Baseless but fun Crack theories part deux

[Loxetta]

I've yet to see a Mac cluster calculate nucular asplosions. Then again, you could argue whether that's a PC. But Mac doesn't have neat stuff like 4-way SLI (+1 for physix) with dual quadcore xeons and the like.

I didn't say Mac was more badass than PC Just that PC is not that badass.

 

[Tennyo]

So does being a Mac user make me a lesbian?

 

[Gym Leader Devil]

Of course not, or it throws my entire OTP completely out the window Tenny. Put that right out of your mind.

Also, new crack theory: Clerith will be proven right.

... What? That's the crackest crack in all of crackdom. I now return to the LTD where I belong

 

[ForceStealer]

So does being a Mac user make me a lesbian?

If it does I might have to change my opinion of Macs

 

[Gym Leader Devil]

If it does I might have to change my opinion of Macs

To quote Jay from Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back: Get off my kool-aid mothafucka!

 

[Cthulhu]

So does being a Mac user make me a lesbian?

No, but it does make you gay.

 

[Mantichorus]

I’ve been watching DC through the Event Viewer, and have come to this conclusion: the whole thing was a Batman/Thanatos Gambit by Nero to break Weiss from Hojo’s control.

First off: it’s Nero who instructs Shelke to upload Lucrecia’s memories. Yes, he says it’s commanded by Weiss, but as we never see this command given…

Secondly: the pure exposition he gives the Cait Sith robot before absorbing it. There’s no reason for it, and he must know the information is then passed on to the WRO.

Thirdly: Azul’s attack of Shelke. It seems from Azul’s own dialogue surrounding this that it was a subconscious trigger releasing him from having to not harm her. Again, he claims it’s Weiss’ order, but at this point Weiss is DEAD in a coma jerking off not in the position to give commands. So, it would be fairly easy for Nero to trigger it himself.

This would then give Shelke reason to defect from Deepground, with Lucrecia’s knowledge of Chaos and Omega, taking that information to the WRO. This then gives the WRO further intel, which helps with their offensive.

Fourthly: his ‘surprise’ at Shelke’s presence onboard the Shera. It sounds completely put on, he had no viable reason he couldn’t have gathered the required souls from elsewhere, and there was no reason or point to kidnap Shelke.

Fifthly: Chaos’ defeat of Azul. Nero simply looks on for a while, assesses Chaos, and then drops Shelke’s cell phone where Chaos/Vincent will see it. Plus, consider his last line of dialogue at this scene:

“Perhaps I should simply let him live out his destiny of destruction.”

Finally (you’re glad, aren’t you?), consider how easily he jumped to Weiss’ body after his own was killed. That wasn’t a decision: it was either an instinctive response or pre-planned.

As Vincent said, “when a person has someone they care about that much, giving their life is sometimes the least they can do”.

 

[The Twilight Mexican]

That's pretty impressive, Usher.

We need to file that one in the "Ideas That Could Maybe Work" category, along with Ryu's idea that in the next Compilation title, we'll find Weiss in Genesis' body and Nero in Weiss'.

 

[Loxetta]

Usher: That would make Dirge of Cerberus' whole story completely worth it.

 

[DrakeClawfang]

Fun theory - remember that in FF6, Terra is half-Esper.

So if Terra ever died, would she become Magicite? Could a character use that Magicite to summon her? Would she appear in human or Esper form? What spells would she teach?

 

[Gym Leader Devil]

Fun theory - remember that in FF6, Terra is half-Esper.

So if Terra ever died, would she become Magicite? Could a character use that Magicite to summon her? Would she appear in human or Esper form? What spells would she teach?

Ouch. The possibilities inherent in that broke my brain.

To answer: After FFVI, I assume she'd just die like a normal human, what with the magic being gone from the world and all. During the story, after her Esper side wakes up, and during/after Dissidia... maybe. I figure she'd teach some pretty badass high level magic, and manifest in her Esper form.

Edit: Maybe she'd become half a Magicite crystal, and her Esper summon would be all uncontrollable and vicious and such from the lack of her human half?

 

[Mantichorus]

…Wow, I’m somewhat overwhelmed by how you’ve all embraced that theory. Especially as I wasn’t that serious about it.

We need to file that one in the "Ideas That Could Maybe Work" category, along with Ryu's idea that in the next Compilation title, we'll find Weiss in Genesis' body and Nero in Weiss'.

I think it’s possible for Rosso to return, if not Azul as well. Why? The last we see of both of them, they’re simply dropping out of view. We know Nero can teleport - it would be child’s play for him to catch them before they hit the floor. OK, Azul also had his vulcan cannon through his midriff, but he seemed fairly happy about it before Chaos blasted him to his doom.

Oh, Drake - I agree with pretty much what Grudge said. So, um, yeah.

 

[Tennyo]

Fun theory - remember that in FF6, Terra is half-Esper.

So if Terra ever died, would she become Magicite? Could a character use that Magicite to summon her? Would she appear in human or Esper form? What spells would she teach?

I was thinking more along the lines of, what if Terra was magically transported to FFVII's world and both her and Cloud's memories of the events of Dissidia came back?

OMG NEW LTD!!!!!!!!

I will stand by my crack pairings with much ferocity.

 

[DrakeClawfang]

I was thinking more along the lines of, what if Terra was magically transported to FFVII's world

I believe you mean this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5J6D9ZvwN-Q

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4898130/1/Tears_He_Left_Behind

 

[Tennyo]

haha That's pretty funny.

 

[Ryushikaze]

…Wow, I’m somewhat overwhelmed by how you’ve all embraced that theory. Especially as I wasn’t that serious about it.

It actually makes a lot of sense. Nero had to be popping into Weiss for some reason, after all.

I think it’s possible for Rosso to return, if not Azul as well. Why? The last we see of both of them, they’re simply dropping out of view. We know Nero can teleport - it would be child’s play for him to catch them before they hit the floor. OK, Azul also had his vulcan cannon through his midriff, but he seemed fairly happy about it before Chaos blasted him to his doom.

Having both of them come back later- having managed to survive and overcome their mako bath dependence due to the Omega Rain- and start causing trouble when GeneWeiss gives the word would be a decent kickoff to the 'next' FFVII installment.

 

[DrakeClawfang]

So, Rufus is 21 huh? And Cloud's dad "died" when he was a kid, huh?

CRACK THEORY - Cloud is Rufus' twin brother due to a one-nighter Old Man Shinra had with Cloud's mom while visiting Nibelheim to check on the reactor.

 

[Ryushikaze]

So, Rufus is 21 huh? And Cloud's dad "died" when he was a kid, huh?

CRACK THEORY - Cloud is Rufus' twin brother due to a one-nighter Old Man Shinra had with Cloud's mom while visiting Nibelheim to check on the reactor.

Cid is their elder brother. I demandz this to be true!

Also, Vincent is Tifa's great Uncle.

 

[Mantichorus]

It actually makes a lot of sense. Nero had to be popping into Weiss for some reason, after all.

It's fun when theories I don't give much thought to make sense.

Having both of them come back later- having managed to survive and overcome their mako bath dependence due to the Omega Rain- and start causing trouble when GeneWeiss gives the word would be a decent kickoff to the 'next' FFVII installment.

Yeah, that would be awesome! Or, if they started kicking off against GeneWeiss' interests.

So, Rufus is 21 huh? And Cloud's dad "died" when he was a kid, huh?

CRACK THEORY - Cloud is Rufus' twin brother due to a one-nighter Old Man Shinra had with Cloud's mom while visiting Nibelheim to check on the reactor.

I thought this was possible, too.

 

[DrakeClawfang]

Someone on of the FFWiki just pointed out that the Nibelheim Incident and the Raccoon City Outbreak both occur between September 22 and October 1, years apart.

Coincidence? Or could this be a hint to a FF-RE crossover? :p

 

[The Twilight Mexican]

So, Rufus is 21 huh? And Cloud's dad "died" when he was a kid, huh?

CRACK THEORY - Cloud is Rufus' twin brother due to a one-nighter Old Man Shinra had with Cloud's mom while visiting Nibelheim to check on the reactor.

Rufus is probably 25, if I remember correctly based on Case of Shin-Ra. It was said to have been 20 years since he was five at any rate.

But funny you should bring that theory up, because I've seen that exact thing done in a fanfic I read quite a few years ago. Only Rufus was Cloud's slightly older brother, of course.

It actually worked out pretty well, as it wasn't the focus of the fanfic and neither one of them made too big a deal out of it.

Since then, it's always been an idea that I'm fond of.

 

[Loxetta]

Spoiler: Aww

That would mean Lazard died from protecting his baby brother.

[/dorktard]

 

[The Twilight Mexican]

Spoiler: Aww

That would mean Lazard died from protecting his baby brother.

[/dorktard]

That actually would be kind of awesome.

 

[Mantichorus]

Someone on of the FFWiki just pointed out that the Nibelheim Incident and the Raccoon City Outbreak both occur between September 22 and October 1, years apart.

Coincidence? Or could this be a hint to a FF-RE crossover? :p

...Now I have this image in my head of the first time Vincent turns into Death Gigas, it turns towards Cloud and says "SOLDIERRRR..."

 

[Tennyo]

Is Rufus really only 21? In AC or in the original game?