LicoriceAllsorts
Donator
I channel the Bard!
This is the first bit of something I've been tinkering with for a while.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything that belongs to Square Enix. I'm also, quite obviously, not Shakespeare, though I don't think he'll sue.
**********************************************************
PROLOGUE
The Lifestream, which doth circle our dear Planet,
Wherein all life both issues and returns
Was once abused and sucked upon for profit
By Shinra – O, will mankind never learn? –
And to defend their int’rests, they created
A SOLDIER, who, on learning of his birth,
First Shinra, and then everything he hated,
He sought to cleanse, by fire, from this Earth.
Then AVALANCHE, the heroes, came to fight him
And by their love and courage saved the world.
Yet even they our darkness could not lighten
And now a worse affliction has unfurled.
Salvation still eludes us, hearts are fraught:
The Planet is much madder than we thought.
<Enter Rufus Shinra>
Rufus:
Behold me, captain once of industry,
President of a mighty corporation,
Most powerful, and richest, man on earth,
Reduced to a pathetic crippled wretch.
A hideous black stigmata, a foul curse
Corrupts my skin and turns my blood to tar
And wracks my tender bones with such pure torment
I beg for pity from the brazen sky.
They call it Geostigma; there’s no cure.
And many thousands round me suffer too,
And daily die, alone, abused, abandoned
By those whose love is overset by fear.
Will I, too, sit meekly in my wheelchair,
And wait for fate to rot me from within?
I say I will not; therefore have I sent
Some loyal servants of my company
To seek the root and source of this fell evil:
Jenova’s head, from whence springs all our woes.
From those same alien cells, which once we used
To breed forbidden monsters in our labs
The Shinra Corporation will devise
A wondrous drug, the needed remedy:
To thus put right the wrongs which we have done.
And now good cheer: I see they do return.
<Enter Rude and Reno>
Well met, my friends, I trust you bring me joy?
And where are Tseng and Laney? You don’t speak?
Yet in your hands, good Reno, I espy
A treasure box that urges me to hope.
Come, come. Still mute? Now, tell me - what’s the news?
Reno: I know not, yo, how best I may unfold
The sorrow and the gladness that we bear.
We have Jenova’s head, my lord, right here
But Tseng and sweet Elena, they are lost.
Rufus: Lost? Pronounce it not! My Tseng? And Laney?
Rude: Alas, my lord.
Reno: T’was in the Northern Crater, as you thought
But when I flew the chopper down to fetch
My master and the rookie from the cave,
Who had between them found the thing we sought,
Three youths in leather clad, with silver hair
Attacked with unprovoked ferocity.
Then did Tseng bid us grab the head and flee.
Rufus; You did not see them die? Fair hope yet lives.
Take me within.
Reno: I prithee, sir, forbear
To use such saucey words of double meaning.
The audience might get the wrong idea.
SCENE TWO. SEVENTH HEAVEN, A BAR IN EDGE
a phone rings
Tifa: What irony! That phone does not stop ringing
The callers seek a man who is not here.
And if I only knew the place to find him,
I would not be here either. Marlene, ho!
Marlene: I’m busy right now looking after Denzel.
His Geostigma’s really bad today.
Tifa: All right, sweetie, I’ll answer it myself.
Hullo? Oh, yes, I do remember you.
The red-haired sexy slob, the one who dropped
The seventh plate of Midgar on the slums
And wiped out countless innocent dear souls
And crushed my bar, my friends, my joy, my home.
How you been doin’? Cloud? No, he’s not here.
I’ll leave him a voice message, say you called.
Drop round for a drink some time, why don’t you?
SCENE THREE. A BLASTED HEATH.
Enter Cloud
Cloud
Though restless motion cannot bring relief
From leaden guilt that weighs my stricken soul
And dogs my footsteps like a hungry wolf
Gnawing on my shackled, sinful heart,
Yet still I – Oh, I have a message.
‘Tis Tifa! More guilt! Guilt everywhere I turn!
She bids me make all haste to Healen Lodge
Where work awaits this blonde delivery boy.
Noises off
What, ho? Who are you, you there? Show yourselves.
Enter Loz, Yazoo, and Kadaj
Kadaj
Ah, at last we find our long-lost brother.
Loz
Thou, bro, be swift, and hand over mother.
Yazoo
Cease thy sniveling, Loz, thou puling babe.
Cloud
I know not who you are, and what you say
Doth make no sense to my perplexed ears.
You look strangely familiar, but who
You remind me of I cannot recall.
I am in haste on an urgent errand.
And you are in my way. Therefore, begone!
They fight.
Exeunt Kadaj, Loz, and Yazoo.
Cloud
As suddenly as they appeared, they go.
And I must go to Healen Lodge. Healen!
How easily that word trips from my tongue.
Would that it could be gained with equal ease.
Healen, aye. And ‘tis Healing that I seek.
And the ailing world doth seek it with me,
That healing that is nowhere to be found.
Unhealed, swift-heeled, I go in search of Healen.
Exit Cloud
SCENE 4. HEALEN LODGE
Enter Cloud and Reno
Reno
Hail, Cloud, and ‘tis a long time no see, and indeed we have been waiting a long time, a pretty time, to see thee, for thou hast taken thy time, thou pretty piece of flesh, zo to. And therefore may I well say hail cloud, for thou art like the hail that falleth from the gloomy emo clouds and breaketh things and hitteth my head and generally giveth me a real downer, yo.
Cloud
Is’t me, or dost thou speak passing strangely?
Reno
The most useful thing, zo, about having
An idiosyncratic speech pattern
Is that I can insert a few extra
Syllables whenever I need to, yo.
Cloud
I stay not to bandy words with thee, fool.
Be off with thee. And leave Tifa alone.
Reno
Like thou’d know what to do with her.
<exit Reno, sprawling (but not sorry)>
Rude
…. Cloud
Cloud
Someone who talks sense at last! Rude, tell me:
Who summoned me here and for what purpose?
Rude
Behold, he comes.
Reno
<off> Watch what thou sayest!
Enter Rufus Shinra
Rufus
I see thou hast not lost thy touch, for thou
Fightest like the SOLDER thou once claimed to be.
Cloud
Rufus Shinra! Do I feel sorry for
You! You’re alive, but you must be poor now.
Rufus
Surprisingly, I’m still a wealthy man.
This scene could get quite long, so I’ll be brief.
Sephiroth, the nightmare Shinra SOLDIER,
Who slew my father, and burnt down thy town,
And killed that cute chick Tseng was crushing on,
And summoned Meteor to wreck the planet;
The one whom thou hast slain two times already,
Lives yet within the Lifestream, seeks revenge,
Poisons all life, causes Geostigma.
And therefore do I need a bodyguard,
While I right the wrongs that I wrought this world.
Cloud
Methinks you do not tell me everything.
Rufus
I would never lie to an old comrade.
Cloud
I know you for the very prince of liars, I!
What of ‘mother’, Rufus? What of silver
-haired, leather-clad, androgynous young men
on motorbikes?
Reno
<off> Hey, who art thou to talk?
Rufus
We don’t know who they are or what they want.
But come, what say'st thou, Cloud, to my offer?
Consider the children who live with thee.
Dost thou not wish to see smiles on their faces?
Reno
<off> Cloud, think about it. Together we could –
Cloud
Forget it. He steals all my scenes. I’m off.
Exit Cloud
Rude, Rufus
Reno!
To be continued, if anyone enjoys it.
This is the first bit of something I've been tinkering with for a while.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything that belongs to Square Enix. I'm also, quite obviously, not Shakespeare, though I don't think he'll sue.
**********************************************************
PROLOGUE
The Lifestream, which doth circle our dear Planet,
Wherein all life both issues and returns
Was once abused and sucked upon for profit
By Shinra – O, will mankind never learn? –
And to defend their int’rests, they created
A SOLDIER, who, on learning of his birth,
First Shinra, and then everything he hated,
He sought to cleanse, by fire, from this Earth.
Then AVALANCHE, the heroes, came to fight him
And by their love and courage saved the world.
Yet even they our darkness could not lighten
And now a worse affliction has unfurled.
Salvation still eludes us, hearts are fraught:
The Planet is much madder than we thought.
<Enter Rufus Shinra>
Rufus:
Behold me, captain once of industry,
President of a mighty corporation,
Most powerful, and richest, man on earth,
Reduced to a pathetic crippled wretch.
A hideous black stigmata, a foul curse
Corrupts my skin and turns my blood to tar
And wracks my tender bones with such pure torment
I beg for pity from the brazen sky.
They call it Geostigma; there’s no cure.
And many thousands round me suffer too,
And daily die, alone, abused, abandoned
By those whose love is overset by fear.
Will I, too, sit meekly in my wheelchair,
And wait for fate to rot me from within?
I say I will not; therefore have I sent
Some loyal servants of my company
To seek the root and source of this fell evil:
Jenova’s head, from whence springs all our woes.
From those same alien cells, which once we used
To breed forbidden monsters in our labs
The Shinra Corporation will devise
A wondrous drug, the needed remedy:
To thus put right the wrongs which we have done.
And now good cheer: I see they do return.
<Enter Rude and Reno>
Well met, my friends, I trust you bring me joy?
And where are Tseng and Laney? You don’t speak?
Yet in your hands, good Reno, I espy
A treasure box that urges me to hope.
Come, come. Still mute? Now, tell me - what’s the news?
Reno: I know not, yo, how best I may unfold
The sorrow and the gladness that we bear.
We have Jenova’s head, my lord, right here
But Tseng and sweet Elena, they are lost.
Rufus: Lost? Pronounce it not! My Tseng? And Laney?
Rude: Alas, my lord.
Reno: T’was in the Northern Crater, as you thought
But when I flew the chopper down to fetch
My master and the rookie from the cave,
Who had between them found the thing we sought,
Three youths in leather clad, with silver hair
Attacked with unprovoked ferocity.
Then did Tseng bid us grab the head and flee.
Rufus; You did not see them die? Fair hope yet lives.
Take me within.
Reno: I prithee, sir, forbear
To use such saucey words of double meaning.
The audience might get the wrong idea.
SCENE TWO. SEVENTH HEAVEN, A BAR IN EDGE
a phone rings
Tifa: What irony! That phone does not stop ringing
The callers seek a man who is not here.
And if I only knew the place to find him,
I would not be here either. Marlene, ho!
Marlene: I’m busy right now looking after Denzel.
His Geostigma’s really bad today.
Tifa: All right, sweetie, I’ll answer it myself.
Hullo? Oh, yes, I do remember you.
The red-haired sexy slob, the one who dropped
The seventh plate of Midgar on the slums
And wiped out countless innocent dear souls
And crushed my bar, my friends, my joy, my home.
How you been doin’? Cloud? No, he’s not here.
I’ll leave him a voice message, say you called.
Drop round for a drink some time, why don’t you?
SCENE THREE. A BLASTED HEATH.
Enter Cloud
Cloud
Though restless motion cannot bring relief
From leaden guilt that weighs my stricken soul
And dogs my footsteps like a hungry wolf
Gnawing on my shackled, sinful heart,
Yet still I – Oh, I have a message.
‘Tis Tifa! More guilt! Guilt everywhere I turn!
She bids me make all haste to Healen Lodge
Where work awaits this blonde delivery boy.
Noises off
What, ho? Who are you, you there? Show yourselves.
Enter Loz, Yazoo, and Kadaj
Kadaj
Ah, at last we find our long-lost brother.
Loz
Thou, bro, be swift, and hand over mother.
Yazoo
Cease thy sniveling, Loz, thou puling babe.
Cloud
I know not who you are, and what you say
Doth make no sense to my perplexed ears.
You look strangely familiar, but who
You remind me of I cannot recall.
I am in haste on an urgent errand.
And you are in my way. Therefore, begone!
They fight.
Exeunt Kadaj, Loz, and Yazoo.
Cloud
As suddenly as they appeared, they go.
And I must go to Healen Lodge. Healen!
How easily that word trips from my tongue.
Would that it could be gained with equal ease.
Healen, aye. And ‘tis Healing that I seek.
And the ailing world doth seek it with me,
That healing that is nowhere to be found.
Unhealed, swift-heeled, I go in search of Healen.
Exit Cloud
SCENE 4. HEALEN LODGE
Enter Cloud and Reno
Reno
Hail, Cloud, and ‘tis a long time no see, and indeed we have been waiting a long time, a pretty time, to see thee, for thou hast taken thy time, thou pretty piece of flesh, zo to. And therefore may I well say hail cloud, for thou art like the hail that falleth from the gloomy emo clouds and breaketh things and hitteth my head and generally giveth me a real downer, yo.
Cloud
Is’t me, or dost thou speak passing strangely?
Reno
The most useful thing, zo, about having
An idiosyncratic speech pattern
Is that I can insert a few extra
Syllables whenever I need to, yo.
Cloud
I stay not to bandy words with thee, fool.
Be off with thee. And leave Tifa alone.
Reno
Like thou’d know what to do with her.
<exit Reno, sprawling (but not sorry)>
Rude
…. Cloud
Cloud
Someone who talks sense at last! Rude, tell me:
Who summoned me here and for what purpose?
Rude
Behold, he comes.
Reno
<off> Watch what thou sayest!
Enter Rufus Shinra
Rufus
I see thou hast not lost thy touch, for thou
Fightest like the SOLDER thou once claimed to be.
Cloud
Rufus Shinra! Do I feel sorry for
You! You’re alive, but you must be poor now.
Rufus
Surprisingly, I’m still a wealthy man.
This scene could get quite long, so I’ll be brief.
Sephiroth, the nightmare Shinra SOLDIER,
Who slew my father, and burnt down thy town,
And killed that cute chick Tseng was crushing on,
And summoned Meteor to wreck the planet;
The one whom thou hast slain two times already,
Lives yet within the Lifestream, seeks revenge,
Poisons all life, causes Geostigma.
And therefore do I need a bodyguard,
While I right the wrongs that I wrought this world.
Cloud
Methinks you do not tell me everything.
Rufus
I would never lie to an old comrade.
Cloud
I know you for the very prince of liars, I!
What of ‘mother’, Rufus? What of silver
-haired, leather-clad, androgynous young men
on motorbikes?
Reno
<off> Hey, who art thou to talk?
Rufus
We don’t know who they are or what they want.
But come, what say'st thou, Cloud, to my offer?
Consider the children who live with thee.
Dost thou not wish to see smiles on their faces?
Reno
<off> Cloud, think about it. Together we could –
Cloud
Forget it. He steals all my scenes. I’m off.
Exit Cloud
Rude, Rufus
Reno!
To be continued, if anyone enjoys it.
. Awesome read. I swoon'd.
Nice one. So even Cloud considered using the Phoenix Down. That should shut some of the fandom up. 
