Not a Troll

[Kobato]

I'm not a troll.

Why would I joke about suicide ? My uncle committed suicide two years ago, why would I joke about that kind of thing ? My uncle lost his house, he was alone, and he thought that he had no friends, so he got the rope around his neck. My mum was so upset... why, why would I troll about something as serious as somebody giving up their own life ? Why ?

Suicide isn't a joke. I lost my uncle from it. Why would I joke about that sort of thing ? I've tried to kill myself many times... from wanting to jump off a building, to poisoning, to choking... I want to brake my arm so much because I hate myself so much, and feel so worthless everyday. I don't usually wake up till late at night because there is less of a day...

I'm depressed, because I've lost two friends. One was during this year. I see hallucinations like, people being burnt, bleeding faces, people being hanged, a kid wearing a Satan mask, random monster like creatures and other horrible stuff. I also heard a voice in my head that I was a horrible person, I don't know the voice, but it worried me for ages.

I've also been mindfucked by people who I thought I could trust. One kept on saying that I was worthless, stupid, dumb, and a idiot. The other forced me to have sex with him, otherwise he would commit suicide. I was in tears, and I was... just... felt like screaming... the other said that he knew voodoo and he said that he'll curse me for two years because he hated my guts...

I don't know who to trust anymore, because three people who I thought were my mates, later fucked with my mind like it was playdoh. I felt like I'm nothing but a puppet and I've being trying to cut the strings from the damage that they've done for ages, but I can't, because.... I just can't....

Also there's these group of girls in my life, who keep on calling me a worthless attention seeker, say horrible things about me behind my back, and keep telling me that everybody hates me, like the first mindfucker told me.

I keep on thinking that nobody likes me, because I've been told it so many times...
I've wanted to kill myself many times, but I can't because I'm a pussy... I'm scared what will happen when I'm dead....will I go to heaven ? Not exist at all ? Become a ghost ? What ?

I feel hurt that you think that I'm trolling, epsically Tiff and Que who I thought that I knew, really hurt by how Que has been acting towards me. I thought that Que was one of my online friends...

I don't know, I'm a mess in RL. But I thought that I was doing fine because I haven't felt like killing myself in months till now. I feel okay, but if I get a trigger... I will feel like wanting to choke myself to death, because I feel like I'm the most hated person in the world...

Also what's wrong with the username change ? I change my username alot, and I like Aeris, she's one of my favourite characters.... Does my banner look trollish ? I picked it because it makes me laugh and puts a smile on my face....

 

[Lumina]

About Que and Tiff. As i told you maybe you're getting the message completely wrong. At least on Tiff's bhalf she's been pretty screwed herself so maybe she said that with no intention of hurting you. About Que iDK, but I don't think she said it in a way o hurt you neither.
And bb, life is like that. People betray you, family, friends... Its a never endig story. It sucks you in, makes you want to scream and kill yourself. But you need to put everything together and love tourself. You are stupid of you think you are, and Dumb if you believe it..... Which I highly doubt. All you need is to prove to them that you give no hizz

 

[Kobato]

A At least on Tiff's bhalf she's been pretty screwed herself so maybe she said that with no intention of hurting you.

Tiff doesn't know that I've been messed with... the first person I told was Ironman, because he seemed really upset and I see him as a really good online friend. I don't know...

don't think she said it in a way o hurt you neither.

It seemed really mean....

And bb, life is like that. People betray you, family, friends... Its a never endig story. It sucks you in, makes you want to scream and kill yourself. But you need to put everything together and love tourself. You are stupid of you think you are, and Dumb if you believe it..... Which I highly doubt. All you need is to prove to them that you give no hizz

I don't think I can love myself.... but I'll.......try. I don't know what to believe, people have told me so many times that I'm dumb, stupid etc. I don't want to believe them, but I don't know.... so many people have said it....

I also wish that the Mods gave me a chance to get online so I could explain myself on the other thread. I was hanging out with my mum at her house so I could feel a better better after all this sadness... Just because I wasn't online, doesn't mean that I wasn't going to speak back, plus while I'm sleeping you guys would be online due to time difference... I feel pushed aside and being called a troll isn't making me feel any better about all this, espically when you were all so nice and supportive when I was so hurt, and then all of a sudden I get online from taking a break and I'm being called a Troll...

I don't feel trusted at all anymore...

 

[Hisako]

I don't think I can love myself.... but I'll.......try. I don't know what to believe, people have told me so many times that I'm dumb, stupid etc. I don't want to believe them, but I don't know.... so many people have said it....

There are so many liars in this world. And as much a prick plenty of us are on these forums, none of us are actively going out of our way to hurt anyone else intentionally. Especially the two you think are hurting you.

I'm not professing to be a judge of character, but from what I know of them neither are out to hurt you. No-one here is out to hurt you. If it sounded mean, it wasn't intentional. If you felt genuinely insulted by it, they didn't do it on purpose. In fact, out of all the people here in these forums, they would be the last people I would expect to pull a rug out from under you when you need it most.

And by all means, if you feel the need to talk, do so. We'll listen, and we'll try to help, if you let us. As long as you are genuine and honest, we will also be genuine and honest.

 

[Alex Strife]

I used to be like you, Yuka, in the sense that I really took to heart what people said. But, you know? After some time I realised that good friends, REAL good friends would never tease me like that. Therefore, people who are mean to me are not my friends and I shouldn't care about them. After realising this truth, I decided to "not give a fu*k" about what people say, most of the time.

This does not mean I do not listen and do not care about what others say AT ALL, but I can assure that, if I hear things that hurt me, I just label them as "non-important". It's true that this has given me a sort of difficult personality, as I don't really like to be critisized. But with time, I've learnt how to deal with it, when it's people who are important for me who say it.

For instance; a random stranger critisizing me would upset me quite a lot, so I might answer in a rather angry way (however, in 15 minutes that is not important anymore for me). If my friend whom I've known for a long time critisized me, I would be more "ashamed", but not angry, and I'd be happy that my friend tried to help. Things like that.

I'm not sure what I'm saying makes sense at all, but I can tell you; you should toughen a bit. I'm saying this because I know you can. I read the Cloud thread and you were able to defend your opinion. You know what this means? It means you've got the potential to be strong, to protect your own self against others. You may have thought of suicide, but when I see you writing, I do not see the words of someone who wishes to die; I see the words of someone who's lost and wants to find her way to a better life.

I'll repeat it; if you need to talk it over, drop me a message. I will help as much as I can.

And believe me, there is nobody on this forum that's going intentionally to hurt you; and those two... I do not doubt it; they never wanted to hurt you. They said it because they felt it was the best thing to say at that point.

 

[wander]

Why would I joke about suicide ? My uncle committed suicide two years ago, why would I joke about that kind of thing ? My uncle lost his house, he was alone, and he thought that he had no friends, so he got the rope around his neck. My mum was so upset... why, why would I troll about something as serious as somebody giving up their own life ? Why ?

Suicide isn't a joke. I lost my uncle from it. Why would I joke about that sort of thing ? I've tried to kill myself many times... from wanting to jump off a building, to poisoning, to choking...

I see hallucinations like, people being burnt, bleeding faces, people being hanged, a kid wearing a Satan mask, random monster like creatures and other horrible stuff. I also heard a voice in my head that I was a horrible person, I don't know the voice, but it worried me for ages.

Sugoi monogatari, onii-san!

Stop enabling her. She's not a troll, but she is an attention-seeking child and a cowardly one at that.

 

[Hisako]

All children are attention-seekers at some point in their life.

Learn how to not be an asshole to people you don't know and gtfo plz

 

[Kobato]

Stop enabling her. She's not a troll, but she is an attention-seeking child and a cowardly one at that.

Well I don't care what you say or think !!!

You're a giant weeaboo, which most people do when they're 13 and think that Naruto is the coolest ninja ever. >_______>

So. stuff. you and kiss my butt.



Thankyou Alex Strife, your a true friend and hero <3 And thanks Mighty and Wise <3

 

[Lumina]

And writing useless posts is not seeking attention but OT yeah sometimes people tend to be mean but that's the way it just came.

 

[Super Mario]

Hey adam.






I know you enjoy flaunting about your snarky comments left and right like a kid in a theme park. But you're no alex. Leave the girl be to vent out and prattle with me and the others in other threads. I'll gladly entertain whatever you wanna do.

 

[Super Mario]

Hey adam.






I know you enjoy flaunting about your snarky comments left and right like a kid in a theme park. But you're no alex. Leave the girl be to vent out and prattle with me and the others in other threads. I'll gladly entertain whatever you wanna do.

 

[Kobato]

Also it took Wander 30 minutes to type out that 'insult' because I wanted to see if Jessica was still online so I could reply to her PM's and saw that Wander was replying to this.

30 minutes to come up with that, come on. Maybe it was the time he took on Google translator, translating that Japanese, being a 'cool' weeaboo and all.

 

[Hisako]

Alright, this is your time to vent, not just time to slag other people. Leave the venom for the assholes physically in your life and let the ones on the internet slide off your back

Sometimes simply just ranting about your troubles will make you feel better. Plenty of us do it here, sometimes people listen and respond if need be. Everyone's got issues. Some trouble them more than others, but most people have something that bugs them. You're not alone in that

OT: Tiff and Quex are some of the nicest people I know. On the internet, at least. And they're far better than most of the people I have to deal with irl

 

[Alessa Gillespie]

shouldn't it be 'kakkoii monogatari, onii-san/aniki'?

sugoi is more like awesome, kakkoii is cool.

doinitrong.jpg

 

[Super Mario]

Yeah Yuka, leave wander be. Best not tempt fate with him, this is your thread to straighten stuff out, not counter whatever he has to say.

 

[Hisako]

Alright we geddit bro, now stay out of the kiddie pool and go do your laps

 

[Ryushikaze]

I'm gonna keep this short and sweet. Regardless of your venting here, you probably want to talk with a licensed professional about this. If you are legitimately depressed, it's likely to be medical as well as situational, and you want both professional and medical help with it.

At best, all folks on the net can give you is well wishes and some advice. Often you get worse. Seek help in your real life.

 

[Terrafig]

What Ryu (and so many others before him have) said. At first, it might seem like a better idea to talk to people you feel more comfortable with, but there really is no substitute. You said in the other thread that you see a doctor every few months, but that doesn't really seem very often if you're feeling that bad. Especially since you didn't specify the type of doctor, which leads me to believe he may not necessarily have any expertise in mental health fields.

This is even more the necessary if you're feeling like you can't trust the people you would otherwise feel comfortable approaching.

And, of course, let me know if I can do anything.

 

[Sprites]

Aeris, you don't have to explain yourself to anyone here, though I understand why you feel the need to.

For anyone who is thinking of being a bit critical of her, leave her be like I said she didn't have to explain herself but she did because she wants to straighten things out with those who are a bit more suspicious about it and again its been brave of her to come forward and explain her reasons as to why she's feeling like this.

That's all I'm going to say, Aeris you know where I am if you need me xx

 

[Makoeyes987]

Next wannabe who wants to troll in this thread gets an infraction. If you don't have anything useful to say then dont post and gtfo.

Grow up, people.

 

[Vivi]

I'm very glad that you're still with us and talking.

I've wanted to kill myself many times, but I can't because I'm a pussy... I'm scared what will happen when I'm dead....will I go to heaven ? Not exist at all ? Become a ghost ? What ?

There is absolutely nothing weak about not killing yourself. And I have to second Ryu's point about seeking professional help. There's only so much we can do.

 

[Celes Chere]

None of us ever said or suggested that suicide is a joke. In fact we were supporting the opposite. If you dont mind me asking, what made you make that post on TLS earlier, about no one liking you and wanting to die?
Also, why are you around those new group of girls? Don't fucking listen to that shit, man. I'm sure a lot of us have dealt with a lot of shit during our lives and you just have to learn to not let it get through to you. If you want some support, we're here as we've said on various occassions.
Many people are afraid of dying for those reasons. . . so ask yourself is it worth it? No. Don't go until time wills it! Though this horrible stuff has happened to you, always find the will to live because there ARE people that care about you.

I feel hurt that you think that I'm trolling, epsically Tiff

Did I say in the previous thread that I thought you were trolling? My issue is, that I thought you spurred on the thread because you were upset about Kripey's gif and so I wasn't sure if you were serious or not. I felt torn between serious and not serious. I treated it like you were telling the truth as you can tell from a lot of my posts. I've told you before - you're a nice, sweet girl, and I hope you didn't take offense that I agree you get some help. For me, I wouldn't think a suicidal person would be posting around the LTD, bother name changing, bother to do anything really, besides leave a final message. And even so, why leave the message here and not anywhere else? You're worrying us, so tell US what the truth really is. That would be most helpful. And I am not trying to offend you.

If you want, we can use this thread for whenever you're feeling sad or suicidal, anything like that. So if you feel like you need some help you can post here and we could offer advice. IDK like TLS therapy. We can all draw up our doctor profiles and specialties.
Teef
years of experience: idk like 0.2
specialty: Yaoi

 

[Joker]

Spoiler: not that anyone asked but

Kimble
experience: amateur psychologist for ~7 years, six years of emotional/psychological abuse, self-destructive and suicidal leanings/tendencies
specialty: Destrillians

also life wisdom, common sense, and a knack for reading people

I do think you should get some help that involves a qualified professional, though. And don't listen to people who tell you you're worthless.

 

[Vivi]

I could see this morphing into a therapy thread for everybody. As long as it doesn't replace professional help if it's serious (like what's going on right now). Maybe like a things that piss you off thread with advice?

Anyways:

Vivi
Experience: Feelings of inadequacy, passive aggressive baked goods
Specialty: Crack pairings

 

[Alessa Gillespie]

acky
experience: online awesomeness, offline ms, being a destrillian irl
specialty: poots