On the way to a smile... translation errors?

[Pixel]

Ive been going through the endtries and have noticed some odd sentences that either dont make sense or dont really flow, or grammar mistakes.

eg, in Case of Tifa

Ever since Tifa met Barret and got along with him, she found out about half of Marlene’s life. That was why she naturally ended up being the one taking care of Marlene when Barret decided he would go on a journey to settle his past.

What does that mean? Could someone reword it to make sense? I just seems like an awkward translation. Maybe its just me

There were some others, but i'll post them when i find them again

EDIT: hmmm i just looked at xcomp's site, and its clearer.

http://xcomprandomness.co.uk/ff7novels/caseoftifa/

She's my daughter. That's how I introduced her to people. Her parents died not too long ago and she was brought up by her father's closest friend, Barret.

Tifa learned a lot about Marlene ever since she met Barret and travelled around with him. It was only natural that Barret entrusted Marlene to Tifa when he decided to go on a journey to settle his past.

Do we have an old translation on the site?

 

[Ryushikaze]

Ours is the revised version. His is the original version. So there are differences, but I'm not sure if the 'she was my daughter' was taken out of the later edition, come to think of it. I shall check the page itself. Ours is a bit more literal in some regards, so changes for asthetics, as long as they don't change the meaning, are valid.

 

[Pixel]

hmmm, I quite like the translation on his site, it clarifies things that I would have had to do to make it flow and make sense.

Things like

Just days ago work didn't seem that long. She enjoyed working along side her family, forgetting all her worries but now, the water had gotten cold and she wasn't getting anywhere with all the dirty tableware.

is a quite a bit different than

Just days ago, she was working so much that all her bitterness disappeared as she watched families come and go. But now, the water was cold and she wasn’t getting anywhere with all the dirty tableware.

I dont know which one is right

 

[Strangelove]

IIRC, the translation for the revised one was original based on XComp's old one (adding in the new parts and changing the old ones), but was later replaced with the text from the official English version released with the US boxset. But maybe some parts got mixed up along the line.

 

[Pixel]

bah, id ont really know what to do. Should we just go with what we have on tls for our little project, or can i have freedom to chop and change bits?

 

[Strangelove]

Is that the 'audiobook' one? If it's going to be read aloud, then switching stuff around or rewording so it sounds better seems like a good idea.

I have the books for the original and revised edition, and the English one, so if you make a list of anything you think sounds a bit off I'll go and check them.

 

[Ryushikaze]

I don't think judicious editing is unwarranted, just remember that Xcomp's CoT is the old version, and ours is the one released alongside ACC.

 

[Pixel]

Oh ok, well I'll just change a few things that really stick out as bad translations, the one I've already mentioned.

Could you check out these.


Tifa blamed herself for letting the children worry about her.
or
Tifa looked as if she was blaming herself for not paying attention to the children.

I quite like the "She's my daughter. That's how I introduced her to people." So i think i'll keep that.

"You still feel lonely even with us here, don't you?"
or
“We’re here with you but you’re still lonely, aren’t you?”

"Tifa didn’t know and put her hand on her neck." is a bit to literally translated, so i'll use "Tifa hung her head, unable to answer."

"Maybe he had an accident when he went out on one of his jobs or he was attacked by some monster." flows better than "as he was caught in an accident where he went to work or he was being attacked by some monster."

I didn't know. Maybe all kinds of problems had cropped up between us.
or
I didn’t know. Maybe all kinds of problems had cropped up

I wished everything was just washed away. Wash away my past. Our past. Maybe I too felt the inevitable terror that was going to come with the relief brought by the end of the battle.
or
I thought it’d be fine if everything just washed away. Wash away my past. She could feel the obscure terror that came with the relief that the battle was over.

obscure or inevitable

 

[Xcomp]

Late post here but just to confirm that the translation on my site is the original version that was released with the Prologue book.

Nojima seems to have re-written a number of parts including the paragraph beginning, "She is my daughter." for the revised hardback edition of the stories.

Never knew the difference was that great ^^;

BTW, I thought only Case of Barret was released with the NA Collector's DVD... If there's really official translations of CoT, I'd like to have a look at them for comparison purposes.

 

[Alex Strife]

In the European Collector's DVD we can find: CoB, CoD and CoT.

 

[X-SOLDIER]

I swear that they're on the US Release as well. I can check when I get home.


X

 

[Xcomp]

In the European Collector's DVD we can find: CoB, CoD and CoT.

I swear that they're on the US Release as well. I can check when I get home.

Really? A link to a site with the official translations would be good but since that probably isn't allowed here... Could I see what the opening first paragraph for CoT is like please?

All I can find are my own translations... Kind of surprised they've not abandoned since there's official translations but I guess most people are unaware there are a number of versions floating about ^^;

 

[Ryushikaze]

They were in the US Special Edition release, which a lot of people understandably completely neglected to purchase.

 

[X-SOLDIER]

Fuck, I forgot to do this. I'll try to remind myself tonight. I'll see if I can get them to you directly if you like (unless someone else wants them up here).


X

 

[Pixel]

I wouldnt mind taking a look

 

[X-SOLDIER]

Oh yeah! *smacks forhead* I'll see about getting the info to you for your project Pixel.


X

 

[Ryushikaze]

Really? A link to a site with the official translations would be good but since that probably isn't allowed here... Could I see what the opening first paragraph for CoT is like please?

All I can find are my own translations... Kind of surprised they've not abandoned since there's official translations but I guess most people are unaware there are a number of versions floating about ^^;

Incidentally, the reason your translations have not been supplanted is BECAUSE no one transcribed the official ones and spread them around, like was done with CoB, and I suspect they weren't BECAUSE your translations were already out, and good enough for gu'mmint work.

 

[Xcomp]

Fuck, I forgot to do this. I'll try to remind myself tonight. I'll see if I can get them to you directly if you like (unless someone else wants them up here).

If you could, that would be great! Feels like I'm back in school getting an "answer book" ^^;

So, maybe Pixel will want to go with the official translation then...?

Incidentally, the reason your translations have not been supplanted is BECAUSE no one transcribed the official ones and spread them around, like was done with CoB, and I suspect they weren't BECAUSE your translations were already out, and good enough for gu'mmint work.

Yes... Thanks for so kindly pointing that out to me.

Like I said, most readers are probably unaware of the version changes anyway so, why bother transcribing something that has the same meaning...? Apart from it being the official translation and that it maybe done by a professional of course ^^;

 

[Pixel]

So, maybe Pixel will want to go with the official translation then...?

Hell no

Pretty much everything has been recorded already. Besides, I like the idea of this being a completely fan driven project, including the translation.

 

[Ryushikaze]

Hell no

Pretty much everything has been recorded already. Besides, I like the idea of this being a completely fan driven project, including the translation.

Besides, it's not as though the changes are terribly major. The biggest things are the difference between shit like dubious and perplexed in CoT.

 

[X-SOLDIER]

Not to sideline the project, but in looking over the Official OTWTAS Entries, they're much better composed than these examples, and you may want to consider looking in to them. With a few days, I could probably transcribe the official entries. if desired.

Just days ago work didn't seem that long. She enjoyed working along side her family, forgetting all her worries but now, the water had gotten cold and she wasn't getting anywhere with all the dirty tableware.

Just days ago, she was working so much that all her bitterness disappeared as she watched families come and go. But now, the water was cold and she wasn’t getting anywhere with all the dirty tableware.

OTWTAS Official:

Just a few days ago, she would have done the work without a care as she watched her family, but now the water felt colder than usual, and the dishes seemed as though they would never get clean.

Ever since Tifa met Barret and got along with him, she found out about half of Marlene’s life. That was why she naturally ended up being the one taking care of Marlene when Barret decided he would go on a journey to settle his past.

Tifa learned a lot about Marlene ever since she met Barret and travelled around with him. It was only natural that Barret entrusted Marlene to Tifa when he decided to go on a journey to settle his past.

OTWTAS Official:

Tifa had known her for as long as she'd known Barret- almost half of Marlene's life. So when Barret decided to head off and "settle his sins," it was only natural that Tifa would be the one to look after her.

-------------------------------------

Case of Barret runs from 1-22, Denzel from 23-53, & Tifa from 55-71.

I can get to the quotes in question if you like but it might take me a bit to scan through them (I can do the official transcription anyways, since we SHOULD have it uploaded on TLS somewhere at the very least). These ones were just easy to pick out.


X

 

[The Twilight Mexican]

... (I can do the official transcription anyways, since we SHOULD have it uploaded on TLS somewhere at the very least).

I'm thinking that's a bad idea. Unlike the fan translations, they're not a fan's interpretation of something in another language.

Furthermore, the official translations are actually available for sale in English to English readers in English-speaking territories.

That could be a problem, so I'd definitely not.

 

[Pixel]

OTWTAS Official:

Just a few days ago, she would have done the work without a care as she watched her family, but now the water felt colder than usual, and the dishes seemed as though they would never get clean.

OTWTAS Official:

Tifa had known her for as long as she'd known Barret- almost half of Marlene's life. So when Barret decided to head off and "settle his sins," it was only natural that Tifa would be the one to look after her.

For the audiobooks, we have those as

Just days ago, she was working so much that all her bitterness disappeared as she watched families come and go. But now, the water was cold and she wasn’t getting anywhere with all the dirty tableware.

and

Tifa learned a lot about Marlene ever since she met Barret and travelled around with him. It was only natural that Barret entrusted Marlene to Tifa when he decided to go on a journey to settle his past.

I dont really know if its worth changing stuff like this. It is different, but not a million miles away.

 

[Xcomp]

After looking at these, maybe I should stay away from translations in the future... Or spend more time on them instead of rushing them

Either way, I agree keeping to fan translations is probably best in case S-E doesn't like audio books made out of their commercially available work...

 

[Raquelborn]

Just my 2 cents.

If I'm listening to an audiobook, even if it's unofficial, I'd expect it to be to the official material as much as possible. Yes, the differences aren't that great but a fan translation is still a fan translation. People will want the real thing, especially since it's actually available.