I may show a drawing of this character if I take the time to figure out more about her actual appearance (clothing, primarily) and draw something that will not make the viewer bleed.
This character stuck with me for about 2 years or so, when I was 13-15 years old. Her initial name was "Dragonia", due to being a half-human half-dragon. Even my dull mind quickly realized how lazy that name sounded, so I changed it to Lucy simply because I think it sounds beautiful. Though in retrospect I guess it could have been used as a reference to
Australopithecus Lucy...somehow.
Here is a summary of her story, as it generally tended to look:
- Setting: Generic, magical medieval fantasy
- A pregnant woman is forced by some cult into a ritual where the spirit of a dragon fuses with her and "dooms" the baby to be born as a half-breed.
- You see where this is going. With her newborn (seemingly normal) baby the woman escaped from the cult, but dies on the way and the baby is picked up by someone from a nearby village.
- The villagers do not treat "unknown" children lightly and Lucy grows up essentially as a slave in a household ruled by a wicked woman. When around 12-13 years old, Lucy manages to escape the wicked woman and the village. She only achieved this due to the unexpected "miracle" of being able to leap extremely high up in the air, thus getting outside the village walls. The miracle will soon seem pointless, since Lucy's nightmare has only just begun. In the forest, aimlessly running away from the village, Lucy's back and shoulders start hurting greatly. With her back bleeding, she collapses from the pain. After waking up, she finds that she has sprouted small dragon wings.
- Her time as 13-20 years old were reserved for their own type of stories, "Young Lucy" so to say, where she encounters important characters and learns more about herself as a half-dragon/dragoon. I pretty much only remember three other characters.
Aurora - Lucy's closest friend who has some magical healing powers.
Unnamed Prince - Yes, there was a prince. (Mary) Sue me.
Unnamed Military Trainer - Lucy finds a mentor who trains her in the art of the sword. The closest thing she ever has to a father-figure.
- The stories reserved for her adult years, 20+, always kept changing and I could never decide on her final fate or the origins and ultimate goals of the cult which were responsible for her fate as a dragoon. They clearly wanted her to be a tool to subjugate humanity, which is something she'd honestly be tempted to do because of always being hated, feared and shunned. Due to her large wings she can't blend in with people.
Alienation, magic, super-powers, best friends etc yada yada. In retrospect I realize that the creation and development of this character was a form of self-therapy or at least an expression of how I felt that girls/women were so alien to me. I could not match my world views with the seeming views of any woman I met. For example, I expected women to shun their biological fate of bleeding once a month and pretty much scream at the top of their lungs "
NO!!!" and declare that all was hell and damnation because of what existence has forced them into. I was already cursing my biological fates as a male and, as I saw it, a very inferior male at that. Why did so many women seem proud of their periods? Why do they look at me funny when I ask if they would wish away the bleeding? (Remember this is
Young-Me, not
Me-Now)
Lucy was thusly a manifestation of the torment I pictured that all growing women *should* be feeling. Among other traits I gave Lucy is that her blood was acidic, which always made human contact a great risk for her. The slightest wound and she could end up hurting a person close to her. The sprouting of the dragon wings was, obviously, a representation of a girl's first period, where the world forcably puts her through this unimaginable pain and seals in her very being her tormenting fate.
There is of course a form of futility in a man (or in this case, a teenage boy) trying to write about how a woman feels about her period/dragon-wings. Even so I think I can be excused for expressing my frustrations this way, at the time. To write about womanly things, as a man, requires careful studies and, preferably, intimate social experience with many women. It should not be impossible for a man to write about a girl reaching adulthood, but the ground must be treaded carefully if her gender is an important part of the journey. Gender-neutral arcs is a different matter.
An area where I embraced literary decadence was to make Lucy into a bisexual woman. Half the reason for this was because, well, as a heterosexual man I find woman-on-woman action to be hot, but the other half was to give this medieval world another reason to hate her. It's usually a given in these stories that homosexuality is shunned. Writing a persecution-storyline, where her bisexuality is revealed, might have been cliché but at least it would have made something more of her sexuality rather than have it be a titilating detail. I am very much disappointed that I went this route in the way I did, not going all the way and giving her sexuality some deeper meaning. At the time I was even partially aware that the lesbian tones were too much drawn from my own guilty pleasures.
This poses a similar question to before. Can a man write about lesbian love without being accused of doing so out of a fetish? I will admit that whenever I see a woman write about a gay couple, I instinctively assume that they do so out of a fetish and to perform mental masturbation by writing down such stories. Even if some may write such stories with great finesse and dignity, I can't help but feel that in a way it just becomes a form of "apologetic fetish/masturbation". Similar to how the word 'escapism' is apologetic.
"
Why yes we escape the world via stories, but at least we have a fancy word for it: Escapism. Now we feel much better about ourselves!"
What is affecting me here is clearly my default assumption that writing about sexuality is something to feel guilty for and that justifying it requires 250% professionalism, if you happen to be writing about a sexuality to which you do not belong but which might still be part of a fetish.
Wiser people than I will not have this inclination towards sexual guilt and will not subscribe to the notion that a person has to justify anything, as long as the content is well-written. Still, these wanderings about "what gender with a certain sexual orientation has the 'right' to write about another type of sexual orientation" are not questions I alone pose. An excellent video by Oancitizen comes to mind. I recommend it greatly: He reviews a movie about a lesbian couple in Rome.
-
Brows Held High - Room in Rome
Back to Lucy. How would I write her today? Would I have her be in love with Aurora, as initially planned, and would I keep throwing shit at Lucy to give her more and more reason to hate humanity? Maybe.
As you might have guessed, Lucy is only partially accepted in society because with her superhuman strength she is able to protect everyone from monsters. Just as long as she doesn't show herself in public, they are pleased with her work.
Let's say Lucy is able to overcome this cult and crush their plans for world domination or what-have-you. She returns home only to find that the villagers have executed her lover, Aurora, for being homosexual. After having denied the temptations of the dark mages of the cult all this time, what makes her fall to the dark side is the unjust killing of her lover not by the hands of wizards, but by normal people. After slaughtering the people responsible for Aurora's death, the blood-soaked Lucy is then approached by the prince. She calms down for a moment and allows herself to be killed by the prince, but not before he promises to set things right in this wicked world.
Multiple matters speak against this done-to-death idea of homosexual martyrship and all the over-the-top pain Lucy is put through, but I don't think it's
impossible to make a plot like this work.
While the drama is tempting I think it'd be
much more valuable to write stories where various sexual orientations are treated as common facts of life, not as anything that is either subject to fetish or disdain. It would reflect the better world we need to strive for where there really is nothing special about being gay/transgender/omnisexual. In other words, the stories about Lucy the Dragoon do not currently have reason enough to be revived and reshaped into something that might resemble decent literature.