Holy **** has anyone played this?

Makoeyes987

Makoeyes987

Listen closely, there is meaning in my words.
AKA
Smooth Criminal
Final Fantasy: All the Bravest

I cannot fucking believe this shit. I thought Airborne Brigade was a piece of dogshit but this is fucking amazing. Square-Enix has seriously fucking hit a new low in terms of brand whoring.

This is the worst cell phone "game" (and I call it this loosely, due to literally only having to slide your fucking finger across the screen to do anything) I have ever had the displeasure to play.

This is horrifying. If this is where Square is right now. It's fucking done. I seriously am gobsmacked they'd put the "Final Fantasy" name on a piece of shit like this. A "shitty cash-in" does not even begin to describe what this is.

It's like they literally thought, "Hey guys! We have all these 8 and 16 bit sprites from all our FF series..LET'S JUST PUT THEM IN A FUCKING SHITTY CELL PHONE GAME AND MAKE SOME CASH! FUCK YEAH SEAKING!"

Destructoid's review of the game.



Make no mistake -- Final Fantasy All the Bravest did not come about through lazy design. While the mindless battles may look like the result of a total lack of effort, it was a coldly calculated, meticulously developed system crafted to draw out your wallet. It's as intricately designed a game as any other Final Fantasy installment -- the design simply wasn't used to enhance the gameplay this time around.

In a way, I'm almost impressed. This is a game that you don't really play while it demands money for no good reason. The nerve, the sheer rotten gall of that is almost laudable. Despicable, intellectually offensive, and grotesque, most certainly -- but still deviously magnificent. What really hammers it home is the fact that, during the course of the game, you acquire masses and masses of Gil -- in-game currency that has absolutely no in-game use. It's almost as if Square Enix is gleefully mocking its users by showering them with useless coins as it vacuums up the real ones.

Final Fantasy All the Bravest is not really a game. It's a cash delivery system, with you playing as the courier, your money the cargo, and Square Enix the unpaying recipient. After years of trying to monetize videogames, Square Enix has now moved on to monetizing customers themselves. It's cut out the irritating middle man that is the videogame, and found a way to simply get people to hand over money in exchange for nothing. That is what All the Bravest is. It's nothing. It's air. It's a thought. You're buying a concept in order to keep buying concepts.

Final Fantasy All the Bravest is fucking disgusting.
Click to expand...

If this is the future, then we're fucking done, Square. Go fuck yourself, lol.
 
Tetsujin

Tetsujin

he/they
AKA
Tets
:slowpoke:

:monster:

Guess they need to earn back the money they blew on seven years of development for Vers...I mean XV. :awesome:
 
Strangelove

Strangelove

AI Researcher
AKA
hitoshura
hold on, i got to check if people are wearing neon colours and using huge brick-like cellphones and mtv plays actual music

nope, i haven't travelled back in time

mako is just slow
 
Makoeyes987

Makoeyes987

Listen closely, there is meaning in my words.
AKA
Smooth Criminal
Strangelove said:
hold on, i got to check if people are wearing neon colours and using huge brick-like cellphones and mtv plays actual music

nope, i haven't travelled back in time

mako is just slow
Click to expand...

2uppb36.jpg


Yes...I am at times.

I foolishly thought I'd give this a try and boy. Was I disappointed..on a metaphysical level. I might as well have lit my money on fire; I'd have been more entertained than this. God, did I get owned.

I am curious at who did the sprites for the newer FFs though. Cause their talent is sure as fuck wasted.

I never wanted to get 3 dollars back so hard IN MY LIFE.
 
Joe

Joe

I KEEP MY IDEALS
AKA
Joe, Arcana
It's pieces of shit like this that have forced me to watch reviews and previews for most games before I buy them, though I wish I didn't have to.
 
Arianna

Arianna

Holy, Personified
AKA
Katie; Seta.
It spends real-life dollars to resurrect your characters right away? I am watching the video right now. It doesn't say outright, but it seems like it's alluding to real-life dollars... Sorry for the slow moment if it offends.
 
Makoeyes987

Makoeyes987

Listen closely, there is meaning in my words.
AKA
Smooth Criminal
Yes. You have to pay money. To fucking revive your party.

LOL
 
Shademp

Shademp

420
Kusabi is a hero for making the sacrifice so that we could gain a little more knowledge. *tear* WE WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER


 
Makoeyes987

Makoeyes987

Listen closely, there is meaning in my words.
AKA
Smooth Criminal
I seriously would buy Kusabi a beer and more, for fucking doing that. That's amazing.

This game is one of the blackest marks on Square's entire gaming history. It's offensive on all levels and definitely taught me a lesson to research games before buying them... Because they can end up being utter trash.
 
Ⓐaron

Ⓐaron

Factiō Rēpūblicāna dēlenda est.
AKA
The Man, V
You forgot the best part of that review:
MSRP: $3.99, $3.99, $3.99, $3.99, $1.99, $2.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99, $0.99
Click to expand...
This makes me glad the first time I heard about this piece of trash was from this forum.
 
The_Kusabi_

The_Kusabi_

Pro Adventurer
I thanked every post in this thread^_^
I know I shouldn't have given them any money, but sometimes curiosity gets the best of me:doh:
 
ForceStealer

ForceStealer

Double Growth
Playing the role of X-SOLDIER today, Mako.

Anyway, yes. Far and away the best part are the little descriptions of the characters and items.
 
Alex

Alex

alex is dead
AKA
Alex, Ashes, Pennywise, Bill Weasley, Jack's Smirking Revenge, Sterling Archer
Keeping your characters dead and unusable until you start throwing big gobs of money at it?

I didn't know SE were meta (terrible) enough to basically turn the development process for FFXV-Versus the Universe into an actual game.


(Yes I did)
 
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Lex

Lex

Administrator
I remember how disgusted I was with this game after reading Tres's review. Sad times SE, sad times.
 
Shademp

Shademp

420
Was it not Airborne Brigade that Tres reviewed? Or did he publish reviews for both? Or was the All The Bravest review forum-only?

I would check, but currently the frontpage is down and now the forum is acting very slow for me. =/
 
The Twilight Mexican

The Twilight Mexican

Ex-SeeD-ingly good
AKA
TresDias
It was, yes. Or, more accurately, I think their message was that they would stop doing money-funnel mobile games and give their mobile focus to productions comparable to the stuff you would see on a console.
 
Selphie Tilmitt

Selphie Tilmitt

Pro Adventurer
AKA
Maidenofwar
I think if you're lucky enough to get Aerith you can revive characters in battle (that's her skill) without having to pay money/wait to revive each character each time but yeah. What do you need to get Aerith? :monster:

Also I think I read something on GameFAQs that characters auto revive after a certain amount of time but you can cheat the system or something by messing with the time settings on your fone :monster:

Agreed about sprite talent being wasted, Cloud, Aerith and Tifa sprites are <333 and Tifa's profile is funny at least :sigh:
 
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