FFVII Fan Fic

Fantasy Of Darkness

Another Reminant of Sephiroth
AKA
Elstan Shadow
Right yeah I know its sad but I don't care so heres the first chapter I hope you enjoy.......

Chapter 1
The birth of a new SOLDIER
Elstan sat behind her computer at the science department at ShinRa HQ. Her silver hair was tied up in a long ponytail hanging down past her waist. Her green cat like eyes glued to the screen. She yawned as Hojo walked in. “Elstan have you finished the analysis yet?” he barked. Elstan sighed and stood up. “Nearly just give me some more time. And besides I’ve been here for three hours straight cant I take a break?” she said. Hojo glared at her then let her go. Elstan grabbed her bag and left with a sigh of relief.

She walked up to the SOLDIER floor to look for one of her friends. She saw a second class with short spiked black hair and blue eyes. ‘Wow. He’s kinda cute.’ She thought. She walked up to him. “Err hi there. Im looking for Sephiroth have you seen him?” she asked. The man looked at her and stopped doing his squats. “Last time I saw him he was in the training room.” He said. Elstan’s heart was beating really fast. “I’m Zack Fair. And you are...?” he smiled. Elstan shook her head trying to stop fantasising. “Im Elstan Shadow. And before you say I know I look like Sephiroth that’s because Im his daughter.” She said. Zack smiled. “Well let me escort you.” He said. Elstan sighed. “No that won’t be needed. Thanks anyway.” She smiled and ran off.

She saw Sephiroth exit the training room with a student. “Alright see you next week.” He said and the third class walked off. He turned around and saw Elstan. “What do you want, Elstan?” he asked. She looked rather taken aback. “Moody much?” she sighed putting her hands on her hips. She glared but then smiled. “I need you to do something for me.” She said. Sephiroth sighed and put a hand on his daughter’s shoulder. “I cannot at the moment. I’m sorry child.” He said. Elstan looked at her feet. “I just want to join SOLDIER.” She said. She looked back up and her father was smiling. “Well you have finally made the right choice. I will have Angeal train you.” He said. Elstan hugged him then ran to get her uniform...If it was ready.

A SOLDIER operative was waiting for her. “Your uniforms ready.” He said handing it to her. Elstan changed and waited for Angeal. He came in followed by the guy she had seen earlier. What was his name? Jack? No...Zack Fair. Zack smiled at her. “Ah. So the great Sephiroth’s child has come to train with us.” He joked. Elstan blushed. Laughing , Zack put an arm around her shoulders. “Maybe you have your father’s talents. Only time will tell.” He said. Elstan nodded. “Yeah I guess.” She said. Angeal looked at them both. “Come, Sephiroth and Genesis are waiting.” He said. Genesis? WOW. Elstan couldn’t wait to meet her dear friend.

She spotted Genesis first. She ran up to him and hugged him. “It’s so good to see you.” She said. Genesis laughed. “You too, Elstan.” He smiled. Elstan looked at Zack and walked back to him. “I have something I want to tell you after training.” She whispered into his ear. When she faced him once more she saw a playful sparkle in his eyes. She winked but then Sephiroth came between them. “Come Elstan we must leave for Costa De Sol.” He said. She looked confused but didn’t argue. She sighed and walked at Zack’s side to the helicopter.
As they boarded, Zack helped her on. “Thanks.” She smiled. She sat next to him but Sephiroth had his eye on her. Elstan turned towards Zack. “Zack I err.” She began. Zack waved her down. “No need I already have an idea of what you’re gonna say and from the first moment I saw you I felt the same.” He said. He pressed his forehead against hers and smiled. Elstan forgot that Genesis, Angeal and Sephiroth were with them and kissed him. She pulled away from him as soon as she heard her father growl. “Sorry I didn’t mean it to go this far.” She said. Sephiroth glared at her. Maybe he didn’t want her hurting Zack like she did with her ex.
 

Fantasy Of Darkness

Another Reminant of Sephiroth
AKA
Elstan Shadow
Ok guys before I post the next chapter I need your opinions otherwise I will not carry on. So if you want to leave me feedback that would be cool...Thanks,

Fantasy Of Darkness
 

Fantasy Of Darkness

Another Reminant of Sephiroth
AKA
Elstan Shadow
Continued

Chapter 2
The Dragon's Call

As they left the helicopter, Elstan felt something. She let out a gasp and Zack turned to her. "Are you alright?" he asked. Elstan shook her head. Being a Witch wasn't easy but sometimes it had to be done. "SEPHIROTH!" Zack shouted. Sephiroth turned around this time Elstan was on her hands and knees. "What's going on?" he demanded. Elstan's breathing steadied. She looked up at her father. "We cannot go any further. It's far too dangerous." she said. Genesis walked over and crouched down. "What do you mean?" he asked. The glint in his eyes were confused. "Im changing." she whispered. Before the other four had time to react Elstan changed into a beautiful purple dragon. The curse of her Coven. The only people who could change her back was blood relatives and her True Love. She flew off not wanting to cause anymore trouble.

She flew for what seemed hours and found her birth home. Icicle Village. She sighed as she landed on the outskirts. She shook her head and growled softly. What have I done? she thought to herself. She lay down on the pure white snow and rested her head on her front legs. She wrapped her tail around her and sighed heavily. Becoming a Dragon was not what she wanted but being related to a Shadow Dragon is something she had to live with. A tear escaped her green cat like eyes and fell on the snow and freezed almost suddenly. Elstan only hoped that Zack was the one. The one who would love her for all of time. Her own True Love. But finding that Love was easier said than done.

Meanwhile back at Costa De Sol, Zack was worried for Elstan's safety. "We have to find her." he said. He looked at Angeal. Then to Genesis and finally to Sephiroth. "She might have gone to her home village. But it's near the Northern Crater. She's from a powerful Witch Coven called the Shadow Coven. Related to the great Shadow Dragon, Delano, they have a rare gift. If a Witch of that Coven gets emotionally upset or angry they will turn into their Dragon form. Only a blood relative or their True Love can change them back to thier human form." Sephiroth explained. Zack stood up and began to walk northwards. No doubt in his heart he loved her but would he succeed?
 

Dashell

SMILE!
AKA
Sonique, Quexinos, Pinkie Pie, Derpy Hooves
So... who is Elstan?
I'm not going to just read a fic about someone I don't know. Sorry but that's not a good way to entice your readers. Most people think Mary-sue immediately whether or not she is. ESPECIALLY when a main FFVII character (Zack) is in love with your Mary... I mean your character. That's a big no no. Don't do that. I mean WTF happened to Aerith?

Also you need to work a bit on showing, not telling. Your story just isn't flowing nicely and you can't really picture anything. You also have many spelling, grammar and format errors. It's all centered and... stuff. Here my thoughts are in italics.

Meanwhile back at Costa De Sol, Zack felt worried for Elstan's safety. (Don't just say he was worried, say WHY. What was he doing that you could tell he was worried? How did he feel? Was he shaking? Was his stomach upset?)

"We have to find her," he said. He looked at Angeal, then to Genesis, and finally, to Sephiroth.

Sephiroth explained, (Put Seph explained first because I honestly thought Zack was talking still) "She might have gone to her home village, but it's near the Northern Crater. (Grammar)She's from a powerful Witch Coven called the Shadow Coven. She's related to the great Shadow Dragon, Delano. (Who the hell is this? Explain plz)They have a rare gift. If a Witch(Don't capitalize words for no reason) of that Coven gets emotionally upset or angry they will turn into their Dragon (again, why is dragon capitalized?) form. Only a blood relative or their True Love (true love, no capitals plz)can change them back to their human form."

Zack stood up and began to walk northwards. No doubt in his heart he loved her but would he succeed?

Don't have Zack be in love with her. Give her her own BF or something. This screams of self insertion and it's just not a good tactic. Honestly I've done TONS of self insert fanfics in my life, not even renaming my character in the story. The difference is I usually end up writing them with my friends and we just write silly shit about ourselves in other worlds and, normally I don't publish them.

Also don't end with a question like that. It's awkward. "Truly he loved her but he wasn't sure if he would succeed." or something idk.
 
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CK

buried but breathing
AKA
CK, 2D, wanker
Sephorith's long lost daughter hurr durr.

Btw this is pure drivel. That's all I have to say.
 
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Dashell

SMILE!
AKA
Sonique, Quexinos, Pinkie Pie, Derpy Hooves
Oh sorry CK, I edited my post and kind of rendered yours pointless.

EDIT:
Oh and I just saw your AKA field, so you ARE self inserting yourself. Don't, just don't. At least rename her. name her Alison
 

CK

buried but breathing
AKA
CK, 2D, wanker
I added something constructive so it's not so pointless. :awesome:
 

CK

buried but breathing
AKA
CK, 2D, wanker
What a shame. I guess we can all forget Yazoo was in AC now.
 
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Dashell

SMILE!
AKA
Sonique, Quexinos, Pinkie Pie, Derpy Hooves
I mean posted any more of her fic ... she still posted in another topic.

I gave all that criticism for nothing.
 

CK

buried but breathing
AKA
CK, 2D, wanker
It wasn't for nothing. Since she's not posting any more now. :monster:
 
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