Sporking FFVII Badfic!!

[Tsunami Shijo]

Hay gaiz. It's been a while. If you don't know me under any of my aliases, it's because I've removed myself from the FFVII fandom for the most part. Life caught up with me and after Crisis Core, there hasn't been a whole lot of FFVII stuff for me to discuss. I was, however, incredibly active on ACF when it was still alive.

HOWEVER, in the past year I've been working on a project with a friend of mine. Those familiar with the fanfiction community might know about "sporking," or when it was still allowed on Fanfic.net, "MSTing." Basically, you take a badfic and insert your own snarky commentary into it. Suffice to say, the project is a spork of an incredibly, painfully long and notorious Mary Sue fanfiction called Shinra High (and it's sequel, Shinra SOLDIER) written by that-girl-who-claimed-she-was-married-to-Sephiroth aka Sephirothslave.

I know there's a handful of members here who have read this already, but I wanted to officially promote it. We love having readers and comments so the more the merrier.

I'm hoping I am posting this in a good section - I really couldn't figure out if there's a better place to post it.

For a little background on this atrocity, Sephirothslave wrote this between the ages of 12 and 19, starting with Shinra High and continuing the story with Shinra SOLDIER. Sephirothslave claimed that it's a fanfiction meant to explain Sephiroth's past and why he went insane and what his life might have been like. However, just reading the first paragraph you know this is a horrible Mary Sue fanfic. Her Mary Sue has probably been one of the most unlikeable and horrible characters I've ever had the misfortune to read about. The fic was written before the horrid Twilight saga, and yet has a lot of disturbing parallels in the way she portrays relationships and the characters. The fic itself covers child abuse, torture, rape, incest, forced prostitution, and genocide. Did I mention she began this when she was 12?

And that is just scratching the surface. The really horrible thing is the fact that absolutely NONE of the FFVII cast are in character. She routinely bashes characters she does not like, while any character she does like lavishes her OC with attention and praises, stepping out of the spotlight and turning into cardboard for the sake of her Sue. The canon of FFVII is brutally raped on a paragraph-by-paragraph basis, while she struggles and fails to stop raping her OWN fanfic canon. The whole thing spans 170 chapters total - but don't let that deter you. Lots of commentary and snark, and even graphics and pictures have been added, and this fic has been torn apart for the travesty against the FFVII fandom that it is.

I'll leave you with this though: she turned Zack into a lecherous woman-beating jock, and Cloud into a screaming pansy. With that said, get your sporks ready, beacuse this is Sporking Shinra High!

 

[Ryushikaze]

Hay gaiz. It's been a while. If you don't know me under any of my aliases, it's because I've removed myself from the FFVII fandom for the most part. Life caught up with me and after Crisis Core, there hasn't been a whole lot of FFVII stuff for me to discuss. I was, however, incredibly active on ACF when it was still alive.

HOWEVER, in the past year I've been working on a project with a friend of mine. Those familiar with the fanfiction community might know about "sporking," or when it was still allowed on Fanfic.net, "MSTing." Basically, you take a badfic and insert your own snarky commentary into it. Suffice to say, the project is a spork of an incredibly, painfully long and notorious Mary Sue fanfiction called Shinra High (and it's sequel, Shinra SOLDIER) written by that-girl-who-claimed-she-was-married-to-Sephiroth aka Sephirothslave.

I know there's a handful of members here who have read this already, but I wanted to officially promote it. We love having readers and comments so the more the merrier.

I'm hoping I am posting this in a good section - I really couldn't figure out if there's a better place to post it.

For a little background on this atrocity, Sephirothslave wrote this between the ages of 12 and 19, starting with Shinra High and continuing the story with Shinra SOLDIER. Sephirothslave claimed that it's a fanfiction meant to explain Sephiroth's past and why he went insane and what his life might have been like. However, just reading the first paragraph you know this is a horrible Mary Sue fanfic. Her Mary Sue has probably been one of the most unlikeable and horrible characters I've ever had the misfortune to read about. The fic was written before the horrid Twilight saga, and yet has a lot of disturbing parallels in the way she portrays relationships and the characters. The fic itself covers child abuse, torture, rape, incest, forced prostitution, and genocide. Did I mention she began this when she was 12?

And that is just scratching the surface. The really horrible thing is the fact that absolutely NONE of the FFVII cast are in character. She routinely bashes characters she does not like, while any character she does like lavishes her OC with attention and praises, stepping out of the spotlight and turning into cardboard for the sake of her Sue. The canon of FFVII is brutally raped on a paragraph-by-paragraph basis, while she struggles and fails to stop raping her OWN fanfic canon. The whole thing spans 170 chapters total - but don't let that deter you. Lots of commentary and snark, and even graphics and pictures have been added, and this fic has been torn apart for the travesty against the FFVII fandom that it is.

I'll leave you with this though: she turned Zack into a lecherous woman-beating jock, and Cloud into a screaming pansy. With that said, get your sporks ready, beacuse this is Sporking Shinra High!

It shall always be known as MSTing. Sporking is simply the broader descriptive term the encompasses an MST.
Also, I ought to get back into MSTing myself.
Anyways, I'll see about getting around to this sometime.

 

[Octo]

. Suffice to say, the project is a spork of an incredibly, painfully long and notorious Mary Sue fanfiction called Shinra High (and it's sequel, Shinra SOLDIER) written by that-girl-who-claimed-she-was-married-to-Sephiroth aka Sephirothslave.

.......

wait....you mean to tell me that there were two people claiming to be married to Sephiroth?!

on her arms she wore black gloves that she had cut the fingers off of

What was wrong with just saying 'black fingerless gloves' ? I'm beginning to see why this thing was 170 chapters now.

 

[Shademp]

.......

wait....you mean to tell me that there were two people claiming to be married to Sephiroth?!

A long time ago, via contacts and their contacts, I learned of THREE additional peeps who believed they were in a spiritual, romantic relationship with Sephiroth. I shall give no names because they are not worth the attention. Just using this example to reiterate the fact that some people...just won't accept that fiction is NOT REAL.

 

[Hisako]

You would have thought that seven years after writing her original piece she would have looked back and realised how shit she was at writing

but noooooooooooooooooup

 

[Octo]

*Pants*

Ok so I'm up to chapter 41 of Shinra High and I am reminded of this quote from the Shawshank Redemption:

Andy crawled to freedom through five hundred yards of shit smelling foulness I can't even imagine, or maybe I just don't want to. Five hundred yards... that's the length of five football fields, just shy of half a mile.

Yeah, my hat goes off you that you managed to read it all. I think if it wasn't for the sporking I wouldn't be able to do it alone

EDIT: I'm kind of relieved that Tseng is portrayed as some sort of 'good' big brother character.....though I am not sure quite why. I am under the impression that she thinks because he's thought to be from Wutai that he knows martial arts and convineiently taught her MarySue how to fight....? So yeah, he has been butchered somewhat, but for the most part left alone. She seems to hate all of the other characters and goes to great lengths to portray them as stupid/evil. Odd.

 

[Tsunami Shijo]

*Pants*

Ok so I'm up to chapter 41 of Shinra High and I am reminded of this quote from the Shawshank Redemption:

Yeah, my hat goes off you that you managed to read it all. I think if it wasn't for the sporking I wouldn't be able to do it alone

EDIT: I'm kind of relieved that Tseng is portrayed as some sort of 'good' big brother character.....though I am not sure quite why. I am under the impression that she thinks because he's thought to be from Wutai that he knows martial arts and convineiently taught her MarySue how to fight....? So yeah, he has been butchered somewhat, but for the most part left alone. She seems to hate all of the other characters and goes to great lengths to portray them as stupid/evil. Odd.

Tseng is kind of kept in character... until later, when he takes over the Turks. Because she made Reno an unstoppable force of alcoholism and nicotine addiction that not even Tseng can control.

Also the patronage is much appreciated to anyone reading!!!

wait....you mean to tell me that there were two people claiming to be married to Sephiroth?!

If you want to read up on her, she does in fact have an ED article, as does SY.

 

[Max Payne]

The fic itself covers child abuse, torture, rape, incest, forced prostitution, and genocide. Did I mention she began this when she was 12?


I'll leave you with this though: she turned Zack into a lecherous woman-beating jock, and Cloud into a screaming pansy. With that said, get your sporks ready, beacuse this is Sporking Shinra High!

 

[Super Mario]

What noise is this story? Bring me my repulsors, ho!

 

[Octo]

Just read the part in Shinra Soldier where Sephiroth curbstomps Yuffies mother to death, and Yuffie begs him not to. (Yuffie is meant to have been Sephiroth and Marysue's friend.) This is during the Wutai war..apparently, and is just one of many atrocities commited by Sephiroth and his Marysue

I have to repeat this excerpt minus the sporking because it is so jaw droppingly awful, we're meant to be rooting for Seph/Marysue but they're depicted as hateful psychopathic shitheads throughout.

Julia had not yet finished dodging the flame when the spell struck her full in the chest.She screamed as incredible amounts of pressure forced the air from her lungs and broke her ribs. Feeling the ribs pierce her lungs, and unable to draw breath for the pressure seeming to crush her, Julia was unable to fight the despair that flooded her mind.


Sephiroth knew he didn't have time to see if Julia was alright. He leapt into the air, and landed behind the Empress. One arm wrapped around the woman, to keep her from attacking him while the other used Masamune to lacerate and slash at the dragon's flesh.

It was then that a moment from his past hit him like a ton of bricks. Almost six years ago he had fought dralions in his father's classroom. He had killed one by shoving a knife into its brain. That was what he had to do now. So he shifted, and stood on the dragon's back as it tried to throw him off.

The Masamune easily pierced the dragon's skull, and the creature shrieked as it fell from the sky.

Sephiroth leapt clear, dragging the struggling Empress with him.

Julia smiled as she watched the dragon fall. She assumed the Empress was dead, and now surrendered…allowing her eyes to drift closed.


The two landed a decent distance from the dead dragon, very close to where Yuffie was frozen in fear and where Julia had fallen. Sephiroth took in the scene briefly. He saw Yuffie, standing, staring at him as he held her struggling mother. And he saw Julia, lying broken and bleeding. He couldn't let the Empress go to check on Julia.


And in his eyes…it no longer mattered. There was so much blood surrounding where Julia had collapsed. So much blood…no one could survive loosingso much blood.


Sephiroth felt his pity for his friend, Yuffie, die half-formed in his heart.

He wrenched the Empress' head around so she could stare him in the eyes.

"She's dead."


The Empress taunted. "You've lost her, and thus, the battle."

He was shaking uncontrollably by now, and he knew that the damned woman knew how his heart was breaking. He hurled the woman to the ground, and grinned carnally as she tried to scramble away.

His foot connected with her back, and he held her there. "You bitch…" In an instant, Sephiroth's other foot rested atop the woman's head.

Slowly he began to exert pressure on the woman's skull. Ever so slowly he pressed his foot down, until the Empress began to scream. Then he stopped, and held his foot there, listening to her screams.


"Stop!" Yuffie shouted, finally coming to her senses. "Sephiroth, please! Stop!"

Sephiroth looked over at his old friend. There was nothing but hatred and malice in his Makou-green eyes. There was no friendship, no pity, and no kindly emotion to be found in his frosty gaze. He pressed his foot down visibly harder.

"Please…stop…" Yuffie sobbed, beginning to pull at Sephiroth's arm, hoping to pull him off.

"Don't touch me!" Sephiroth shouted, hurling Yuffie away from him.

As Yuffie sat up, Sephiroth raised his foot, as though he were going to leave.

"…Thank you…" Yuffie began to say.

Just as Yuffie opened her mouth, Sephiroth's foot came crashing down on her mother's skull. The bone shattered, and his foot traveled messily into her brain, spattering it like a melon over the immediate area.


As Yuffie began to scream and cry, Sephiroth made his way over to her, grabbed her by her sweater,and hauled her into the air. "She's dead." He spat. "You've lost her, and thus, the battle."

 

[Tsunami Shijo]

It shall always be known as MSTing. Sporking is simply the broader descriptive term the encompasses an MST.
Also, I ought to get back into MSTing myself.
Anyways, I'll see about getting around to this sometime.

Really? My bad then. I just haven't seen it referred to as MSTing since ff.net made it against the rules. I tried to find MSTs elsewhere, but all I found where communities referring to them as sporks. Then again, there's been a long gap between that time and the time I got back into looking for badfics.

You would have thought that seven years after writing her original piece she would have looked back and realised how shit she was at writing

but noooooooooooooooooup

She was still working on them in 2009, and up until then paraded them around as her Magnus Opum and referred to them constantly as "novels." She went on a hiatus from the internet between 2009 and 2012, and when she came back she found the sporking and decided to delete everything on her ff.net, claim she knew they were bad, that the sporking didn't bother her, and tried to shame the sporkers by saying that they were "making fun of a fanfic written by a 12 year old. Good job."

Classic signs of butthurt, of course, and the claim about her writing all of it when she was 12 has a lot of disturbing implications if that's what she wants the world to believe. See Octo's post for details

Also, those gifs and pictures are hilarious and I may steal some for the spork.

 

[Ryushikaze]

Really? My bad then. I just haven't seen it referred to as MSTing since ff.net made it against the rules. I tried to find MSTs elsewhere, but all I found where communities referring to them as sporks. Then again, there's been a long gap between that time and the time I got back into looking for badfics.

Like I said, both terms are entirely valid, it's just the whole business arises from MST3K and the earliest fanfics were themselves done in MST3K style, often with Joel/Mike and the Bots.

 

[Kai Schulen]

My fucking word...I remember Sephirothslave.

I also remember that I got someone to do a recording of them MSTing Sephislave. Lemme see if I can find that clip.

 

[Unlucky]

Just read the part in Shinra Soldier where Sephiroth curbstomps Yuffies mother to death, and Yuffie begs him not to. (Yuffie is meant to have been Sephiroth and Marysue's friend.) This is during the Wutai war..apparently, and is just one of many atrocities commited by Sephiroth and his Marysue

I have to repeat this excerpt minus the sporking because it is so jaw droppingly awful, we're meant to be rooting for Seph/Marysue but they're depicted as hateful psychopathic shitheads throughout.

Don't forget that these two see Hojo as a monster for experimenting on animals and possibly humans. And that Julia has no trouble killing people but is an animal rights activist.

Professor Hojo Okokou glared death at Reno.

Professor Scarlet Manachon was waiting for the class when Julia entered the room.

And none other then Reno Tarshil Vega came swaggering into the room, a broad grin, or perhaps more of a smirk, plastered across his tanned and vaguely scarred features.

:quadfacepalm:

 

[Tsunami Shijo]

My fucking word...I remember Sephirothslave.

I also remember that I got someone to do a recording of them MSTing Sephislave. Lemme see if I can find that clip.

That would be HUMAZING.

Professor Hojo Okokou glared death at Reno.

Professor Scarlet Manachon was waiting for the class when Julia entered the room.

And none other then Reno Tarshil Vega came swaggering into the room, a broad grin, or perhaps more of a smirk, plastered across his tanned and vaguely scarred features. ​

It took her nearly 10 chapters to spell Zack's name correctly. Until she gave into tons of reviews pointing out it is not "Zach", she refused to spell it like it is spelled right there in the damn game.

And then there's "Heidigger", "Niebleheim", Tseng "Nakahamou", "Korokou Nihau", "Icicle Village", .... Yuffie's mother is "Shantaina" then maybe 5 chapters later it's "Keara." She has major spelling and consistency issues and tends to give her characters super weeaboo names. The only remotely acceptable name is Reeve Thompson.

And because Sephiroth and Hojo are knowingly father and son in this fic, Sephiroth's last name is Okokou.

Sephiroth OKOKOU.

 

[Captain Jack Harkness]

It took her nearly 10 chapters to spell Zack's name correctly. Until she gave into tons of reviews pointing out it is not "Zach", she refused to spell it like it is spelled right there in the damn game.

And then there's "Heidigger", "Niebleheim", Tseng "Nakahamou", "Korokou Nihau", "Icicle Village", .... Yuffie's mother is "Shantaina" then maybe 5 chapters later it's "Keara." She has major spelling and consistency issues and tends to give her characters super weeaboo names. The only remotely acceptable name is Reeve Thompson.

And because Sephiroth and Hojo are knowingly father and son in this fic, Sephiroth's last name is Okokou.

Sephiroth OKOKOU.

:quadfacepalm:

but, did she played at least one game of the Compilation or she just hear somethings about Sephiroth?

 

[Octo]

She went on a hiatus from the internet between 2009 and 2012, and when she came back she found the sporking and decided to delete everything on her ff.net, claim she knew they were bad, that the sporking didn't bother her, and tried to shame the sporkers by saying that they were "making fun of a fanfic written by a 12 year old. Good job."

Classic signs of butthurt, of course, and the claim about her writing all of it when she was 12 has a lot of disturbing implications if that's what she wants the world to believe. See Octo's post for details

Is there any evidence to say she was 12 when she wrote this? I mean, don't get be wrong its fucking terrible but I don't think it looks like it was written by a 12 year old.

Also, I'm confused I thought it was meant to be an AU fic, but now its like its trying to fit in with some sort of canon.

Also Also, so what if it was written by a 12 year old? Does that make it any less hilariously bad?

 

[Alessa Gillespie]

i once read all of cloud mows the lawn

and that one with aerith's lifestream vag

 

[Unlucky]

This story is so horrible and boring at the same time. Seems the author has a lot pf pent-up anger while writing this.

At least this one is entertaining AND short.

 

[Super Mario]

Sephiroth OKOKOU.

Just when I thought my utter distaste couldn't go any lower than what I perceived of Seph. sephirothslave somehow manages to make it worse. Humorously fascinating!

 

[Alessa Gillespie]

This story is so horrible and boring at the same time. Seems the author has a lot pf pent-up anger while writing this.

At least this one is entertaining AND short.

seems to be a parody of half life full life consequences

 

[Unlucky]

It's from the same author, squirrelking, who was said to be a troll. I don't know if that's true but it's funnier if he isn't.

Rain Strife stopped at other places and said "All people i will stop Sephiroth and help the people until I do" and the people of Fantasyworld said "Thank you Rain Strife save us like Cloud Strife did before" so he went. On the way to Sephiroths castle in the sky Rain Strife had fight and battle bad guys on the way there.

^made me laugh more than "Sephiroth OKOKOU"

 

[Super Mario]

You know what would be a hilariously bad fic?

Star Trek x FFVII.

Captain Kirk battles the war criminal known as Sephiroth OKOKOU in order to establish a federation trust with the planet designated Midgar.

 

[Tsunami Shijo]

Is there any evidence to say she was 12 when she wrote this? I mean, don't get be wrong its fucking terrible but I don't think it looks like it was written by a 12 year old.

Also, I'm confused I thought it was meant to be an AU fic, but now its like its trying to fit in with some sort of canon.

Also Also, so what if it was written by a 12 year old? Does that make it any less hilariously bad?

She did begin Shinra High when she was 12, but by the time chapter 27 or so rolls around, she was already 18 years old. So she began the fanfic when she was 12 but continued working on it until she was 19 and tried to do a rewrite (only got 9 chapters in, which have also been sporked) when she was maybe 21 or 22.

She can't seem to decide what kind of fanfic it is... it's definitely AU, but she tries to make things fit in with canon, which just DOESN'T WORK when you have disregarded so much of it in the first place.

If it was completely written when she was 12, as she seems to be claiming now... well.... I think I mentioned the torture, rape, genocide, suicide, incest, murder, infanticide, and that's just scratching the surface.

i once read all of cloud mows the lawn

and that one with aerith's lifestream vag

The first one sounds familiar. The second one sounds terrifying. Also Hyperbole and a Half ftw.

You know what would be a hilariously bad fic?

Star Trek x FFVII.

Captain Kirk battles the war criminal known as Sephiroth OKOKOU in order to establish a federation trust with the planet designated Midgar.

THIS SOUNDS AMAZING.

 

[Super Mario]

Someone request this to sephirothslave or any of those writers, it'll be a big hit.