skipping most of this scene.

[A moogle floats over to Zidane]

"ATE, kupo!"

"Active Time Event is a system that lets you see other events that are happening at the same time elsewhere, kupo!"

"Press the SELECT button when you see the icon flashing below."

"You can press the button anytime while the icon is flashing."

"Try pressing SELECT, kupo!"

The ATE is a great idea in itself, but it's a pity that the local characters suck, and the scenes with their participation are extremely empty. I will be explaining this in more detail when the later ATE's happen, but for now:

Skipping the "Forest Keeper" ATE.

[The screen returns to Zidane, who enters the next screen, as the words "EVIL FOREST" present themselves on the screen. He runs to where Vivi and Garnet were attacked by the monster]

Vivi

"Sh-She's in trouble..."

Zidane

"...What the hell is that?"

[Zidane runs forward to see the monster, holding Garnet within itself, and Steiner in front of it]

Steiner

"Release the princess at once!"

Zidane

"Yeah, like it's gonna really listen to you."

"Come on!"

Zidane would be excellent at "Everything Wrong with Final Fantasy IX".

[Battle: Zidane and Steiner vs. the creature holding Garnet prisoner. The battle starts with Zidane going into Trance mode, leading to a reaction from Steiner]

Steiner

"Wh-what is that light!?"

Zidane

"I don't know.

Somehow, it raises my power."

Steiner

"Could it really be Trance…!?

I've heard of it before!

Trance is induced by a surge of emotion.

Alright, let's take him!"

First problem first, Trance and it's gameplay execution, it's IX's version of limit breaks, like from VII and VIII, or X's Overdrives, the problem with them, though, is unlike the Limit Breaks or Overdrives, you can't save up on them for anything when the meter for Trance is full because Trance triggers automatically, meaning you can't properly strategize with it (not that IX is that difficult or challenging, especially due to how the HP cap is so much lower compared to the PS1 games before it, even the final boss and super boss only have around sixty-thousand HP, contrast that with the health of VII and VIII's final bosses and super bosses), not to mention that the Trance meter fills up way more slowly compared to Limit Breaks or Overdrive.

Second problem, is Trance's story execution. Another huge problem of IX is it's gameplay-story segregation, especially with Trance. Aside from this one very scene, Trance isn't mentioned or addressed anywhere outside of battle and in the actual lore, it seems to be purely a gameplay gimmick until a certain point in the story where it's suddenly addressed in-universe and then has story relevance, which also creates tons of plot holes but I will address these fully when that point comes, the point for now is, exactly how Zidane goes super-saiyan, Eiko grows wings, and Amarant turns into a flickering purple demihuman is never really explained, but it's never really an issue - at first. The PSX Final Fantasy games have thus far adopted this policy of "what happens in battle, stays in battle." This is the reason Squall never levels any cities when he brings down that hundred-mile energy column during Blasting Zone, or why the Shinra Mansion can still be standing after Cloud summons Bahamut while standing in the living room. But towards the end of the game, Final Fantasy IX violates this rule by taking a battle mechanic and turning it into a plot point. A logistical nightmare ensues. How exactly does Kuja use other people's souls to attain Trance, and how is he able to sustain it for so long? If all you need is a soul and angry feelings to enter Trance, why can't Beatrix do it? Hell, for that matter, why isn't everybody on Gaia turning into glowing demigods and blowing each other up whenever they lose their tempers? Come on, Final Fantasy - if you want anyone other than nerds taking you seriously, you gotta do something about all these plot holes.

[The creature runs away after being defeated, taking Garnet along with it]

Seriously? Zidane with his (scripted in this case) Trance form could have easily stopped and ripped that plant cage apart and took back Garnet than and there, this was just cutscene incompetence and expect that to also be pointed out a lot in this game.

Steiner

"Princess? PRINCESS!"

Every single one of his lines involves the word "Princess" and if this hour of gameplay was a drinking game, I would be totally hammered by now.

Zidane

"What the heck? Where did they go?"

Vivi

"She's gone..."

"I was too scared to cast any spells... That monster's probably gonna eat her..."

Steiner

"How could I let this happen!?"

Zidane

"Don't worry. She's not dead yet."

"That monster was only a minion. He's probably gonna take her to his master."

How does Zidane know this? Why is he suddenly an expert on this forest's plant life?

Steiner

"That means the princess might still be - Come! We must go find her at once!"

Vivi

"WHOA!"

[The monster jumps down and traps Vivi, much like he trapped Garnet. Battle begins; Throughout the fight, Vivi, trapped, casts Fire spells which hurt the monster greatly. This time, instead of escaping, the monster is destroyed and Vivi is set free]

Oh so NOW it's destroyed? How inconvenient that the first plant cage wasn't destroyed by the tailed boy who is actually supposed to be a biological super soldier (but I'll be talking about that particular revelation and Zidane's jobbing as the story goes on).

Vivi

"Phew... Th-Thanks..."

Zidane

"Are you alright?"

Vivi

"Y-yeah.."

[The monster lets loose some sort of green steam attack, which catches everyone off guard. It hits Vivi and Steiner, who respond with surprised statements. Vivi is knocked out, and Steiner proclaims "P-Prin-cess." The scene returns to the Prima Vista, as Blank tends to Vivi in one of the rooms]

Blank

"You guys are lucky. If it weren't for Zidane, you'd both be dead."

"Some of the monsters in this forest reproduce by planting seeds in other animals."

"And when the seeds sprout, it's hasta la vista: you become beef jerky."

How does Blank know all this? This is never explained.

Vivi

"Um... A-Am I gonna die?"

Blank

"No. You're gonna be fine. Here, drink this. It'll remove all the seeds from your body."

How does Blank have a potion for this sort of thing? Why is Tantalus suddenly the expert on this forest's biology?

Vivi

"Ugh...eeyuck..."

[Screen changes to a different room, where an extremely-weakened Steiner walks towards the exit of the Prima Vista, with Zenero following behind him]

Steiner

"Princess... I'm coming right now..."

Okay, we get it, game designers. He's the princess' protector. WE GET IT.

[Benero gets in his way]

"...Stand aside!"

Benero

"Room behind you. Go."

Steiner

"The princess... is in grave danger!"

"Do you intend to ABANDON HER!?"

Funny considering that Garnet herself will be doing the abandoning later.

Benero

"You're in no condition."

Zenero

"Don't worry about the princess. The boss'll think of something."

[Steiner is pushed into the room]

Steiner

"Hey!"

Zenero

"Get some rest."

Benero

"Yeah, and take that medicine I gave you."

[Elsewhere, at the Prima Vista's bridge, Zidane and Baku are talking]

Baku

"Forget it."

"Monsters born out of the Mist are crawlin' everywhere."

So much for "The boss'll think of something".

Zidane

"So what? There's nothing out there we can't handle."

Baku

"Yeah, but what are we gonna do about the wounded?"

Zidane

"We can take 'em with us."

Baku

"How are we gonna carry all of them? Trust me. We go out now, and we'll all get wasted."

"My boys come before the princess, you know. It's too bad..."

This guy is supposed to be one of Cid's best friends, who he counted on to safely get his niece, Garnet, out of Alexandria and to Lindblum, and he is just going to leave her to the forest monsters to potentially die? (As if that isn't going to seriously come back and bite him in the ass if something bad does happen to Garnet and he shows his face to Cid again) Naturally the whole thing will never be brought up again and Baku will not get called out on any of it after this scene again.

Zidane

"!"

Baku

"We're gonna stay put 'til everyone recovers."

"You better not set one foot outside this ship. You got that!?"

Zidane

"I can't believe you're abandoning her! You're nothing but a big coward!"

[Zidane leaves the room]

- Time to Escape

[Steiner is in his room, plotting out what to do]

Steiner

"Hmm..."

"The structure is in poor condition."

"Perhaps I can break out by ramming into the wall."

"..."

"FIRE! FIRE! LET ME OUT!"

"UGH!"

"Huff-Huff."

"I'm still not feeling well..."

(Steiner walks over to a table and sits down)

"What's this?"

[Picks up a doll]

"What an ugly doll... 'Princess Garnet, age 15'!?"

"H-How dare they write the princess' name on such a ragged doll!?"

"Besides, the princess is not 15! She's 16!"

"...Princess..."

Yes, but the doll was probably made when she was 15. Excuse them for not taking the time to update it when the ship was on fire and they were crashing into the forest. Obsess much?

This is also an example of the ATE's being wasted and just being empty, this is just filler and goes back to what I said last chapter about Steiner and his forced slapstick clichés.

- My Little Baby

[Cinna is outside the Prima Vista, searching frantically]

Cinna

"It should be here somewhere."

"Huh...?"

"Damn!"

"Where is it!?"

"What happened to my Garnet doll!?"

"Man. How am I supposed to sleep now...?"

[Falls backwards and lies down]

"Geez..."

"Poor little doll... The fire probably caught it."

This really needed to be an ATE and not at least just an optional NPC chat?

- Girl Who Was Left Behind

[Ruby is standing in a bar in Alexandria]

Ruby

"Where'd everbuddy go?"

"And whut am I supposed to do now?"

Now this does connect later as Ruby does make a theatre restaurant here in Alexandria, but the bigger question is, how the heck did Ruby get separated from the rest of the group? Wasn't she on the theater ship right before they took off, when Garnet ran into her? When did she have a chance to leave the theater ship? She would've had to jump off or something. Why? And why hasn't she been arrested and thrown in the dungeon yet? Shouldn't the Alexandrian knights know that she is part of Tantalus or at least know her name from the play promotions, and thus a member of the group that "kidnapped" the princess?

[Zidane heads down to Vivi's room. Vivi, lying down on the bed, wakes up]

Vivi

"Oh..."

"Th-Thank you for helping me."

Zidane

"Ah, don't mention it."

"Besides, it was your black magic that saved the day."

"You know, you got some major power for such a little guy."

Vivi

"..."

Zidane

"What's wrong...? Are you peeved at me because I called you little?"

"Hey, you're a great mage with great powers, alright?"

"To hell with looks. It's what's inside that counts."

Okay, but aren't you at all curious as to what Vivi exactly is? I know that this world is populated with unnamed species of furries/anthropomorphic animals (which I have grievances with), with the only exception being the Burmecians, but there was clearly nothing like Vivi ever seen before, who has glowing eyes and a face of literal darkness, shouldn't Zidane be just a bit more curious? Heck, the same should apply for Zidane himself and his tail.

Vivi

"I'm sorry. When that monster caught her, I couldn't do anything."

Actually, why couldn't you? If the scene last chapter where Vivi accidentally set Garnet's hood on fire is any indication, Vivi tends to cast magic when he is scared and stressed, so why didn't he immediately blast the plant cage with fire spells when it showed up?

Zidane

"Hey, don't worry about the princess. I'll get her back. I promise."

Vivi

"Thank you, Mr. Zidane."

Zidane

"Whoa, that's the first time anyone's called me 'Mr.' Just call me Zidane, alright?"

Vivi

"Okay...Zidane."

[Zidane walks out of the room, closing the door behind him]

Zidane

"Geez... He was pretty down..."

"Maybe I shouldn't have made that promise. I don't even know if I'll be able to find her..."

[Screen turns white, than fades in for a Zidane-flashback episode. He recalls the moment he first ran into Garnet in Alexandria Castle]

"Man..."

"I never felt so strange..."

"Maybe fate brought us together..."

"I can't explain it..."

[Screen returns to Zidane in the Prima Vista, outside Vivi's room]

Zidane

"Man, I can't stop thinking about her..."

"What am I gonna do...?"

[Choose either "Go look for her" or "Forget it". Take the first choice.]

"Yeah! What's there to think about!? She's cute...and she's in trouble. That's all that matters."

Yes, the guy who two minutes before said that looks don't matter at all now gives Garnet's looks as the main criteria in deciding to go to her aid.

This is also what happens if you say "forget it".

[Another flashback, to when she asks him to kidnap her.]

Zidane: "I don't know why I was chasing her so hard. I didn't really care about our plan at that point. And it wasn't just because she's such a doll. ... I can't explain it. I'm just drawn to her so strongly..."

This isn't an accurate translation, the dialogue in the original japanese version was more flowery and Zidane even implies she is "so sad that she can't see the good stuff around here, such as the glittering seashells on the shore", but this whole "so sad she can't even see the good stuff in front of her" is never brought up by Zidane again or an issue before that or after.

There is also actually a deleted scene here that happens if you choose "forget it", which you can see on YouTube, where Zidane can't get Garnet out of his head, don't know why it was cut, but anyways I just want everyone to remember these scenes as well, because I will be using it as an example to show why Zidane acts inconsistently later in Lindblum, and why this game only pretends the love story is a big thing.

"...There you are."

[Blank walks in, Zidane runs up to him]

Blank

"Why do you look so serious? Uh-oh... What are you up to this time?"

Zidane

"I'm gonna take that knight and the black mage to find the princess."

Blank

"You're crazy! Man, you don't even know what's out there."

"Besides, there's no way the boss'll allow that."

Zidane

"I know..."

Blank

"Sheez... Why do you always gotta go play hero? The boss is gonna kill you."

"Well, what are you waiting for? Go talk to the boss."

[Zidane goes to meet with Baku, who is in the room where you planned out the kidnapping of Garnet]

Baku

"AAH"

"AAAHHH"

"AACHOOO!"

"Took you long enough... I fell asleep, darn it."

"So, you're leaving, eh?"

Zidane

"Yeah...I promised Garnet I'd kidnap her."

Baku

"Gwahaha! I didn't ask why!"

"I can't blame you, though. She's damn beautiful."

"I guess that's reason enough!"

"Well, I hope you're ready!"

"'Cause I'm gonna bust you up for breakin' the rules."

Oh, so now you are being more flexible about this? How about for you, Baku, another reason could be that Cid'll have your head if you let his niece die, not to mention all the other repercussions that will happen to you for letting the princess die.

I don't understand why Baku has such a fetish for beating the shit out of his kids. I would have left long ago if I were Zidane.

Zidane

"...Alright."

Baku

"Okay, get your butt over to the cargo room. We got more room there."

[You and Baku both leave for the other room, which has much more space]

Baku

"You ready!?"

[Choose either "Anytime!" or "Hold on". Gotta choose "Anytime!"]

"I ain't holdin' back."

[Battle begins, Baku vs. Zidane. After the battle, Baku and Zidane are in the room, along with Blank]

Baku

"I'll be damned..."

"Bravo!"

[Hits Zidane]

"Go find your princess!"

"Gwahahahaha..."

[Leaves the room]

Who might have already died now thanks to the all the time you wasted having this dumb fight, time is of the essence and you guy are messing it up having these stupid disputes instead of just letting Zidane do what your best friend Cid TRUSTED YOU TO DO.

Zidane

"Damn, that hurt! He pulled his punches 'til that last one."

[Zidane heads over to Steiner's room]

Steiner

"..."

Zidane

"Come on. You're too old to be playing with a doll."

Steiner

"Silence! A scoundrel like you could never understand!"

"I'm just overwhelmed with concern for the princess!"

"If only you rogues hadn't kidnapped her... This is all your fault!"

"If anything should happen to the princess, I will have your head!"

Zidane

"Take it easy. Geez..."

"I'm gonna go look for her now."

"I'll let you come with me if you promise to be good."

"What do you say, Rusty?"

Why doesn't Zidane just tell Steiner that Garnet wanted to be kidnapped? Sure, Steiner wouldn't believe it but it could at least maybe make him shut his trap for a bit.

Steiner

"RR...RUSTY!? I am Adelbert Steiner, Captain of the Knights of Pluto, and I will never work with you conniving thieves!"

Zidane

"Captain? I figured you were a private, what with that cheap, rusty armor..."

"Look, this has nothing to do with Tantalus. It's something I decided to do on my own."

"I just wanna save Garnet."

Steiner

"Hmph...! You had better not be lying!"

"Because if you are, I won't hesitate to kill you!"

Zidane

"Yeah, yeah. I'm counting on you, Rusty."

Steiner

"Make no mistake. I'm not only going with you to rescue the princess! I will deal with you personally when this is over!"

Zidane

"...Whatever."

This won't be the last of these bickering moments, trust me.

God knows, we all needed to hear more of Adelbert's blatherings about the princess.

Steiner

"It may be difficult with just the two of us. We should seek Master Vivi's help as well."

Zidane

"Why are you calling him 'Master'?"

Steiner

"You fool. That black mage has unimaginable powers..."

"I don't want to get him involved, but alas, it can't be helped."

"We need Master Vivi's powers to rescue the princess."

Zidane

"Alright, let's go talk to Vivi."

[Zidane and Steiner leave the room, and go to Vivi's room]

Skipping the remaining scene with Vivi.

[You head towards the exit of the Prima Vista, at the bottom of the room where you fought Baku. Zidane and Blank have a little chat]

Blank

"Sheez... you really dig her, huh?"

What would make you think that, Blank? The fact that Zidane hasn't shut up about her in the last ten minutes? Jeez, just let them go find her already.

Zidane

"I can't sit around knowing a girl's in trouble. Goes against my nature."

Again this will be contradicted later in Lindblum.

Blank

"Whatever. You're full of crap."

Zidane

"Ohhh... I get it."

"You're jealous that I'm gonna get me a sweetie pie."

That will blow you off the first chance she gets.

Blank

"Pshhh... She's not even my type."

"I came down here to give you this."

Zidane

"You're always thinking about me...but I won't need a love potion to reel this one in."

Blank

"Why don't you get your mind off girls for a second?"

"This is medicine I gave to that black mage and the knight. It's sort of like a seed remover."

Which, again, is never explained how you have something like that.

[Zidane, Vivi, and Steiner leave the Prima Vista and journey into the Evil Forest]

- Orchestra in the Forest

[In the Prima Vista, several band members are playing a song, which FF7-fans will recognize as "Rufus' Welcoming Ceremony" from the FF7 OST]

Conductor

"Okay, let's really liven up this place!"

Violinist

"Yeah, let our music do the fighting against those monsters!"

Cymbalist

"This oughta boost morale."

Drummer

"This is great!"

Trumpeter

"Brrum, brrrum, brrrruuum!"

Okay, nice reference and all (certainly more subtle than the later ones) but didn't Baku say there were "a lot injured"? Yet if you look at the actual game models only a few are injured, and this ATE shows that the band players are perfectly fine as they are able to play their instruments with no problems, not to mention that Blank, Cinna and Marcus are also all fine, all those claims made by Baku about not being able to carry the injured and go after the princess were complete nonsense.

[Baku walks down the stairs, into the room]

Baku

"Hey, not bad!"

"I'm gonna go take a look around."

"Stay on your toes. We'll be leaving soon."

Drummer, Cymbalist, and Violinist

"Okay, Boss!"

Conductor

"Alright!"

Trumpeter

"Brrruuuum!"

Oh so now you are leaving?

[Zidane comes upon a moogle drinking from a small spring]

Zidane

"Hmm... No sign of any monsters here."

[Walks over to the spring]

Zidane

"A spring..."

- Do As I Say, Not As I Do.

[Blank and Baku are talking in the Prima Vista]

Blank

"Are you sure about this?"

Baku

"Yeah, don't worry. We'll be outta here soon, too."

"Here, take this map. It's gonna be a long trip back to Lindblum..."

Blank

"Alright. I'll see you later."

Baku

"I'm countin' on you!"

Yes because we really needed this to be an ATE, especially when Blank just tells us later anyway that Baku gave him the map, this is what I mean when I say the ATEs are empty, rather than give us actual world building, lore, foreshadowing and good interaction in these scenes, they give us what is mostly filler or pointless info that will be repeated later, or cheap references to past FF games that feel more like Family Guy cutaways minus the humour.

[Scene returns to Zidane at the spring.]

There is a bit here where Zidane delivers a Mognet letter to the Strategically Placed Moogle. It talks about Princess Garnet possibly leaving home with a prince on a white horse. Really overhyping the love story, Mognet.

[On the next screen, after running off it, a short FMV takes place, focusing in on a portion of the forest across a lake, glowing bright red light, filled with vines and some sort of huge flower]

[Finally, you run to the screen with the forest's boss: the huge flower/plant thing you saw in the FMV. Tied to a wall behind it is Garnet]

Vivi

"There she is!"

Zidane

"So, this is the master."

Steiner

"Princess!"

"You stay out of this!"

"Alexandria would be disgraced if a mere bandit should rescue the princess."

Yeah I don't think Zidane cares, especially when he is the one who is in love with said princess.

Zidane

"You think you can handle him on your own?"

Steiner

"..."

Zidane

"Let's get him, Vivi!"

[Boss Battle vs. "Plant Brain" occurs, with Steiner, Vivi, and Zidane.]

Now that we are at the first boss battle, one thing I've been wanting to bring up is the boss theme and IX's music in general, IX's music is some of the most boring, generic, repetitive, cartoony and uninspired of the FF games with only a few exceptions (such as Garnet singing), just compare IX's boss theme which you first hear here, with VII's "Those who fight further" boss theme (which the Remake just made better) or VIII's "Force your Way" boss theme which were far more catchy, IX's boss theme is pretty generic. Ironically Nobuo Uematsu, similar to Sakaguchi, claimed that IX's soundtrack his "favourite to do", which, honestly, I felt he only felt that way because it was the easiest to do, after VII's and VIII's more complex soundtracks, IX must have been a cool off for him, he even stopped being solely involved with the later FF games music starting from FFX to FFXII which really seems to suggest he was running out of steam, FFXIII's music wasn't done by Uematsu yet it had much better music than IX, not to mention Yoko Shimomura and XV's music, just throwing this out there, her music is better than Uematsu's (no disrespect to him), just look at the Kingdom Hearts soundtrack.

[A little bit into the match, Blank joins the fight as well, stating "Whew, I made it just in time." and "Step aside. I'll take care of this." After it gets defeated, you free Garnet, and Steiner holds her in his arms]

Zidane should be one holding Garnet in his arms, not Steiner.

Steiner

"Princess! Please get a hold of yourself!"

Blank

"Zidane, give her the stuff."

[Zidane walks over and gives her the medicine]

Garnet

"Hack-hack..."

Steiner

"Princess, please try to drink all of it."

Vivi

"Is she gonna be okay?"

[The ground shakes for a split second]

Blank

"Oh, man! What now!?"

[A big hole opens up in the ground, and two small bug creatures climb out. A third one enters the room from the doorway that they entered]

Blank

"Sheez! We're gonna be surrounded!"

Zidane

"Let's get out of here!"

Blank

"GO!"

[Steiner, still holding Garnet, and Zidane run towards an exit. Vivi and Blank stay still]

Blank

"What are you waitin' for!?"

[Vivi and Blank soon run out]

[In the next scene, the four of them are running away from a legion of bug monsters chasing after them: Vivi in front, followed by Steiner & Garnet, Blank, and Zidane in the back. All of a sudden, Zidane stops running; so does Blank]

Blank

"What are you doin'!?"

Zidane

"Something's wrong..."

Blank

"What?"

Zidane

"The entire forest is coming after us."

"Blank... Take care of everyone."

[Zidane begins to run]

Blank

(What did he mean by that?)

[Blank runs off the screen]

Yeah, what did he mean? How is Zidane able to sense what is going on in the forest? This is never explained.

[FMV. The four are running, and behind them, dozens upon dozens, possibly hundreds, of bug creatures. The entire forest is getting petrified, as well. Zidane, at the back of the ground, is about to get caught in the grasp of a bug, is pushed aside by Blank, who gets caught in the bug's grasp. As the wave of petrification reaches the bugs, making them immobile, Blank launches the map which Baku gave him to Zidane who, still running, picks it up and makes the final sprint for the exit. A series of the forests vines attempt to stab, jab, and hit Zidane in any way possible, but he outmanoeuvres them all, taking one final leap out of the forest. Steiner, Vivi and Zidane look upon it as the entrance becomes completely petrified, and a final shot of inside the forest, with a petrified Blank, is shown]

First off, regarding the FMV, Zidane had just fled first and is supposed to be very fast. How could he be overtaken by a fat Steiner in armor with the princess, and Vivi, who stumbles every three steps along the flat road? (And I'm not just saying that solely because Zidane should have been the one to carry Garnet bridal-style out of the forest, which you know, would actually strengthen and give focus to the love story.)

Secondly, what is with the entire forest petrifying? That is never fully explained, the best I can gather is that this forest was some sort of hive mind with the so called "plant brain" being the core of it, but why would destroying it cause more of those "bug creatures" to show up? Shouldn't everything in the forest loose coordination and just stop? Why would this cause the forest to turn to stone instead of just, well, wilting away? Finally, (as we will see later) how did the rest of Tantalus get out without getting petrified like Blank?

Zidane

"Dammit! That idiot!

"Blank..."

[Screen fades to black. Fades back in on an impromptu camp site, with a fire burning and a small tent, outside the forest. Steiner is watching over the sleeping Garnet, while Vivi is sitting in front of the fire and Zidane is working on the tent]

Vivi

"I hope she gets well soon..."

Steiner

"This is all his fault!"

"Have you nothing to say, you filth!?"

Why doesn't Zidane say anything?

Garnet

"...Oh..."

Steiner

"P-Princess!"

Garnet

"...Steiner?"

"...How did I survive...? You brought me here?"

Steiner

"It is my sworn duty to protect you at any cost."

Zidane

"What are you talking about? It was Vivi's magic and my dagger that got you out of there, Princess."

Garnet

"I thank you both."

Steiner

"That monkey derserves no praise!"

"None of this would've happened if you and your band hadn't abducted the princess!"

"And how dare you claim that you have rescued her!?"

"When we get back to Alexandria, I will-"

Adelbert? We get it. You hate him. WE GET IT.

Garnet

"Steiner..."

"I left the castle of my own will."

Zidane

"What a coincidence, eh? We went to snatch her, and she wanted to be

snatched."

You could have said this earlier Zidane, and you just wanted to get into her snatch also. Nice wording there, horny monkey.

Steiner

"Impossible!"

Garnet

"It's true."

You aren't going to explain why? The problem here is that Garnet should have just told everyone here right now why she wanted to escape and get to Lindblum, explaining that the Queen was going crazy and planning something bad. Sure Steiner obviously wouldn't believe it at first, but it would at least shut him up a bit and put the idea in his head which would continue to grow as things went on, especially with what they see at North Gate and Dali, but instead Garnet is being needlessly secretive and vague and it leads to a ton of BS later.

Zidane

"So what do you say, Rusty? Friends? Come on, let's just enjoy this camping trip while it lasts."

Steiner

"Camping - you imbecile! Surely even you must know something about the Mist."

"The vicious monsters it spawns! The abnormalities it stirs in the mind and body!"

"Princess, we must leave this dangerous place at once."

Steiner claims that the Mist causes abnormalities in mind and body, but we never see any of this happen when the cast is in the Mist, heck, the Burmecians, unlike the rest of the continent, LIVE WITHIN THE MIST, yet they seem to be just fine.

Zidane

"You've gotta be kidding."

"She hasn't even fully recovered yet."

Steiner

"Silence! Who asked for your opinion!?"

Zidane

"Alright, tell me... How do you plan to get out of here?"

"We're standing in a valley surrounded by tall cliffs."

"And last I heard, North Gate and South Gate were sealed off."

How did Zidane hear about this? And why were they sealed off? This is never fully explained.

Steiner

"..."

Zidane

"Yeah. That's what I thought."

Steiner

"Grrrrr..."

Zidane

"The princess can barely walk right now. You went through this. You should know."

"I think we should rest here for now."

Steiner

"I will never follow - "

Zidane

"Steiner!"

"State your sworn duty!"

Steiner

"What else? To protect Princess Garnet Til Alexandros!"

"...Very well."

"Until the princess recovers, I will guard this place with my life."

Well that took a lot of coaxing. This is the kind of interaction and writing we will be dealing with. This was ANOTHER go-around of Adelbert saying he won't follow Zidane and ANOTHER mention of Adelbert's sworn duty, reading the same dialogue over and over and over and over.

Zidane

"Sounds good to me."

"Vivi, let's get some rest."

What? Nothing to say to Garnet after all that stuff of you can't getting her out of your head and saying it was fate?

[Everyone, except Steiner, goes to sleep. The next scene shows Zidane at the petrified entrance to Evil Forest; Garnet walks up to him]

Zidane

"How are you feeling?"

Garnet

"Good...thanks to that medicine you gave me."

"Could this be...?"

Zidane

"Yeah, I was surprised, too. After we beat that big plant-guy, the forest got completely petrified."

Garnet

"Vivi told me that we were able to escape because of your friend."

Zidane

"...His name is Blank."

Garnet

"We must go help him."

Zidane

"We can't do anything for him right now."

Garnet

"But...I can't - "

Zidane

"We'll come back for him. I'm sure there's a way to cure him."

"Let's get going."

"According to the map that Blank gave me, there's a cavern to the south of us."

"Maybe we can get above the Mist through that cavern."

[Zidane walks and stops beside Garnet]

Zidane

"Are you alright?"

[Garnet turns to face him and nods]

"Everything's gonna be fine. Trust me."

You know, let's compare this with the first meetings of other Final Fantasy love stories, such as Squall and Rinoa, in VIII Squall and Rinoa first met at the Garden dance, with Rinoa in a nice white dress, we are giving a nice FMV of them dancing and Squall screwing up a bit, FFVII gave us Cloud and Tifa being childhood friends and that incident in the mountains when they were kids, or Cloud and Aerith with Cloud buying a flower from her in Sector 8 of Midgar and Cloud later falling into the church in the sector 6 slums and seeing her again and helping her get away from Reno and the Shinra troops, meeting at her home and her adoptive mother, heading to the slums playground and then crossdressing in the Wall Market to get to Tifa in Don Corneo's mansion, and then rescuing her from the Shinra building, which the Remake expanded upon, FFX's Tidus and Yuna meeting in the temple, the campsite with that old lady ironically telling Tidus to "stay away from the summoner", Tidus' dream and sailing on the ship and the laughing scene, even XIII gave us Snow and Serah riding on the flying motorbike with fireworks and a song playing in the background.

Sure, IX gave us Garnet jumping off the tower and Zidane following, but that is never mentioned again, Garnet asking to be kidnapped but never explaining why and I've already talked about how stupid that is above, Zidane not even being the one to carry Garnet out of the forest, and weak interactions as this very scene, because Garnet is really bland, and there is only more to come. All the other mentioned FF pairs had real developed romances while Garnet and Zidane fell in love for being within five feet of each other for a long period of time while also giving us some other bull that we will be seeing soon. Another thing I'm going to talk about a lot is how Garnet barely has any personality.

[Screen changes back to the campsite, where all four people are gathered. A small moogle emerges from the forest]

Skipping the Mog Net tutorial.

[Screen returns to the campsite with the four characters and Monty the moogle]

Monty "I have a gift for you, kupo. Take this flute."

[Received Moogle's Flute!]

"With this flute, you can call us anywhere in the world, kupo."

"Press the Square Button to play it."

"Happy trails! Kupo!"

Well that just makes saving a little more tedious, in the previous FFs you could just simply save on the World Map with the menu, not having to do this flute thing.

End of Chapter 2

Chapter 3: Disk 1.3 & 1.4 - Ice Cavern & Dali

First thing to say, as I said before in the first chapter, the World Map theme (crossing those hills) is a mix of Melodies of Life, the love song and main theme, giving off certain impressions that I've already talked about back then.

[On the world map, after leaving Evil Forest, a large gate is at the end of the valley. It's not a necessary stop, however. When the party gets there, they see banners flying and smoke plumes on the other side.]

As the above says, this is technically an optional stop, but it does contain a significant thing I want to address.

Garnet: "Where are we?"

Zidane: "I think this is the North Gate. It's beneath the Mist. It lies between Alexandria and Burmecia. I think it's called...
Melda Arch or something? Fresh footprints... And there's smoke rising."

Steiner: "That flag...! That is Alexandria's war banner! How dare they commit crimes in the name of Alexandria! I should like to arrest and punish them if the circumstances were different!"

Garnet: "..."

Zidane: "Let's get outta here. The cavern lies to the left of this arch. We'll follow the ledge!

Again, why is Garnet being silent and needlessly secretive here when she knows what's up, especially with how it could at least make Steiner shut up a bit, but no, she withholds important information, which leads to a bunch of bullshit, like Steiner constantly sabotaging their attempts to get to Lindblum and trying to get back to Alexandria, as we will see later this chapter.

[Eventually, you run for a bit and come to the Ice Cavern. Zidane walks up to the entrance, as a cold breeze & mist exits the entrance]

Skipping the scene at the entrance.

[The group walks into the entrance, as the words "Ice Cavern" appear on the screen in large letters. In the next screen, Garnet enters first]

Garnet "Oh...! What a beautiful place!"
"Seeing the actual cavern is so much better than reading about it!"
"Oh, how pretty... I wonder what kind of flower this is?"

Remember this dialogue from Garnet.

Steiner "Princess! Please, don't touch anything!"

Zidane "Can we get moving? I'm freezin' here."

[The group presses forward. At one screen, they come to a moogle, encased in ice]

Skipping this scene and the ATE.

[Your team gets to a screen where there's a fiere wind and blowing snow. Everyone appears to be rather chilled]

Skipping the part where the party falls asleep.

[Screen fades to black. A small bell can be heard ringing, and then, the screen fades back in. Zidane wakes up]

Zidane "What's that sound...?"
[Stands up]
"It came from over there... Is somebody there...?"

How did Zidane wake up? I've assumed it had something to do with what he really is, but this is never fully explained and implied.

[Zidane walks off the screen, to a new one, where there's a fierce blizzard-type wind. A voice speaks, and instantly, he gets into a battle-ready stance]

Black Waltz No. 1 "Why didn't you fall asleep?"
"You should be dead by now..."

Zidane "Are you the one causing this blizzard?

Well no, the Ice Cavern as Vivi explained, was always cold and full of ice. Actually the funny thing is, after you defeat the Black Waltz, the cave randomly melts out, with moogles telling you later that the cave collapsed, which is never explained.

[Black Waltz No. 1 jumps down, landing in front of Zidane]

Black Waltz No. 1 "Hee-hee-hee... That's right!"

[Boss Battle: Zidane vs. Black Waltz No. 1 and Sea Lion]

"You defeated No.1, but No.2 and No.3 will reclaim the princess!"

Uh, why didn't all three Black Waltzes just fight together at the same time? Why did Zorn and Thorn send them one at a time? And why are they stupidly giving Zidane a heads up?

Zidane "W-Who's there?"
"Oh, whatever..."
"I've gotta go back and check on them!"

[Zidane runs off the screen, as the screen moves upwards and shows Zorn and Thorn were behind it all.]

These two clowns on disc two are able to cast meteor flares. They could take the princess here and now, in every conceivable position, along with the Waltzes as I said above, but they don't for… "reasons".

[Zidane returns to the screen with the three passed-out characters, who all wake up and stand up]

Garnet "Zidane!"

Zidane "Hey, there. Everybody okay?"

Steiner "You! What just happened?"

Zidane "It was no big deal."

Steiner "You're hiding something!"

Zidane "Hey, nothing happened. You heard me."

Steiner "You...didn't touch the princess, did you?"

Zidane "Just what are you accusing me of?"

Garnet "Steiner, he said nothing happened. Why are you being so rude?"

Steiner "...My apologies, Princess."

Maybe Steiner would be less rude if you would just explain why you want to get away from Alexandria, Garnet.

Garnet "Well, I'm glad everyone is safe. Shall we move on?"

[Zidane turns around, his back facing the 3 characters]

Garnet "Zidane? Is something bothering you?"

Zidane [Faces the group]
"No...it's nothing."

What was up with Zidane's reaction here? It's never explained.

Also he isn't going to tell everyone else about the Black Waltz he just fought?

[You take control of Zidane again and exit the Ice Caverns. The group is above the mist again, and, the sun is shining]

Garnet "We made it through the Mist!"
"Oh, the sun feels great!"

Zidane "Look, there's a village!"
"I think I've been there before..."

Garnet "It sounds like you've been everywhere, Zidane."
"The only other worlds I've visited are in books."
"You may have been to that village. Let's go visit."

Remember this from Garnet also.

[Garnet starts to walk down the path to the village]

Zidane "Wait. Hold it."
"You're a princess! You can just go rushing in there."
"People are looking for you. You need a new identity."

Steiner "Insolent fool! The princess need not sneak around!"
"Besides, we're heading back to the castle. You leave her alone."
"And you will address her as 'Princess' from now on, you silly peasant."

Zidane "Dammit, Rusty! Why don't you just shut up?"
"Who do you think you are? I don't take orders from a stuck-up jerk like you!"

Vivi "You guys!"

Garnet "Stop it, you two!"

Hey these arguments wouldn't happen so much if you would actually EXPLAIN to everyone why you should NOT return to the castle (before you go full idiot, anyway).

Garnet "...Steiner, I do not intend to return to the castle."
"And I do see Zidane's point...I need a new name..."
[Garnet picks up and holds a dagger, looking and marvelling it]
"Zidane... What is this called?"

Zidane "That? That's a dagger."
"All knives of that length are called daggers."
"Short swords are a bit longer. The big sword you hold with both hands is called a broadsword. And..."

Garnet "Oh, okay... I understand now."
"So this is called a 'dagger'..."

Really? Garnet doesn't know what a knife is? Earlier she repeatedly states she has read many books, is surrounded by soldiers that have all sorts of blades, and obviously eats using utensils. This is just the first sign of Garnet's flanderization that I mentioned in the first chapter that I will be talking more about in just a few moments.

Steiner "Princess! It's a weapon! Please be careful."

Garnet "I've decided! From now on, my name is..."

[Name the character "Dagger"]

Garnet "I will be called Dagger from now on. What do you think, Zidane?"

Why make a history of choosing the name Dagger and still give the opportunity to change it? "Oh yes it is a dagger, hmmmmm, well, call me Chuck."

Zidane "Is that okay with you?"
[Choose either "Yes" or "No". You have to pick Yes eventually]
"Great, Dagger. Now, let's work on your speech..."
"Try to sound more casual. Like me."

Dagger "I shall try."

Zidane "No, no, no..."
"(What would Vivi say...?)"

Vivi "?"

Zidane "Just say... 'Alrighty.'"

Dagger "A-Alrighty!"

Zidane "You're getting the hang of it!"
"Well...Let's go."

This really isn't going to give Garnet more of a personality, just a heads up. She was bland before and she will still be pretty bland here.

[The group of four descends the path, and, you're back on the World Map]

[Arrival at Dali]

Skipping the beginning parts

[Everyone walks into their room]

Zidane "Tell me one thing before we go to sleep."
"Why did you wanna leave the castle, Dagger?"

Garnet "If the theater ship hadn't crashed..."

Zidane "It would've arrived at the neighbouring regency of Lindblum."

[Garnet nods]

Zidane "You were gonna leave Alexandria!?"
"I see. If you hadn't been caught, you would've reached Lindblum by now."
"But now... We'll have to cross South Gate on foot."
"Border crossing, huh?"

Dagger "Zidane, please listen."
"There is a reason I must leave this kingdom."
"I cannot tell you why... But...please..."

Why not? There is no good reason for not giving all this important information about your mother going nuts and planning something bad (especially since Steiner is also in the room), Zidane risked his life for you and you aren't going to let him know about about all this potential danger? This just leads to later nonsense and misunderstandings.

Zidane "I understand... I'll get you to Lindblum somehow."

Steiner "I've heard enough!"
"Princess, you cannot trust the words of a thief!"

Shut the EFF UP, Adelbert!

Steiner
"He may expose you to even more danger, like he did in Evil Forest!"
"I beg of you, Princess. Please return with me to the castle."

See? Once again Steiner won't shut up about going back to Alexandria, all because Garnet is being needlessly vague and won't explain the danger and situation.

Zidane "I know I screwed up in Evil Forest."
"But there's no doubt in my mind now. I'll protect Dagger with my life!"

A promise which you won't be able to keep because Garnet breaks it later due to her own stupidity and selfishness.

Steiner "Don't be ridiculous!"
"It is I who protect the princess, now and forever!"

Zidane "Then tell me. How do you intend to take her back to the castle?"

Steiner "I-I will think of a way..."

Okay, Steiner here clearly just stated he still intends to take Garnet back to Alexandria, and Garnet STILL doesn't spill the beans on why she wants to run away, to at least try and reason with Steiner and prevent him from doing this exact thing, and this is only the tip of the iceberg, folks.

Sure Steiner wouldn't buy it at first, but it would at least place the idea in his head which would then continue to grow with the more evidence he saw that proved this, such as what has happened to North Gate which we saw earlier, and what we will be seeing with Dali in just a few moments.

Vivi "Zzz..."
"Zzz..."

Steiner "Master Vivi..."

Zidane "He was tired."
"But you had to go on a tirade."

Steiner "What!?"

Zidane "Let's go to sleep."

[Everyone goes to sleep: the screen fades to black. Singing can be heard in the background. Zidane, most likely thinking in his sleep, thinks "What a...beautiful voice...", followed by "Who's singing...?" He then gets out of his bed, stretching, alone in the room]

Zidane "I've never heard a song like that before..."
"...was that Dagger singing?"
"Oh, everyone's up already."
"I wonder where they went?"

This is the first time that Garnet sings Melodies of Life in game, technically building up to something in Lindblum, only for it to all be wasted and blue balled at the end of the Lindblum segment.

- Vivi, Confused

Skipping this ATE

- Dagger Tries

(Dagger is standing in a farm field)

Dagger "I wonder..."
"I wonder if the castle is okay? That was quite a ruckus..."
"Mother went too far. She didn't have to fire at the ship, even if she did it to rescue me..."
"I wonder how many people got hurt? I hope the damage wasn't too severe."
[Dagger walks a bit]
"Some people could've died... Like in Evil Forest..."

She fired a freaking giant monster bomb at the ship that risked almost killing you, you glossed over that part. This scene is also the start of everything wrong with Garnet: her constant whining about her mother and her obnoxious internal monologues. Also nobody died in Evil Forest, Black was just petrified.

[An old lady walks up to her]

Old Lady "You're in my way, kiddo."

Dagger (Kiddo?)
"Oh, my apologies... I mean, I'm sorry."
[Dagger walks out of the way]

Old Lady "Kids these days!"

[The Old Lady walks past Dagger and tends to some plants. Dagger approaches her and looks intently at what she's doing]

Dagger "What are you doing?"

Old Lady "Can't you see what I'm doing? I'm killing the bugs on the crops."

Dagger "You're...killing the bugs?"

Old Lady "Yeah, that's what I'm doing!"
"Bugs are just like monsters! They destroy our crops if you leave them be!"

Dagger (Crops?)

Okay seriously, she doesn't know what crops are!? This girl is supposed to be highly educated and intelligent. You're telling me that none of the books she's read or none of her tutors (one of whom we will be seeing later) ever mentions crops? This is what I meant in the first chapter about how Garnet is flanderized after escaping from Alexandria at the beginning of the game, at the start of the game, she brilliantly works out an escape plan and improvises a way out on a dime in the play. If that was the Garnet we got for the rest of the game instead of the girl that doesn't know what knives and crops are and thinks evil megalomaniacs can be reasoned with by returning without anyone to back her up, I would have loved her. Instead she devolves into a really clichéd naïve princess stereotype whose naïvety reached implausible and contrived levels, just never recovers, constantly whines about her mother, and barely has any personality, especially when compared to the other FF main females, Aerith, Tifa, Rinoa, and Yuna. Not to mention females in other anime.

Look at other characters with parental issues like Marle from Chrono Trigger, she was cooped up in her castle too but she had weapon training, knowledge of blending in public, and managed to wing getting thrown back in time until the paradox caught up with her, and her love story with Crono was much better done, or Lillie from Pokemon Gen VII who also had a crazy mother, she was cooped up on an artificial Island most of her life, but she still had an advanced education from scientists and knew about Pokemon and areas, ran away from home because of her crazy mother and to get Nebby home, didn't run back home like an idiot because she suddenly arbitrarily decided she could just "talk to her mother" (because she already tried BEFORE running away from home), and while Pokemon isn't a romance game or series, she still had more chemistry with the player character (male or female) than Zidane and Garnet, heck you can even call Lillie a "better Garnet/Dagger".

[A small oglop makes a squishy oglop sound, jumping up from the plant and landing in Dagger's hand]

Old Lady "There's one!"

Dagger "Oh, an oglop! Oglops eat vegetables?"

Old Lady "You're a strange one. Most girls hate oglops."

Dagger "Is that so? It's just that I haven't seen too many of them..."
(Wait. Zidane told me to try to blend in...)
(Maybe I should act like I don't like oglops.)
(1,2, 3.)
"Aaahhh!"

Then how has Steiner seen so many and hates them?

[Dagger throws the oglop and ducks, as it flies off the screen]

Good cover, Garnet. That was so believable.

- Cat's Eye

[Inside the inn, a cat moves across the room and rubs against the sleeping Innkeeper's head]

Innkeeper Hal "Oh, it's you... What should I do?"
"I don't wanna give in to my brother, but everyone else's makin' money 'cept me..."

"Hey, wasn't that customer traveling with...?"
[Lifts his head up]
"I won't have to give in if I tell him about them!"

What is the point of knowing about this minor character's motivation? It never comes up again after, this is what I mean when the ATEs are wasted with showing random nameless NPC's in them and setting up subplots but then never going fully through with them, and completing them.

[Zidane meets up with Vivi, who's standing near the Windmill]

Vivi "Zidane!"

Zidane "Hey, Vivi. What's up?"

Vivi "N-Nothing, I was just thinking."

Zidane "Ah, I see."

Vivi "?"

Zidane "You met a girl!"

Vivi "No, no! Nothing like that!"

Zidane "What? Don't tell me you don't like girls!"

Dude, he is like, a prepubescent kid (that and considering what he actually is, he shouldn't even have private parts), maybe you'd get that if you were just a tad bit more curious as to what Vivi is, as you realistically should be, but aren't due to lazy and contrived writing.

Vivi "I never really thought about stuff like...that."

Zidane "I'm always thinking about girls."
"I'm popular with ALL the ladies in Lindblum."
"Come to me if you have any girl trouble, okay?"

Vivi "S-Sure. Thanks."

Thank you for this forced scene, writers. With that totally inane and random conversation out of the way:

Zidane "Okay, then. We need to decide what to do."
"I'm gonna go look for Dagger and Rusty. Would you mind heading back to the inn?"

Vivi "Sure, I'll head back."

Zidane "So, what were you staring at?"

Vivi "Nothing. But I keep hearing a sound like 'kweh.'"

Zidane "That's the sound chocobos make..."

Vivi & Zidane "..."

Zidane "I'll see you back at the inn!"
[Walks off screen]

Well that was spontaneous, not even going to ask where he heard that chocobo sound from?

Vivi "Okay!"
"What are chocobos...?"
[Vivi hears another "Kweh!"-type sound]
"Chocobo!?"

[Someone runs up to Vivi, grabs him, and runs off screen]

Vivi "Aaah!"

[Meanwhile, Zidane is standing on the pathway near the Inn]

Zidane "Huh?"
"Forget Steiner. I wonder where Dagger is."

- Dagger Tries Harder

Skipping this, it's more forced "Garnet tries to talk like common folk" dialogue, not to mention this is all pointless as Garnet could simply keep her talking and interactions to strangers to a minimum until they leave Dali and get to Lindblum, plus it's not like Alexandria has quickly sent out wanted posters with a sketch of the princess and the "kidnappers" and Dali is aware of all this.

- Cat's Eye 2

Skipping this, more wasted ATEs, I refer to what I said above with "Cat's Eye 1"

(Zidane walks into the shop across the inn and walks behind Dagger)

Zidane "Dagger..."
(What's she looking at?)

[Zidane walks up besides her, and looks where she looks, their heads moving in unison]

Dagger "Zidane!?"

Zidane "You got a fever or something? Your face is all red."

Dagger "I-It's nothing. I'm fine."

Zidane "You're acting strange..."

Dagger "What?"

Zidane "I get it!"
"You changed the way you talk!"

Dagger didn't even give any indication yet, how do you know this?

Dagger "Thanks!"
"I did fine in the play, didn't I?"

Zidane "Oh yeah, I thought..."
[Choose between "You were Ruby!" or "You sure know how to fake it!". I chose the second. Hehehe.]

Dagger "Fake!? How insensitive!"
"I love Lord Avon's plays. I've seen all of them."
"'I Want to Be Your Canary' is one of my favourites. I even have all the lines memorized!"
"I shall...I'll learn soon enough."

Funny how "I want to be your Canary" is your favourite and how much it is mentioned, yet you are poorly living out what that play is actually supposed to foreshadow, yours and Zidane's love story. That and how much this Lord Avon is mentioned despite never having more significance to the story and lore other than being just a random author.

Zidane "Geez, you don't have to get mad."
"I'm sorry."
"We need to decide what to do from here. Will you go back to the inn?"

You aren't even going to ask about that singing you heard last night that was clearly from Garnet? This is what I mean when I say that things don't have proper focus, not to mention the plot's pacing. It's not until Lindblum when Zidane literally hears the singing again and sees Garnet doing it eyesight does he bring it up.

Dagger "What about you?"

Zidane "I'll head back soon."

Dagger "Alrighty. I'll catch you later."

Zidane "(Good! You sound just like a regular village girl.)"
"(Crossing the border might not be so tough after all...)"

I refer to what I said above about that.

Dagger "Thanks. I had fun!"

(Dagger bows to the Shopkeeper, before leaving the Shop)

Shopkeeper Eve "She was a strange one."

This proves that Zidane is full of crap.

[Zidane exits the Shop]

Zidane "I'll just let Steiner be and go back to the inn."

[You return to your room in the Inn with Zidane. Dagger is waiting there, but Vivi is not present]

Zidane "Did you wait long?"
"I asked Vivi to head back. He should be back soon."
"How do you like this village? Pretty different from the castle, I bet."

Dagger "Yes. The kids are very energetic, and there are so many things to see."
"I've never walked around so freely before in my life!"

And yet you will suddenly want to run back into that extremely restrictive environment… AND danger.

"But..."
"Where are all the adults?"

Zidane "Yeah..."
"I used to see them tending the farm next to the village."

Dagger "But that farm is tiny."

Zidane "Yeah."
"There's something strange going on..."
"We'll leave once Vivi gets back."

Dagger "But... What about Steiner?"

Zidane "I have a good plan for crossing South Gate."
"It's gonna be easy! They're not looking for the rest of us, so we'll just hide you!"
"Forget about Rusty. Leave everything to me!"

Then what was the point of all that "talking like a commoner" BS if you where just planning on hiding her anyway?

- Queen Brahne's Steiner

[Steiner is a Pub in Dali, doing chores. A young woman is frantically moving around behind the counter]

Steiner "Firewood stacking duties are complete!"
"I await your command!"

Dutiful Daughter Slai "It's my job to clean the bar. Why are you doing all this?"

Steiner "S-Sorry."
"Well, now that you have time, would you introduce me to some adults, like your father?"

Dutiful Daughter Slai "My father won't be back until nightfall."
"All the other men are also working. They don't come here during the day."

Steiner "Pubs are supposed to be a prime source of information..."
"Ahem! I need not ask an adult. Let me ask you a question!"
"I need to know about what transportation method people use in this village."
"I cannot tell you the reason, but there is someone I must escort to the castle."

Dutiful Daughter Slai "Are you from Alexandria Castle?"

Steiner "Indeed!"
"I command the queen's Knights of Pluto!"
"I am Adelbert Steiner, Captain of the Knights of Pluto!"

This makes the whole "talking like a commoner" thing double pointless as Steiner just blabs out the truth like a loudmouth anyway, which Zidane should have seen coming.

Dutiful Daughter Slai "Knights of Pluto...?"
"Oh."
"Well, if you're from the castle, I guess it's okay to tell you..."
"Please go to the observatory on top of a mountain on the outskirts of the village."
"An old man named Morrid lives there."
"He takes care of the cargo ship."

Steiner "Cargo ship!?"
"So, that piece of junk flies to this village!"
Thank you!"

Steiner's dialogue here implies he has seen said cargo ship flying into Alexandria and dropping off it's loads which creates some confusion for later scenes.

[Scene returns to Zidane and Dagger in their Inn room]

Zidane "...As it turned out, it didn't matter that we snuck into their mansion."
"But the Kings were hiding something in their mansion..."
"What's wrong? Am I boring you?"

Apparently this is foreshadowing the later dumb backstory of Amarant, I'll get to that when the time comes.

Skipping ahead a bit.

[Zidane heads into the building which powers the Windmill. He finds a hatch]

Zidane "Well, isn't this obvious."

[Zidane opens the hatch]

Zidane "There's a cool breeze."

Just a little nitpick here but if you inspected the well outside in Dali, Zidane will say that it would lead underground but then says that "he wouldn't fit through it" but the hatch here is SMALLER than the well outside and Zidane fits through it just fine.

[Choose between "Go Down" or "Stay". You have to go down. Dagger and Zidane head underground. They run off the first screen, coming to a second one, where a small hut and a chocobo in a pen are both present]

Zidane "This isn't..."
"...just a regular underground storage facility."

Dagger "What's going on?"

Zidane "(Shhh!)"

[Zidane walks a bit forward to eavesdrop on the discussion going on in the hut]

Man "Why is it moving...?"
"Is it true that the mayor's brother found it?"

Young Man "I guess they reconciled. His brother's one of us now."

Man "...wasn't he on the old lady's side before?"

Young Man "Oh, about abandoning the farm? He probably only said that because he was fighting with the mayor."
"Who cares? We need more workers anyway. Hey, let's put this in a box."

What is with the unimportant town politics dialogue? These subplots are never fully addressed or at least made into interesting side quests and are just handwaved away later, don't inject subplots in the first place if they are never going to be relevant again afterwards or just hand waved through later optional NPC dialogue.

Sure, the original FFVII had dropped subplots too, but the Remake is remedying these issues, which is what a IX Remake should follow with.

Man "I guess the guys at the castle will take care of it."

Dagger (The castle...!?)

Young Man "Yup. We're only in charge of production."

Dagger "!"

Young Man "Gotcha."

Dagger (The pattern on this barrel...)

Man "Come along, now."
"Hurry up!"

[The Man and the Young Man both exit the hut, along with Vivi]

Zidane "(Vivi!)"
"(That bastard!)"

Dagger "(Zidane! Wait!)"
[Grabs Zidane and drags him backwards]

Zidane "(Geez! Hey!)"

[Dagger and Zidane go off screen, as the two men move Vivi]

Vivi "..."

[Screen fades to black, then fades back in on Dagger and Zidane, back in the first screen]

Zidane "What is it!?"

Dagger "Did you see the large barrel next to the shed?"
"I've seen the exact same patten on some of the barrels at the castle."
"This place must have some kind of connection with Alexandria Castle."
"I must know what it is!"
"So please... I beg of you, don't cause any trouble just yet."

Why not? These guys are just farmers and mechanics, they aren't dangerous, plus being the princess of Alexandria you might be able to convince them that the Queen is planning something bad (she even says this to Cid afterwards about the mages), and it's not like they will be able to instantly inform the castle that Garnet is here, as there is no fast communication devices like phones here, plus keeping a low profile is pointless anyway as Zorn, Thorn and the other Black Waltzes already know your whereabouts, yet for some reason didn't attack during the night to take back Garnet while everyone else was sleeping.

Zidane "...Alright."
"But I will start trouble if Vivi is in danger."
"Agreed?"

Dagger "Sure."

Zidane "Alright, let's go. They went further inside."

[Zidane and Dagger run through a few screens, eventually coming to one where a loud noise is coming from a machine of some sort]

Skipping ahead again.

Vivi "After you left, some men kidnapped me and brought me here."
"They told me to stay put. I was so scared... I didn't know what to do."
"They asked me 'Why were you outside?' and then they said, 'The cargo ship isn't even here yet.'"
"I didn't know what they were talking about, so I didn't say anything, and then they said, 'Let's put it in today's shipment.'"

They weren't curious as to why you looked different from the other mages (as we will see in just a few minutes) or that you could talk?

Dagger "And they put you in that box?"

Vivi "...Yeah."

Zidane "Well, I'm glad you're safe."
"Listen, Vivi. You gotta do something next time."
"You should try - screaming back or whatever."

Vivi "Screaming...?"

Zidane "Yeah, like..."
"Get off me, you scumbag!"

Vivi "!"

Dagger (Scumbag?)

This "scumbag" talk is just going to lead to a lousy payoff with Garnet later.

Zidane "Like that! It surprises your attacker and empowers you!"

Yeah, it won't Zidane.

Vivi "Huh... I see."

Zidane "I need to ask you a favor, Vivi."
"We want to check out what's ahead."
"I know you might not be thrilled with the idea, but..."

Vivi "...Zidane, I wanna know more, too."
"Look... What is that thing?"

[They all look at the machine, which appears to be powered by Mist, and is pumping out what appears to be large pinkish-white rocks at 3 second intervals]

Zidane "Alright, we'll all go together!"

[Zidane runs towards the end of the screen. He stops in front of the machine]

Zidane "Is that... an egg?"
"Is this machine... making eggs?"
"This isn't a Mist engine, but there's Mist coming out of it..."

Why eggs? Why can't the Black Mages just come out of the machine with full bodies?

[Zidane runs to the next screen, where the eggs are being carried along a conveyor belt. The conveyor belt is being powered by a running chocobo]

Zidane "A chocobo and...gysahl green?"
"The chocobo is powering the conveyor belt..."
"Why don't they just use a machine to do it...?"

That is a good question that will never be answered.

[Zidane stops near the end of the screen and tries to look into an area where the conveyor belt goes]

Zidane "I can almost see inside..."
"...but I can't see anything. I just hear noise."
"Are the eggs... hatching?"

[Zidane runs to the next screen]

Vivi "Ahhh! What is this!?"

[Much to everyone's surprise, black mages, taller and larger than Vivi with a purple/black outfit, are attached to an upper conveyor belt, and are being carried around, like ties on a tie rack]

Zidane "They're..."
"Some parts are different, but..."
(...They look like Vivi.)

Vivi "Wh-What is this...?"
"Are they...dolls?"

Zidane "!"
"Someone's coming!"
"Vivi! Dagger!"

Dagger "Why...? Is my mother behind this...?"

No duh, Sherlock, did you miss all that talk about the castle, the Alexandrian symbol on the barrels? Actually, regarding what you said earlier, you SAW these barrels at the castle and the cargo ship dropping them off before running away from home, you never tried to at least sneak a peek inside one of them, or ASK your mother about those barrels before getting out of Alexandria? These are the plot contrivances and lazy writing that I am talking about, Garnet run away because she knew something was wrong, only for this detail to backtrack itself, and we will be seeing way more of these inconsistencies in Lindblum.

Zidane "This is the only way!"

Vivi "Ahh-h!"

Dagger "Ahhh! What are you doing, Zidane!?"

[Zidane grabs Dagger in one arm, and grabs a hold of Vivi with his other hand. The two of them hide in a small tunnel-like area that all the dolls pass through]

Dagger "Ahhh! ...Murf...! ...!"

Zidane "Sorry! But stay quiet!"

Why are you hiding? You could try and confront and ask what these mages are and what they are for. These guys are no danger, they are just workers, not soldiers. Actually, now that you mention it, why AREN'T there Alexandrian guards here in the factory?

Skipping ahead.

Steiner "Pardon me!"
"I must escort a person of high rank to the castle!"
"When will the cargo ship arrive?"

You've already blabbed out about the princess earlier, no point in trying to be more secretive now.

Morrid "Hmm... Looks good."
"I'm busy."

[Morrid walks off the screen]

Steiner "I shall persevere!"

[Steiner follows Morrid to his home]

Morrid "The smell of coffee relaxes me."
"How about a cup?"

Steiner "Oh, thank you."
[Drinks it]
"I am not here to drink coffee!"
"Tell me when the cargo ship will arrive, or else the Alexandrian royal family will appropriate this property!"

Morrid "And then what?"

Steiner "I order you to tell me when the cargo ship will arrive!"
"Tell meeeee!"

Morrid "You're not a very creative interrogator."

Steiner "I am just trying to do what is right!"

Morrid "Who decides right or wrong? You?"

Steiner "Anyone can tell right from wrong."

Morrid "Ha ha ha... Still as green as a pickle."

Steiner "When will the cargo ship arrive?"

Morrid "It's already here. They should be loading it now."

Steiner "Why couldn't you tell me sooner!?"
"Thank you!"

Thanks again for pointless dragged out scenes like this, writers.

[Steiner leaves the house, and runs to the next screen, where, sure enough, an airship is on the ground]

Steiner "Ah!"
"It is indeed the cargo ship!"
"Now I can take the princess back to the castle!"
"Now I must think of a way to get her on the ship..."
"Wha!?"
"There is something coming out of the ground!"

[The screen changes to show the farm area where Dagger and the Old Lady were before. A doorway leading from the underground is open, and a chocobo, carrying a carriage which is supporting a barrel, exits the doorway, while two people are standing around, untying the barrel and joining it with some of the others which are already out]

Man "I wonder what they're gonna use them for?"

Man "We've been making lots of 'em since they set up the factory six months ago."

Young Man "Who cares? This is a piece of cake compared to farming. Better money, too."

Man "..."
"H-Hey! Is that scary guy in armor running toward US!?"

Young Man "..."
"Let's get outta here!"

[The two men run away, shutting the doorway leading underground. Steiner runs up to the barrel they just took out]

See? They instantly bolt when Steiner shows up, don't see why Zidane felt they needed to hide from these guys.

Steiner "This barrel... What could be inside!?"
"What could they possibly be shipping out from this village?"

Did Steiner never see these barrels in Alexandria castle? Even Garnet, as she said just moments ago, saw them. Was Steiner never permitted to look inside them?

[The barrel shakes for a moment]

Steiner "What the - "
"Did I just see that barrel move?"
"Let's see..." [Choose between "Poke it with a sword" or "Observe it some more". There's no real difference, so, I'd choose the latter choice]

Steiner "I've seen this pattern somewhere before..."

You don't instantly recognize your own Alexandrian symbol?

[The barrel moves]

Steiner "Ah!"
"It's moving!"

Zidane "Alright! Give it another push!"

Steiner "Aaargh! The barrel spoke!"

[The barrel tips over, and Steiner exclaims "Gargh!". The next scene shows Steiner hopping up and down, armor rattling, while the barrel is gone and in its place stand Zidane, Dagger, and Vivi]

Steiner "Princess, what in the world is going on!?"
"You scoundrel! Is this your doing!?"

Dagger "Steiner, please!"

Steiner "Yes, your highness..."

Dagger "Zidane, I don't know what to say to Vivi. I never knew anything suspicious was going on at the castle..."

Are you freaking serious!? The entire reason you are running away from home and trying to get to Lindblum is because you KNOW SOMETHING IS GOING ON! Or it was until the game contradicts itself and Garnet gets flanderized.

Zidane "We still don't know for sure. Let's stay by Vivi's side."

"Don't know for sure"? The fact that those workers were clearly talking about Alexandria Castle, the barrels having the Alexandrian symbol, and Garnet clearly saying she saw those same barrels in the castle, aren't sure enough for you?

Steiner (This is not the time to panic...)
(I must get the princess onboard the cargo ship somehow)
(Then we can head back to Alexandria Castle.)

Zidane "Yo, Rusty, do you know where the airship's going?"

I'd think that would be painfully obvious, seeing as how everyone and their brother have already said that it's going to Alexandria Castle.

Steiner "..."
"...L-Lindblum. Yes, to Lindblum."

Zidane "That's convenient! Did you ask someone?"

Well, why the hell did you ask Steiner in the first place if you didn't think Steiner would know?

Steiner "Th-The old man in the shack told me! So it must be true!"

Zidane "You're acting strange..."

Again, no duh.

[Steiner says something, but it dissapears quickly, as another Black Waltz suddenly zips besides the characters and moves around erratically, catching them off guard]

Black Waltz No. 2 "Princess Garnet, the queen is waiting for you at the castle!"

Zidane "You were all sent by the castle!?"

Steiner "What? What are you talking about!?"

Zidane "You were all unconscious from the blizzard. He said he was a Black Waltz!"

Oh so NOW you bring that up. Great timing Zidane.

Black Waltz No. 2 "Are you the one who defeated No. 1? I am Black Waltz No. 2!"
"My power, magic, and speed make me far superior to No. 1! Resistance is futile!"
"Come, Princess. The queen awaits!"

Also, if the Black Waltzes are successively stronger, why didn't Zorn and Thorn just send in No. 3 first or all of them, as I pointed out earlier.

Dagger "No! I will not return to the castle."

Black Waltz No. 2 "Come with me, or you'll regret it!"

Steiner "Wait! I, Steiner, shall escort the princess back to the castle!"

Black Waltz No. 2 "Kee hee hee! You think I care?"
"I won't let you stand in the way of my mission!"

Black Waltz No. 2 "Princess, stay they while I kill the others!"

"Oh, okay, I'll just stand right over here while you kill my friends."

[Boss Battle, Black Waltz No. 2 vs. The group of four. He avoids attacking Dagger for the entire battle. At the end of the fight, No. 2 collapses on the ground, going "W-Why...!" before dying]

Dagger "Black Waltz No. 2..."
"Did my mother really send him to capture me...?"

Steiner "It can't be! There is no reason to trust the words of some bandit."
"He was just another criminal, scheming to use the princess for some evil deed."

"Bandit"? The fact that it looked so similar to Vivi and clearly wasn't human or any other anthropomorphic species says otherwise, also there is the fact that Zidane clearly stated there was a previous Black Waltz that also wanted to get the princess before you even got to Dali.

Also if you thought it was "just a bandit", why did you tell it to wait and say that you would be bringing the princess back to the castle?

Dagger "Have I not been careful enough?"

Well, when you stand around and talk about it (like now), someone is bound to get suspicious.

Also are you seriously actually taking Steiner's advice? The fact that said creature looks a lot like those black mages you saw that were clearly being shipped to Alexandria in barrels that you clearly saw in the castle isn't convincing enough that your mother was behind that Black Waltz?

Steiner "Your noble upbringing cannot be disguised so easily."

Zidane "That's not true at all. You haven't been watching. Dagger is trying really hard."
"You're the one with the problem! Walking around, yelling 'Princess!' everywhere..."

And yet you wanted to try the sneak Garnet past the border with the loud mouth Steiner accompanying you, great plan-out there Zidane.

[Zidane turns to Dagger, as Steiner shakes his hands...in other words, pissed off]

Zidane "Now, Dagger, about the border crossing..."

Dagger "Yes?"

Zidane "Why don't we hitch a ride on this airship?"

Dagger "Sure, Lindblum should not be terribly far by airship!"
"I mean... 'won't be too far.'"
"But why don't we get some rest before we go?"
[Choose between "Rest at the Inn" or "Depart Now". Neither one matters, because you have to depart eventually]

How can you rest back at the Inn when you took back Vivi and the villagers would clearly know you've been through the factory? Wouldn't going back to the Inn make the party confront the guy at the desk?

Actually if you do say "rest", you go back to the Inn and Innkeeper Hal is there in all his sliminess, and he's surprised to see Vivi with them, although he doesn't say anything. I think it's kind of funny how there's this big dastardly plot going on beneath the town and yet no one seems to notice (or mind) that there were strangers hanging around the cargo ship, or that Vivi is walking around again when he should be in a barrel. Apart from that one line, the dialogue with Innkeeper Hal is identical to the first time they met him, with Zidane angry at him for staring at Garnet, etc. Yet another item to put on the "Proof that the Game Designers were Lazy" list.

Zidane "Wait here while I ask the people inside if we can hitch a ride."

Steiner "I-I shall go ask them!"

Zidane "Oh, really. How come?"

Steiner "I-It is not for your benefit! I am only doing this for the princess!"

[Steiner runs off]

Dagger "Steiner... He was so adamant about going back to the castle before..."

Does it hurt to be that clueless?

Dagger "An airship full of barrels like the ones I saw at the castle... Steiner was against going..."
"Zidane, is this ship really headed for Lindblum?"

Well gee, maybe you should have just fully explained why you wanted to run away from home and get to Lindblum so that Steiner would stop trying to sabotage you guys at every turn and maybe treat this with more caution.

Zidane "No. It'll probably take us straight to Alexandria Castle."

Dagger "But why...? Didn't you just say we should get on the ship?"

Zidane "Yeah, I know. Trust me!"

Vivi "...Zidane."

Zidane "What is it, Vivi?"

Vivi "Those dolls they were making underground..."
"Did you think they look like me?"
[Choose between "Yes" or "Not really".]

Zidane "Not really. They're just dolls, Vivi."

What about the Black Waltzes that clearly also look like the mages and Vivi?

[The airship's engine starts to power up, as its propellors begin to move]

Zidane "It's moving."
"What the heck is Steiner up to?"
"Alright, we have to get on, Dagger."

Dagger "On a ship that's not going to Lindblum!?"

Zidane "I don't have time to explain."

Does Dagger seriously not get that Zidane can just take control of the ship and steer it to Lindblum? How dense are you?

[Zidane runs towards the airship, waves to Dagger, and runs off. The next scene, Zidane is in front of the ladder going onto the airship]

Zidane "This way!"

[Vivi walks up to him, jumps onto the ladder, and climbs up. Zidane turns to Dagger]

Zidane "Hurry up!"
[Dagger shakes her head]
"You have nothing to worry about. Hurry, before she takes off!"

Dagger "But..."

Zidane "I'll take you to Lindblum. I promise!"

[Zidane runs behind Dagger and pushes her onto the ladder]

Dagger "Fine, I'll get on!"

Zidane "It's taking off!"

(As Dagger climbs up the ladder, Zidane jumps on as well, lifting his hand and...well, touching her butt)

Zidane "Ooo, soft..."

Dagger "Aaah!"

A notable scene, but unfortunately it leads to annoying bickering in the next moment, the start of it actually.

[FMV. The airship takes off into the air and flies away from Dali. The scene resumes with Dagger, Zidane, and Vivi standing on the edge of the airship]

Zidane "Come on, it's not like I did it on purpose."

Dagger "Please, enough."

Zidane "There's that royal tone in your voice again."
[Turns to Vivi]
"...Are you okay, Vivi?"

Vivi "Feels like I'm going to get sucked into the sky..."

Dagger "Let's go inside, Vivi."

[Dagger and Vivi go into the airship via the door]

Dagger "I trust you, Zidane."
[Dagger goes into the airship]

Zidane "I get the feeling she doesn't quite trust me yet..."
"Maybe she'll reward me with a kiss or two if I try hard enough."

You know, in other romance games and anime, when there are accidental groping scenes, the girl (or boy) either acknowledges it was an accident and doesn't get huffy and make a big deal about it, has some cute embarrassed reactions (even secretly enjoying the grouping), or at least has funny over reactions and "PERVERT! *Slap*" but then quickly apologizing, leading to some wholesome, cute and charming scenes.

This had none of that and is just the start of Zidane and Garnet's annoying bickering and constant huffing. How the scene SHOULD have gone was: Zidane accidentally grabs Garnet's nice soft derrière, instead of the typical obnoxious disapproving banter, Zidane and Garnet have cute, embarrassed, blushing reactions and funny attempts at apologizing and secretly attractive thoughts (actually giving Garnet a personality) and Garnet ends up doing the same such as grabbing Zidane's tail and ass and seeing him shirtless later. But no, rather than actually developing and having a focused love story, like the game pretends it to be, we will just continue to get forced, thrown in moments that are then quickly forgotten, bullshit bickering/huffing and "will they, won't they" nonsense, and worst of all, abandoning.

Skipping ahead

There is also this brief optional scene where you can inspect what looks like a treasure chest only for Zidane to say it's actually part of the ship. What is this part, tell me? What is it called? Why is it needed there? Why didn't the developers just cut it out entirely?

Also this line:

Vivi "I tried…again and again…but…they won't even turn around,"

He acts like he's been trying for hours, but only a minute has passed since he first went inside the ship.

[Zidane heads up a ladder to the main deck]

Zidane "..."

[Steiner is on the ground]

Steiner "How could this happen...? What am I to do...? I never expected things to go so badly..."
"I cannot believe the ship took off without the princess! What will I say to Queen Brahne...?"

Zidane "What the heck were you doing? You almost took off without us!"

Steiner "That is because... this ship's crew..."

[Stands up]
"Why, you...! Where is the princess!?"

You couldn't simply take control of the ship from the mage at the wheel? It's not like they would object.

Zidane "In the engine room."

Steiner "She is on the ship!?"
[Zidane nods]
"All is well, now. This ship is returning to the castle."
"You will be hanged for the kidnapping of a member of the royal family! Enjoy your freedom while you can."

[Zidane runs to the bridge of the airship]

Steiner "At last! Queen Brahne is sure to be pleased."
"However...the princess would have been left behind without the thief's aid."
"I shall petition for a life sentence on his behalf. Yes, that would be the honorable thing!"
"But that was because the crew wouldn't listen! I must run a background check on them."
"Ah, yes. It is my duty as a knight!"
[The airship begins to shake and rattle]
"Wh-What the - !"

We get it, Steiner is insecure and compensating, you can stop hammering it in, Sakaguchi and writers, good lord.

[FMV. The airship turns 180° and heads in the opposite direction, in other words, towards Lindblum. Meanwhile, in the distance, a Black Waltz stands up, spreading its wings, as the sound of lightning is heard]

[Back on the airship, Zidane is behind the wheel, spinning it around, while a Black Mage stands there dumbfoundedly, simply saying "..."]

Steiner "Y-Y-Y"

Zidane "What's wrong? Something stuck in your throat?"

Steiner "Y-You insolent fool!"
"Turn the ship around!"

[Steiner tries to hit Zidane, but he moves out of the way each time Steiner takes a swing]

Steiner "I will have your head for that!"

[2 more Black Mages enter the room]

Zidane "Hey, I think we upset them."

Steiner "But they didn't respond to anything until now..."

Then why didn't you take control of the ship to prevent it from taking off too early?

Steiner "You're the one who started this trouble!"
[Steiner faces the Black Mages]
"I apologize!"
"Please wait while I take this fool into custody and turn this ship around."
[The Black Mages walk out of the room, towards the front of the airship's deck]
"Wh-What's wrong?"

[Meanwhile, at the front of the deck, Dagger and Vivi are talking. Dagger walks off the screen, and Vivi follows a few seconds later. Black Waltz No. 3 swoops down, landing. Vivi exclaims "Nooo!" only to be hit by a quick lightning bolt from No. 3.]

How did Garnet and Vivi get here, weren't they inside the ship before? What made them suddenly come up here on the top deck?

Dagger "Vivi!"
"Are you okay!?"

Black Waltz No. 3 "So, No. 2 was defeated by a small child! You are no match against my power!"
"Kwahahaha! Princess, stay there while I eliminate this child!"

Well maybe all three of you should have just attacked together instead of this "one at a time" bullshit. Also what makes you think the princess will just stay idle while you do that?

[The Black Mages all walk in front of Vivi]

Black Waltz No. 3 "Are you protecting him?"
"...Nonsense. You are no different from mindless dolls! What can you do?"

[Dagger drags Vivi off the screen]

Black Waltz No. 3 "Get out of my way! Do you dare to fight a Black Waltz?"
"I said, get out of my way!"

[Black Waltz fires a lightning blot, blasting one Black Mage away]

[FMV. Black Waltz No. 3 is firing lightning bolts left and right. Black Mages are being hit and killed. A bunch of them are flying off the airship. Barrels of Black Mages are flying off, exploding in mid-air, as pieces of wood fly about. Vivi looks on in horror and sorrow, as Dagger comforts him. Zidane, Dagger, Vivi and Steiner then look forward at the villainous Black Waltz No. 3, arms crossed and eyes glowing red]

This is a sad scene, but what makes it worse is that this will all be rendered completely worthless by Garnet later when she runs back home like an idiot.

Steiner "Wh-What cruelty!"

Vivi "...Aaahhh!"
[Runs out of the bridge to Black Waltz No. 3's direction]

Steiner "Master Vivi, I shall assist you!"
[Follows Vivi]

Zidane "Hey, you guys!"
"Dagger!"

Dagger "Y-Yes?"

Zidane "We'll take care of the Black Waltz. You steer the ship."
"Things are gonna get even more dangerous from here on. It's not too late to turn back."

"Thanks Zidane, because I was actually planning on crashing the ship until you said that."

Zidane
"You can go back to the castle or cross South Gate into Lindblum. It's your choice!"

Seriously Zidane? You risked a lot for Garnet to get her out of the castle and to Lindblum and now you are saying to potentially make that all pointless? There is no choice here. It's an ultimatum.

[Dagger nods]

Zidane "I'll be with you either way!

You won't next chapter.

But try not to crash the ship!"

[Dagger nods again. Zidane leaves the room to join up with Steiner and Vivi. As he leaves, Dagger shouts "Be careful, Zidane!" and he replies with "I'll be fine!"]

Skipping ahead.

[Boss Battle vs. Black Waltz No. 3 begin. At the end of the battle, it's on its hands and knees, defeated]

Black Waltz No. 3 "Yo... You scum...!"
"I exist only to kill!"
[It flies away]

Steiner "Just how many Black Waltzes do we have to fight!? This is becoming ridiculous!"

Zidane "I think that was the last one."

Steiner "How do you know!? Are you...!?"

Zidane "He said 'Waltz,' right? Don't you think No. 3 would be the last one?"

SHERLOCK, BELOW.

Steiner "?"

Zidane (I can see South Gate... She's gonna go for it!)

[Zidane walks back to the bridge, as Vivi looks at one of the Black Mage's hat, sitting on the edge of the airship. The scene changes to Zorn and Thorn, on a small airplane-type airship, looking at the airship battle]

Zorn "Did you see that?"

Thorn "That, I did see!"

Zorn "Our enhanced black mages!"

Thorn "Our black mage enhancements!"

Zorn "All defeated!"

Thorn "Betrayed us, Steiner did! It is all his fault!"

Or maybe if you had sent them all at once, ALONG with you two who could cast Meteor, instead of you two watching from a distance for no reason. you might have had more luck. But apparently the "Evil Dude Rulebook" states that all weapons must be used in ascending order of power, and the Most Evil of All Ultimate Evil Devices can only be used after everything else has failed.

That and also not having backup with a bunch of Alexandrian soldiers or Beatrix, seriously why aren't there any knights along with the Red Rose airship here? Zorn and Thorn obviously must have reported where Garnet and her kidnappers were back at the castle, yet Beatrix isn't showing up, that's actually another problem, in chapter 1 in Alexandria, we don't see Beatrix's reaction to Garnet getting "kidnapped" and doesn't seem to be that concerned about her or questions why the Queen is sending a bunch of dangerous creatures after here that can easily cause collateral damage, I will be talking more about that when we do get to Beatrix and her poorly written BS and god modding.

Zorn
[Stands up, looking ahead and letting go of the steering wheel]
"Huh?"

Thorn
"Unstable, the ship becomes! Don't let go of the steering wheel!"

Zorn
"No. 3 is coming back!"

Thorn
"True is it!? Hurray!"

Zorn
"But something is wrong..."
"It's broken!"

Thorn
"Made its magic too powerful, we did!"

Um…didn't they just say that the Black Waltzes were not powerful enough?

Zorn
"There's nothing we can do now!"
"We shall depart!"

Thorn
"Depart shall we!"

Zorn & Thorn
"Run away!"

[They jump out, using their Jester-outfits as makeshift parachutes. Black Waltz No. 3 soars into the small aircraft and takes control of it]

Black Waltz No. 3 "I exist only to kill! I exist only to kill! I exist only to kill! I exist only to kill...!"

Real subtle. Get used to this kind of dialogue. Still not as repetitive as Adelbert, though.

Skip.

[FMV sequence. The airship makes its way to the South gate, being controlled by Dagger. Vivi continues to look at the hat of one of the black mages, as the Black Waltz flies by. Its airship approaches Vivi's location, as the hat flies off the edge. The Black Waltz powers up for a lightning attack, but Vivi counters with a big fire blast, knocking the Black Waltz and his ship for a wallop. Vivi falls down, and Zidane runs over to help him out. The Black Waltz's ship stops spinning, recovers, and resumes following the airship. As the airship enters South Gate, its doors begin to close. Vivi slips, falling over the edge, but his hand is grabbed by Zidane and he holds on tight. The Black Waltz, near Vivi and Zidane, charges up for another attack, a ball of blue lightning forming in his hand, until suddenly, due to the lightning, a small fire breaks out of his aircraft. Moments later, it explodes, spinning and exploding inside South Gate, as the airship makes its way out, and the gate closes]

Okay Garnet managed to steer an airship through a closing gate, plus what she already did in chapter 1 like jumping off the castle, planning her own kidnapping and improvising in the play, yet she doesn't know what crops are, and her naïvety will reach ridiculous levels next chapter.

[Next scene, on the World Map: the airship flies through the air, from South Gate to Lindblum. Once it reaches Lindblum, the scene resumes inside the bridge of the airship, with Dagger controlling it, Vivi near the doorway looking sad, Steiner slouching, and Zidane kneeling, looking at the engine]

Zidane "I think we pushed it a little too hard."
"Why so silent, people?"
"We made it! Come on, cheer up!"

Dagger "South Gate was badly damaged..."
"It was my fault, wasn't it...?"

And here we go with the annoying "Garnet constantly whines about herself" bits. The gate wasn't even that badly damaged, stop exaggerating.

Zidane "Don't worry about it! They'll fix it up in no time."

Steiner "You idiot!"
"The cargo ship was wrecked, we lost all the cargo, and South Gate was destroyed!"
"I can't believe I played a part in this debacle!"

Dagger "Steiner."

Steiner "Yes, Princess!"

Dagger "I didn't mean to get you involved... But you saved us."
"I thank you."

No he didn't, he kept trying to sabotage your attempts to get to Lindblum, stop the shilling.

Steiner "Such kind words! I am not worthy!"
"Well, now I've made up my mind!"
"I vow to protect you, Princess, until we return to the castle!"

No, that's Zidane's job.

Zidane "How do you feel about that, Dagger? He'll follow you to the end of the world."

Oh joy, don't you have anything better to say Zidane? Shouldn't you be just a tad bit more annoyed since Steiner keeps getting in the way of your love story with Garnet?

Dagger "It's okay, Zidane."
"Hey, I can see the main gate of Lindblum!"

Steiner "That's Lindblum Castle!? How gigantic...!"

Dagger "The city of Lindblum is inside the castle."

Zidane (I guess Dagger and I will go our seperate ways once we reach Lindblum...)

Uh no, you can still stay by Garnet's side, seriously what is up with you? You literally left tantalus to save her and be with her and now you are back peddling? So much for commitment.

Of course Zidane's statement is ironically foreshadowing the stupidity that will happen at the end of Lindblum.

Steiner "I see..."

Zidane (Just when we were beginning to get close...)

Again, you can just say screw it and stick to Garnet, nothing is stopping you.

Vivi "...Zidane."
"Those...black mages and I..."
"Are we...the same...?"

Zidane "..."

Dagger "..."

Steiner "I don't understand, Master Vivi."
"Just what seems to be the problem...?"

Vivi "...I don't know."

Steiner "Master Vivi, why would those mages be the same as you?"
"And why would it matter if they were...?"

Zidane "Rusty's right!"

Steiner "!"

Zidane "You're an individual, no matter what happens, Vivi!"

How do you know that Zidane? You know nothing about what Vivi actually is.
All you do is make cheap pep talk and one liners, sounding like an afterschool special on self-esteem. This is why Zidane is generic and cliché.

Vivi "R-Right!"

Zidane "Let's go out to the deck, Vivi!"

Vivi "Why?"

Zidane "You've gotta see Lindblum from above! It's the best!"
"Look, the Falcon's Gate is right in front of us!"

You aren't going to ask Garnet instead?

Chapter 3 End

---

Author notes: Welp, that's Ice Cavern and Dali done now. As I said at the start, IX starts out fine, the beginning bits of IX are mostly okay, I've made some nitpicks here and there, but trust me, next chapter is Lindblum and the ending part of it is where the game really goes downhill into a train wreck… buckle up folks, it's going to be a messy ride.

 

[Makoeyes987]

seriously I expected some quality discussion here, but all I got were hostile commenters that are too blinded by their rose-coloured nostalgia glasses of IX to see the points.

I mean, you get what you give.

Seriously, maybe you should think about what your premise is and why it's received the response it has. It's laughably mean-spirited, shallow and frankly, unnecessary. It's a screed.

"The crystal comes back."

"UH, NO IT DIDN'T."

Like, who cares this much about a tagline?

And you can dismiss this criticism and other's here as coming from our "nostalgia glasses" but if the only common denominator is you and your work, what does that really say?

You are the perfect example of why a lot of people find FF fans so odious and obnoxious. I hope you change and grow as a person.

 

[Kai Schulen]

It’s bad writing and inconsistent if they are called “infamous” as in everyone knows them as thieves,

As I said before: The Tantalus Theater Troupe, to the public, is known as a famous acting group. Again, no one in Lindblum has made the connection that the Tantalus Theater Troupe are thieves. Because they're famous for their performances. The heists they have performed are also famous, but no one knows that it was the Tantalus Theater Troupe that is committing said heists.

It is not bad and inconsistent writing if you are the one who can't understand that people can both be a thief and an actor and that the Tantalus Theater Troupe are successful at both.

Also, I'm not going to read the rest of your review. You can copy and paste as much of your review as much as you want in your next replies to me but you will never make me read it. It's clear from this "style" of "writing" that 90% of everything in your "critique" is going to be a waste of my time as I wonder when you will finally get to the point as you rant and rave about things that most people do not find to be a flaw.

Maybe this style of "critique" where you whine about everything in IX would work better if you were mildly entertaining as a writer or if it was presented in a different medium so that it feels less of a chore to sit through and read. But as it stands, who wants to read through 192,000+ words and 29 chapters of you nitpicking the most ridiculous things, and more importantly, what do you hope your readers would get from this slogging through all of this? Enlightenment? Entertainment? What were you hoping to get from posting this mess? Accolades? Acknowledgement of your brilliance? Fame? I'm sorry to say that no reader will gain anything of value from trying to read your "review" and I'm also sorry to say that you won't get anyone lauding you as a misunderstood genius of this generation.

TL;DR.

And before you accuse me of being blinded by IX Nostalgia, just know that my top 3 favorite FFs are Tactics, VII and VIII.

One last thing

First off, READ MY WHOLE FIC

So your review is a fanfic now, is it? Uh huh.

 

[Rankles]

I appreciate the amount of time and effort you’ve put into this OP, just don’t get angry or defensive when the vast majority of people disagree completely with you. Nobody’s saying you HAVE to like FFIX, but it is one of the most popular games in the series so you’re not going to get much support here.

Also, if you want to put forward a thesis on everything that’s wrong with FFVIII, you would have my full backing…

 

[ForceStealer]

and how [Beatrix] is responsible for war crimes

Yes that's the whole crux of her arc.

(Also surprised that you made no mention of the final boss or Freya’s and Fratley’s subplot being wasted)

Because I would label those both flaws, but not "significant" ones.

Because she's just. Stupid.

"Sheltered princess is naive" is hardly an uncommon (or unrealistic) premise. And the story's not really about her anyway, it's Zidane's.

And unlike FFVIII, there was no voice of reason telling her she was being stupid, selfish child that needed to grow the hell up.

lol wait, we're criticizing IX's characterizations by way of FF VIII? The game were an ostensible special forces agent skilled enough to teach others abandons her post in the middle of a mission to apologize to someone? Who later browbeat their special forces comrade because he's not abandoning his post to go rescue the girl whom they are perfectly capable of rescuing themselves, but they want him to do it because it would be ~ w o m a n t i c ~? That FF8?

Zidane and Garnet are not my favorite characters in the series, and I even think Tidus and Yuna represent a superior love story. But IX's writing runs circles around VIII's. To say that Garnet is "by far the most horribly written character in the series" is absurd on its face and is why it's clear to everyone you just have an axe to grind and are not going to take your points seriously. To then demand that they read TWENTY-NINE CHAPTERS of criticisms of that caliber while expecting to treat your position in good faith is presumptuous to say the least.

 

[NC1234567]

I mean, you get what you give.

Seriously, maybe you should think about what your premise is and why it's received the response it has. It's laughably mean-spirited, shallow and frankly, unnecessary. It's a screed.

"The crystal comes back."

"UH, NO IT DIDN'T."

Like, who cares this much about a tagline?

And you can dismiss this criticism and other's here as coming from our "nostalgia glasses" but if the only common denominator is you and your work, what does that really say?

You are the perfect example of why a lot of people find FF fans so odious and obnoxious. I hope you change and grow as a person.

No, people find FF Fans to be odious and obnoxious because of guys like you who can’t take criticism and properly analyze it. I’m not the one that needs to change.

And who says I’m the only “common denominator” here? I’m pretty sure lot’s of other players disliked IX, but aren so open about it because they are afraid of being flamed by commenters like you who won‘t even listen to their full arguments, just like how most of the commenters in my thread aren’t even bothering to read all the chapters of my review that covers the whole game. That’s not very professional to not listen to the whole argument.

Here is another person who criticized IX: https://www-finalfantasywhatever-co..._sl=ru&_x_tr_tl=en&_x_tr_hl=en&_x_tr_sch=http

I mean did you honestly think joining an FF forum with the sole purpose of shitting on an FF game was gonna attract like minded individuals?

29 pages of ranting is less "I don't like this" and more "I need professional help due to the fact a VIDEOGAME has triggered me so"

Do people really not get that the reason it is so long is because it is a COMMENTARY with the game script? Of course it is going to be long because it is covering the ENTIRE GAME, how do you not get that?

I am not just “shitting” on FFIX, it’s constructive criticism, stop making ad hominem attacks, I want IX’s issues to be fixed and improved on, like the VII Remake did with the Midgar Segment (let’s leave the whispers out of this), I’m trying to draw more attention to problems like Garnet’s stupidity and the poorly done love story, so that, hopefully, the upcoming IX cartoon, and a potential IX remak will change these things.

 

[NC1234567]

As I said before: The Tantalus Theater Troupe, to the public, is known as a famous acting group. Again, no one in Lindblum has made the connection that the Tantalus Theater Troupe are thieves. Because they're famous for their performances. The heists they have performed are also famous, but no one knows that it was the Tantalus Theater Troupe that is committing said heists.

It is not bad and inconsistent writing if you are the one who can't understand that people can both be a thief and an actor and that the Tantalus Theater Troupe are successful at both.

Also, I'm not going to read the rest of your review. You can copy and paste as much of your review as much as you want in your next replies to me but you will never make me read it. It's clear from this "style" of "writing" that 90% of everything in your "critique" is going to be a waste of my time as I wonder when you will finally get to the point as you rant and rave about things that most people do not find to be a flaw.

Maybe this style of "critique" where you whine about everything in IX would work better if you were mildly entertaining as a writer or if it was presented in a different medium so that it feels less of a chore to sit through and read. But as it stands, who wants to read through 192,000+ words and 29 chapters of you nitpicking the most ridiculous things, and more importantly, what do you hope your readers would get from this slogging through all of this? Enlightenment? Entertainment? What were you hoping to get from posting this mess? Accolades? Acknowledgement of your brilliance? Fame? I'm sorry to say that no reader will gain anything of value from trying to read your "review" and I'm also sorry to say that you won't get anyone lauding you as a misunderstood genius of this generation.

TL;DR.

And before you accuse me of being blinded by IX Nostalgia, just know that my top 3 favorite FFs are Tactics, VII and VIII.

One last thing



So your review is a fanfic now, is it? Uh huh.

I’m doing this because I’m trying to draw more attention to problems like Garnet’s stupidity and the poorly done love story, so that, hopefully, the upcoming IX cartoon, and a potential IX remak will change these things.

If that line about Tantalus triggers you that much, I will remove it, don’t let it be said that I never listen to feedback. That one wasn’t even originally my own typed out words anyways, they were from “Video Game Recaps”: http://videogamerecaps.com/beta/recaps/ff9-part1/2/
I just copied and pasted it because I agreed with it until you said your thing.

What else do you want me to call my review commentary? Calling it a “fic” isn’t going to change that, I called it that because it’s on FF.Net, I usually call it a REVIEW fic. Funny how people here claim I’m the troll when you cherry pick everything I say. Just so you know, I have autism.

“But as it stands, who wants to read through 192,000+ words and 29 chapters of you nitpicking the most ridiculous things”

Several people actually, it even has three faves and follows on FF.Net, and it has several “Kudos” on AO3.

“Also, I'm not going to read the rest of your review. You can copy and paste as much of your review as much as you want in your next replies to me but you will never make me read it. It's clear from this "style" of "writing" that 90% of everything in your "critique" is going to be a waste of my time as I wonder when you will finally get to the point as you rant and rave about things that most people do not find to be a flaw.”

Then you have no right to criticize me if you aren’t even going to hear the full argument and point just because you are judging this based on the first chapter, where I admit the game started out decently, just chill already.

I appreciate the amount of time and effort you’ve put into this OP, just don’t get angry or defensive when the vast majority of people disagree completely with you. Nobody’s saying you HAVE to like FFIX, but it is one of the most popular games in the series so you’re not going to get much support here.

Also, if you want to put forward a thesis on everything that’s wrong with FFVIII, you would have my full backing…

Yeah well that popularity is undeserved, IX is overrated. I am going to get angry and defensive because barely anyone here is even bothering to read the whole thing and not just the first chapter and then flaming me.

Oh so you are a VIII hater, I won’t deny that VIII has problems, but it was still more decent than IX.

 

[NC1234567]

Yes that's the whole crux of her arc.

And Beatrix’s arc is poorly done, did you not read my previous comments on Beatrix?
Stop trying to justify things from what is clearly a poorly written version of Cecil and Celes. Cecil’s arc was way better done, with Cecil at the beginning of the game you were shown the conflict with him and the red wings with them debating if they should really do those actions, and when actually attacking Mysidia, actually showed hesitation and afterwards immediate remorse, there was actual build up, and unlike Beatrix, didn't act like a total jerk wad or brainwashed tool when doing it (I don't judge a person based solely on their actions but also largely on their attitude and motives, which is what I think all people should do), with Beatrix there is no build up, the scene on the Red Rose with her post-Cleyra I felt was a complete ass pull, then bam! Suddenly when you're back in Alexandria, she's her jerkwad self again, then afterwards as this one person put it "through the span of three dialogue boxes, changes from a cold blooded war mongerer to a loyal companion"? Yeah, no, that's not how it works, it's really dumb.

Plus as Garnet's "protector" she's really bad at it, she didn't show any concern when Garnet was shot down on the Prima Vista, nor did she question why Brahne wasn't sending her to "rescue" Garnet (which you would think she would try to do ASAP) but rather seemed more interested in waging war and instead sending murderous creatures after her that would do more harm than good and cause a lot of collateral damage, Beatrix didn't mention or ask about Garnet's safety or whereabouts when encountered in Burmecia, even though she should clearly be able to recognize some of the party as the people from Tantalas that "Kidnapped" Garnet.

Only after Cleyra does she ask about Garnet, even though you think she would immediately return to Alexandria to check up on Garnet's welfare rather than be focusing on waging war with innocent Burmecians and Cleyrians, even back in Alexandria she didn't notice that Garnet was in the room until she was literally pointed out to Beatrix (after forcing you into a pointless battle that did nothing but flaunt her god mode status).

Not only that, but apparently she was amongst the people who didn't believe Garnet when she said her mom was going crazy and starting a war, even though Beatrix was clearly taking part in this and no doubt had briefings from Brahne on said subject, so she had to know that Garnet was on to something, all this makes it REALLY hard to sympathize with Beatrix, and that’s not even getting into her God-Modding.

Because I would label those both flaws, but not "significant" ones.

I think they are pretty significant when Freya is a main character, what bothered me in IX and not VIII was that VIII didn't pretend it was going to do full character arcs. Squall and Rinoa are in the logo, for crying out loud. They dominate the box art and the promotional material. The supporting characters in VIII are essentially Flat - but they're still rounded out with personalities and simple sub plots. It's not a crime to have a cast of characters that don't need to have huge subplots so long as they're given some life in the plot.

FFIX makes a big deal out of showing the entire cast, setting up elaborate subplots, then dropping every one of them to just focus on Garnet. Eventually Vivi and Zidane get some camera time, but she overwhelms the game. And since she's such a rubbish character, I found it obnoxious as hell."Sheltered princess is naive" is hardly an uncommon (or unrealistic) premise. And the story's not really about her anyway, it's Zidane's.

"Sheltered princess is naive" is hardly an uncommon (or unrealistic) premise. And the story's not really about her anyway, it's Zidane's.

It’s about both her AND Zidane, except that their love story is poorly done.

It’s really cliché premise and it’s unrealistic for Garnet because: One) She is supposed to be highly educated and intelligent, What drives me nuts is up until that point, Garnet could have had potential to not suck. At the start of the game, she brilliantly works out an escape plan and improvises a way out on a dime. If that was the Garnet we got for the rest of the game instead of the girl that doesn't know what knives are and thinks evil megalomaniacs can be reasoned with by returning without anyone to back her up, I would have loved her. Instead she devolves into a really clichéd naive princess stereotype and just never recovers.

Two) She is actually from the Summoner Village of Madain Sari, I explain this a bit in chapter seven: Treno:

“Okay I know that Garnet is supposed to be just a child in this flashback, but Garnet is actually from a whole other continent, from Madain Sari, which she left when she was six (and keep in mind that Eiko is that same age) yet she thinks that the castle is "the whole world?".

Yes, she has amnesia (the dumb inconvenience kind), but her subconscious should be triggered by discussions like this, she has repeated dreams of when she left Madain Sari when it was being devastated like we see in the game's opening, she even subconsciously knows the "Melodies of Life" song that she sings repeatedly like we saw in Lindblum and Dali. Yet nothing about this discussion of the globe and places outside the castle is triggering anything in Garnet's mind?”

Here is the whole chapter:

Chapter 7: Disk 2.1 - Treno

Recap of Disk 1: The story starts out okay, along with the love story… "somewhat", but it all goes to shit at the end of Lindblum and now we've got a stupid "return to back to the Alexandria that we just escaped from" plot with the dumb Garnet, and a unsympathetic and God-Modding Beatrix.

[Screen shows the South Gate entrance, and the Short and Tall Guard we saw in Disc 1]

Tall Guard "There's been a lot of trouble lately."

Short Guard "Oh, you mean about Burmecia?" "I heard they were attacked by an army of soldiers wearing pointy hats." "I wanna go fight on the frontline. Instead, I'm rotting away in this stinkin' place."

Tall Guard "Really? I don't like wars. Why would someone start a war ...?" "That guy who passed through here with the huge bag... Did he look suspicious to you?"

Do these guys really not know it was Brahne? Even random civilian NPCs know something is up with Brahne, remember the one in Lindblum that talked with Steiner?

Short Guard "No... I don't think so."

Tall Guard "But weren't you the one who thought he was suspicious?"

Short Guard "You know me! I'm always like that." "I'm telling you, people who eat pickles are nice people." "I envy him. Gysahl pickles are the only pickles I can't eat."

Tall Guard "...You're really confusing, you know that?"

Short Guard "I know... Why do you think I ended up here?"

What was the point of this scene? Did we really need another scene with these two randoms that are repeating stuff we already know? It also repeatedly shows that Cid is incompetent when giving out info that could have made these two guards better recognize and stop Steiner from going through and screwing everyone over.

[Screen changes to show Dagger sitting in the cable car from Disc 1, eyes closed. Steiner walks up to her]

Steiner "The conductor said we'll be arriving at the Summit Station soon." "Prin..." 'Ahem... Miss Dagger?" "She's sleeping..." (The princess believes what she heard about Queen Brahne.) (Queen Brahne would never start a war... It's all a misunderstanding. She will see that when she talks to the queen.) (...I need not concern myself with such matters. My only mission is to protect the princess.)

Yeah suuuuuuure, if Garnet really did believe what she heard about her mother, she wouldn't be running home like a moron and "trying to to talk to her", which again, is something a daughter would do first, before running away from home.

Conductor "Summit Station! Summit Station!"

[The cable car stops. Dagger and Steiner exit it]

Dagger "Thank you very much."

Conductor "Take care." "You'll have to wait a while until the car to Alexandria arrives."

Dagger "How long will it be?"

Conductor "It arrives when this car returns to Bohden Station, so..." "...about as long as you just spent in the car." "Why don't you go wait in the rest area up ahead?"

Dagger "Okay." "What's wrong, Steiner?"

Steiner "P-Princess..."

Dagger "Hey, what did I say about-"

Steiner "It's Alexandria! We're finally home!"

Dagger "Really...?"

"YAY! We're back in the danger we just tried to escape from, rendering all of Zidane's efforts to get you out of there and into Lindblum and the deaths of all those Black Mages on the cargo ship when confronting Black Waltz 3 completely pointless, all because my inconsistent ass pulled a 180 mood switch!"

[Dagger and Steiner run to the end of the screen, where they can see as far as the horizon, which is all Alexandrian territory]

Dagger "We're home...!" "But I still can't see the castle."

Steiner "Princess, Alexandria may only mean the castle to you, but..."

Dagger "Hey, are you making fun of me for being naive?"

Well you should be made fun of for your ridiculous and implausible naivety.

Steiner "N-No, I'm not..."

Dagger "It's okay. Let's go."

[Dagger and Steiner enter the Rest Stop building]

Skipping ahead to meeting the rest of Tantalus.

Steiner "Scoundrels!"

Dagger "?"

Steiner "Are you here to kidnap the princess again!?"

Well that would prevent the first "kidnapping" from being entirely pointless.

Skipping a few lines.

[Dagger approaches Marcus]

Dagger "You're Marcus, right? What are you doing here?"

Marcus "Princess!? What are YOU doing here?"

Cinna "Hey, check it out! It's the princess."

Marcus "When we escaped from Evil Forest..."

Steiner "Princess! You shouldn't waste your breath on criminals!"

[Dagger approaches Steiner]

Steiner "Princess...!"

Dagger "Steiner! That's enough!"

Steiner "Wh-Wha...!?"

Dagger "Can't I even talk to my friends?"

I'd hardly consider you friends with them considering you drugged and abandoned their brother, making all of their efforts to get you out of Alexandria useless, and leaving said brother to a dangerous war zone with no healer, despite everything he did for you, over your crazy mommy issues and even having the gals to say you don't care about him.

Steiner "Friends!? But they're..."

Dagger "Adelbert Steiner!"

Steiner "Yes, Prin - ma'am!"

Cinna "He's bein' scolded."

Marcus "How embarrassing."

The one who should be scolded way more is Garnet, but that will never happen. Skipping ahead.

[Dagger and Steiner join Cinna and Marcus at the cable car]

Cinna "Good luck!"

Marcus "Yeah. I'll save our bro!"

Dagger "...Bro?"

[Dagger and Steiner enter the cable car]

Conductor "Now departing."

Dagger "Why are you going to Treno, Marcus?"

Marcus "To save our brother."

Dagger "Who?"

Marcus "There's only one man I call 'Bro.' That's Blank." "We've been gathering info to cure his petrification." "We finally learned about an item called Supersoft that cures all forms of petrification."

How did you find this out exactly? And why does it have to be "super" soft? Why can't it be regular soft?

And again, how did you even know about Blank's petrification to begin with? I refer the readers to what I said back in the Lindblum chapter when the ATE showed Tantalus talking about this.

Dagger "What about Cinna?"

Marcus "Cinna's going to the Tantalus hideout in Lindblum to tell the others."

What others? We see Baku later and he is in South Gate as well, and we don't see any other Tantalus members when we go back to Lindblum on Disk 2.

Also how did Tantalus and Zidane not meet up back in Lindblum at that point back then when they got Garnet there?

Dagger "I see..."

Marcus "It's my turn for questions."

Dagger "Yes?"

Marcus "Where's Zidane?"

Dagger "We seperated in Lindblum."

Marcus "Got rid of him as soon as he got you to Lindblum, huh?"

This is the most we are going to get on Dagger being chewed out for any of this.

Dagger "How could you say that!? It's only because Zidane kept treating me like a child!"

You were acting like a child. But of course even when everything goes bad and your Eidolons get stolen to be used as WMD, you will be just treated as a victim in all this and Zidane nor anyone else will chew you out for any of what you did, even though Zidane should very rightfully be pissed at you and hurt by what you did, because apparently the writers are treating you and Beatrix as author's pets.

Dagger "...I don't care about him."

Ah yes, you don't care about the guy who risked a lot to save you, get you to Lindblum and loved you, and is now stuck in a ruined Burmecia looking for you and worried, and is now broken and beaten by your very own Beatrix (And only wasn't executed be Beatrix because of contrivance).

You've lost a bunch of sympathy points.

Marcus "Fine. Then I don't know anything." [Turns his back to Dagger]

Marcus should be just a bit more concerned about what happened to Zidane and his whereabouts and frustrated with Garnet, especially since at this point Marcus has heard about Burmecia.

Dagger "..." "Say, Marcus... Um, is there any way I can help?"

Marcus "Help with what?"

Dagger "Well... I was partly responsible for what happened, so..."

And yet you pretty much made all of Blank's efforts go to waste the moment you blew off Zidane and ran back home starting this whole pointless subplot.

I swear, if the only reason the writers had Blank get petrified in the first place was to serve as some cheap excuse of a "justification" for Garnet running back to Alexandria like an idiot, someone is getting smacked. Especially since Garnet contributes nothing to this subplot anyways and actually puts Marcus in a bad situation, but that's for later.

Skipping a few lines.

Conductor "It might be engine trouble! Please remain in your seats while I check." [He walks outside] "Ahhhhhh!" [He runs back in] "It's a demon! A demon with a pointy hat!"

Dagger "A pointy hat!?"

[Dagger and Steiner nod to each other, and run outside]

Marcus "What's wrong!?"

[Marcus runs outside as well]

Marcus "What's going on!?" "!"

Black Waltz No. 3 "Mission...retrieve...princess...alive..."

Dagger "Isn't that the one we saw on the cargo ship?"

Steiner "Monster! I'll finish you off this time!"

Dagger "Wait, Steiner!" "Tell me something! Why do you want to capture me?"

Are you serious? It because your MOTHER SENT THEM, did you forget Waltz no. 2 clearly stating that to you back in Dali?

Steiner "Princess, it's too dangerous! Please stand back!"

Black Waltz No. 3 "Mission...retrieve...princess...alive..."

Marcus "It's no use! It doesn't understand!"

Dagger "But-"

Black Waltz No. 3 "Eliminate...all!"

[Boss Battle: Steiner, Dagger, and Marcus vs. Black Waltz No. 3. And the end of the battle, you finally kill it off for good]

Dagger "Why...? Why...?" "What did he want with me?"

How oblivious are you? Seriously, this whole dumb subplot is based purely on Garnet forgetting everything she saw and heard.

Steiner "Princess..."

Marcus "Burmecia was attacked by an army of black mage soldiers..."

Dagger "...I know."

Marcus "Those mages wiped out the people of Burmecia..."

I think you should also be worried for your bro Zidane, you aren't going to ask Garnet if Zidane is in Burmecia, Marcus?

Dagger "..."

Steiner "Who would do such a thing?"

Marcus "Are you serious!? How ignorant can you be!?"

You should be saying that to Garnet more than Steiner. Also Marcus would be great at "Everything wrong with FFIX".

Steiner "What do you mean!?"

Dagger "Stop it, Steiner... I know who did it."

Oh so you DO know. Seriously, what was the point of bringing back Black Waltz no. 3? All this scene did was repeat info we already knew, it just repeatedly shows how much of moron Garnet is.

Steiner "Princess?"

Dagger "We're almost in Alexandria..." "I must go to the castle and see my mother..." "She'll listen to me."

Oh shut up, if you are so convinced of that, why didn't you do this when you had the chance BEFORE you wanted to be kidnapped and escape from Alexandria in the first place? All you've done is render all of Zidane's (and the player's) efforts pointless and ungratefully poisoned him and blew him off, ruining the romance. You also clearly said in Lindblum that Cid was the only one your mother would listen to, here is the quote:

"At this point, I think you're the only person Mother will listen to..."

And you've contradicted this line since the end of Disk 1 Lindblum. It amazes me how far some people that I've argued with in the past will go to defend this completely lousy writing.

[The scene changes, resuming inside the moving cable car. Dagger walks and sits across from Marcus]

Dagger "I think we're almost there."

Marcus "So, you already heard about the attack on Burmecia."

Dagger "Of course. I'm not like Steiner."

Except that you ARE like Steiner, especially when it comes to the ridiculous denial about your mother.

Marcus "You've changed."

Dagger "Me? You mean the way I talk?"

Marcus "Not just that."

No she hasn't Marcus, or actually, yes she has, in the sense that she went from: being highly educated and brilliantly working out an escape from home plan and improvising a way out on a dime in the play, to: devolving into a really clichéd naive princess stereotype.

Seriously, is Sakaguchi trying imply that this is "development"? This is not good development.

This is just more Garnet wank.

Dagger "Well... A lot has happened." "Oh, speaking of which...!"

Marcus "Yeah?"

Dagger "I've been through tons of battles. I'm a seasoned pro, now!"

Marcus "What are you talking about?"

Yeah, what is she talking about? Aside from non-storyline random battles, the only battles she has been in are against Black Waltz no. 2 and, just now, with the damaged and weakened no. 3. Stop exaggerating, Dagger.

Dagger "We need to find Supersoft and save Blank, right?"

Marcus "You're gonna come along, even if I refuse, right?"

Dagger "Of course I am! This is so exciting!" "I've always wanted to see the marvelous architecture of Treno. I can hardly wait!"

Yeah keep acting all excited while the man who loves you, Zidane, and the friends you abandoned, are having a rough time in Burmecia, really sympathetic.

Marcus (On second thought, she hasn't changed that much.)

Oh so Marcus was just faking out, at least he acknowledged it.

Skipping ahead.

[Dagger and company head onto the World Map, and eventually make their way to Treno. As they enter the town, the gates open, as the words "Dark City Treno" appear on the screen]

Steiner "Princess, this is Treno, the City of Nobles."

Where do they get hundreds of nobles from? What do they all rule?

Dagger "We need to find out which noble has the Supersoft."

Marcus "There aren't many nobles living here. The nights are long. It's a great place for thieves."

Steiner "People like you turned this city into a slum!"

It is absurd - "the city of the nobles." Despite the fact that there are slums on every corner in bulk. Again, no common sense, no coherence in the world order - Sakaguchi just wanted to make a city with nobles for the sake of it.

Marcus "...Let's steal the Supersoft and get this over with."

Steiner "Steal!? How dare you!" "Do you think I'd let you commit a crime before my very eyes!?"

Marcus "How else would we get the Supersoft?"

Steiner "Quiet! I will not allow such disgraceful behavior!"

Oh you mean like how you stole that cargo ship in Dali, Steiner?

Marcus "I never asked you to come along. Quit complaining."

[Dagger runs off the left side of the screen]

Really? Garnet is just going to wader off like a moron instead of sticking to Marcus to get the supersoft? So much for "priorities".

Steiner "Don't you talk back to me! First of all-"

Marcus "...Uh-oh."

Steiner "Do not interrupt me while I'm talking!"

Marcus "Look behind you."

Steiner "What!?" "Princess, I urge you not to...!" "P-Princess!?" [Marcus walks off the right side of the screen] "No... Not again..." "Never have I dealt with such hardship during my 18 years of service." "This is all because of you and your scoundrel friends...!" [Turns around to see that Marcus isn't there] "Gone..." "An Alexandrian knight must not let such a frivolous matter get to him! I must find the princess!"

Really? Marcus is just going to split off too? What happened to STICKING TOGETHER? I'm pretty sure Marcus would want to keep close proximity with Dagger considering, his brother, Zidane, left Tantalus for her and he should be more concerned about Zidane's unknown status and whereabouts, this is stupid.

- Treno Tradition

[Dagger is strolling along. One person runs up a set of stairs, chasing another one]

"Come back here!"

Dagger "Was that a pickpocket? I should be careful."

Uh yeah, it's a bit late to "be careful", and not just because you wandered off like a dummy, but also for considering this whole "going back home" to be not a really bad idea.

- Ambition

[A guy and a girl are standing outside of the Inn]

Natalie "Listen carefully, Mario. This city used to be called 'the City of Nobles.' It's a lie!"

Mario "The nobles pushed us around, right, Sis!?"

Natalie "That's right. They hogged all the waterfront property and forced us up into the hills."

Again, what do the Nobles rule?

[Marcus walks onto the screen]

Mario "They exploited us to make their money, right, Sis!?"

Natalie "Right. But we can't just sit here and complain, or we'll end up spending the rest of our lives in this miserable place."

Mario "Power to the people! Right, Sis!?"

Natalie "That's right! Power to the people!" "We'll never go hungry once we become nobles!" "Follow me, Mario!"

[They walk off the screen]

Marcus "..." "What's this world coming to...?" [He walks into the inn]

Another pointless ATE, much like the stuff in Dali, this never comes up again, or serves any purpose, even at least as a side quest, it's just shows my point about the ATE's being hollow.

- Confusion

[Dagger is walking in a part of the city]

Dagger "This is not a very nice city..." "Better find Supersoft fast and get back to Alexandria."

Then why didn't you stick with Marcus so that you could do just that instead of wandering off like an IDIOT?!

[She walks up a set of stairs, seeing a drunken man at the top of them]

Burp... Hiccup!

Dagger "..." "Ah... Um... Maybe not this way." "Yeah, I won't find the Supersoft over there." "Oh..." [She sees an old gentleman and runs up to him] "Excuse me, have you heard of a thing called Supersoft...?"

Again, I refer you to what I said above, Marcus already knows where to go, stop this bullshit.

Old Man "Huh? My wife? She died 3 years ago."

Dagger "No, I'm looking for an item that cures all petrification..."

Old Man "Oh, really? I'm doing fine, but thanks for asking." "I may be old, but I'm still healthy."

Dagger "..." "Um, thank you...very much." [Dagger begins to walk away, towards the exit of the screen]

Old Man "You're still young! Don't give up! Good luck!"

All this pointless ATE did was show how repeatedly stupid Garnet was, and yet a bunch of the fanbase will complain about Rinoa instead.

- Meeting Place

Skipping the first half of this.

[Marcus walks down the stairs, to Baku, who exclaims "ACHOO!"]

Baku "Yer late."

Marcus "A lot happened. I'm kinda tired."

Baku "No excuses. You're ready to go."

Marcus "You found it? You found the Supersoft?"

Baku "Yeah, in a noble's mansion. You'll go by boat and break in tonight."

See? If Dagger had simply stuck to Marcus, they would have know where the Supersoft is.

Marcus "Leave it to me! I'm the one who'll save our bro!"

Baku "Yeah, it's just that you've got two liabilities comin' along."

Even Baku knows how stupid Garnet and Steiner are, and how they played no role in getting the supersoft and de-petrifying Blank.

- Unexpected Visitor

[Dagger enters the auction house, where various people are shouting out bids]

Dagger "Oh... This must be an auction house." "Maybe I can find the Supersoft here..." "Hmm?" [She looks up and sees Kuja at the top balcony, looking over the auction]

Yeah, yeah, keep persisting with this dumb subplot Dagger, Sakaguchi seems to love pushing Garnet's implausible naïvety.

[Steiner enters the auction house and approaches Dagger]

Steiner "Princess! That goodness I found you. I was worried."

Dagger "How can I find the Supersoft when I keep having to listen to your complaints?"

Oh screw you, you were the one who arbitrarily wondered off, Garnet.

Steiner "Such harsh words..."

If this where any character other than Steiner, Garnet would have gotten chewed out for this, but it wasn't and Dagger never gets held responsible for any of her actions.

Dagger "I don't think it's here anyway." "Where's Marcus?"

Steiner "I do not know..."

Dagger "Maybe Marcus found it already." "Are you coming? I'm going, with or without you."

Steiner "I-I shall follow you, Princess."

[Steiner runs out. Dagger looks up at Kuja again]

Dagger "...I've seen him before..."

And you aren't going to think more about this? As I've said before in Lindblum, the real reason Garnet should have ran away from home was to find out who Kuja was and stop him, instead of focusing on her mother and this "try to talk to her" bullshit, because she should have knew he was behind her mother's crazy behaviour (which was really obvious), and her true love Zidane would have helped her with all of this instead of abandoning him.

[Steiner and Dagger head over to the inn, where Baku and Marcus were before]

Marcus "We're ready to retrieve the Supersoft."

Dagger "Good! At last, we can save Blank! When do we leave?"

Well we could have done this quicker if not for you wondering off and being a selfish brat.

Marcus "We can leave right away. So you're coming along, huh?" "Are you ready?" [Choose between "Ready" or "Not Yet". Gotta choose "Ready" sooner or later]

Dagger "Let's go."

Steiner "Princess!" "Princess! Please wait!"

Marcus "Boss's waiting at the dock."

Dagger "Boss? You mean..."

Marcus "Yep, there's only one man we call 'Boss.'"

Oh you mean the guy who was going leave Garnet behind in the Evil Forest to be plant food?

[Dagger walks off screen. Steiner follows her on the next one]

Steiner "Princess, please wait!" "It may be a trap! You cannot trust criminals!" "Think of the consequences! You are a princess!" "If the queen hears about this..."

Garnet hasn't been thinking of the consequences since Lindblum.

[Dagger reaches Baku, with Steiner close behind]

Steiner "Princess!"

Baku "Princess, do you know that breakin' and enterin' is a crime?"

Dagger "I need to make sure you don't steal anything else."

Marcus "Let's go."

Steiner "Dammit! I am coming along." "It is my duty to protect the princess from bad influence!"

Marcus "Do whatever you want..."

Baku "Always talkin' about yer duty. Ain't you got thoughts of yer own?"

Steiner "Don't you talk back to me! I am escorting the princess-"

Baku "I thought you might've changed after travelin' with Zidane, but..." "...you ain't changed.

Neither has Dagger, but everyone seems to be ignoring her stupidity because she is a creator's pet.

Baku Do you even know why you're here?"

Steiner "Wh-What do you mean!?"

Dagger "Let's just go, okay?"

Is no one going to bring up Baku's whole "leave Dagger behind in the Evil Forest" bit? That would have definitely landed him in hot water with Cid, and Garnet knows now that Cid planned for Baku to kidnap her, but none of this will be brought up and Baku will face no repercussions.

[The seen changes to the auction house; the auctioneer is talking to Kuja]

Auctioneer "How was Burmecia?"

Kuja "Not bad... Better if I didn't have to see those vermin and the ugly elephant-lady." "They offend my senses."

Funny, that last bit can be said about this whole game and it's writing. Also Kuja is a racist against rat people.

Auctioneer "You must be tired."

Kuja "It's not over yet. The rest of the vermin must be done away with."

Seriously, what is Kuja's beef with the rat people? Was Sakaguchi just like "hey let's just make Kuja look like more of a cartoon asshole"?

Speaking of which, this is the problem with Kuja, he spends most of the game being a moustache twirling cartoon villain, doing stereotypical cartoon evil behaviour and generic JRPG stuff, but then at the last minute, the game forcefully tries to make him out to be "complex, tragic and sympathetic". Instead of drawing inspiration from a Shakespeare antagonist, Square apparently decided to base Kuja on the attention-whoring snots who get rejected at their auditons to play Shakespeare antagonists.

Overlooking the man-thong, the effeminate hair tosses, the mincing, the temper tantrums, and the embarrassing attempts at poetry, there just isn't much going on with this guy. He's like that one insufferable drama brat you knew back in high school: he always has to be the center of attention, he never shuts the hell up even when he has nothing worth saying, and even while doing something immorally, he acts like he's standing in front of a full-body mirror and practicing for his role as Scar in the spring semester production of The Lion King. His only real interesting moments occur when he's ripping off Blade Runner and is revealed as Zidane's brother, but as said above that happens so late and forcefully that you wonder why they even bothered (it's like the revelation that Lynx was Serge's father in Chrono Cross). But I will address that all when we get to it.

Even his theme music which plays right here is over the top and sounds like generic "look at me, I'm EEEEVVVVVVIIIIIILLLLLLL, *insert stereotypical evil laughter here*" music.

Auctioneer "Will you be heading to Cleyra, then?"

Kuja "Yes; I trust you will deliver them."

Auctioneer "Certainly. I shall prepare now..."

The dialogue here suggests that the Auction house, maybe even the nobles of Treno in general, are in on this whole Black Mage production and war, but after this scene, the whole thing is never brought up again and is completely wasted, even Kuja's connections to Treno are dropped, other than a brief pointless conversation by Freya in a later visit to Treno that doesn't really explain anything.

Kuja "By the way, did you see a pretty lady in the crowd today?"

Auctioneer "A pretty lady? Shall I arrange a meeting?"

Kuja "There's no need. The canary I've been after... She flew into my cage of her own free will."

If you've been after Dagger this whole time, why didn't you try sneaking into Lindblum to capture her back in disk 1 when she was there, instead of dicking around and just happening to catch sight of her by pure coincidence?

Auctioneer "?"

Kuja "Never would I have imagined running into you in a place like this. It must be fate." "But you cannot rest your wings yet..." "Fly home to your mother, my little canary."

Kuja is being pretty presumptuous here, assuming that Garnet is being stupid enough to just run back home after wanting to escape from her mother. I mean, okay, technically he is correct, but what would make Kuja think Dagger would do just that, other than contrived writing?

What was your plan Kuja, if Sakaguchi didn't cheaply write Garnet as so implausibly naïve and have her abandon Zidane and run back like an idiot, and other characters like Cid didn't withhold important information for no reason (such as knowing that Brahne was after the Eidolons this whole time)?

[The screen turns black, with the following lines in white]

"I, too, will welcome you home with open arms."

Also there are these lines, several of Kuja's early dialogue suggests that he is in love with Garnet, but after the eidolons extraction scene, this is dropped and never referenced again, this would have made Kuja more interesting and giving him more of a comparison with his brother Zidane, but nah, screw him have an intense infatuation with a certain character, we writers should just stick with Kuja being generic and being a stereotypical cartoon villain.

[Screen changes to the thieves in the boat. Steiner is sitting on one end, Dagger on the other]

Steiner (What in the world am I doing...?) (I'm assisting thieves in committing a crime...) (No... I must be patient.) (Protect the princess. Escort her back to the castle. Focus on your duties...) (Trust the queen. She would never commit an atrocity.) (There must be a good reason.) (No thoughts of my own?) (Nonsense.) (How can I, a lowly knight, understand the queen's thinking?) (I need not worry about the ramblings of a criminal.) (Just think about escorting the princess home.) (I'll probably never see him again...) (He was the culprit. He pulled the princess and me straight into his intrigues...)

Again, we get it, Steiner is ignorant and compensating, stop hammering it in Sakaguchi.

Steiner's arc is not well done, funny how his character poster is "Dilemma" which in the original Japanese is phrased as this:

"Loyalty astray. When you devote your life to someone, is it really for your own sake? Tell me, what do people live for?"

This, along with the rest of the character motivational posters is presented as if they are concerned about such deep questions, when in fact this is something completely kindergarten-tier. The theme of loyalty is not so bad in itself, but a character so flawed like Steiner is trying to reveal it that it looks like one big mockery.

Steiner's development would have been much better done if he went to Burmecia with Freya and saw what happened. Seriously, how much more interesting would it be to for Steiner to see what Beatrix was doing and to see the drama and conflict between them? But no, instead we get clichéd bullshit like this where Steiner takes part in Garnet's stupid "run back home" subplot that just makes things worse and only hears about Alexandria's atrocities after the fact.

Dagger (It was your fault, Zidane. If you hadn't treated me like a child...) (...I wouldn't be here hunting after Supersoft to save one of your friends.)

Okay, again, YOU WERE ACTING LIKE A CHILD!

Lines like these make me lose all sympathy for Dagger, she is now placing the blame on Zidane, all because he didn't think "running back and just talking to mommy" was a good idea (which it is NOT. Again, if she was so convinced of this, why didn't she just do this before wanting be kidnapped and escape from home? Not to mention contradicting herself when she earlier said in Lindblum that Cid was the only one that could talk to Brahne), and I already addressed Zidane acting inconsistently and the forced drama surrounding that scene in Lindblum. Yet some people seem to think this is the "greatest FF love story".

Dagger (Why am I doing this...?) (Because Blank saved me? Yes, he saved me.) (He saved my life... The least I can do is return the favour...) (But I never thought about things like this before...)

Funny because you technically also rendered all of Blank's efforts in the first place completely pointless, he did that so that Zidane could save you and be by your side, and you threw all that away the moment you drugged and abandoned Zidane, you aren't really "returning the favour", especially since you aren't even pivotal to getting the Supersoft, Tantalus would have gotten it with or without her presence, all Dagger did was make the outcome simpler, which we will see now.

[Marcus, Dagger, and Steiner walk into the basement of the Noble's house]

Steiner "How are we to find Supersoft in this mountain of boxes?"

Marcus "Just find it."

[They all look around]

Dagger "?" "(Someone's coming!)"

[Someone walks down the steps: he has big, thick spectacles and a long, pointy nose]

Scholarly Man "Oh, I can't believe I ran out of ink on a night like this." "I must find more ink and go back to the observatory..."

Marcus "(Should I take care of him?)"

Dagger "(...! Wait!)"

[Dagger runs up to the Scholarly Man]

Steiner "(Princess! No!)"

Scholarly Man "Hmm?"

Dagger "..."

Scholarly Man "Y-You're...!"

Dagger "I've missed you, Doctor Tot."

Tot "P-Princess! Princess Garnet!"

Steiner "Doctor Tot?"

Marcus "You know him?"

Steiner "Doctor Tot is the highly respected scholar who tutored the princess!"

Well Tot did a pretty lousy job at it, considering that Dagger doesn't know what crops and knives are and pushed "naïve princess" to insane levels. I just want to throttle Tot and ask him "what the heck did you teach this girl?!"

Tot "Ah, Master Steiner. You must be quiet, or you'll wake the shopkeeper." "But, Princess, what on earth are you doing here?"

Did Tot never hear the news of the (now pointless) kidnapping in Alexandria?

Skipping ahead.

[Dagger and company travel throughout Treno, finally arriving at Tot's house]

Dagger "Oh..." [She looks up the staircase] "Doctor Tot..."

[She makes her way up the stairs, finally meeting up with him]

Tot "Princess! Thank you for coming. Welcome to my humble abode."

Dagger "This is your home?"

Tot "I traveled quite far in search of a sponsor for my research after I departed Alexandria." "I finally found one here in Treno." "You have grown into a fine young woman. I am pleased to see you again."

Funny because a later bit of dialogue from Dagger suggests that Tot knew something was up with the Queen which is why you left, I will be getting to that next chapter.

Steiner "Doctor Tot! You look quite well."

Tot "Ah, Master Steiner! You are escorting the princess?"

Steiner "Yes, sir! I deeply regret my earlier actions."

Tot "Still a straight arrow, aren't you? I'm sure you had your reasons, but I won't ask why." "The Supersoft is in the box right there. Please take it."

You really aren't going to question what they are doing here and about the whole incident in Alexandria with the kidnapping?

Marcus "Don't mind if I do!"

[Received Supersoft!]

See? All Garnet being there did was just make it so that Tot would just give away the Supersoft, instead of Tantalus simply stealing it like they were going to anyway if Garnet wasn't there, she had no requirement in this. In fact, she actually makes things more problematic (and I don't just mean the Eidolons) for Marcus by putting him in a bad situation which we will see at the end of this chapter.

Steiner "Have you no manners? Thank the good doctor!"

Tot "It's quite alright, Master Steiner..."

Dagger [Looking up at a massive globe] "Master Tot, is this Gaia?"

Tot "Yes, it's a globe of our planet, Gaia."

Everyone remember the globe bit because it also factors into my statements about the lousy world building and why there aren't any colonies outside of the Mist Continent.

Dagger "I remember your lessons."

Tot "You remember the ramblings of an old fool..."

[Flashback time: Tot and a very-young Garnet are in a library of some sort]

Tot "Two phrases are commonly found in documents more than 500 years old..." "One is 'jewel'. The other is 'summoner tribe.'" "But 500 years ago, the phrases mysteriously vanished from history..." "The archeologist Frederick Ash theorized that 'jewel' refers to the pendant passed down to the ruler of Alexandria." "But the pendant... It is much too small to be referring to the same 'jewel.'" "Other research suggests a relationship between 'eidolons' and magical 'stones'..."

This is all foreshadowing for Alexander later (which will also have a disappointing payoff, but I will address that when we get there), but what I want readers to note here is that Tot is quite knowledgeable about the Eidolons, this is going to factor into what I'm going to be saying about Tot (and also Cid) in the next and later chapters.

Garnet "Doctor Tot!"

Tot "Ah, Princess!"

Garnet "Were you reading big book again?"

Tot "Ha ha ha... I've already read every book in this library." "But I think better when I'm surrounded by old books."

Garnet "Really? I don't like books."

Tot "You are a person of dignity. It is imperative that you study hard."

Garnet "I know, I know... Oh, but I was quite taken by that book you gave me." "What is it called? It was..."

Tot "Was it 'I Want to Be Your Canary,' by Lord Avon?"

Garnet "Oh yes, that's the one! So there is a book I like after all."

See here? Once again, emphasis is being put on "I want to be Canary" like that story is really significant, it isn't, I refer you back to my rant in the first chapter about how that story should have been huge foreshadowing for IX's story and it wasn't, the only thing it loosely connects to is Zidane and Garnet, which is ironic and even more so considering that it is being brought up during the point where Garnet has abandoned Zidane, going back to my point in chapter 1 about how "I want to be your Canary" has a better love story than the actual love story, because I'm pretty sure one of the the plays main leads didn't poison and blow off her devoted lover.

Tot "My, my."

Garnet "What's this, Doctor Tot?"

Tot 'That is a globe of Gaia. It's a model of our planet."

Garnet "A Gaia globe? I never knew our castle was shaped like a sphere."

Tot "Ha ha ha... We live on the surface, Princess."

Garnet "?"

Okay I know that Garnet is supposed to be just a child in this flashback, but Garnet is actually from a whole other continent, from Madain Sari, which she left when she was six (and keep in mind that Eiko is that same age) yet she thinks that the castle is "the whole world?".

Yes, she has amnesia (the dumb inconvenience kind), but her subconscious should be triggered by discussions like this, she has repeated dreams of when she left Madain Sari when it was being devastated like we see in the game's opening, she even subconsciously knows the "Melodies of Life" song that she sings repeatedly like we saw in Lindblum and Dali. Yet nothing about this discussion of the globe and places outside the castle is triggering anything in Garnet's mind?

Tot "Ah, yes, the stars! They inspired the theories relating stones and eidolons." "That is why..." "Oh! I'm sorry, I was lost in thought again."

Also this, Tot is talking clearly about Eidolons. These words about summons isn't triggering anything for Garnet?

Skipping ahead.

[Flashback ends. Tot and Dagger are standing beside the current globe]

Dagger "How long has it been? Eight years?"

Tot "Time passes quickly." "But I haven't changed. I continue to collect and research these items."

Dagger "Where did you find this globe?"

Tot "It's an antique. It's broken, as you can see, but I use it as an observation deck." "Ironic, isn't it? Looking up at the sky from inside a globe."

This globe actually could have been great foreshowing for Gaia and Terra, Terra is inside of Gaia, what if the globe wasn't broken but rather the original owner was doing research on a hidden world within Gaia? But we never get anything actually interesting of the sort.

Dagger "It sure is..."

Tot "Princess, I don't mean to meddle in your affairs, but..." "I am on your side, now and forever." "Please tell me if there's anything I can do."

Uh, I think you should be meddling considering you yourself left Alexandria, implying you knew something was up, also did you not hear about what happened in Burmecia? Even Tantalus and random NPC's know about that, heck even the random NPC's know something is wrong with the Alexandrian Queen, yet you, an EDUCATED SCIENTIST, seem to be completely oblivious to that.

Dagger "Doctor Tot..."

[Screen returns to Tot, Dagger, Steiner and Marcus]

Tot "I see... So the queen's forces have already grown quite powerful..." "Okay, then. It may be dangerous, but I shall see to it that you reach Alexandria."

Are you freaking serious?! You are actually agreeing to Dagger's dumb idea?! Do you not know anything? Was he not told the kidnapping part and Cid being in on it?

Tot should have know a lot more and I'm going to be talking about it next chapter.

Dagger "How?"

Tot "I had an old transportation device remodeled in the case of such an emergency." "This way, please."

Steiner "Ah! We can finally return to Alexandria!"

Yay… we are about to screw everyone over and make things worse.

Marcus "I'm coming with you."

Steiner "What!? Why!?"

Marcus "I can reach Blank more easily from Alexandria."

How, by jumping off of Alexandria's high cliff into the Evil Forest?

Also do you really think it's a good idea to go back to the place where you are no doubt a wanted criminal because you kidnapped the princess? Why are you even agreeing to this? Earlier on back at South Gate you were on about how crazy the Queen was and how Steiner was being really dense about it (yet ignoring the same from Dagger), yet now you are perfectly okay with heading into the castle of the same insane warmongering queen.

Dagger "Yes, come with us, Marcus." "Okay, Steiner?"

Steiner "Grrr..."

Dagger "Let's go save Blank! And restore my mother to her former self!"

Good lord, if you wanted to restore your mother to her former self, you should have focused on "the suspicious man", KUJA, from the start, instead of this "going home to talk to mommy" nonsense that you didn't even do before running away in the first place.

[You climb down a ladder, entering an underground cave. The Words "Gargan Roo" appear on the screen]

Tot "This is Gargan Roo, an ancient travel route between Treno and Alexandria."

Marcus "Why was this thing built under a tower?"

Tot "Actually, Gargan Roo was in use long before even the invention of airships!" "The tower was built on top of the disguised tunnel."

But aren't the tunnels full of Mist, making them dangerous? Why would something like this be in use?

Skipping ahead, mostly just lever pulling filler and padding.

[Dagger and Marcus step into the gargant seats]

Tot "Please look after the princess, Master Steiner."

Steiner "Of course!"

Tot "The princess is bright, but she is still young and naive. I am concerned about her safety." "Please make your own decision on the matter at hand and protect her."

A bit late for that Tot since you are willingly sending her back to the castle like an idiot, the same castle that you yourself left.

Steiner "I am but a humble knight. I cannot exceed my authority..."

Tot "Is that an honest answer?" "You may endanger the princess if you keep telling yourself that."

OH. MY. GOD. LOOK IN A FREAKING MIRROR, TOT! You, yourself, are already endangering Dagger by agreeing to this whole stupid plan.

Steiner "...I shall take note of your counsel."

[Steiner joins Marcus and Dagger]

Tot "Fare you well, Princess!"

Dagger "Take care, Doctor Tot!"

[The gargant leaves]

Tot "I must hurry!"

[Tot returns to the previous screen]

Tot "I just pull the lever..." [He pulls it] "Be safe, Princess..."

Yeahhh… she won't.

[Meanwhile, in the seats which the gargant is carrying]

Marcus "Finally!"

Dagger "We can reach Alexandria now..."

Marcus "You can't even see Treno anymore."

Dagger "I wonder how long it's going to take?" "I never dreamed of going home in a vehicle like this."

It's amazing how much the game tries to to pretend that this whole subplot isn't a really dumb move.

Steiner "Doctor Tot remains a unique charact-"

Dagger and Steiner "!"

[The gargant suddenly stops moving]

Steiner "Wh-What's wrong?"

Dagger "It's hesitating." "!"

[Dagger jumps out of the seat, landing on the floor of Gargan Roo, which is covered with Mist, and runs forward. Steiner and Marcus follow]

Steiner "Princess!"

[The come face to face which a big purple snake]

Dagger "Could this be the reason?"

See, why would something like the Gargan Roo be in use when it's in a tunnel filled with Mist thus leading to big scary monsters that can block your path? Unless you are a decent fighter or know magic, you can't really do much against it, don't see how Tot could use it.

Fossil Roo at least has no Mist in it because it leads outside the Mist Continent so that makes sense, but Gargan Roo doesn't.

[Boss Battle: Steiner, Dagger and Marcus. vs Ralvurahva. The battle ends with Ralvurahva escaping. The three of them return to the Gargant, and arrive at Alexandria]

Marcus "We're finally here."

Dagger "I think the gargant is tired, too."

[The gargant leaves]

Steiner "I never knew such a place existed in Alexandria..."

Really? You were never informed of this part of the castle when even Tot know about it and has told Garnet about it as we will hear in just a few lines? Shouldn't being informed of this passageway be standard procedure for the knights and guards?

Marcus "Where are we?"

Dagger "Let's keep moving!"

[The enter another screen]

Marcus "Is this really Alexandria?"

Steiner "Well, it must be!"

Marcus "How do we get out?"

Steiner "Hmm... Well..." "This way!" "Princess, let us make haste."

Dagger "Wait, Steiner!" "I know this place!" "Doctor Tot told me about this place." "My ancestors built this place to keep enemies from invading." "Doctor Tot also said..."

How does that make sense? It's a tunnel connecting from Treno leading directly to the basement of Alexandria Castle? Sure, there is that retractable gate, but that would require random guards always just standing down here, which is highly impractical, it would make more sense for them to just make this tunnel collapse, completely blocking it off.

Steiner "Princess! We can hear your stories later!" "The stale air cannot be good for us!"

Marcus "And we gotta save Blank!"

Dagger "Right. We need to hurry."

[Dagger and Marcus walk up to Steiner]

Dagger "Let's go, Steiner!"

[A huge gate pops up in front of them, blocking their way foward]

Steiner "You! What kind of trick is this!?"

Marcus "I didn't do anything! Don't blame me."

Steiner "You really didn't do anything!?"

Marcus "You don't believe me!?"

Okay Steiner's distrust of Marcus is getting ridiculous, and that's saying a lot.

[Another gate pops up. They're now trapped]

Marcus "Look, we missed our chance to escape."

Steiner "Graaagh!"

[Zorn runs up to them on one side, while Thorn runs up on the other]

Zorn "They fell for it!"

Thorn "Fell for it, they did!"

Steiner "Zorn! Thorn!" "I am Steiner, Captain of the Knights of Pluto! I have returned!" "Let us out at once!"

Thorn "Too bad, it is."

Zorn "You're all under arrest."

Dagger "Zorn!" "Thorn!" "I've returned to Alexandria to speak with my mother." "Take me to my mother!"

Did you not hear the part where they clearly said you were under arrest? How oblivious are you?

Zorn "Yes, we will take you to see Queen Brahne, whether you like it or not."

Thorn "'Capture Princess Garnet,' Queen Brahne said. Ordered us, she did."

Dagger "What!?"

Wow, shocker… except that it isn't and you REALLY should have seen this coming, Dagger.

Steiner "Lies!"

Marcus "What's going on!?"

This is what I meant with what I said earlier above about how Dagger actually made the situation worse for Marcus. He gets captured along with them, sure he only gets thrown in a cage along with Steiner, but he was just lucky not to have been immediately executed on the Queen's orders. (which also makes no sense)

[Screen fades to black, and changes to the team of four in Burmecia, as the rain continues to pour down]

Zidane "Can you stand, Freya?"

Freya "It is nothing."

Zidane "Take it easy, okay?" "How 'bout you, Vivi?"

Vivi "Y-Yeah, I'm alright..."

Zidane "So what now, people? They said they were going to Cleyra."

And they didn't execute you for some reason or even recognize you as the one who kidnapped Garnet.

Freya "We have no choice! We must go to Cleyra, too!"

Zidane "I knew you'd say that!" "You coming, Vivi?"

Vivi "Um... Do you think we'll learn more about those black mages if we go to Cleyra?"

Zidane "Yeah, I'd say we'll learn a lot about them as long as we follow Brahne and that Kuja guy."

Vivi "Then I'm with you!"

Quina "Cleyra...? Sound yummy. I go with you!"

Vivi "O-Oh, and what about the princess?"

Zidane "Dagger?" "I'd never forget about her!"

Funny because you had to be reminded of her by Vivi, and you didn't even try to reason with Beatrix by bring Garnet up to her.

Zidane "She might not be here in Burmecia, but I know we'll find her soon." "Well, let's move out!"

How about you use your common sense and deduce that she has gone back to Alexandria, you were the one who heard her spouting about her stupid idea to "just talk to momma".

Seriously, this is the problem with Zidane, he can be summed up as: "do different garbage without thinking about anything, and everything will be fine for you."

Freya "Some say it lies in the desert west of Burmecia, but I know not whether we can enter the town itself."

"Some say"? I think the giant sand twister there should be proof enough of that.

Zidane "Brighten up a little! We'll figure it out when we get there!"

Truly this guy is a great "planner"…

[Everyone runs off screen, which fades to black]

"Oh, Dagger! Where could you be!?"

Again, I refer you to what said above about using your common sense, Zidane you moron.

[Back on the World Map. The group heads to Cleyra, which is easily found, since it's a spinning tornado of sand in the desert]

End of Chapter 7

---

I apologize if my commentary was a bit repetitive, this is one of the most painful parts of the game and it's triggered a lot of rage in me.

And finally…

lol wait, we're criticizing IX's characterizations by way of FF VIII? The game were an ostensible special forces agent skilled enough to teach others abandons her post in the middle of a mission to apologize to someone? Who later browbeat their special forces comrade because he's not abandoning his post to go rescue the girl whom they are perfectly capable of rescuing themselves, but they want him to do it because it would be ~ w o m a n t i c ~? That FF8?

Zidane and Garnet are not my favorite characters in the series, and I even think Tidus and Yuna represent a superior love story. But IX's writing runs circles around VIII's. To say that Garnet is "by far the most horribly written character in the series" is absurd on its face and is why it's clear to everyone you just have an axe to grind and are not going to take your points seriously. To then demand that they read TWENTY-NINE CHAPTERS of criticisms of that caliber while expecting to treat your position in good faith is presumptuous to say the least.

No. Rinoa only forced me through one sidetrack of stupidity and it took ten minutes. Quistis forced me through a whole stupid dungeon that ultimately had no effect on the plot except that it established Quistis as incredibly blaise about her duties, but I forgave her because she stopped after that and I was never forced to endure hours upon end of her inner monologues. Garnet rendered the first several hours of gameplay entirely useless because she was a moron and she got entire cities blown up because of her stupid - and she never stopped reminding me of her stupid. Rinoa only threatened HERSELF and other people told her that, constantly. The hero chewed her out within the first disc for being so reckless and impulsive. See, people get on Squall for being a jerk. I love him because it's not often you see RPG heroes saying what you would have said to stupid characters.

The point of that scene in VIII is that being a soldier and militarism sucks and to not be a cold unfeeling machine, that is why they told Squall to go after Rinoa.

Again, the reason the review fic is so long is because it COVERS THE ENTIRE GAME, do you not get what a commentary is? Of course it is going to be long when using the IX script and commentating on it.

And NOT everyone, here are comments from the FF.Net readers that are actually positive and civil:

“Now then! After Evil Forest I skipped ahead to Burmecia because I wanted to see if you highlighted what I always thought were gaping plot holes. That would be the total absence of Lindblum and Alexandrian soldiers in Burmecia, and Kuja letting Zidane live. Although I always assumed the latter was because Kuja was wary of Beatrix and wouldn’t undermine her decision to spare the humbled heroes.

Actually, it’s not clear who Kuja is speaking to on one’s first playthrough. Without hindsight, I thought he was talking about Vivi.

As fond as I am of FFIX, I do think you’ve made a few valid observations on here, some of which I haven’t considered before. My main gripe with the story was the way characters are constantly separated by geography. Sometimes for illogical reasons. Like Steiner swivel-turning to help Beatrix and Freya in Alexandria. As an example, Steiner and Freya return to the party in disc 3 after their long absence and are disproportionately levelled.

It doesn’t seem like you’ve allowed negativity to stop you in your stride. So, more power to you, I guess.”

“So much catharsis reading this having just completed the game 22 years after starting it and getting bored a few hours in. What a mess of a plot, so many missed opportunities for some interesting story telling and lore. It's hard to imagine this game came after 6/7/8 when it feels like a rough draft for IV.”

“Bruh, I showed Ch.13 to a friend of mine
They go, "How does Eiko know how to break a seal she didn't create herself?"
Then I go, "Wait, why would Eiko's grandfather teach her - a five year-old at most at the time - a spell that breaks the seal of something they intentionally sealed away?"”

“The start of Disc 3 is where I seriously started hating Zidane, because his motivation is to simp for Garnet. Other FF protagonists had motivations involving their love interests, sure, but they never forgot the bigger picture which was saving the world from so-and-so antagonist.
He's not even heroic. Most of the time it's "character suggests that they go to 'X' and then Zidane goes, 'That's a great idea.'" He doesn't feel like the leader of the ganh, just a tag-along. I can't remember a (significant) scene where Zidane says the basic - "We have to stop 'X' from destroying the world" - until super late in the game. For the most part it's back and forth between "I'm cool with that, let's go" and "I hate Kuja" which even then usually ties to the fact that Kuja hurt Garnet in some way. Even Squall wasn't this lovesick with Rinoa.”

“Well one of my main issues is that the love story isn’t as such of a big deal as the game makes it out to be, I have nothing wrong with the girl Zidane loves being a huge part of his motivation, but it’s how the love story is handled that is the problem, especially with how it could have been integrated with Gaia and Terra, but I will explain that when I get to the ending.”

“Yeah, that's what I meant. There's no significance in their relationship, so it just feels like Zidane is simping for Garnet. She drugged him, ignores her kingdom's involvement in war crimes (everyone does really), gets jealous over an abandoned six year old receiving attention, but the story wants us to be convinced that Garnet is the love of Zidane's life.
Which is the fundamental problem with FF9 - it knows the themes it wants to tackle and it wants to have these big emotional moments, but it goes about it so poorly to the point where it comes off as pretentious at times.”

“I was 11 the first time I played IX, so I just took everything at face value, though I played the PS3 version in my late teens and noticed some of the inconsistencies. You brought my attention to things I didn’t notice before, or if I had subconsciously, then you’ve forced me to acknowledge them. I’m interested in reading the AU fic you’ve alluded to, as well.

I did used to frequent the forums back in the day; two of the biggest ones are still around (TFF and EoFF), although they’re a shadow of what they used to be. The main thing I can recall was people complaining about the plot being cliched, the characters being shallow, and that the overall development was rushed because Square were already making FFX. They also thought Trance was crap compared to Limit Breaks and that the battles were frustratingly slow, even with the battle speed turned up to max (although the HD remaster fixed this). And yes, players who started the series with VII tended to particularly dislike it.

Oh well. It was still fun to play even if it was fundamentally flawed. We’ll just have to see what the remake is like.”

 

[Kai Schulen]

If that line about Tantalus triggers you that much, I will remove it, don’t let it be said that I never listen to feedback. That one wasn’t even originally my own typed out words anyways, they were from “Video Game Recaps”: http://videogamerecaps.com/beta/recaps/ff9-part1/2/
I just copied and pasted it because I agreed with it until you said your thing.

So you can't even be original in your own "review", you straight up plagiarized another person's words.

This explains so much about, well, everything.

Several people actually, it even has three faves and follows on FF.Net, and it has several “Kudos” on AO3.

Wow, 3 faves and follows and pity kudos from anonymous visitors! Much impressive, such wow.


That was sarcasm, before you start thinking I was actually impressed there. A handful of pity faves/kudos for a piece of "work" that's 192k+ words, 29 chapters and plagiarizing other people's words is a poor, poor, poor ratio considering I have read fics of a obscure/niche fandom that have a fraction of 100k words and 2 chapters long from 4 years ago that have gotten dozens and dozens of kudos and comments praising said work.

Strong bet that aside from that whoever left you that one positive review that validates your whole entire ego, the others who left behind those pity faves/kudos didn't actually read all 29 chapters, they only skimmed through the first chapter and left.

Then you have no right to criticize me if you aren’t even going to hear the full argument and point just because you are judging this based on the first chapter, where I admit the game started out decently, just chill already.

Wrong, you posted this on fanfiction.net and AO3, you posted this on this forums, and I actually made the effort to read your "critique" until it was readily apparent that you are strongly lacking in reading comprehension, critical thinking, and just now, any sort of originality or creativity to your writing. I have every right to criticize your "critique" based on what I have read and going by your replies to others, I am right to assume that your "critique" is not worth anyone's time or energy to read in its entirety.

 

[NC1234567]

So you can't even be original in your own "review", you straight up plagiarized another person's words.

This explains so much about, well, everything.

Not every single line is from another website or person, most of the commentary is my own original writing. I have a life and am not going to waste so much time typing every single word of my own when someone else has already made a perfectly good statement about certain parts of the game that I can use, I tend to edit them a bit anyways, don’t act like you have never copy and pasted something else before.

Wow, 3 faves and follows and pity kudos from anonymous visitors! Much impressive, such wow.


That was sarcasm, before you start thinking I was actually impressed there. A handful of pity faves/kudos for a piece of "work" that's 192k+ words, 29 chapters and plagiarizing other people's words is a poor, poor, poor ratio considering I have read fics of a obscure/niche fandom that have a fraction of 100k words and 2 chapters long from 4 years ago that have gotten dozens and dozens of kudos and comments praising said work.

Strong bet that aside from that whoever left you that one positive review that validates your whole entire ego, the others who left behind those pity faves/kudos didn't actually read all 29 chapters, they only skimmed through the first chapter and left.

Okay you are really starting to out yourself as a troll and cyber bully just because you don’t like one line that was said that I have ALREADY DELETED. The Tantalus criticism is gone now, are you happy?

And it wasn’t just one positive review, here are the rest:

“Now then! After Evil Forest I skipped ahead to Burmecia because I wanted to see if you highlighted what I always thought were gaping plot holes. That would be the total absence of Lindblum and Alexandrian soldiers in Burmecia, and Kuja letting Zidane live. Although I always assumed the latter was because Kuja was wary of Beatrix and wouldn’t undermine her decision to spare the humbled heroes.

Actually, it’s not clear who Kuja is speaking to on one’s first playthrough. Without hindsight, I thought he was talking about Vivi.

As fond as I am of FFIX, I do think you’ve made a few valid observations on here, some of which I haven’t considered before. My main gripe with the story was the way characters are constantly separated by geography. Sometimes for illogical reasons. Like Steiner swivel-turning to help Beatrix and Freya in Alexandria. As an example, Steiner and Freya return to the party in disc 3 after their long absence and are disproportionately levelled.

It doesn’t seem like you’ve allowed negativity to stop you in your stride. So, more power to you, I guess.”

“So much catharsis reading this having just completed the game 22 years after starting it and getting bored a few hours in. What a mess of a plot, so many missed opportunities for some interesting story telling and lore. It's hard to imagine this game came after 6/7/8 when it feels like a rough draft for IV.”

“Bruh, I showed Ch.13 to a friend of mine
They go, "How does Eiko know how to break a seal she didn't create herself?"
Then I go, "Wait, why would Eiko's grandfather teach her - a five year-old at most at the time - a spell that breaks the seal of something they intentionally sealed away?"”

“The start of Disc 3 is where I seriously started hating Zidane, because his motivation is to simp for Garnet. Other FF protagonists had motivations involving their love interests, sure, but they never forgot the bigger picture which was saving the world from so-and-so antagonist.
He's not even heroic. Most of the time it's "character suggests that they go to 'X' and then Zidane goes, 'That's a great idea.'" He doesn't feel like the leader of the ganh, just a tag-along. I can't remember a (significant) scene where Zidane says the basic - "We have to stop 'X' from destroying the world" - until super late in the game. For the most part it's back and forth between "I'm cool with that, let's go" and "I hate Kuja" which even then usually ties to the fact that Kuja hurt Garnet in some way. Even Squall wasn't this lovesick with Rinoa.”

“Well one of my main issues is that the love story isn’t as such of a big deal as the game makes it out to be, I have nothing wrong with the girl Zidane loves being a huge part of his motivation, but it’s how the love story is handled that is the problem, especially with how it could have been integrated with Gaia and Terra, but I will explain that when I get to the ending.”

“Yeah, that's what I meant. There's no significance in their relationship, so it just feels like Zidane is simping for Garnet. She drugged him, ignores her kingdom's involvement in war crimes (everyone does really), gets jealous over an abandoned six year old receiving attention, but the story wants us to be convinced that Garnet is the love of Zidane's life.
Which is the fundamental problem with FF9 - it knows the themes it wants to tackle and it wants to have these big emotional moments, but it goes about it so poorly to the point where it comes off as pretentious at times.”

“I was 11 the first time I played IX, so I just took everything at face value, though I played the PS3 version in my late teens and noticed some of the inconsistencies. You brought my attention to things I didn’t notice before, or if I had subconsciously, then you’ve forced me to acknowledge them. I’m interested in reading the AU fic you’ve alluded to, as well.

I did used to frequent the forums back in the day; two of the biggest ones are still around (TFF and EoFF), although they’re a shadow of what they used to be. The main thing I can recall was people complaining about the plot being cliched, the characters being shallow, and that the overall development was rushed because Square were already making FFX. They also thought Trance was crap compared to Limit Breaks and that the battles were frustratingly slow, even with the battle speed turned up to max (although the HD remaster fixed this). And yes, players who started the series with VII tended to particularly dislike it.

Oh well. It was still fun to play even if it was fundamentally flawed. We’ll just have to see what the remake is like.”

Wrong, you posted this on fanfiction.net and AO3, you posted this on this forums, and I actually made the effort to read your "critique" until it was readily apparent that you are strongly lacking in reading comprehension, critical thinking, and just now, any sort of originality or creativity to your writing. I have every right to criticize your "critique" based on what I have read and going by your replies to others, I am right to assume that your "critique" is not worth anyone's time or energy to read in its entirety.

Good lord you are such an elitist, who represents everything wrong with the FF fanbase again? Sorry if I’m not a perfect writer because this is the first commentary I ever did, but I am NOT lacking in reading comprehension, I have a huge attention to details, Garnet is a moron and rendered the entire beginning of the game pointless, there is no question of that. Beatrix is badly written, Steiner is obnoxious, Zidane is generic and cliché and there are a lot of contrivances and plot holes. You can not judge my work until you read it in it’s entirety and ALL the context, here is the quote from the fic where my big criticisms starts, near the end of Lindblum when Garnet starts acting like an idiot:

And here it is, THIS, this is the drop off point, this is the moment that I have been building up to, this is where the whole game goes downhill into a messy wreck, here we go with one of the worst moments in the game, if not the series, where Garnet DRUGS AND ABANDONS Zidane and her friends, and makes the whole beginning of the game with the kidnapping and the first few hours of gameplay getting her to Lindblum, COMPLETELY POINTLESS, and then dragging us on a long, stupid, boring and pointless sub-quest with a painfully obvious conclusion that can be seen from miles away, and causing tons of destruction as the result (giving more power to the bad guy causing other countries to get blown up from her Eidolons) and to make things worse, she NEVER gets called out on any of this, especially by Zidane who should very rightfully be pissed with her, she just gets treated as a "victim" and then we get even more whining and wangst from her, the little sub plot of her going mute later from "shock" doesn't help things. To reply to what Garnet said above earlier: YES, yes you are that freaking naïve and it's going to get worse from here.

Most of all, it ruins the love story a lot. This game that acts like Zidane/Garnet is a big deal, as stated above, has all that romantic build up in the past, especially with the FMV a while ago with Garnet singing and Zidane watching and the emotional music, and it's all been rendered pointless by this dumb scene, and again the fact that Zidane isn't rightfully upset with her and has a heated emotional discussion with her afterwards just makes it much worse. And yet people rip on Rinoa more instead. Refusing to accept that one is inept is immature. Refusing to even hear the argument because one's skills and/or status will ensure success is arrogance. And arrogance should annoy a lot more than immaturity.

I can makes pages on all the contrivances, inconsistencies, and bad writing surrounding this stupidity, but if I did all that here this chapter and rant would be too long, so I'm going to give it in pieces as this stupid subplot goes along and will explain a MUCH better way this part of the game should have gone.

Also how the heck did she slip the weed in without anyone noticing?

Link to Chapter 4:

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14012757/4/Everything-Wrong-with-Final-Fantasy-IX

 

[NC1234567]

>Has no argument

 

[LNK]

No, just that it was after VII and VIII which had some of the highest sales, while IX’s was quite a drop, it was half of VII’s sales.

As was already pointed out, 9s drop in sales, was mostly due to its release (which you totally ignored in your response). It was released after ps2 had already dropped, and people were anticipating 10. Not because of the quality of the game. Again, it's been shown 9 has for the most part, always been high up on the ranking of ff games.

Regarding the crystals, that is not good enough, first off, we don’t even get renders of most of the Eidolon crystals, secondly the tagline is the CRYSTAL comes back, as in singular, clearly referring to the Crystal on the logo art, that doesn’t show up until the last minute with no build up and foreshadowing throughout the game

That's fine if it's not enough for you, but it was enough for most people. You're in the minority here. Don't you get that?

You say you want to bring to light the big issues, prior to the possible Remake and TV show. The problem is, MOST people disagree with you.

The false sense of entitlement you have, is astounding.

 

[LNK]

Yeah well that popularity is undeserved, IX is overrated.

I think 7 takes the cake on that one.

 

[Dawnbreaker]

Wow...

I mean, I don't love FFIX, but I do like it and thought it was fun. And I agree that Beatrix's faceturn seemed a bit rushed to me, but not overly note-worthy-so. And Garnet annoyed me, but just that. So I don't entirely disagree with you, OP, but I do have to say...

...29 chapters is a lot of writing over dislike of a 22 year old video game. And you rant against other people for supposedly being overly attached to said video game, but you spent 29 chapters dictating how much you hate it and yet excuse yourself of obsession?

...also, I'm getting that vibe that Mako is talking about. Might do you some good to do a little introspection about that, too.