Before I start getting to the nitty-gritty, I’d just like to join everyone in thanking Ryu for posting in this thread. That took some serious balls dude, and you have my respect for that.
Also, I’ve had three hours sleep and I’m hung-over, so sorry if this makes no sense.
Okay, so.
First of all, I want to say that this is the first time I’ve taken issue with Ryu. I’ve never had any kind of problem with him; though I’m sure people probably think a certain group of my friends may have coloured my opinion. They haven’t. To be honest, I don’t even remember Ryu back from ACF, nor do I really encounter him across TLS; I never go in the LTD and he never comes in the RP forum. So really, I can’t say I know the guy one bit, nor anything about any past dramas beyond the generic ‘oh Ryu was being a creeper’ or whatever. I’m not saying this to be cold or caustic; I’m just saying I honestly don’t know him.
I think people seemed to be getting confused over why the picture was taken down. Let’s get this straight; I WANTED PEOPLE TO SEE THE PICTURE. Despite what I say, I personally think I’m hot shit and don’t have a problem with taking half-nude (within reason) photos of myself. I took the photo down because it had already been up for a few hours and got loads of thanks (shallow, I know) already. The fact it’s not wise to have half-naked photos of yourself floating around the internet may also have been a factor. So I edited it out of the post, not bothering to take it down from the host because it was late and I couldn’t be bothered logging into Photobucket again.
I go to sleep and go to Uni. Then I come back and log into TLS.
Ryu has posted and the forums have exploded.
My god, I think to myself, my tits have launched one thousand ships.
Jokes aside, I didn’t take issue with the comment about other members squeezing one out over the photo. Sure, it’s a little creepy, but this is an internet forum, we’re all fucking creepers. I didn’t take issue with the fact it was Ryu who reposted it. Like I said, I don’t really know the guy. What I DID take issue that it was reposted by Ryu the MOD. To draw attention to something that has been removed (albeit sloppily), then mock me for not editing it out properly, and then to repost, showing people how to access the pictures was just downright disrespectful. I would have had serious problems if a member did it; but this was a moderator. Moderators are given positions of authority, responsibility and power; members report their problems to moderators in confidence; we are supposed to trust the forum staff to respect our decisions as we respect theirs.
To repost the image was completely inappropriate and just downright insulting. Trying to justify it by saying ‘oh well you didn’t edit it out properly’ doesn’t change the fact that the action was inappropriate. Moderators have a responsibility to set an example. The way Ryu acted was irresponsible, and how he justified it made me feel awful. I felt even worse because it had all happened while I was away doing work, so people assumed that because I hadn’t said anything, I didn’t mind.
This was not okay.
So I sent a few PMs addressing my concerns to Road and Mako. I was considering sending my concerns to Aaron, but I don’t think I’ve ever been on his good side since the whole Channy and Dan thing, and I’m not a big fan of how he treats people he doesn’t like (read: Kimble). While I was in correspondence with Mako, I hadn’t received any word from Ryu. Still, it didn’t matter so much because Mako said they were dealing with it on the staff forum. Although I was sort of sceptical (because when complaints against staff are made, nothing ever gets done) I thanked him; because at least it seemed like they were taking things seriously. The conversation came to a close and I told Mako that an apology would be appreciated. Honestly, this frustrated me, because it felt as though staff were forcing Ryu to send me a PM rather than do it of his own accord.
After a few minutes I get a PM from Ryu containing an apology. So naturally I read over it, as you do. But to be honest, it all sounded sort of flat. Like I said above, I don’t know Ryu, so whether this is his normal way of speaking or not, I’m not sure. It just read so passively that it sounded insincere. To me, it only further enforced that Ryu had been pushed to apologise (even though we now know that’s not the case).
Later, TLS goes down and all the drama moves onto FFOF. Like I said, I have Uni all week so I’m barely around to catch up on things. I post a couple of times, say my piece then stick my head back in a book. TBH, I try not to involve myself too much because I’m not intelligent enough to make a valid and informative post. And then I read that Ryu has posted this: “If you’re going to put nudes of yourself on the internet, make damn sure you don’t mind people seeing them”. Wow. Just wow. Not only was this comment disgusting, distasteful and inappropriate, it was a massive kick in the teeth. Not only did it completely trash any notion that Ryu was genuinely sorry in his apology, but it placed the blame on me.
I can’t say it better than Rishi did in her response to Fangu:
rishi said:
“1. Don’t post your naked body on the Internet if you don’t want it to spread. If you regret it 2 sec later - too late. Damage done.”
I could easily reword this to something along the line of “don’t go out at night wearing skimpy clothing lest you want some dude to stick his dick in you. If you regret it 2 sec later – too late. Damage done.”
Honestly I hate it when people make really dramatic comparisons like that, but honestly; the entire mind-set of the people dealing with this issue is very uncomfortable and gives me an awful rape culture vibe. That isn’t only directed at Fangu, but the way the staff is treating the issue as a whole. Sure Ryu apologized to the individual, but what exactly does that do to quell the feeling of discomfort levelled against the entire community? Most of the big name active user base on the forum is deeply unsettled by the whole thing and yet the mods are brushing that aside.
I honestly do not think the mods comprehend the severity of the wrong that was committed. It’s not a case of numbers of wrong done in this case, it’s about degree. There’s a vast difference between complimenting someone in a tongue-in-cheek manner and deliberately sexually harassing someone (because that’s what it was, it was sexual harassment) after said person made it clear that they did not want that attention anymore. His claiming that he didn’t do anything wrong in subsequent posts and his post in this thread (“Yes. If you’re going to put nudes of yourself on the internet, make damn sure you don’t mind people seeing them”) only makes matters worse and shows that he does not understand what exactly was wrong with what he did.
Most of all, it was the staff response that made me angry. Staff didn’t honestly seem to recognise what a fellow staffer had done wrong, and it just seemed like there would be the standard slap on the wrist and ‘don’t do it again’. Instead, there was a new rule-set brought out to try and label what had happened as a breach of privacy, rather than an error of judgement. Later there were comments that common sense was a stupid way to deal with things, which was almost as stupid as telling your entire member base and donators that their opinions don’t matter. It just seemed to spiral into one massive clusterfuck where staff were squabbling with members and members were squabbling with staff and so on.
If I’m glad for one thing that’s come out of all this, it’s the staff realisation that our opinions matter. If staff want to be respected, they must first respect the members. We make The Lifestream Forums what they are today, and to use and over-used phrase: we are the 99%. I’m all for rules of transparency, because it’s time staff stopped muttering in the staff forum and started showing us how they intend to address our concerns and our problems. I just hope it’s enough to restore everyone’s faith in you guys.
I haven’t had much time to catch up on what’s been happening over the last day or so due to massive workload and drunkenness, though I did read Ryu’s post. It moved me dude, and I can totally understand where you’re coming from. No-one wants to have enemies, especially ones that single you out and persecute you. That’s not what I intended to do, and if it seems like I have been personally attacking you, I’m honestly sorry. I think your post totally struck a chord with the members, I really hope you could use it as a starting point to maybe build on your relationships within the forum.
I just want to say that I don’t think Ryu should be banned or demodded for what he did. A normal member wouldn’t get banned for it; hell, if a normal member had reposted the pictures there probably wouldn’t have been so much of an uproar. I do think that a temporary probation period is a good idea, perhaps for like a week or so. Ryu has shown that he knows what he did is wrong; the only problem is that most people are out for blood.
If there’s anything else you guys want my opinion on, just ask.
I mean, if you're not comfortable with it, fine, but I think it's why sometimes you're misunderstood and your jokes aren't recognized as jokes. Smilies are a form of communication that replace facial and body language on the internet. I mean, I'm not going to be like YOU HAVE TO USE SMILEY FACES AHMG YOU ANIMAL. But just realize that this contributes to misunderstandings and awkwardness. Otherwise, I do think it's a running joke 
