Sometimes, when no one is looking, I pretend her eyes are only for me…
Snow is a good guy. He has a heart as big as he is. And that’s sayin’ a lot. His intentions are good but he doesn’t always make the smartest decisions. Either way, he’s like a brother to me now and that being said, I’ve got his back.
But that was all before he told me that he was engaged to Serah. I still remember it, like a fresh wound. He came running up to me with that huge goofy grin and almost crushed anyone standing in his way.
“Noel! She said yes! She said yes!” He cried in the middle of the crowded street.
I pretended I didn’t understand, feigning ignorance. But my heart sank and that was a clue.
“Woah, slow down there.” I said, steadying him when he reached me, panting for air and still looking as excited as a five year old in a candy shop.
“She’s going to marry me, can you believe it?” He carried on, seemingly not hearing me.
I couldn’t help it. The feeling was there, bitter and venomous. And I couldn’t help thinking it; why him? What did she see in him that she couldn’t find in me? Sure, I wasn’t that tall. Or that muscular. But I liked to think I wasn’t bad on the eyes, anyways. Was it his hair? Or the eyes?
I scrutinized Snow in the daylight and started the comparisons. I was smarter, stronger, faster. Women in general liked me better. And on top of it all, I was always there for her, offering her a shoulder to cry on. I was there for her when she doubted herself. I encouraged her. When she felt weak, I reminded her of her strength. When she felt ugly, I told her she was beautiful. When she was lonely, I kept her company. Where was he during all of it?
The second I thought all of this, I shook my head and tried to remind myself of who this man is. This is my best friend. He’s been there for me through thick and thin. We grew up together, all of us. He had proved to me from a young age that he’s always had his heart in the right place. Always optimistic, that was Snow. He was out there, trying to earn some money to help all of us.
But still; why him?
When I saw her after that at the engagement dinner, she was glowing with a smile, her eyes twinkling as Snow gushed about it to everyone who would listen. Her small hand was clasped in his larger one, squeezing tightly. He was formulating some fancy speech about how two young lovers had worked their way out of poverty and managed to find love. Or something like that. I wasn’t paying attention. I was staring at her and wondering. I was also wishing she’d meet my eyes. Look at me, Serah. Tell me why.
When she finally did meet my gaze, I noticed how her smile faded and she was quick to look away, staring into her lap instead of at me. She excused herself then, saying she needed to use the ladies’ room and Snow barely even noticed the missing presence of his new fiancee.
I dabbed at my mouth with the napkin and stood up, excusing myself as well but nobody cared. I made my way towards the restrooms and tried to convince myself that I was bold enough to ask her a simple question.
But when she exited the bathroom and looked at me, my breath hitched and I had more trouble finding the words. I ran a shaky hand through my hair and tried to relax the way my heart started pounding in my chest.
She looked beautiful. She was always beautiful. But she was wearing a lovely ivory colored dress and her pink hair fell loosely over her shoulders in little waves.
She had her hands clasped behind her back and her blue eyes darted around, looking everywhere but at me.
“Can’t even look at me? Do I disgust you now that you’re engaged?” My voice came out sounding a lot more bitter than I intended it to.
She looked at me then, sad. “Noel…I…No, no that’s not it.” SHe shook her head furiously, hair moving with her.
I wanted to touch it again, feel it between my fingertips and it angered me to know I would never be allowed to do such a thing again because of Snow.
“Damn him!” I cried, grinding my teeth and slamming my fist on the wall near her.
She flinched but didn’t move away. Instead, she placed her hand on my arm and stepped closer to me. I stared at her face, at her small mouth. Ribbon shaped pink lips that looked so warm and inviting. What I would give to kiss her, to feel her smaller body shudder beneath me. She brought her face closer to me and her lips hovered over mine, hot breath tickling my skin.
So close…
My eyes fell closed when her lips brushed mine. Delicate, soft, gentle. And just like that, she pulled back and looked around the empty hallway with nervous eyes. I brought my other arm on her other side so that she was blocked by me. And I kissed her again. But this time, I pressed my mouth on hers harder so that she whimpered. I bit her bottom lip playfully and she shrank back into the wall, mewling softly. I ran my tongue against her lips and she granted me entrance. Our tongues clashed and warred and I grunted, pushing against her and grinding even harder.
If this was going to be my last chance, my last kiss and the last time I would taste her, then damn it, I’d get all I could out of it before that bastard had her all to himself.
She had her fingers tangled into my hair and her body was limp against mine. I was so tempted to lift her by the legs and ram her against the wall, then and there and not care who saw or what Snow would say.
But before I could take anything too far, her hands came to my chest and she pushed me off so that I staggered backwards. She wiped at her mouth and her face appeared flushed. Both of our chests heaved as our breathing was labored. And then she began to walk away, not looking back.
No. No!
“Serah!” I called after her.
She paused and turned to look at me, her eyes sad all over again.
“Why?” I whispered, feeling defeated and weak and wanting to relive that moment all over again.
She smiled, but her eyes remained sad when she answered me, her words piercing me where it hurt; “He asked first…”
And then she was gone, never to be mine.
