Baseless but fun Crack theories part deux

[DrakeClawfang]

Not sure. This is the image the guy on the Wiki provided for his age, not sure where it comes from. A translation would be cool though.

 

[Loxetta]

From Case of Shinra, page four:

Rufus suddenly remembered a conversation he had with his father twenty years ago. He finally raised his voice and laughed.

It was when he was only five years old.

 

[Max Payne]

I always liked the idea that everyone in avalanche, well some of them had descended directly from the Ancients, that's why their primary concerns were always in the planet's best interests and why it was so easy for them to be in tune with it's pain.

 

[DrakeClawfang]

From Case of Shinra, page four:

Hm, odd.

 

[Loxetta]

Hm, odd.

Must have been retconned. Or that scan is from a magazine or something.

I always liked the idea that everyone in avalanche, well some of them had descended directly from the Ancients, that's why their primary concerns were always in the planet's best interests and why it was so easy for them to be in tune with it's pain.

Reminds me -- I've read fic where Gongaga's people were sort-of descendants from the Ancients. It worked under the assumption that Cetra status was teachable and passed down the generations iirc, not a biological trait. In that story though it wasn't labeled as being an Ancient or Cetra for Gongagans, and the townspeople just considered it a normal, albeit a rather private, thing for them, Zack included, which is why he didn't make the connection when he knew Aerith.

I thought the idea was awesome, but pretty sad for Aerith for her to have never known she really wasn't alone.

 

[Ryushikaze]

I always liked the idea that everyone in avalanche, well some of them had descended directly from the Ancients, that's why their primary concerns were always in the planet's best interests and why it was so easy for them to be in tune with it's pain.

My personal druthers are that everyone in the main party, save Red, not just the ShinRa line, can trace their descent back to someone from FF10
Cloud hails from the children of Tidus and Yuna, and they have a highly dominant tendency to be categorically awesome with their spirit energy.
Tifa from Wakka and Lulu's line
From Cid, through Rikku's descent, comes Cid Highwind. Kain is somehow his father, after jumping the wrong way and flying through the X-zone into Gaia from the Blue Planet.
From Paine, Vincent.
From Buddy, Barret.
From Dona, Tseng.
From Isaru, Reeve- Inspire being the way Spira summoning works with Gaian magic.
Aerith, on her father's side, from Nooj and LeBlanc.

Yuffie is the descendant of the Oakas and/or Rin.

Of course, that's at least 2000 years down the line and several of the lines bleed across (Vincent being Tifa's great uncle, Cloud, Cid, Rufus maybe being related, etc. etc. etc.) but that's where the seeding starts.

 

[Loxetta]

... (Vincent being Tifa's great uncle,

This was my pet theory until I realized they retconned the color of Tifa's eyes. It wasn't stated where Vincent was from, at any rate, and he could very well have been from Nibelheim or around the area and been a relative of hers.

Cloud, Cid, Rufus maybe being related, etc. etc. etc.)

Old man Shinra really got around, didn't he? Must have been the wallet.

Cid wouldn't be too old to be a Shinra, though. He's 32 in the original game, so he was born around the same time as the Jenova Project was happening. *can totally picture Shinra 'loosing interest' in the space program to punish Cid for not living up to expectations*

 

[The Twilight Mexican]

Aerith, on her father's side, from Nooj and LeBlanc.

I love all the other suggestions, but I'm wondering what it is about Nooj and LeBlanc that made you think "That would lead to Gast." XD

Not sure. This is the image the guy on the Wiki provided for his age, not sure where it comes from. A translation would be cool though.

The text there doesn't indicate the source of the claim.

In any event, it's safe to say it's nothing official. SE always romanizes his name as "Rufus," not "Rufuse." As well, the 10th Anniversary Ultimania referred to his age as "?" so they apparently hadn't decided how old he should be until Nojima wrote Case of Shin-Ra.

But, yeah, he was 25 during the original game.

 

[ForceStealer]

They also said Marlene's age was "N/A" for Advent Children...which I've bitched about before. So they don't have a freaking clue

 

[Tennyo]

From Case of Shinra, page four:

This somehow went over my head. How did I miss that?

Good to know Rufus' age.

 

[Mantichorus]

Cloud is aware of the wider Squeenix multiverse, which is why he always seems rather distant whenever he appears. The Cloud in the Compilation of FFVII is aware of what the Cloud in FF Tactics is doing, as well as the Cloud in Ehrgeiz, Kingdom Hearts, Dissidia, and vice versa (and vice versa...).

This is also how a SOLDIER failure can beat Sephiroth - whenever something has Cloud's full attention, it also pulls in the full attention of Cloud's alternatives. In effect, Sephiroth fights five Clouds at once.

 

[Max Payne]

Tifa from Wakka and Lulu's line

wat

 

[Lord Noctis]

Cloud is aware of the wider Squeenix multiverse, which is why he always seems rather distant whenever he appears. The Cloud in the Compilation of FFVII is aware of what the Cloud in FF Tactics is doing, as well as the Cloud in Ehrgeiz, Kingdom Hearts, Dissidia, and vice versa (and vice versa...).

This is also how a SOLDIER failure can beat Sephiroth - whenever something has Cloud's full attention, it also pulls in the full attention of Cloud's alternatives. In effect, Sephiroth fights five Clouds at once.

Couldn't Sephiroth do the same with his KH Dissidia and Erghiez cameos?

 

[Loxetta]

Cloud is aware of the wider Squeenix multiverse, which is why he always seems rather distant whenever he appears. The Cloud in the Compilation of FFVII is aware of what the Cloud in FF Tactics is doing, as well as the Cloud in Ehrgeiz, Kingdom Hearts, Dissidia, and vice versa (and vice versa...).

This is also how a SOLDIER failure can beat Sephiroth - whenever something has Cloud's full attention, it also pulls in the full attention of Cloud's alternatives. In effect, Sephiroth fights five Clouds at once.

Sheds a whole new light on those after-images of Cloud during ACC's Omnislash.

 

[Ryushikaze]

I love all the other suggestions, but I'm wondering what it is about Nooj and LeBlanc that made you think "That would lead to Gast." XD

It's more about Leblanc and leading to Aerith. Though something about Nooj strikes me as vaguely like Gast.

Cloud is aware of the wider Squeenix multiverse, which is why he always seems rather distant whenever he appears. The Cloud in the Compilation of FFVII is aware of what the Cloud in FF Tactics is doing, as well as the Cloud in Ehrgeiz, Kingdom Hearts, Dissidia, and vice versa (and vice versa...).

This is also how a SOLDIER failure can beat Sephiroth - whenever something has Cloud's full attention, it also pulls in the full attention of Cloud's alternatives. In effect, Sephiroth fights five Clouds at once.

The only problem is that Dissidia Cloud isn't an alternate Cloud but the other Cloud pulled from and then sent back to Gaia. Same with Tactics, though he could be a 'copy Cloud', I suppose.

 

[Mantichorus]

Couldn't Sephiroth do the same with his KH Dissidia and Erghiez cameos?

Hmm, I suppose he could if he was (a) aware of the greater multiverse and (b) not so proud as to not even ask himself for help.

Sheds a whole new light on those after-images of Cloud during ACC's Omnislash.

I'd forgotten that, TBH.

The only problem is that Dissidia Cloud isn't an alternate Cloud but the other Cloud pulled from and then sent back to Gaia. Same with Tactics, though he could be a 'copy Cloud', I suppose.

Err... well...

QUICK, HE'S ON TO US, LADS! SCARPER!!!

... But yeah, I knew that. I also think that the events of Ehrgeiz happen in a similar time frame to Dissidia (in Ehrgeiz, it is stated that Cloud and co. are travellers from another dimension).

 

[DrakeClawfang]

I have a theory that in the FF worlds, they have video games starring us....

 

[Mantichorus]

That would be a hellish boring game...

 

[DrakeClawfang]

That would be a hellish boring game...

Consider how most FF worlds go. Wouldn't boring monotony would be a nice change of pace?

 

[Lord Noctis]

I have a theory that in the FF worlds, they have video games starring us....

The Sims: Lifestream Edition.

 

[Mantichorus]

@DRAKE: well, true, but I don't think they'd want it in their games... maybe we could send them a few copies of Twilight?

@NOCTIS: I thought something similar, actually.

 

[Tennyo]

I have a theory that in the FF worlds, they have video games starring us....

You mean like The Sims?

 

[ForceStealer]

Yeah but they starve and grow filthy spending all their time on internet forums

 

[Lord Noctis]

Aerith is the true villian of FFVII, and Sephiroth is the hero. You see, Aerith planned to control the lifestream and become god. When Sephiroth found out, he started going after her, but Cloud was always with her.

He finally managed to kill her by getting he rto leave Cloud. he thought it was over, but Aerith continued her plans even in death. So Sephiroth summoned METEOR to force Aerith to focus her powers on stopping it rather, rather than dominating every soul.

Even still, that plan could not last forever, so he allowed himself to be killed by Cloud, who misunderstood the whole thing, so he could travel into the lifestream and engage Aerith in an eternal battle so she could never complete her evil plan.

As for the burning of Nibelheim, that was an evil doppleganger created by Aerith to distract people from her plans.

 

[Gym Leader Devil]

Aerith is the true villian of FFVII, and Sephiroth is the hero. You see, Aerith planned to control the lifestream and become god. When Sephiroth found out, he started going after her, but Cloud was always with her.

He finally managed to kill her by getting he rto leave Cloud. he thought it was over, but Aerith continued her plans even in death. So Sephiroth summoned METEOR to force Aerith to focus her powers on stopping it rather, rather than dominating every soul.

Even still, that plan could not last forever, so he allowed himself to be killed by Cloud, who misunderstood the whole thing, so he could travel into the lifestream and engage Aerith in an eternal battle so she could never complete her evil plan.

As for the burning of Nibelheim, that was an evil doppleganger created by Aerith to distract people from her plans.

So... instead of Materia Jesus, Aerith is actually the Materia Anti-Christ? It all makes sense now...