It's been 10 years, and this is still the most accurate depiction of PTSD I've ever seen in my entire life.
There's so much in that scene that hits accurately about those feelings because of how well Anno understands them at a personal level, but also at a technical psychological level as well. I think that one of the most important scenes that connects to that one is where for a split second you get the moment where Asukra breaks by starting to actually understand to the point of externally verbalizing that her hatred and disdain of everyone else is actually just projection:
She doesn't know how to cope with not being seen as the most important thing, because she's treated like a puppet extension of her mom to the point that she had to choose to love herself enough not to just die with her mom, but at the same time that also meant that her mom did the exact thing that she didn't want, and that festers as a negative self image that she can't cope with.
For me, it's what makes the scene in
End of Evangelion hit SO hard where it's apparent that her and Shinji are just perfectly reversed reflections of each other's trauma, and are still trapped in the same cycle where Shinji can't control acting on his rage, and as he's sitting there choking her to death, she caresses his cheek because he's treating her with complete emotional honesty in the way she was always afraid of – but the second she does, he breaks down crying because he's finally getting affection from someone who usually ignores him – thus leading to the exact opposite of the reaction that Asuka expects and the only spoken word in the scene.
"Disgusting." also being the exact opposite of what Shinji needs.
That scene being the previous conclusion of the post-instrumentality restart of the world back in
End of Evangelion is why having
Rebuild of Evangelion as an in-context reboot is super important, especially since Asuka's scene has her screaming that none of those are, "the real me" and Rebuild has a different version of her – Asuka Langley Shikinami where she is the element that changes everything that happens by piloting Unit-04. Especially in how everything got reverted into a sort of loop back into their original roles (Rei as a quiet copy, Shinji being dragged along, Asuka begrudgingly in the lead) at the end of
Rebuild 3.0, I am just... beyond captivated around how Anno is gonna be bringing everything into a close, especially in the work that he's done between with
Shin Godzilla.
I'm tempted to go back and rewatch all of
Evangelion &
Rebuild again before Sunday (even though I'll only get to see the first 12 minutes, 10 seconds, & 10 frames until... who knows when there'll be a version of the film released that I'll have access to).
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