Stephen King pwns Stephenie Meyer FGJ (Now the general "Twilight Sucks" thread)

[DrakeClawfang]

Oh, also, in the one link here, can't remember which one, they give a few excerpts from the book. I read a couple of them to my mom. She said it "sounds like a bad Harlequin romance novel".

 

[Max Payne]

seriously? well damn I feel had

Yeah, then "real" Christians started bawwwing at EA for misrepresenting them.

 

[Eerie]

For more lulz, Encyclopedia Dramatica helps tons. They have tons of links to check, and this one is amongst my favourites

 

[Ryushikaze]

Oh, also, in the one link here, can't remember which one, they give a few excerpts from the book. I read a couple of them to my mom. She said it "sounds like a bad Harlequin romance novel".

It IS a bad harlequin romance.

 

[Channy]

BWAHAHAHA.

Srsly, why do so many girls think he's hot?

Fucking anemic stalker who's old enough to be your great great great great grandfather. <_<

I'll admit, Rob Pattinson IS hot without all the makeup. I don't think there's anything wrong with his hair, I think it's just... like that.

He was especially cute in Cedric Diggory in HP and when I heard he was coming out in a lead role I got excited..... until I heard what role that was.

She also broke the 11th Commandment - "Thou Shalt Not Publish Bullshit". Seriously, wtf? What type of author writes a story based on a well-known and popular legend and plays pick-and-choose with the details to suit their own ends? Wait, we know what kind - the kind that can't write to save her life.

You know it's not just Vampires she's after. I've heard her next book/series is about mermaids. Yeah okay mermaids. Not so bad.

But wait. There's more.

She's revamping mermaids, by giving them different traits they normally have and calling them sirens.

But wait, aren't Sirens something completely different?

You're right Billy! She isn't content with ruining just one lore, she has to ruin two at the same time now!

Oh, also, in the one link here, can't remember which one, they give a few excerpts from the book. I read a couple of them to my mom. She said it "sounds like a bad Harlequin romance novel".

It IS a bad harlequin romance.

No, bad harlequin romance novels include at least one sex scene.

This, however, does not.

So it just makes it cheesy trash.

 

[Bex]

Robert Pattison is fit, not going to lie.

Twilight is terrible. Harry Potter > tbh.

But rly just go and read some Kafka or Camus or something. '.'

 

[Tetsujin]

At times it sounds like she just made up the story as she went along, which is not how you should write.

According to Stephen King, it actually is.
Best way to write stories is not to plan too much ahead and let it flow naturally.

Thing is, if you suck, it doesn't matter how you make up your stories. The stories will suck eitherway.
See Meyers.

 

[Channy]

Nah if you base all your books on a dream about a dreamy guy you once had, then you SHOULD be able to see right there that there's no substance to said book.

 

[Alessa Gillespie]

But rly just go and read some Kafka or Camus or something. '.'

Kafka's just depressing, tho. Actually, most of the books I read as a senior were depressing.

 

[Ryushikaze]

You know it's not just Vampires she's after. I've heard her next book/series is about mermaids. Yeah okay mermaids. Not so bad.

But wait. There's more.

She's revamping mermaids, by giving them different traits they normally have and calling them sirens.

But wait, aren't Sirens something completely different?

You're right Billy! She isn't content with ruining just one lore, she has to ruin two at the same time now!

Not only that, they're deathly afraid of water, too!

No, bad harlequin romance novels include at least one sex scene.

This, however, does not.

So it just makes it cheesy trash.

So it's Shitty Faux Harlequin, then.

And if you write a book with fantasy elements, plan the world, but let the story flow. But then above all, double check. Submit to editors, etc.

 

[Channy]

Not only that, they're deathly afraid of water, too!

Well I don't remember reading that part.

So it's Shitty Faux Harlequin, then.

And if you write a book with fantasy elements, plan the world, but let the story flow. But then above all, double check. Submit to editors, etc.

You could probably find the earlier draft of Twilight on fanfiction.net because that's all it is.

 

[Bex]

Kafka's just depressing, tho. Actually, most of the books I read as a senior were depressing.

Every single book I have read while I've studied lit has been depressing.
It's how it is. ;.;

Anyone person who has studied Eng Lit and likes Twilight isn't worth their salt imho.

 

[Max Payne]

Anyone persona who likes Twilight isn't worth their salt imho.

fixed for accuracy.

 

[Tetsujin]

The entire book is just about omgedwardishot.
Bullshit.

 

[Bex]

fixed for accuracy.

You missed the typo correction. ;.;

But this also holds true.

 

[Max Payne]

It's not a big enough typo to give a shit about imo.

 

[Eerie]

Not only that, they're deathly afraid of water, too!

Well I don't remember reading that part.

Actually, they can't cross things like rivers etc, if my memory is right I cba remember where I heard of this though XD

 

[Channy]

Sirens?

Well no like, one of her next projects is about mermaids, but she's calling them Sirens and the two are VERY different.

 

[Max Payne]

What the fuck I don't even

 

[Bex]

Sirens?

Well no like, one of her next projects is about mermaids, but she's calling them Sirens and the two are VERY different.

O GOD HOW CAN SHE DO THIS.
Sirens aren't mermaids. /greekmythologyinducedbrainexplosions They're like women/ sevil sea nymphs that lure sailors to their doom. Mermaids don't do this iirc, they have fun and sing songs UNDER DA SEA.

O wait, this is like Twilight then, she does no research, therefore her writing makes absolutely no sense.
Great one.

 

[Max Payne]

 

[Channy]

There you go now people finally got what I meant.

Outrage has been had.

 

[Celes Chere]

Best image evar.

 

[Ryushikaze]

Well I don't remember reading that part.

Because I just made it up. YET IT FITS PERFECTLY with Meyer's crap.

You could probably find the earlier draft of Twilight on fanfiction.net because that's all it is.

It's called 'My Immortal.' It's HP fanfiction. It's hilariously bad.

Actually, they can't cross things like rivers etc, if my memory is right I cba remember where I heard of this though XD

Proper Mythic Vampires or Meyer's Vamps? Or the 'Sirens?'

Sirens?

Well no like, one of her next projects is about mermaids, but she's calling them Sirens and the two are VERY different.

Except both are related to the sea.

And that's it.

Maybe some mermaids sing well, but they aren't temptresses of doom.

 

[Strangelove]

What type of author writes a story based on a well-known and popular legend and plays pick-and-choose with the details to suit their own ends? Wait, we know what kind - the kind that can't write to save her life.

That could be interesting, if you had something interesting to say about or an entertaining new take on it. She didn't

Like the sparkle thing and trying to give scientific explanations for it. Isn't skin being damaged by sunlight is an actual medical condition already (forgot the name)? You don't even need to make up some bullshit scientific explanation for that, Science has probably already done it for you. They still wouldn't necessarily die from it, and it's going to be a lot less retarded than sparkly-diamond-skin.

So it took her 15 letters before someone listened to her, explains a lot.

I like how even her life is full of plotholes and contractions If she doesn't like criticism, then what did she think all those rejections were? Most people would take that as some kind of criticism, I'd think. That's basically 14 letters saying "sorry bitch, you're not good enough."

Is the published bestselling author having trouble imagining something?

The published bestselling author who has written 4/5 books about vampires has trouble imagining what it might be like to be a vampire

But her books read like she has trouble imagining what it's like to be a human being.

You know it's not just Vampires she's after. I've heard her next book/series is about mermaids. Yeah okay mermaids. Not so bad.

But wait. There's more.

She's revamping mermaids, by giving them different traits they normally have and calling them sirens.

But wait, aren't Sirens something completely different?

You're right Billy! She isn't content with ruining just one lore, she has to ruin two at the same time now!

Ruining two at once saves her time by not having to write a separate book fucking over sirens on their own.

Someone should just do the world a favour right now and break the bitch's fingers so she can't write anymore

Before the next book is about succubi who are also poltergeists which are the ghosts of centaur babies who died during centaur cesarenans and are called Leprechauns in Meyer's universe.