Me:

[Arianna]

It's crossed my mind that this could open a Pandora's Box three times in the proportions. Still, this is a subject that has been on my mind, be it paranoia or not. I would hope those who come here, who would answer me, would try to be politely honest, and keep the spam down to little to none. I really appreciate it all. Thank you.

So, onto what's bothering me. Honestly, I feel like I don't belong here. I feel like I am unwanted here. I do stick around because I find this group fun, even when I disagree and we have arguments, which luckily have been few and far between. I feel like sometimes I'm just tolerated.

What I wish is for those of you who choose to answer is to tell me if for yourself this is true or not. I wish to know how I can be a better member, and be a more interesting member. Perhaps this is a part of me that is dramatic doing this whole thread issue, but honestly I've debated myself for two days on it, and I just - won't know until I try.

No polls, I want to know reasons. Of course I can't and won't try to control anyone, and honestly this is not supposed to be any sort of manipulation. I don't know if it is or not in reality. I just strongly feel I need to know if I am welcome in this place or if I should take my leave.

Thank you for reading if you have; and, if you wish to answer, again, thank you.

 

[Dawnbreaker]

You want my opinion? You're overthinking this.

Honestly you've mildly annoyed me maybe once. I cannot speak for others, but I don't get the vibe people dislike you.

If you're unhappy you can leave, and I've thought of it once or twice tbh. But you really should ask yourself: are you constantly feeling this way, or do you just feel irked by something from time to time?

I don't understand the people who stay at a place they are truly displeased with and am just as equally preplexed by people who jump after an unkind word or two.

Consider that, make up your mind. Then put it out of your mind.

/my two cents while I'm waiting for an update, fuck you PS3!!!!!

 

[Geostigma]

Im not to sure how to word this tbh.

You dont annoy me its more like... you perplex me? o.O
Some of the things you say in posts kind of throw me off and often its difficult to find a way to reply to it for me personally.

Other then that though theres not much I can say, its not like I see your posts and wish you werent a part of the community and im positive no one else feels that way too.

If there is a vibe you feel thats getting you down then honestly breaks do wonders As many notice im not here very often and I find it quite refreshing, more people should try it out

 

[Octo]

Firstly, I want to make it clear that I think you're a nice and kind person. I dont think you dont belong here or anything.

The thing I notice is sometimes I feel like youre being a bit reserved? Like you don't want to make waves? Which I totally understand - I myself have loosened up a lot recently but for along time I would second guess myself and agonise over the wording of my posts to avoid causing offence. I get the impression youre a very sensitive person, so I suppose I worry about causing you offence - not that I go out of my way to offend people, just that I feel like I can have a bit more 'banter' with some of the other people.


Other than that, I guess I feel like I dont know you that well, which isnt really your fault of course. Like you're interested in FFXIII (and the newer FFs) and I havent even played it so we don't interact on that level.

But then there are many members I dont know that well I just have a general impression of them, so thats not something unique to you. (As an aside I once thought of an idea to "write a mini biography of the above poster thread" but I thought it would cause problems )

So yeah, I think you shouldnt worry what people think of you (even though I worry about it all the time so I'm a hypocrite!) This forum has all different kinds of personalities, some of whom have been involved in a fair bit of drama yet there is still a place for them, so there is definitely a place for someone who gets along with everyone like yourself.

Anyway, even though we're not BFFs or whatever you can always pm me if you want to vent or just shoot the breeze or whatever.

 

[Splintered]

Nahhhh, I don't think it's about anyone disliking anyone or not being a part of the community.

I think it's just a difference of senses of humor, or something like it. So sometimes the things we say fly right by each other's heads, but that's okay. It happens to me a lot of times, especially when I venture into a part of the internet I'm just not use to. And it's weird because I can usually spot someone who I think spawns from different parts of the internet, the chans, or tumblr (especially when talking about social issues), and once upon a time livejournal before that went irrelevant. They're all slightly different sensibilities.

Sometimes it makes you feel kind of insecure, but honestly it's fine. Sometimes one person says something you just can't comprehend, and vice versa. But meh, in the end we all like talking too much about videogames. And I enjoy the talks about XIII anyway.

 

[Cookie Monster]

I know I don't dislike you, and I'm pretty sure the other members feel the same way. Technically, I don't fit in. I rarely talk to people outside of the forum. I'm never on MSN, Skype, or in the Chat. I'd like to, but I usually cba or I'm just busy. Fitting in can be somewhat of a puzzle, or it can be fairly simple. It's only a forum. Just be chill, talk to people, and be willing to accept all sorts of personalities and opinions. And, more importantly, use more :monster:.

 

[Ghost X]

I don't think it is a lack of common interests or something like that which is the problem here. I think the issue is mainly self-consciousness and whatever causes social awkwardness . If it is, you may never feel you fit in anywhere because you care too much about what other people think of you.

So yeah, I recommend not leaving TLS. You are certainly not unwelcome. Don't feel restricted to looking around other places though. What I think may help you here is participation outside the forums itself, like on IRC or something. Further participation in things does wonders for social dynamics .

 

[Fangu]

I think all the things that have been said here are relevant to your questions. What I wanted to add to is what was said about everyone feeling a bit out of place from time to time. But it's not something people broadcast so you won't know it.

For me, I think this happens to like every other month. I can start feeling left out for some reason, which might be for some totally ridiculous thing which ends up being nothing in the end. The best way to clear up that feeling of 'everyone else vs me' for me is to respond to someones posts (not just post 'single posts' as these will not necessarily give you the attention you want unless it's something obnoxiously sad or extremely provoking), go on the chat or go on Skype, or just get off the Internet and do something else (which often is ridiculously hard to do in those situations, because quite often I feel left out in communities when I feel left out IRL, and then where do you go X) because once you're on that paranoia spin, it's really hard to enjoy anything.

What you crave in those situations is social acknowledgement, which can be hard to get in a slow going conversation medium like a forum. What works wonders is just for someone to say 'hi! how are you?' or just to laugh at a joke you make, or join in on a rant about a ship or a TV show or anything. Just to have a connection. IMO that's easier in a chat or with a person in your RL. The problem with #tls though is that people might be in there, but they're just idle and might not respond anyway. Which can be super frustrating when you just want to rant with someone. And people aren't always on Skype, or, they might be online but they're away or busy. So sometimes you just gotta hang in there and don't let that feeling of 'me vs them' take over.

Anyway you're not awkward and nothing's wrong with you. It's just like Dawn says, you maybe overthink things too much and I think you're a bit too self conscious.

When it comes to the jokes, if anyone is awkward about jokes, it's me. Whenever I attempt making one on the forum, the only ones who usually get it (or understand why *I* might find it funny and therefore Thank it/ appreciate it) is the people I hang out with in #tls or on Skype, because they know me well enough.

The thing is - if people don't get your joke, or respond badly/awkwardly to it, or you get no response at all - just leave it. It didn't work out this time, people didn't geddit or you failed to get your point across, or your point was just alien or strange to most people. Just don't beat yourself up over it, not everyone will know what you're trying to say, or agree with you on stuff. Hell, having opinions will lower or remove your good will from certain people, it's the price you pay for integrity. If people can't appreciate your other opinions because of the one they felt offended by, then that's their problem. No, it's their loss.

I remember the first time you got on Skype for the community playthrough, it was new to you and maybe you didn't follow every social protocol the people who's been on call like 40 times or so already have established, but what I noticed is it took you only half an hour to get into it. And that was with all the cultural weirdness of having people from 5 or so different countries in one call. How we're used to do stuff and say stuff is majorly affected by where we come from, and I know (or, I'm pretty sure) my reflexes as a Scandinavian of adressing stuff straight out has raised a few eyebrows. And sometimes I do feel left out when people of a more 'similar crowd' seem to be getting along very well and I'm just stuttering away on my weird mixed accent and a limited vocabulary.

But here's the thing. You don't 'earn' a place in a crowd. You feel like you belong to it, which makes you act like you belong to it. You belong in here as much as anyone else. Finding a place isn't a definite thing, it's a constantly ongoing adaptment.

 

[Cthulhu]

Dick remarks: It's not me, it's you, . I'm no expert, but you seem terribly insecure about yourself, which in this case translates to "They must not like me" or "I don't belong here", facts aside.

Trust me, if we didn't like you, you'd know for sure, .

 

[Mage]

Post moar in general discussion. Arianna, we hardly know ye.

Oh, possible thrad idea: focus on one particular member (currently active members OFC, if they've posted within a week of their turn for example) and do a brief bio and profile. Member reviews and approves it and it gets posted. Discussion about said member follows, interview style. Thread will inevitably go off-topic but hopefully the next bio will be ready to go by that point. Start with Yop as overlord of teh forum and go down the list of mod, staffers and then regular members.

 

[Flintlock]

Post moar in general discussion. Arianna, we hardly know ye.

I agree with this. Arianna, I don't know you very well, but I'd like to Everyone should feel welcome here.

Oh, possible thrad idea: focus on one particular member (currently active members OFC, if they've posted within a week of their turn for example) and do a brief bio and profile. Member reviews and approves it and it gets posted. Discussion about said member follows, interview style. Thread will inevitably go off-topic but hopefully the next bio will be ready to go by that point. Start with Yop as overlord of teh forum and go down the list of mod, staffers and then regular members.

I've noticed that Gaming Union do something like that, called Member Spotlight. Not really my cup of tea, but if enough people think it's a good idea, then go for it

 

[Kermitu Kleric Katie]

I don't know you too well, but you've always seemed to be a nice person. I don't think I've ever disagreed with you on anything, at least as far as I can remember. I think you're overthinking this.

 

[The Twilight Mexican]

I like you, Ari. I think I've disagreed with you once or twice on political stuff, but I've never felt annoyed by you, and I still agreed with the sentiment you were expressing that was the source of the opinion(s) I disagreed with.

Not that you've ever taken that extreme of a stance on anything that I can think of off the top of my head anyway.

One definitely gets the impression you don't want to rock the boat or fear offending someone if you say what you're thinking at times. Fuck that noise. Don't be afraid to tell us to eat a dick, whether it's me or Yop or whoever.

I think most of us get along around here, yet many of us have disagreed vehemently at times or just straight up pissed each other off. Hell, Ghost and I had a fiercely worded disagreement a couple of years back on something, even though we shared a similar intellectual perspective on the topic we were fighting about. I think I ended up telling him off, but he was cool about it, we made peace and he is honestly one of my favorite people on the forum. I would love to have a drink with the man if he didn't live in the Earth's buttcrack.

So, yeah, my two cents: Don't be afraid to rock the boat; war can be good; tell more of us to eat dicks.

 

[Lex]

I think Fangu probably said what I would want to say about this best.

General advice: hang out in #tls if you want to, join in with the community playthrough Skypes again. I might do the chapter later tonight if you fancy it, there probably won't be a "set" one this week. If you download skype on your computer and log in you can see all the conversations since the start of the playthrough in the initial big group chat - everyone's still in it. I might copy paste the whole thing as a kind of tribute at the end of the playthrough in 2 weeks.

 

[Soakette]

I feel the way you do a lot. I usually just hang out in the IRC or on skype with the few members here that I know well. I feel like when I post it isn't important. I usually don't get any responses, which is fine, sometimes I know what I say is just pointless but it's nice to get into a discussion. I feel I'm not as smart as most of the people here so I can't keep up with the conversations, unless it involves something I know a lot about.

Like Fangu and Lex said, join us in the IRCs and playthroughs, that way we get to know you better. And it honestly is a lot of fun. You aren't alone with how you are feeling. <3

 

[Alex Strife]

I don't think there's anything wrong with you, Ari.

I believe you're an interesting poster in general, and particularly when it comes to FFXIII and the Fal'Cie. It's always nice to read you, regarding this little subject in which I consider you to be quite the expert.

I'd recommend not leaving, but this is obviously a personal decision. It'd be a shame if you did, though!

 

[The Twilight Mexican]

Just want to second that I love your FFXIII posts, Ari.

 

[laurence]

No polls, I want to know reasons. Of course I can't and won't try to control anyone, and honestly this is not supposed to be any sort of manipulation. I don't know if it is or not in reality. I just strongly feel I need to know if I am welcome in this place or if I should take my leave.

Thank you for reading if you have; and, if you wish to answer, again, thank you.

Surely you can improve in some things, like all of us can, but you're certainly not bad enough to not be tolerated.. From what I've read about you and from you, you're an interesting member.
My advice is don't think bad thoughts about yourself, of which content is mostly false or overly exaggerated at most.
And being an active member for 5 years surely must speak for itself!

 

[null]

I hope the Thanks system isn't rearing it's head again, as it seems to be a recurring factor in perception.

 

[LicoriceAllsorts]

I guess we all have those moments when we feel we're unwelcome or just plain don't belong. But most of the time, people aren't actually giving us the cold shoulder - they're just busy thinking about their own stuff. I know, for example, that I've probably left unthanked more posts than I've thanked, and lots of those unthanked posts are ones I really enjoyed reading. I just forgot to press the thank button, maybe because I was in a hurry because the milk was boiling over, or because the thread was so interesting that I was swept on to the next post.

I thik Yop hit the proverbial nail when he said that you'd know if people didn't like you and didn't want you around. Look at what happened to blankbeat or bankbeat or whatever that LTD poster's name was. He pissed off a lot of people and they let him know it. I've always enjoyed your posts - those that I've read, since I'm not in the XIII fandom. So post more, and volunteer for stuff. Lex can always do with more help around the site.

 

[Unlucky]

I'm not really one to talk, as I'm not the most sociable person in TLS, but I figured the only way to belong is to try. This was my problem back then as a newbie both in the forum and the internetz, but as time passed I got comfortable enough to share my 2 cents about a certain topic, or let out a perceived unpopular opinion. Don't be scared to say what you wanna say-- be careful not to offend anybody (unless you want to) but don't let that hold back your efforts to socialize either. I've learned that folks here are vocal if they disagree with your views, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they hate you. Often times you'll see two members openly opposing one another in one thread, but they get along fine in another. It's nothing personal as long as you're not intentionally being an ass.

So yeah, the way to make friends is not to please everybody, but to communicate. Open up a bit moar.

 

[Hisako]

I think the things you say on the forum are fine and more constructive than half the garbage I post, so meh

 

[Fangu]

I hope the Thanks system isn't rearing it's head again, as it seems to be a recurring factor in perception.

You're on to something there. The thanks system can be a bit hard to ignore. It can be interpreted as a passive aggressive sort of feedback when you don't get them. Of course a person isn't entitled to thanks, so in a general rule, complaining about few thanks is rather pointless.

Spoiler: A scenario

But what if an active member known to reply to and thank a good deal of your posts (or at least the important ones) all of a sudden stops replying to you and thanking you completely - they still thank posts above and below you so you know they've seen at least some of them. You haven't heard anything about them having a fallout with you. And now they've been ignoring you for several weeks. How would you interpret that? Wouldn't it just annoy you a little and make you wonder what the hell you did?

This is what I like about openness. For the sake of a community, pushing the ignore button doesn't do it. (You're in your full right, of course.) If you think someone has offended you so much by something everyone else clearly must have seen as simply stating an opinion, you decide to all of a sudden stop talking to them completely, it's better to respond in full openness or confront them about it. Because even if you, from your point if view, think that this poster who offended you is so opinionated and strong it won't bother them facing a little demonstration, you might be wrong. Especially when it's this passive aggressive way of demonstrating that may or may not be anything, which means the poster can't confront you about it.

Just a +1 of the do, by all means, tell people if you think they're being dicks or if you are offended by them. You don't have to, but you might be contributing to an unhealthy vibe by demonstrating in other ways.

 

[Makoeyes987]

You definitely need to stay. In fact, you have no choice in the matter. This.... is where you belong.

So I echo the statements of everyone here. You're more than welcome and liked here. So don't go leaving, especially now that I'm finally back.