Let's write Case of Cloud

[Pixel]

I was thinking of maybe putting something at the start as a kinda lead in, where he stumbles into the church after geostigma symptoms manifest for the first time, and collapses on the floor or just lies down on a bench feeling sorry for himself.

I think chronologically this could happen after the "I want to drink alone scene". Here's my idea for that scene:

Cloud is experiencing pain in his left arm and decides to pour himself a whiskey (something hard ). He doesnt usually drink, so Tifa finds it strange. As he sits drinking it, rubbing his sore arm, that convo happens and tifa walks off. As she turns to go upstairs, she sees Marlene sitting on the stairs, listening to them. Tifa continues upstairs, and Cloud sees Marlene. "Damn it...", he mutters. Marlene goes upstairs, and Cloud leaves, gets on his bike, and rides to the church. As he approaches on his bike, geostigma strikes and he skids, falling off the bike. Then he stumbles into the church.

 

[Pixel]

So, I've added this to the start.

The door flung open, filling the church with light. Cloud stumbled across the worn floorboards, clutching his left arm. Taking a few strained steps forward, he fell to his knees. His skin felt like it was boiling. He fell to the side, writhing in pain. As he rolled onto his back, he caught a glimpse of the warm light flooding through the hole in the roof. Memories flashed into his mind as he drifted in and out of consciousness. He lifted his hand infront of his face. With the light breaking through his fingers, he could see that it was covered in a dark liquid.

"Damn it...", he murmured.

Cloud blacked out.

I think this would be a nice place to add a bit of Cloud's inner monologue, along the lines of Tifa's "It all started when I was just a girl..." speech.

Anyone have any ideas?


Also added this

After a while, Yuffie remembered something. She put her hand in the pocket of her shorts.

"I um... figured you should have this."

She pulled out a pink ribbon and held it out to Cloud.

"It was lying on the alter after Aerith... I didn't want to just leave it there."

Cloud gave Tifa a quick look, then without saying a word, accepted the ribbon from Yuffie.

"We must never forget her", said Nanaki.

"We won't", replied Yuffie, gently running her hand through his fur.

Cloud stood, absentmindedly gazing at the ribbon. Tifa took his hand and spoke softly to him.

"Maybe we should split it between the seven of us."

 

[LicoriceAllsorts]

I can see Reeve handing the letters over, but I think Tseng would do it himself. Part of me thinks he'd want to face Elmyra and take whatever she had, yelling or hitting or throwing stuff. I think he'd feel like he owed her that at least yknow?

I agree. He may be many things, but he's no coward. And at least as long as he was watching over her, she stayed alive.

If this story is aiming to be at all realistic, Marlene's "love" for Aerith needs to be handled very carefully. How long did Marlene actually know Aerith for? Half an hour? Not much longer than the time it took for Cloud and Tifa to climb to the top of the pillar, at any rate, since Tseng shows up with Aerith almost immediately. If I remember correctly, Aerith made a deal to come quietly with the Turks as long as Marlene was allowed to take refuge with Elmyra (or was than a fanfic? Not sure any more), but given the speed with which Aerith reappears in the narrative, and the distance between sector 7 and sector 5, it's fair to assume that one of the Turks must have taken Marlene at least some of the way to Aerith's house.

In other words, Aerith herself is essentially a stranger to Marlene, someone she knew for maybe 20-30 minutes before being handed over to yet another stranger. However, she's a very astute little girl so she probably picks up on the fact that the lady in pink has made a bargain with the man in the suit that involved her, and it won't have taken her long to work out that Aerith sacrificed herself to save her. Add to this mix the fact that Elmyra is now looking after the little girl and no doubt feeding her with plenty of stories about Aerith's wondrous childhood, and we have the perfect recipe for an imaginative (and motherless) child to fantasise a deep bond of love with someone she never actually knew.

 

[Pixel]

Brain fart... might need a bit of rewriting.


She seemed unsure of what she had just said. Cloud just continued looking at the ribbon. Everyone looked on, as if waiting for a response.

"Ok", murmured Cloud.

Tifa was slightly shocked that he had agreed to it. Aerith occupied a special place in his heart, a place that not many could reach.

Cloud lifted his Buster sword from the ground and held it vertically. Tifa took the handle and he knelt down infront of the blade, pausing for a moment, contemplating what he was about to do.

He held the ribbon to the edge of the blade and took a deep breath. With one smooth motion, the sharp edge of the blade glided effortlessly through the pink ribbon. He handed the first strip to Tifa.

Each of their companions silently stepped forward to accept their piece.

Cloud, Tifa, Barret, Cid and Vincent tied theirs to their left arms. Yuffie helped Nanaki by tying his to a lock of his hair, and tied Cait Sith's to _____. She then tied her own piece to her shuriken. Not a single word was spoken for what seemed like an eternity as they stood at the edge of the lake, gazing at the water.

The time for them to part ways eventually came, as they knew it would.

Cloud, Tifa and Barret stood, watching the friends they had only recently made, leave in what felt like a heartbeat.

It was time for them too to leave this place behind. Cloud gave the lake one last momentary look, silently thanking Aerith for everything she had done, then turned and left, possibly never to return.

The three made their way back to Bone Village. From there, they managed to catch a ride on the only boat running, which was heading South-West, past Nibelheim. After everything that had happened, everyone was understandably reluctant to use machinery which relied on Mako power, so large steam powered transportation from a time before Mako was discovered, which relied on coal as fuel, were crucial now. Unfortunately, Mako energy had become ubiquitous, so not many of these types of machines existed anymore.

Barret seemed strangely comfortable helping out shovelling coal in the engine room. Coal was definitely something he understood.

They disembarked at a small beach south of Nibelheim. They wanted to make their way back to Kalm to see Marlene and Elmyra as soon as possible. Their plan was to head East to Corel, then on to Costa del Sol. From there, they were sure they could catch a boat across the ocean toward Midgar and Kalm.




As they reached the entrance to Nibelheim and saw the watertower in the distance, memories of the past came to Cloud.

INNER MONOLOGUE

It was strange. He felt empty. This wasn't the place he and Tifa had grown up. It was the same sky they had shared long ago, but this wasn't their home. They weren't quite sure where they belonged, but they knew it wasn't here.

"We shouldn't have come here."

Tifa nodded without saying a word. She felt the same way. They had no desire to spend another moment there.

They moved on to Corel, Barret's hometown. When they arrived, Cloud and Tifa were shocked to see

 

[Unlucky]

They moved on to Corel, Barret's hometown. When they arrived, Cloud and Tifa were shocked to see

^I think you accidentally left out the rest of the post..

Anyway, I enjoy reading this, looking forward to updates!

 

[Pixel]

I was trying to figure that part out. Was gonna write that they were shocked to see the train crashed, but I'd like to think of Barret stopping the train as canon. Need to figure out a scenario that tells why Barret says "Shouldn'ta come"

 

[Pixel]

I need to fill in a bit before they arrive in Kalm. I think they should encounter geostigma in Corel, since they know about the disease by the time they get there.



They arrived in Kalm just before nightfall. They were struck by the sheer number of refugees. Countless people lined the cobbled streets. Many with injuries.

"Man, looks like Midgar got hit pretty hard."

"All these people... I...", Tifa thought aloud.

As Cloud looked around, he saw men, women and children huddling in every doorway and alley. Houses, inns and shops had all been offered up to the refugees, free of charge. Everyone was in the same boat. They had all lost somebody close to them, but none of them really knew the truth of what had happened, the hardship and sacrifice Cloud and his comrades had gone through for them. Only a handful of people would ever truly know what was given up to save them.

"I let you die..."


Elmyra was staying with relatives in the town. Reeve had brought them here after Meteor had appeared in the sky. As they approached the house, they could see Marlene peering from the highest window. When she spotted them, she immediately ran downstairs. When they got to the door, the could hear here cheerful voice shouting

"They're here, they're here, they're here!"

Elmyra opened the door as Marlene reached the bottom of the stairs and ran straight into her fathers arms. Barret held her as tight as he could, never wanting to let go.

"Your whiskers are tickling me" laughed Marlene.

Tifa couldn't help but smile, but that soon turned to tears when she saw Elmyra.

"I'm so sorry"

"You all did what you could, there's no need for you to apologize."

Cloud remained silent, just giving a compassionate glance.

*What should I say? There's nothing I can say.*

 

[Pixel]

I was bored on the boat home, figured I'd draw up an outline for the rest of the story.

Kalm
Elmyra gives them Aerith's old clothes for Marlene.
Leaving Elmyra
Walking toward Midgar. Clear sky. Lots of people making their way to Kalm.
Arriving to see the destruction.

Girl with chocobo bag dies. Tifa runs over when she hears a woman screaming for help.
Bodies being buried in mass grave.
Tseng and Elena walking around warning people that the plate would collapse. Trying to protect Shinra secrets.

Scene
Cloud and Tifa falling asleep under the plate. Tifa nodding off on shoulder. Plate creaks, debris falls, waking her up. Awkwardness.


Helping people in Midgar rebuild.

Talking to reeve about the building of edge. Guy from cos. Asks cloud to join wro. Cloud declines, saying he needed to be here, not Junon. Reeve asks if it's because of Tifa. He changes the subject.

Cloud, Barret and Cait sith attend meeting about building edge.

Building bar.

New outfit. Made by guy who made dress. Designed from a doodle Tifa drew, and left sitting on the bar. Cloud offers to run deliveries in exchange for making the dress. Dress maker teases cloud about it being for him. Asks about Aerith.

Starting delivery service. Starting new normal life.


Getting bike.

Treating Tifa.

Seeing Marlene with Aerith's ribbon.

Delivering bouquet for Elmyra

Contracting geostigma. "I let you die. It should have been me."


Distancing himself from Tifa and the family. Starting to stay at the church.
Children at the church talking about flower girl.


1 year anniversary

People gather at the centre of edge. Sky lanterns.
Marlene sees Tifa crying, hugs her. Sees moogle girl, brother and mum. Mums hand has geostigma lesions. Moogle girl and Marlene make eye contact. Sees moogle doll.


Drink alone scene. Feels pain in his arm. Tifa walks off angry, up stairs. Marlene is sitting at the bottom of stairs listening. Cloud walks out. Rides bike to church. Opening scene.

Wakes up to find Tseng in church. Gives him stimulant, tells him about shinra's plan to help. Warns about people claiming to have a cure. Mentions don corneo. About to pay him a visit, and stopped by the church. Groups claiming to be able to read the lifestream. "Get out", "we're just trying to make amends", "you've done enough"

Starts staying at church instead of going home.

Do you love me scene.

Finding denzel.

 

[Channy]

So I read through the thread and I'm curious about timeline a little bit. Could the scene with Marlene and Elmyra happen prior to the Forgotten City scene (or is that C/T/B coming back from there?).

I just wonder about maybe them seeing Marlene with Aerith's ribbon.. it's nice for the original to be passed on and she's sharing the hairstyle now.

Or! Actually, maybe Yuffie proposes to the group at the Forgotten City about Aerith's ribbon and memoralizing her. The issue I take with cutting the ribbon into 8 pieces is that it's not THAT big to cut equally and for it to be wrapped around as many limbs.

Maybe Yuffie gives Cloud the original, same dialogue you proposed, but then with her other hand, she pulls out another set of ribbons.. "I thought maybe we could all remember her." and passes out a new, similar pink (but not original) ribbon to everyone else..

Cloud ties the new one to his arm but pockets Aerith's original from the altar.

When they get home and pick up Marlene from Elmyra's, she's doing her hair, maybe she's fussing a bit... then Cloud kneels in front of her, taking Aerith's ribbon from his pocket and fixing it into her hair.

 

[LicoriceAllsorts]

Pixel, you have to write the story you believe in.

 

[Pixel]

Tbh, I never really liked the ribbon cutting up thing. It makes more sense to give it to Elmyra, then she ties it in Marlenes hair.

 

[Tennyo]

Oh, I had forgotten about this thread!

The idea that I had had three years ago was that Cloud would keep the ribbon, then in Kalm hold it out for Elmyra, telling her to take it.

She would place her hands on it, hesitate for a moment, then close Cloud's fingers over it. "You keep it, I have other things to remember her by," or something.

She would stand there for a moment with her hands over his, trying to not cry, but she does. He reaches out his other hand to maybe pat her on the arm/shoulder in comfort, but she takes it has an invite for a hug.

Elmyra wraps her arms around him and sobs into his shirt. At first Cloud isn't sure what to do, but then he puts his arms around her and comforts her, holding her until she's done.

Eventually someone gives the ribbon to Marlene.