Odysseus
Ninja Potato
- AKA
- Ody
You purchase your copy of Final Fantasy VII Remake Part 2: Revengence, and open the disc case, eagerly awaiting the thrill of living your childhood once again. A rancid odor immediately fills your nostrils, your eyes tear up instantly, you recoil instinctively and drop the case on the floor. red matter splatters across your carpet, and once you wipe the tears from your eyes, you finally see the source of the odor. Several maggot-ridden rat corpses have been compressed in such a way as to fit inside the disc case. They leak black ooze, their bones surely powder mixed in with the rot. You had noticed the disc case had been heavier than you were accustomed to in the modern day, but you had supposed they might have included a manual just for old-times sake. No. Rats.
You're on the floor, the smell is so overpowering. Your pet bird isn't moving anymore. You claw your way across the carpet, dragging yourself through the refuse that had splashed out of the case. You have to close it, you can't take it much longer, you're going to pass out. You thrust your arm forward to close the disc case, but it lands right in the filth. You immeditaely retract your hand in disgust, but something clings to your finger. One of the rats is somehow still alive, and it whispers into your ear:
"Cloud tells the party about Sephiroth and how he burned down Cloud's hometown. This happens in a random field because Kalm is too expensive to render. Yuffie steals the party's equipment so they have to do sidequests to get more. The chocobo farm is a big dungeon, and the Zolom is a mandatory boss. The Mithril mine takes 5 chapters to get through. The game ends in Junon, with a battle against the gods of time who is then eaten by Sephoroth who is the real final boss again. He throws the cargo ship at you. Zack helps. Thank you for purchasing the game, please be excited for the next installment."
You blink. The smell is gone, you're on your feet again. You never owned a pet bird. You look down at the disc case you just opened. There's a Gackt CD in the disc slot, and a small pamphlet with the words the rat had just whispered on it. why are you crying?
Game of the year.
You're on the floor, the smell is so overpowering. Your pet bird isn't moving anymore. You claw your way across the carpet, dragging yourself through the refuse that had splashed out of the case. You have to close it, you can't take it much longer, you're going to pass out. You thrust your arm forward to close the disc case, but it lands right in the filth. You immeditaely retract your hand in disgust, but something clings to your finger. One of the rats is somehow still alive, and it whispers into your ear:
"Cloud tells the party about Sephiroth and how he burned down Cloud's hometown. This happens in a random field because Kalm is too expensive to render. Yuffie steals the party's equipment so they have to do sidequests to get more. The chocobo farm is a big dungeon, and the Zolom is a mandatory boss. The Mithril mine takes 5 chapters to get through. The game ends in Junon, with a battle against the gods of time who is then eaten by Sephoroth who is the real final boss again. He throws the cargo ship at you. Zack helps. Thank you for purchasing the game, please be excited for the next installment."
You blink. The smell is gone, you're on your feet again. You never owned a pet bird. You look down at the disc case you just opened. There's a Gackt CD in the disc slot, and a small pamphlet with the words the rat had just whispered on it. why are you crying?
Game of the year.
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