Mayo Master
Pro Adventurer
Hi folks,
Following the release of Fallout 4, which I'm playing avidly, I've spent some time in that small pet-project of mine where I'd have my character recounting his adventures as if he were typing them on an oldie ROBCO termlink. The idea then would be to set it up as an online blog.
Before publishing it however, I'd greatly appreciate some help in proofreading. I'm not particularly aiming at a high style of writing - after all the character himself used to be a soldier, not a professional writer (although some managed to be both). However, as a non-native speaker, I personally may have a few language quirks, and the occasional difficulty to spot something that would sound weird - I think these elements would need to be addressed. Plus the occasional typo.
In any case, I would be very thankful to anyone having an interest in reading this, and/or helping me out with proofreading. Below is a sample of what I've written.
Following the release of Fallout 4, which I'm playing avidly, I've spent some time in that small pet-project of mine where I'd have my character recounting his adventures as if he were typing them on an oldie ROBCO termlink. The idea then would be to set it up as an online blog.
Before publishing it however, I'd greatly appreciate some help in proofreading. I'm not particularly aiming at a high style of writing - after all the character himself used to be a soldier, not a professional writer (although some managed to be both). However, as a non-native speaker, I personally may have a few language quirks, and the occasional difficulty to spot something that would sound weird - I think these elements would need to be addressed. Plus the occasional typo.
In any case, I would be very thankful to anyone having an interest in reading this, and/or helping me out with proofreading. Below is a sample of what I've written.
War. War never changes.
In the year 1945, my great great-grandfather, serving in the army, wondered when he'd get to go home to his wife and the son he'd never seen. He got his wish when the U.S. ended World War II by dropping atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
In the 21st Century, people awoke from the American Dream. Years of consumption led to shortages of every major resource. The entire world unraveled. From when I was a teenager, I remember the live broadcast showing the landing of Chinese troops in Anchorage, Alaska. Ten years later, in 2076, I would be part of the U.S. Army war effort that reclaimed it.
As American soldiers, we are often depicted - or I should rather say “were” depicted - as these young, strapping heroic figures armed with the weapons of Justice and shielded by the power of Patriotism. The glory of our cause alone would see us prevail against the Red Chinese, who would resort to the most vicious and devious tricks to get you. In reality, chivalry is the quickest way to the grave; what matters is to kill your enemy as fast and as efficiently as possible. The only noble sentiment on the battlefield is the loyalty to your comrades.
Fighting in the name of Freedom didn't make us win this war; being equipped with the new T-51b Power Armor most likely did. Of course, I remember cheering with my squad mates on Government Hill, as we gazed upon the last of the Chinese ships being sunk in the snowy harbor of Anchorage, on January 10th, 2077. Cheers were not from the exhilaration of triumph; we were simply relieved that it was over, at least for a time. Finally, I could go back to my wife, Nora, in my home at Sanctuary Hills, near the Old North Bridge of Concord, in the New England Commonwealth.
My time on leave, back together with Nora, was blissful. It made me fully realize that I had no desire to return to the front lines. To quote World War II veteran Bill Mauldin, “no normal man who has smelled and associated with death ever wants to see any more of it. The surest way to become a pacifist is to join the infantry”. After serving a few more months in Western Canada to guard the Alaskan Pipeline, and after learning that my wife was pregnant, I was granted a Honorable Discharge.
The following months were delightful, Nora and I were so happy to be able to spend our time together as we made the preparations for the birth of our son. Meanwhile, on a world-wide scale, a storm was brewing. In the grand scheme of things, reclaiming Anchorage had not been a step towards peace. Tensions grew as the months went by, and a creeping sense of anxiety began to affect everyone. Underground atomic shelters from Vault-Tec were becoming heavily publicized; an escalation of the Sino-American conflict to nuclear war seemed more and more plausible.
On September 26th, our son Shaun came into our world, which was a little earlier than expected. Watching our little boy grow filled our lives with joy. But at the same time, I was afraid. Afraid for myself, my wife, our infant son... the fear that everything could be annihilated in an instant lingered.
Eventually, on the fateful day of October 23rd 2077, nightmare became reality. The bombs fell, and the world was changed forever as it entered the age of nuclear devastation. I was there when it happened, 210 years ago.
In the year 1945, my great great-grandfather, serving in the army, wondered when he'd get to go home to his wife and the son he'd never seen. He got his wish when the U.S. ended World War II by dropping atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki.
In the 21st Century, people awoke from the American Dream. Years of consumption led to shortages of every major resource. The entire world unraveled. From when I was a teenager, I remember the live broadcast showing the landing of Chinese troops in Anchorage, Alaska. Ten years later, in 2076, I would be part of the U.S. Army war effort that reclaimed it.
As American soldiers, we are often depicted - or I should rather say “were” depicted - as these young, strapping heroic figures armed with the weapons of Justice and shielded by the power of Patriotism. The glory of our cause alone would see us prevail against the Red Chinese, who would resort to the most vicious and devious tricks to get you. In reality, chivalry is the quickest way to the grave; what matters is to kill your enemy as fast and as efficiently as possible. The only noble sentiment on the battlefield is the loyalty to your comrades.
Fighting in the name of Freedom didn't make us win this war; being equipped with the new T-51b Power Armor most likely did. Of course, I remember cheering with my squad mates on Government Hill, as we gazed upon the last of the Chinese ships being sunk in the snowy harbor of Anchorage, on January 10th, 2077. Cheers were not from the exhilaration of triumph; we were simply relieved that it was over, at least for a time. Finally, I could go back to my wife, Nora, in my home at Sanctuary Hills, near the Old North Bridge of Concord, in the New England Commonwealth.
My time on leave, back together with Nora, was blissful. It made me fully realize that I had no desire to return to the front lines. To quote World War II veteran Bill Mauldin, “no normal man who has smelled and associated with death ever wants to see any more of it. The surest way to become a pacifist is to join the infantry”. After serving a few more months in Western Canada to guard the Alaskan Pipeline, and after learning that my wife was pregnant, I was granted a Honorable Discharge.
The following months were delightful, Nora and I were so happy to be able to spend our time together as we made the preparations for the birth of our son. Meanwhile, on a world-wide scale, a storm was brewing. In the grand scheme of things, reclaiming Anchorage had not been a step towards peace. Tensions grew as the months went by, and a creeping sense of anxiety began to affect everyone. Underground atomic shelters from Vault-Tec were becoming heavily publicized; an escalation of the Sino-American conflict to nuclear war seemed more and more plausible.
On September 26th, our son Shaun came into our world, which was a little earlier than expected. Watching our little boy grow filled our lives with joy. But at the same time, I was afraid. Afraid for myself, my wife, our infant son... the fear that everything could be annihilated in an instant lingered.
Eventually, on the fateful day of October 23rd 2077, nightmare became reality. The bombs fell, and the world was changed forever as it entered the age of nuclear devastation. I was there when it happened, 210 years ago.