Holy **** has anyone played this?

[Strangelove]

That is the template for most mobile game apps, it seems. You're either waiting ages to do something in which time you can't really do anything in the game (be that waiting for your characters to revive so you can fight again or waiting for the elements of your town/army base/theme park to earn you money so you can buy something new), or you're pushed towards buying something with real money because getting it just through playing the game is tedious and drawn out. That is, unless, you need to a second type of currency which is in ridiculously short supply in game while the things that need these ask for such high numbers that the only way you're going to get anywhere fast is shelling out money. Even when they offer you some for watching an ad or signing up to something, it's never a lot you get from it.

Micro transactions are the Devil and one of the worse things to come out of the mobile gaming/app community. Spend more money than a console game to buy a sack of gold that will probably be gone quick because the prices of items in these games are so high? Yeah, sure, that's totally reasonable.

 

[ForceStealer]

I've never paid for a cell phone game. The only ones I have were free. (Triple Triad, some Bejeweled/Pokemon hybrid, a generic JRPG, and an SNES emulator) And I still hardly play them.

 

[Kermitu Kleric Katie]

Yknow, this game reminds me of #5 in this cracked article.

 

[Splintered]

Microtransactions worked for the smaller, indy games that did it well and needed it to survive. They were unobtrusive and you could play a good amount of the game for free, but then pay to support the developers. This was an awesome new platform for smaller gaming developers to get their shit out there. Not the bullshit Square Enix is doing and other publishers tried to do.

I still like Squeenix, maybe I've got battered spouse syndrome or something. But I'm so tired of their stupid pricing policies, where they spit out crap like this, without any bit of effort and then expect more money.

What gets me is that they are attempting the same thing with the kickstarter model NO. I like the games that I've purchased from them, I even liked XIII, but if you continue to slander your companies name and destroy player trust, then why the fuck should the consumer buy a product not even created- when you have fucked them over before. Make a good product, and then I will buy it, don't expect profit on your promise alone. I understand that this is how preorders are done but at least there is some guarantee with preorders... and even then you can get fucked over.

Hopefully, they'll make good on their promise in mobile gaming. They might make some money in the short term on unsuspecting fans, you know the loyal ones, and essentially scamming them. But losing the trust of your loyal fans hurts in the long run, they are the ones that would invest in that stupid kickstarter model and do the preorders that publishers want so bad.

I don't even hate mobile gaming. I think mobile gaming can be a power for good. I don't do it much, but I played a little of Dead Meadow and yeah. You can definitely make a good game on it. Hire a small, competent development team, one that specializes in mobile gaming and let them do their thing. Price is reasonably, make it fun so people will continue to want to play. Because whoever was in charge of this shit was incompetent.

 

[Blade]

The Russian mistranslation of Final Fantasy 6 was more entertaining than this...

 

[Cthulhu]

to be fair, no one has played this game

they have been played by the game instead

In Soviet Russia, game plays YOU!

 

[Arianna]

The Russian mistranslation of Final Fantasy 6 was more entertaining than this...

What did it say?

 

[Blade]

It was a Russian Bootleg translation of FF6 that was featured at one point on Engrish.com. It contained some really funny passages but it disappeared and there's barely any scraps of it left though that I could find.

http://valiantknife.org/locke/essays.php?translation

If someone more well-versed in Google-Kung-Fu or Way-back-Karate could find it (or the rom, haha), I'm sure the world would treasure it.

 

[Unlucky]

KEFKA: This makes me not the gay!

I second the search for moar

 

[The_Kusabi_]

That Russian translation is awesome, I so want to see the whole thing. I couldn't come up with lines that weird if I tried

 

[TheEdgeofDespair]

So, I have been scrounging around the internet looking for more quotes from the bootleg Russian translation, and this is what I have so far:

TERRA: A manf said my memory could get back into me
LOCKE: Give it hours. You're locked in with me! I bequeath you my vocabulary!
TERRA: ???
LOCKE: I won't leave your dance you until your moory returns!!

MAN: How happy of me to rotate my rear one to a lady!
LOCKE: Orate to you later!
EDGAR: It's not in my brood to slaughter em the ladyy.

TERRA: Look, are you helping me?
Is it because of mi maggiccian?
EDGAR: I'll give you 3 reasons:
your pretty has bondaged me!
SecondI'm commiting suicide to know if I'm your special unit
EDGAR: Assumes my technique's getting a bit decrepit. Come find me when feel me rested.
TERRA: Feel free to wonder my hulking. God Crab me the king

KEFKA: This makes me not the gay!

KEFKA: Child of a *****!

WEDGE: Let's put her on a stick. No sense taking any risks.

KEFKA: Thanks to one's me, our castle now has flames! Dive into my bar...be...cue! get you the fire retarted clothing!! Otherwise, you have not opportunity to survive.

LOCKE: Within the crust, EDGAR pretends to support the reich. Beneth the pudding, he's collaborating with the Returners, an society opposed to the Empire. I he toutches me privately for that group. The old man you shared housed in Narshe is touchning me too.

MOOGLE: Position us to the position to depregnate TERRA from the soilders danger!

LOCKE: This better does not it have something that to see with which riding of Magitek, imperial_witch! She as isint still that largely you decrepit pervertido.

KEFKA: I'd hate to be you if we find out you are telling us wint o schane...fluff fluff ha ha fluff!

LOCKE: THAT'S NOT CORRACT!

LOCKE: [...] the hunter of the treasure and the traveler carried of the trace [...]

LOCKE: [...] seeking the world on collectovers. marriges and the for relics of the pairt [...]

KEFKA: [...] my sweet little magiccian, ueee all its mind is obtains me!

EDGAR: [...] he recently tried to get *boing boing* with the high priestess.

PRISCILLA: I wanna get sex the king!

I will update this post as I find more of the script, but, for now, enjoy.

EDIT: At the moment, I am still trying to track down the whole script as it was originally posted on the Engrish.com forums in 2004. Unfortunately, the Wayback Machine has denied access to the archives of old ezboard forums due to a censorship request from yuku.com-- the company that bought out ezboard. There is a mirror of the Wayback Machine's archive at web.archive.bibalex.org, but the page with the original thread is not properly indexed in the archive; so, I am attempting to crawl the archive with Httrack to find the thread. Regardless, I was able to dig up some more information on the original post. The original post was made by a user by the name of "gguru1," the thread was created sometime around 23 February 2004, one of the users to view the original post was "GodJesus," and the original thread's title was "final fantasy engrish motherload (must read)."

 

[Octo]

Oh holy shit I'm crying here! XD

 

[Farron]

LOCKE: Within the crust, EDGAR pretends to support the reich. Beneth the pudding, he's collaborating with the Returners, an society opposed to the Empire. I he toutches me privately for that group. The old man you shared housed in Narshe is touchning me too.

Best Final Fantasy VI translation ever !

btw dieing of laughter !

 

[Jason Tandro]

So not to revive a dead thread or anything, but I played this game and I have to say, I had a bit of fun with it. Sure it was clearly a ridiculous money-grab, but I went in fully aware of that.

That said, while there was some good humor in the descriptions and some nostalgia with the enemies and locations, it is, let's face it, the worst Final Fantasy game ever made. On a scale from Zelda CD-i to Typing of the Dead, I'd say this spin-off hits about Mario Is Missing level of failure (and to be fair, Typing of the Dead looks pretty cool).

 

[TheEdgeofDespair]

I know it might be a forum faux pas to resurrect this thread, but, recently either the Wayback Machine changed its policies regarding robots.txt or Engrish.com removed its robots.txt on the old ezboard forum domain. Long story short, the original forum post with the bootleg Final Fantasy VI script can be viewed again.

http://web.archive.org/web/20060622...ssageboardsfrm3.showMessage?topicID=209.topic

Here is a complete list of all of the mistranslated lines:

"****man, the cold went here, that curses foreigner is better living. "

" You can give me thanks later. We will approach of the east. Then we will obtain the obtains wepon, table of cross of picotazo. Give ours better and laughs a shelter."

" A great deal time ago, the War of the Magiciansi mast to reduced the world to a vari umpretty state. The 1000 Espers dissapeared suddendly. 1000 years have passed_ Iron, and most primarily Magi Sphere have been reversed fidsocerd, and high technology seises control of life. But there is some who it would enslave the world by to revive the destructive terror 'magiccian." It is able only medium is that Is able is it that those are the power of you create me in the power are in the edge ofrepeating ones sentless and a deadly mistake?"

"WEDGE: Let's put her on a stick. No sense taking any risks."

" WEDGE: Lade up with briefness, administer upwith placet not briefness oh "

" GUARD: All its victor is obtains us! "

"VICKS: ****ing picteure of a gate. Stand back for slafety! "

"Lucked." (seen when trying to open a locked door.)

"Celea: who **** are you?
OLD MAN: Whoa! Oh, an I solitary removed recently a cover of the slavery
GIRL: mental...hurts
OLD MAN: Simplify its is a Crown of Slave. The other they had the complete control on you while you carried it, they exchanged it as, 50 times
GIRL: I cannot recall a thing
OLD MAN: Don't worry. Posa all will return al time you_in, that is once I give it the smells in and was oh? Impressive! I've never heard of anyone recovering this fastly
(soilder knocks on door)
SOLDIER: Having an open up! Give us our magician back! Open this door! Give us our back of majula! She's an scautory of the Empire!
OLD MAN: Oh now, soliders! We must get us the escape!"

"Choose fellows a name." (select name screen)

"Get!" (soldiers capture main character)

"JKefka: My sweet little magiccian, Ueee All its mind is obtains me!" (kefka uses mind control crown on main character)

"Terra: No-noon bad! Stop somthering me!" (reaction to above)

"GESTAHL:Sotros stop in the edge of a greater advancement! In the days to come, we will do all its world obtains for us! With ours new found the power, can nothing impede the step! " (bad guy speach to minions)

"OLD MAN: One's taken the sufficient thing! How go the to steal and I plunder the commerce? "

"LOCKE: This better does not it have something that to see with which riding of Magitek, imperial_witch! She as isint still that largely you decrepit pervertido."

"LOCKE: "I think we'd all us better help her"

"The hunter of the treasure and the traveler carried of the trace, seeking the world on collectovers, marriges, and the for relics of the pairt"

"GUARD: US GET!"

"MOOGLE: Position us to the position to depregnate TERRA from the soilders danger!"

"TERRA: My god, where has you in the cave fightin mean me"

"LOCKE: I thank this switch" (Locke hitting switch)

"TERRA: A manf said my memory could get back into me
LOCKE: Give it hours. You're locked in with me! I bequeath you my vocabulary!
TERRA: ???
LOCKE: I won't leave your dance you until your moory returns!!"

"MAN: How happy of me to rotate my rear one to a lady!"

"LOCKE: Orate to you later!"

"EDGAR: It's not in my brood to slaughter em the ladyy."

"TERRA: Look, are you helping me?
Is it because of mi maggiccian?
EDGAR: I'll give you 3 reasons:
your pretty has bondaged me!
SecondI'm commiting suicide to know if I'm your special unit
EDGAR: Assumes my technique's getting a bit decrepit. Come find me when feel me rested.
TERRA: Feel free to wonder my hulking. God Crab me the king (end of scene)"

"Gestahl has harassed by the power of maji."

"I wanna get sex the king!"

"He recently tried to get "boing...boing" with the high priestess"

"KEFKA: Ahem...one of yous has sandicated on my boots damn damn!"

"EDGAR: It would not have Hmm...this something that to see with this [witch] all were the c about, does?"

"KEFKA: I'd hate to be you if we find out you are telling us wint o schane...fluff fluff ha ha fluff!"

"LOCKE: Within the crust, EDGAR pretends to support the reich .
Beneth the pudding, he's collaborating with the Returners, an society opposed to the Empire. I he toutches me privately for that group. The old man you shared housed in Narshe is touchning me too."

"TERRA: Empire but I'm a soldier of the Empire! (the first correct sentence so far)
LOCKE: THATS NOT CORRACT
They were bondage you!
Things are of a new situation now."

"KEFKA: Thanks to one's me, our castle now has flames! Dive into my bar...be...cue! get you the fire retarted clothing!! Otherwise, you have not opportunity to survive."

"CHANCELLOR: No one can touch us personally!"

"KEFKA: Child of a *****!"

"KEFKA: This makes me not the gay!"

"EDGAR: TERRA, there's someone I'd like you to meat!"

"EDGAR: I'm sure kefka is going to come on you like a hunting dog"

 

[Jason Tandro]

Yes. I purchased all content and beasted through it for the purposes of reviewing / making an article on whether or not this sort of brand-whoring was ever justified.

I will say this. The "out-of-the-box" game is mediocre, but I wasn't drawn to the game play as much as the nostalgia. Hearing the old melodies play while I practice fingering a woman with my little sprites was kind of cool, and the humor they throw into the item and character screens was appreciated and funny.

But that said it was less a game and more of a $4 slightly interactive remiscence of the series. What pushed into into super-star-suck was the maligned premium content, without which I think this game may have gotten a pass as just "a cute, if simplistic, time waster."