Stephen King pwns Stephenie Meyer FGJ (Now the general "Twilight Sucks" thread)

[Alex]

Mermaids don't do this iirc, they have fun and sing songs UNDER DA SEA.

 

[Arianna]

I just read this... Of all the...

What is she giving birth to?

Is Bella suddenly Rosemary in Rosemary's Baby?

 

[Channy]

That could be interesting, if you had something interesting to say about or an entertaining new take on it. She didn't

Not really. I mean granted you can't always follow a lore to a T, but at least research it so you have some grasp of what they're like. They her Meyerpires never sleeping. Erm.... What did Dracula do day and night when he wasn't sucking blood?

He sure wasn't sparkling in the sun, I tell you what.

Like the sparkle thing and trying to give scientific explanations for it. Isn't skin being damaged by sunlight is an actual medical condition already (forgot the name)? You don't even need to make up some bullshit scientific explanation for that, Science has probably already done it for you. They still wouldn't necessarily die from it, and it's going to be a lot less retarded than sparkly-diamond-skin.

See, from what I remember of that interview is that her 'scientific explanation' was so obscure. Like the particles in the human skin hardened symbiotically and that reflects the sun when it shines against it, which gives off the sparkle effect.

I really need to find that interview ><

I like how even her life is full of plotholes and contractions If she doesn't like criticism, then what did she think all those rejections were? Most people would take that as some kind of criticism, I'd think. That's basically 14 letters saying "sorry bitch, you're not good enough."

I think if I ever submitted a book to a publisher and got rejected, I'd probably curl up into a ball and never let anyone see it.

Before the next book is about succubi who are also poltergeists which are the ghosts of centaur babies who died during centaur cesarenans and are called Leprechauns in Meyer's universe.

I believe I saw that somewhere discussed.

OH MY GOD

Yes, I really felt the need to not acronym that. As I was searching for the scientific interview I found moar outrage.

A few years back Meyer sold the rights for the movie to a different company, she realized that they we not going to do the book justice, and almost didn't renew the rights to anyone.

“It was a horrifying experience, I had realized that it could go wrong, and that it could be done badly, that they would do something that had nothing to do with the [original] story, that was shocking to me.”

When Summit wanted the rights, Meyer was wary but agreed after getting it in writing that they had to stick to the fundamental elements of the story.

“Tthe vampires have to have the same basic rules as the vampire world I’ve created, which means no fangs, no costumes, they have to sparkle in the sunlight, the characters have to exist by their present names and you can’t kill anyone that doesn’t die in the book.”

It's official. This woman truly acts like the 13 year old girl that she writes these books for.

Seriously. If I ever wrote anything (owait Dessie's) and somebody wanted the rights to it to make it into a movie, I wouldn't act like a child about it, I'd be fucking honoured.

But of course...

“I am not a vampire fan, and never have been. I don’t do horror, I’m an enormous scaredy cat, Hitchcock is about as much as I can handle, and I love it, but anything more then that and you’re not going to see me in the theater. It’s widely out of character for me to write about them [vampires].

WHY DOES THIS WOMAN WRITE ABOUT THINGS SHE HATE? SO SHE CAN RUIN THEM? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

sauce http://www.bloody-disgusting.com/news/14379

 

[Eerie]

@Ryuu: don't insult me I don't read the shit that Meyers writes. I only read excerpts and the lulz that it geneterated :o I've actually found it It's Dracula from Bram Stocker, where he can't cross running water. I knew I read it somewhere. \o/

Also sadly, the number of letters of rejection doesn't really count; because there are good authors who will spends loads of time and energy to be published, that's a sad truth. The horrifying thing, if anything, is that there was ONE to accept her.

 

[Channy]

OH MY GOD EVEN MORE

I didn't find the right article I was looking for, but I found at least something.

http://www.twilightlexicon.com/?p=60

No further physical changes occur once someone has been transformed: "When someone becomes a vampire, it&#8217;s as if they are frozen exactly as they are in that moment." (PC1) Therefore, a vampire cannot get pregnant because this would involve a change in physical state, but if a pregnant woman were changed to become a vampire, then she would remain at that exact stage in pregnancy for all eternity.

wut. So what about Bella who was mid birthing when she was turned?

Natural changes in the human body would not occur any longer. A woman would "no longer have any kind of ovulation cycle," (PC1), a man would no longer need to shave as hair would no longer continue to grow..

HOW THE FUCK DOES EDWARD GET AN ERECTION TO STICK IN IT BELLA AND HAVE SPERM TO IMPREGNATE HER IF HIS BLOOD ISN'T FLOWING AND THERE'S NO PRODUCTION OF ANYTHING ANYMORE. FUU-- ANSWER ME THAT

The human need for rest and sleep disappears in a vampire. As Edward explains, "I can&#8217;t sleep." (TW9), and "most human fluids are absent&#8230; no sweat, no tears," (PC1) and no blood of their own.

Dracula slept an awful lot iirc. And I don't think sleep is a human need, isn't it a reaction in all living things?

The skin itself becomes far more refractive than a human&#8217;s skin ever can be. It literally sparkles "like thousands of tiny diamonds were embedded in the surface." (TW13). It is described as "shocking"(TW13) and also accounts for the days off school when the weather is sunny. Stephenie Meyer explains: "They sparkle because they have turned to substance that is somewhat like diamond. Their bodies have hardened, frozen into a kind of living stone. Each little cell in their skin has become a separate facet that reflects the light. These facets have a prism-like quality; they throw rainbows as they glitter." (PC7)

Oh goodness me, so Edward just belongs in a Gay Pride parade so he can flash and throw rainbows at everything.

Vampires can be killed, but humans and human tools are too weak to do it. The only sure fire way is for another vampire "to tear him to shreds, and then burn the pieces."(TW19) As far as James is concerned, "Emmett and Jasper took care of him," (TW24), so this destruction is obviously possible.

Except that you can kill a vampire by human means. Stake goes where?

 

[DrakeClawfang]

So let's see...she's afraid of criticism, she didn't research vampires, doesn't like vampires, is afraid to let people make a decent movie out of her work....

Why god why, is this woman a successful writer? This is literally making my brain hurt! How does a book series like this make money, why do people read this shit, why, how!? WHEN!?!? It makes no sense! Kefka was right, life is meaningless and insignificant, it's all pointless, we're just nothing in the grand scheme of things, this world and everything in it should be burned by the Light of Judgment because I DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE BULLSHIT LIKE TWILIGHT AND HACKS LIKE STEPHANIE MEYER CAN BE SUCCESSFUL! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

....I should make a YouTube video like that. All the Dissidia guys EX Burst the shit out of Twilight. I probably could you know....

 

[Eerie]

The fact that vampires couldn't give birth was an abvious state to me LOL. I mean, they're DEAD FFS XD

I'm not sure, but Dracula slept a lot because he needed to keep his power. Also, when he went aboard the boat, he slept because he didn't have any choice but to. Dracula can walk under the sun - he can perfectly go around all day long if he wants - the thing is, he hasn't got any power during the day. He sure had a lot of fortitude *gets shot *

You can also decapitate, use holy water, etc Vampires have a lot of weaknesses

 

[DrakeClawfang]

The fact that vampires couldn't give birth was an abvious state to me LOL. I mean, they're DEAD FFS XD

Plus they have no heartbeat, so how to male vampires get an erection, and keep it long enough to have an orgasm?

 

[Ryushikaze]

@Ryuu: don't insult me I don't read the shit that Meyers writes. I only read excerpts and the lulz that it geneterated :o I've actually found it It's Dracula from Bram Stocker, where he can't cross running water. I knew I read it somewhere. \o/

I never said you read her shit, I was just confused because I was making shit up about her 'sirens.' I know most classic mythovamps have issues with running water.

Also sadly, the number of letters of rejection doesn't really count; because there are good authors who will spends loads of time and energy to be published, that's a sad truth. The horrifying thing, if anything, is that there was ONE to accept her.

Some folks will publish anything.

The fact that vampires couldn't give birth was an abvious state to me LOL. I mean, they're DEAD FFS XD

Not always the case. Often, yes, but not always.

I'm not sure, but Dracula slept a lot because he needed to keep his power. Also, when he went aboard the boat, he slept because he didn't have any choice but to. Dracula can walk under the sun - he can perfectly go around all day long if he wants - the thing is, he hasn't got any power during the day. He sure had a lot of fortitude *gets shot *

Not all vampires lose their lives mid day. Some merely lose all power. Some 'die' only to be reborn the night after.

You can also decapitate, use holy water, etc Vampires have a lot of weaknesses [/QUOTE]

What always gets me, no one thinks to employ modern technology against vampires.

Except the Buffy crew, and then it handwavium didn't work til late in the game.

And Drake, Eddy got vamped with an erection.

 

[DrakeClawfang]

What always gets me, no one thinks to employ modern technology against vampires.

Except the Buffy crew, and then it handwavium didn't work til late in the game.

Well, there *was* The Initiative, and the "Twilight" organization in the comics....omg, Twilight! The topic comes full-circle!

Ah, anyway, I thought The Initiative showed that while modern technology *can* be used to fight vampires, it's not too good at it. As I recall, in one episode where Spike escapes their compound, you can see they still have to use stakes to kill vampires, which makes the whole technology deal a tad redundant. Not to mention they regarded vampires and demons as "animals" rather than what they really were and didn't bother with the mythos for them as much as they bothered cooking up half-assed scientific explanations for them...

Hmm, maybe Meyer was a member of The Initiative?

 

[Channy]

Well what's the 'modern' way to kill a vampire? I never got into Buffy.

 

[DrakeClawfang]

Well what's the 'modern' way to kill a vampire? I never got into Buffy.

Basically - stake them. The Initiative did good blasting them with electricity rifles and apparently knew enough about vampires to drug them and knock them out, but you never actually see them fight vampires often, usually they fight other demons. When you see them blasting vampires with their electro-rifles, it stuns and knocks the vampire down and hurts like hell, but doesn't kill it. Then again they're more interested in capturing them than killing them, so who knows? Anyway, in the one scene I recall, they just stake the vampire in the heart as anyone else would.

Maggie: "We use the latest in high-tech technology and state of the art weaponry, while you, as I understand...poke them with a sharp stick"
Buffy: "...it's more effective than it sounds"

Really though, The Initiative's efforts are a joke. Riley, their star soldier, is such a big deal because he's killed 17 vampires/demons. Buffy kills that many in two weeks.

 

[Strangelove]

I believe I saw that somewhere discussed.

http://www.twilightlexicon.com/?p=80

Bitch better keep her hands off, that's going to be my book that teenage girls love and give me all their money for

WHY DOES THIS WOMAN WRITE ABOUT THINGS SHE HATE? SO SHE CAN RUIN THEM? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

That explains why she fucks it up.

Also, lack of talent/brain activity

She's pretty much just replaced vampires with a race of perfect flawless Mary Sues.

Plus they have no heartbeat, so how to male vampires get an erection, and keep it long enough to have an orgasm?

Special diamond-like cocks. All their special diamond cells concentrate in their pants on occasions where they might want to impregnate non-vampires with their venom-semen.

That or Meyer isn't quite sure how sex works/judging from the opening post, she's been Doing It Wrong.

 

[Cthulhu]

What? Vampires don't have sex, they bite down on pillows until the girl gets pregnant and vomits aforementioned fountains of blood, .

 

[Channy]

Meyer's got a funny definition of vegetarianism if the vampires eat animals.

 

[DrakeClawfang]

Meyer's got a funny definition of vegetarianism if the vampires eat animals.

Meyers has a funny definition of everything - attractive, reality, love, vampire, writing....

 

[Channy]

Yar.

Liek, she had some vampire facts right, about them not needing to eat... but she totally took out fangs, their inability to sleep, their repulsion to garlic (akshually was it ever brought up?) and gave him disco dancing powers.

 

[Ⓐaron]

o lawd.

http://wonderwall.msn.com/movies/Robert-Pattinson-Hit-by-a-Taxi-1516731.story/?gt1=28135

hat tip to Dacon for the link

also I merged Interslicery's topic with Road's old one fgj.

 

[CK]

lolz good link.

Also apparently he's is the sexiest man in hollywood now. Fuck off you 13 year old vampire wannabe sluts with no taste. D:

 

[Channy]

I reiterate, he is pretty hot. >>

 

[Interslicery]

o lawd.

http://wonderwall.msn.com/movies/Robert-Pattinson-Hit-by-a-Taxi-1516731.story/?gt1=28135
.

bullshit it wasnt caused by the fans

 

[Munatik]

bullshit it wasnt caused by the fans

But granted it's probably the best way to catch a cab in New York.

/I kid

LOL at that picture in the link. I don't have much against the actor, but that's a perfect butthurt expression.

 

[Channy]

He probly wanted to off himself and tried to jump in front of the cab but all the girls saved him in time.

 

[Max Payne]

I reiterate, he is pretty hot. >>

You would, seeing as how he looks like a massive faggot.

 

[Channy]

Nothing wrong with faggots