Case of Tifa
Tifa was doing dishes in the kitchen of her establishment, Seventh Heaven, having just seen off the last of its customers. Only the barest minimum of lights remained on in the bar, and she remained alone in their gloom. Just a few days ago she would have done the work without a care as she watched her family, but now the water felt colder than usual, and the dishes seemed as though they would never get clean. Tifa tried turning on all the lights for a change of mood, but the bar’s unstable power supply gave her one bright moment for her efforts, and then the gloom returned. She felt worse than ever. Am I all alone in this house? The isolation proved to be too much, so she called out her daughter’s name.
“Marlene!”
Before long, she heard cautious footsteps from the children’s room in the back of the bar, and Marlene’s face came poking out.
“Shh!” Marlene’s forefinger was at her lips, her young shoulders slumped in accusations. Relieved, Tifa quickly apologized.
“Denzel finally went to sleep,” reported Marlene.
“Was he in pain?”
“Yeah.”
“You should have called me.”
“Denzel said no.”
“He did?” The thought of the kids trying not to burden her brought back the self-blame in spades.
“So what is it?”
“Oh, um … I just …” Tifa hid her feelings as best she could, grasping for a noncommittal answer. Marlene’s eyes shifted to the empty bar, and then back to Tifa.
“You were lonely.” This little girl sees it all. “Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.”
“I know. Thanks. You get to bed, too, Marlene.”
“That’s what I was trying to do!”
“Sorry.”
My daughter. That’s how Tifa would introduce Marlene. Her parents had passed away, and her father’s best friend Barret raised her. Tifa had known her for as long as she’d known Barret – almost half of Marlene’s life. So when Barret decided to head off and “settle his sins,” it was only natural that Tifa be the one to look after her.
Tifa gave up on the dishes and followed after Marlene. Inside the children’s room were two beds, neatly lined up. In one of those slept Denzel. It hurt to see the stigma on the eight-year-old boy’s forehead. The illness never healed, nor did it worsen, and Denzel suffered for it. Tifa used gauze to wipe the ichor oozing from the lesion on his forehead; the boy grimaced, but continued to sleep. Marlene had been looking on, but now she crawled under the covers of her own bed and called Tifa’s name.
“You’re lonely, aren’t you? Even though you have us.”
“I’m sorry,” Tifa answered honestly.
“It’s okay. It’s the same for us.”
“Mm-hmm.”
“I wonder where Cloud is.”
Tifa shook her head. I don’t know. Cloud was somewhere in Midgar. At first, she extrapolated the worst: He had an accident at work? Or ambushed by monsters?Soon, though, she realized Cloud was still working. Others had said they’d seen him out and about. He’d simply left home, that was all. Tifa no longer had the presence of mind to keep the children thinking all was well – so before long, Denzel and Marlene were well aware of the situation.
“Why did he go?”
As if she knew. Maybe he had problems. But Tifa remembered the last smile Cloud had flashed at her – it had a kindness to it, as if to say everything will be all right. Or was that he wrong message to take from it?
***
That day; the chosen day. The Lifestream burst from the earth and converged upon Midgar to eliminate Meteor hurtling down from the cosmos. Tifa had watched that spectacle with her friends from an airship high above Midgar. Wash it all away, she thought. My past. Our past. And why not me, too? Coupled with the calm that comes at the end of battle, she felt a vague sense of terror dawning upon her.
Is it okay for me to keep living like this? If someone else had asked her the same question, Tifa would have answered without a moment’s hesitation: You have to live. But when it came to herself, she couldn’t make the same judgment.
The Shinra Electric Power Company developed mako energy, and the world flourished because of it. The land was always bathed in light – but at the same time, the shadows turned a shade darker. The anti-Shinra group Avalanche worked to bring that darkness to the world’s attention.
Mako is made by sucking away the life coursing through the planet.
Mako energy will lead the planet to ruin.
But their constant efforts were in vain. The world didn’t change. Now that it knew the blessings of mako, leaving it behind proved too difficult. Avalanche, hoping to change that, resorted to more extreme measures. Midgar, City of Mako, was home to many people, and so Avalanche blew up the mako reactor that produced the energy they consumed.
An error in the bomb’s manufacture caused destruction beyond anything the saboteurs imagined, both to the reactor itself and the surrounding area. The incident was the last straw for Shinra, which stepped up its efforts to annihilate Avalanche. What Shinra did to snuff out the handful of people who comprised Avalanche was an atrocity. They destroyed the entire strip of Midgar where Avalanche’s hideout lay, inhabitants and all. And as a consequence, countless lives were lost – indirectly or not – because of Avalanche.
And Tifa was a member.
She had considered a small number of sacrifices unavoidable for the sake of a greater purpose. Any qualms she had were smothered by the self-absorption of knowing they were putting their own lives on the line. Swallowed by the dizzying changes around them, Tifa and the others no longer had the luxury to think. Even as they threw all their might into fighting a provoked Shinra, a new foe appeared – the marvel named Sephiroth. Tifa set off on a journey with her childhood friend Cloud, the Avalanche survivor Barret, Aerith, who they met in their flight, and Red XIII. And more joined their numbers – Cid, Cait Sith, Yuffie, Vincent – each with their own reasons.
New friendships blossomed, but almost as if in payment for that, Aerith’s life was taken. And still the journey did not end. It wasn’t until Tifa felt the battle was heading toward some kind of conclusion – be it victory or defeat – that she could finally look back on the strand of events that led her there.
It all started when she was just a girl. Trouble had broken out at the mako reactor Shinra had built in her hometown of Nibelheim, threatening the safety of the town.
And then Sephiroth, whom Shinra had dispatched in response, killed her father. She hated Shinra and Sephiroth so much it hurt. Then she joined Avalanche. Yes. It started with my own personal grudge. The anti-Shinra, anti-mako slogans Avalanche adopted were the perfect way to mask her true motives. But the loss of life was too great, even when weighted against the planet there were trying to save. And if it was all for one person’s revenge …
The guilt waited its turn deep in her heart.
Will I be able to go on living with these feelings? As she looked to what would soon be the ruins of Midgar, Tifa feared for her future.
But right next to her, Cloud was watching the same scene and smiling serenely. That smile was nothing she’d ever seen during their travels. Cloud noticed Tifa was gazing at him.
“What?”
“Cloud, you’re smiling.”
“I am?”
“Yes.”
“This is where it starts. My new --” Cloud paused, searching for the words. “My new life,” he finished. “I’m going to live. I’ll never be forgiven unless I do. So much has … has happened.”
“It sure has.”
“But I thought it was funny, considering all the other times I thought my ‘new life’ was starting.”
“Why is that funny?”
“’Cause I always screwed it up.”
“That’s not funny.”
“This time … I think I’ll be okay.”
Cloud was silent for a long time before he spoke again. “Because I have you.”
“You’ve always had me.”
“I mean from tomorrow on,” Cloud answered with another smile.
Tifa went to see Aerith with her friends; Aerith, fated to lie sunken at the bottom of the spring in the Forgotten City. The world she gave her life to save, Tifa told her, was all right now. And you? Are you all right? Tifa could hear the voice in her head, but she couldn’t say if it was Aerith’s or her own.
Tifa started to cry. There had been no time to grieve after Aerith lost her life at Sephiroth’s hands, so Tifa had turned it all to rage and hate toward her enemies. But now, on a second visit to this place, the sadness she felt was accompanied by pain that ripped through her heart. As she fought the pain she thought: As a member of Avalanche I made lots of people feel like this. And even more tears came.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
She felt Cloud’s hand on her shoulder. It was firm, as if to hold her down, keep her from going away. I’ll get all my crying done now. Then I’ll be ready to lean on his shoulder.
Because I sure don’t know what to do all by myself.
* * *
The journey she and her friends had gone on was hard, but their parting was simple. Vincent left brusquely, like a stranger on a train who had just reached his stop. Yuffie protested, saying friends shouldn’t leave things like this. Was it Barret who said we can always see each other, because we survived? Or maybe it had been Cid.
Tifa, Cloud, and Barret made a farewell promise to their friends that they would see each other again, and then went to Corel. That was Barret’s hometown. For him, the tragic accident at the Corel mako reactor had started everything. Barret took one silent glance at the town and said, “Shouldn’ta come.” He has to live with his own guilt.
They went to Nibelheim, too – Tifa and Cloud’s hometown. She didn’t feel like she’d come back to much of anything, and all that came to mind was a vivid picture of the incident that occurred in the town.
“Coming here was a bad idea,” said Cloud. “Feels like I’m being dragged back into the past.”
His words spoke for her own feelings.
***
Then they went to Kalm. Aerith’s adoptive mother, Elmyra, was waiting there with Marlene, whom they’d left in her care. Both of them were staying with Elmyra’s relatives, who owned a house there. Barret and Marlene were elated to see each other again.
As delicately as he could, Cloud broke the news to Elmyra about Aerith’s fate. They couldn’t be sure how she would take it, but the three of them apologized for not being able to save Aerith.
“You all did everything you could, right? You don’t have to apologize to me,” said Elmyra.
Tifa and the others had no answer to that. Did we really do everything we could?
The town of Kalm was full of refugees from Midgar. Ordinary homes were converted to emergency shelters. Despite the fact that Kalm’s residents could have demanded payment for their services, none was taken. Even the inn offered free rooms to refugees. People are working together, saving their strength for rebuilding the world, Tifa thought.
“C’mon, let’s go home,” said Cloud.
“Home to where?” Barret asked.
“To our interrupted reality.”
“Th’ hell does that mean?”
“Normal life.”
“Where we gonna find that?”
“We just will.” Cloud looked at Tifa as he spoke. “Right?”
“Yup!” Marlene chirped. Tifa nodded too, but like Barret, she wondered where that normal life might be.
The four came to Midgar. The town had already started to spring back from the chaos following Meteor’s dissipation. Its people were working toward their future – which was to say, the next day. The scene itself seemed to accuse Tifa. Let it all wash away, she had said as she watched Midgar from the sky, but down below, all these people had lives. I’ll never, ever forgive myself for being so selfish, she thought. She confessed to Cloud and Barret what she’d wished for on the airship. And while the men sympathized with her feelings, they set her straight. No matter where you go or what you do, you’ll never outdistance the guilt. So you know what? Barret said.
We gotta keep living. Keep living and atone for the rest of our lives. That’s the only road we got.
When they were alone, Cloud commented, “It’s not like you to get weighed down.”
“Now you know … how I am.”
“No. You’re upbeat, and strong. And if you forget that, then I’ll get you to remember.”
“Oh, you will?”
“Yeah, probably,” Cloud added with a blush.
***
In the beginning they gathered information about Midgar and its environs. Supplies were lacking, but the larger problem was that word wasn’t getting out regarding what could be obtained where. The three of them split up and went around sharing the information they’d collected with people who needed it. They lent their strength to those unable to move on their own. At night they slept beneath Midgar’s Plate – which, as rumor had it, could collapse at any moment.
One day, Barret brought home a bottle of wine (which later turned out to be a unique Corel vintage), a heater, and several types of fruits he had received as a thank-you for helping to disassemble a house.
“Get a load of this,” he said with a smirk. With one hand Barret deftly went to work preparing something similar to sangria. Tifa and Cloud sipped at it tentatively. Barret drowned himself in it, and pleasantly recounted his memories of a more peaceful time – like when he got excessively tipsy and wound up taking an unexpected fall into a well. Or when he went to propose to his wife, too hammered to remember how he even got there. Tifa and Cloud burst out laughing for the first time in ages.
The next day, Barret had a serious expression when he spoke.
“Why don’t we build a bar where we can sell this stuff?”
“You and me?” Cloud questioned back, surprised.
“Foo’! What do we know about waitin’ on customers? Tifa’s gotta do it!”
“Me?”
“You’re the pro, aren’tcha?”
Avalanche’s former hideout was a bar called Seventh Heaven. The money it took in went toward provisions members needed to live and “work.” Tifa was the barmaid and designated proprietor.
“Way I see it, Midgar folk fall into two groups,” Barret continued. “The ass-draggers that can’t accept what’s happened to the town, and the movers that make themselves live. And hey, I understand how both sides feel. They all got their problems, only difference bein’ how they deal with it, right? So I say, let wine sort all their issues out!”
“Why wine?” asked Cloud.
“How should I know? But yesterday we got hosed and we laughed. We forgot stuff, ya know? Just for that moment.”
“Yeah … you’re right.”
“Damn straight! Folks need time like that. Eh, Tifa? Whaddaya say?”
Tifa couldn’t answer on the spot. She knew what Barret was saying, but opening a bar felt too much like going back to her days in Avalanche. Cloud spoke up.
“Tifa, just try it. If it’s too hard, you can quit.”
“I’m tellin’ ya, it won’t be. If Tifa doesn’t work, she’ll just get to thinkin’, and ‘fore you know it she won’t be able to do nothin’ else.”
You may very well be right.
The three of them began preparations. They decided to build in Edge, a new town that was springing up along the avenue stretching east from Midgar. The people Cloud and Barret had aided quickly banded together, transporting materials from Midgar that would become the bar’s beams and walls.
Barret barked orders in a big voice, while Cloud would follow closely behind, correcting him in a notably smaller voice. Tifa learned how to prepare Corel sangria, improving upon the recipe so it would go down easier. And she put together the bar’s menu, incorporating ingredients they could come by reliably. Marlene was like a mascot to the people helping build the bar. She insisted she would be the new barmaid. Each day new problems would crop up, and while resolving them was a chore, it was fulfilling. From time to time, Tifa felt pangs of guilt, thought herself a terrible person for smiling – but someone would always call to ask her a question and cut those thoughts short.
We might be ready to open in a few days, Cloud told her. What do we call the place? asked Barret. Several ideas came up, but Cloud’s was dry as dust, and Barret’s sounded more like a monster than a bar. In the end, the decision fell on Tifa. The men promised not to complain no matter what she came up with. But with the grand opening days away, Tifa had more work to do than ever, and no time to think of a name. One day she asked Marlene what she’d name the bar. “I’m still thinking,” she told her.
“I like ‘Seventh Heaven,’” said Marlene. It was the one name Tifa didn’t want. It’s enough having the past inside me. I don’t need to go pulling it out with a name.
“Why?”
“’Cause it was fun! If you call it ‘Seventh Heaven’ we can have fun again.”
Tifa had forgotten. The adults had their ambitions, but Marlene wasn’t part of that. To her, Seventh Heaven was just a happy home where Barret and Tifa and her friends were.
“Hmm, Seventh Heaven, huh?”
No erasing the past. Only coming to grips with it and living. Tifa made up her mind.
Seventh Heaven was a hit from the day it opened. Corel sangria could be made at home if one had a mind to do it, and the food wasn’t anything special, either. There was a limit to the ingredients they could reliably obtain, so they couldn’t make anything special. But people were looking for just this sort of place – a place where they could spend time and drink with their friends. A place where they could relish reality, or else forget it and focus on the future. It was set up so people without money could barter for their drinks. Several kinds of juices were made available so people with kids could come in, too. Only the ones Marlene sampled and gave her seal of approval made the cut. She had become an indispensable presence in the bar. At night, before it got too late, she worked as a waitress. Customers who’d had too much were sent home without a second thought.
Barret would nurse a drink in one corner of the bar. Maybe he thought he was the bouncer. Cloud’s job was to acquire the provisions and wine – but he didn’t know the names of most fruits and vegetables. Tifa was dumbfounded at first, but came to accept that as a natural consequence of the life Cloud had led. It amused her that his new life was going to start with vegetable names. Then she thought better. No, I shouldn’t laugh.
Cloud was not the best at socializing with people – which was to say, he was downright awful at it. In spite of that, he had to acquire provisions, and the process of negotiating with other people carried more value than the price he paid. Cloud was taking steps forward.
The first week after opening, Barret, satisfied with the bar’s solid start, stated he was leaving Marlene with them and going on a journey.
“I wanna settle up on my life.”
Cloud nodded, as if he understood completely.
“What about me?” asked Tifa. “You think I don’t?”
“You two can do it here. Don’t just take. Prove you know how to give.”
The night before Barret was to depart, Marlene, who always slept in Tifa’s bed, plopped down on Barret’s instead. Their talk could be heard late into the evening.
He left early in the morning. As he walked away, Marlene said:
“Send me letters, okay? And call!”
Barret made a small wave with his right arm, which he’d attached a machine gun to in place of a prosthesis. He walked on without a backward glance. His back was turned as if to say, Fightin’s the only way I know how to live. What kind of life would he find? Pray he can leave the battles behind. That he doesn’t just take, but proves he knows how to give.
“Don’t worry; I’ll be a good kid to them!”
When Marlene said that, Cloud and Tifa exchanged glances. To us?
“I’ll take good care of Tifa and Cloud!”
Looking back, Barret said with a shout:
“You be strong!” His voice was cracking. “Work together as a family and keep at it, ya hear?!”
***
They needed friends to live without being crushed by the guilt. Even if they all bore the same scars, shouldered the same sins, they never would have made it without comforting and encouraging each other.
All right, then. Maybe it is safe to say we’re a family. We just have to work together as one. Together with friends to call family, there’s no storm we can’t weather, Tifa thought.
***
It must have been several months after opening the bar. Tifa got a phone call from Cloud, who was out securing provisions.
He had a request. “Would it be okay to print up a lifetime voucher to eat and drink for free at Seventh Heaven? Just one.” Tifa agreed, never asking for a reason. She knew Cloud must have wanted something desperately if he was offering to trade something that odd.
Night fell, and Cloud came home on a bike unlike any she’d ever seen. After that, whenever he got even a little time between work at the bar, he would fix it up. He would bring along engineers he met who-knows-where and talk to them about souping it up. There seemed to be any number of them helping Cloud complete the bike. Marlene and her neighborhood friends would watch on, transfixed. The sight reassured Tifa. We, as a family, are becoming part of this world.
Cloud frequently left Midgar to get provisions. His main destination was Kalm. He would rent a bike or truck, and from the look of it, the occasional chocobo as well. But now he had his own bike. On occasion he would take longer trips, and more and more often he would come home with rare foods he’d obtained.
One night, someone called Seventh Heaven looking for Cloud. After talking with the man a little and hanging up, Cloud immediately announced he was going out.
“Where are you going?”
“How do I tell you this …”
Cloud explained. On the way home from securing provisions, he was often asked to make deliveries to Midgar. The man on the phone was from a household that always shared vegetables with him, and now he was claiming he desperately needed something delivered tonight. Cloud gazed at Tifa with the expression of a child whose worst secret had just been let out of the bag.
“Why are you making that face?”
“I’m just … sorry I kept it from you.”
“Kept what?”
“I know I was selfish.”
Tifa burst into laughter. Cloud explained how he’d accepted a small payment for making the deliveries, and it was eating at him. Apparently, he poured all the money into tuning up his bike. He’s like a child, Tifa thought. While it made her sad that Cloud could see another world she knew nothing about, the idea his world was expanding at all was a welcome one. Yes … Maybe this is kind of what a mother feels like. Once she saw Cloud off, Tifa was alone with the new emotions growing inside her, and was happy.
***
Tifa learned to get along with the sense of guilt inside her. There’s no forgetting. A day may come when I’m punished. But until that time I’ll keep looking forward and living. Not just taking, but proving to myself I know how to give.
***
Tifa advised Cloud to turn the delivery service into a legitimate business. You can take job orders right from the bar. Marlene and I ought to be able to handle answering the phone. Cloud was hesitant, but went along with the suggestion after sleeping on it. Tifa didn’t know his reasons for hesitating, but it didn’t bother her. He was probably just holding back for some reason, she thought.
And that was how the Strife Delivery Service started. They centered operations around Midgar and catered to the entire world … well, anywhere the bike could reach. Cloud laughed and called it false advertising. Just like Seventh Heaven, Cloud’s business boomed. At the time, just because you wanted to deliver something didn’t mean it was that easy. It wasn’t as if the monsters had gone away, and many roads were still cut off after the Lifestream’s eruption. The work, which involved running from one corner of the world to the next, was not something just anyone could do. Cloud’s services were in demand. Isn’t it nice, Tifa thought, that Cloud, who is terrible with people, works to bring them together with packages?
Life as a “family” changed a lot after Cloud started his delivery service – and not in a very good way. Cloud was hardly ever home, except in the morning and late at night. Naturally, the three of them had fewer chances to talk. Tifa closed the bar once a week, but that didn’t necessarily mean Cloud could take the same day off. He almost never turned down a client. While she did wish he would take a day off with them now and then, she felt that was selfish and kept it to herself. Amidst all that, it was Marlene who noticed the changes in Cloud himself. Sometimes Cloud acts all spaced out and doesn’t listen to me, she would complain to Tifa. Cloud never really went out of his way to talk to Marlene to begin with. But he would never ignore her if she talked to him. Tifa came to understand that Cloud was, in his own way, trying to get along with Marlene. She figured that was how people who were uncomfortable around kids – there were certainly enough of them out there – managed to cope.
Maybe he’s just tired, she told Marlene, but it weighed on her nonetheless. Marlene was a child who had a keen sense for changes in adults.
On their day off, Tifa and Marlene were cleaning the room Cloud used as an office. Piles of unsorted receipts lay scattered about. One of them caught Tifa’s eye:
CLIENT: ELMYRA GAINSBOROUGH
PARCEL: BOUQUET
DESTINATION: FORGOTTEN CITY
Tifa lumped the receipt with the others and cleaned up as if nothing were wrong. But she was terribly shaken. How is circling the world delivering packages any different from him circling his past? The fact he couldn’t protect Aerith tormented Cloud – that she knew. He was trying to get over that and live. But if he went back to the place where she had left him forever, wouldn’t the grief and regret just tear fresh wounds in his heart?
That night after closing, Cloud was drinking for a change. His glass was empty. After thinking it over, Tifa topped it off.
“Mind if I join you?” She had things to say.
“I wanna drink alone.”
Cloud’s response robbed Tifa of her better sense, and the words abruptly came out: “Then drink in your room.”
Barret would call from time to time. He almost never talked about himself, and usually just asked how Marlene was doing. And every time he would end by talking to Marlene. She must have assumed Tifa wasn’t listening, and she sounded lonely when she said, “Cloud and Tifa aren’t getting along too well.”
Whatever Cloud and my own feelings may be, we shouldn’t be dragging Marlene into it, Tifa thought.
Tifa made every effort to talk to Cloud. She was especially good about it when Marlene was close by. She chose topics she felt wouldn’t be too serious. Cloud seemed bewildered by the change in Tifa, but he kept pace with her and always answered, almost as if he knew what she was trying to do. Marlene started to join the conversations. Tifa thought it was going pretty well, but she still couldn’t bring up the things she wanted to talk about. She didn’t know what to tell him.
One morning, Tifa related a funny story she’d picked up from the bar regulars.
“Yeah, that would drive a person nuts,” Cloud gave his take on the matter.
“You’re driving me nuts!” Marlene screamed.
The adults looked at her, surprised.
“You told that story before! And Cloud, you answered the exact same way!”
It wasn’t going well. But they were together – because they were family. They lived in the same house, and lived by working together. Maybe the conversations and smiles are few and far between. But we are family, Tifa thought. Or at least she tried to.
After checking that Cloud was asleep, she spoke to him.
“We’re … okay, right?”
Of course, there was no answer. All she heard was him breathing softly as he slept. Is the fact that Cloud sleeps here proof enough we’re a family?
“Do you love me?”
Cloud opened his eyes. He looked perplexed.
“Hey, Cloud. Do you love Marlene?”
“Yeah. But … sometimes I don’t know how to act around her.”
“Even though you’ve been together this long?”
“I’m not sure that’s enough.”
“Same with you and me?”
Cloud didn’t answer.
“Sorry. Weird question.”
“Don’t be. It’s my problem.”
Cloud shut his eyes.
“Why can’t it be ours?”
Cloud didn’t answer.
Not long after that, Cloud brought Denzel home. He was unconscious when he was carried into the bar. Geostigma. Cloud said he was still in the very early stages. As she took care of him, Tifa thought, There are lots of kids with the stigma. They’re building special homes for them, because of all the kids without parents. So why did he bring Denzel here? When she went to ask him, he replied:
“This kid came to me.”
“What does that mean?”
***
Once Denzel had recovered his strength, Tifa heard the boy’s story. And then she thought, Denzel was supposed to come here. He was a victim when Sector Seven was destroyed – and we’re the reason it’s gone. So we need to take responsibility and raise this boy right. Denzel didn’t come to Cloud. He only met Cloud so he could come to me.
Tifa told Cloud and Marlene she wanted to welcome Denzel into their family. Cloud nodded without a word, and Marlene was thrilled.
At first, Denzel behaved as though he were only staying on for a short time, but the more he helped out with the bar and Cloud’s work, the more he opened up.
After dark, when the bar was closed, Tifa looked up from the dishes in the kitchen to see Cloud, president of Strife Delivery Service, seated at the center table with his assistants Marlene and Denzel. The stigma caused Denzel suffering, but there were plenty of days when the pain and fever subsided – time he spent tagging along with Cloud.
Typically, Cloud was out most of the day for work. The hours after he got home were important to Denzel; they were time spent with his hero. And yes, to him Cloud was a hero. Of course, there was how he and Cloud met, how Cloud came to his rescue when the symptoms of geostigma appeared without warning, and he had to struggle with the fear of death.
But the way Cloud carried himself, the bike he rode around – it was all the stuff of admiration. Denzel wanted to ask Cloud everything; even if he had questions Tifa could have answered, he would wait until Cloud got home. Once, half-jokingly, she told him that she was the one who cooked the meals. Denzel put on a grown-up voice and informed her that he was the one who cleaned up the bar and the house.
That was true enough. Denzel was a thorough cleaner. When she asked him if he learned that from his late mom, he said no. Days later, Cloud told Tifa all about the woman who taught Denzel to clean. He told Cloud but not me. That made Tifa mad.
She even started to worry: Why does he talk to Cloud and not to me? One day, she asked the older bar regulars what they thought. Their answer? Boys will be boys. Nothing to worry about, you couldn’t be a more normal family.
Tifa didn’t buy that answer, but the words “normal family” relieved her.
Seated at the table after hours, you might have said Cloud, Marlene, and Denzel resembled a slightly young father and his kids. Whenever she felt like it, Tifa could have sat at the table, too, and been greeted by smiles.
Cloud would have a map open and check the next day’s work schedule, mainly the delivery routes. Denzel and Marlene would sort receipts. When Marlene came across a word she didn’t know, she would ask Denzel. He’d play the older brother and teach her the word. When they hit words not even Denzel knew, they would ask Cloud. His custom was to teach them how to say the word and then hand them a pen. You won’t learn it unless you write it, he’d say. When the kids saw the names of places printed on the receipts, they’d ask Cloud what kind of place it was. Cloud’s answers were concise. Big population. Not many people. Dangerous ‘cause of all the monsters. The north route’s safest. That’s it? Tifa would think after hearing the explanations, but the kids seemed satisfied. In the end, Tifa felt she had to say something. She’d add on to what Cloud said, and Denzel would ask him if it was true. It irritated her a little. But that’s fine, she thought. Normal families are just like that.
With Denzel’s entrance we’ve really become a family, she thought. Cloud was clearly cutting down on work. He always made sure he had time at night for the kids. And his silly everyday conversations with Tifa started up again.
***
“Did you fix the problem?”
“What problem?”
“Your problem.”
“Oh …”
“Cloud was clearly deep in thought.
“If you don’t want to tell me, don’t.”
“I can’t explain it well …” Cloud searched for the right words. “I didn’t fix the problem. I don’t think I’ll ever fix the problem. I can’t make somebody unlose their life.”
Tifa nodded.
“But now, maybe I got a chance to save a life that’s on the brink. Maybe that’s something even I can do.”
“Denzel?”
“Yeah.”
“Hey, do you remember what you said to me when you brought Denzel home?”
“What’d I say?”
“You said, ‘Denzel came to me.’”
“I just meant …” Cloud made a familiar face, like a child who knew a scolding was inevitable.
“Say it. I’ll decide if I should get mad or not after you do.”
Cloud nodded, then continued.
“Denzel had collapsed in front of Aerith’s church. So I thought she must’ve brought him to me.” Cloud paused and looked away.
“You went to the church.”
“I didn’t mean to keep it from you.”
“But you did.”
“Sorry.”
“Did I say you did anything wrong? But next time, I’m going with you.”
“Fine.”
“And Cloud, you’re wrong.”
Cloud looked at Tifa with a puzzled expression.
“Aerith didn’t bring Denzel to you.”
“Right … Just what I thought.”
“You’re not listening to me. Aerith brought that boy to us. Right?”
Cloud stared at her. Eventually he smiled. It had a kindness to it, as if to say everything will be all right.
***
Several days after they had that conversation, Cloud left. Was the future I saw in that smile an illusion? Tifa kissed her sleeping children’s faces and went into Cloud’s office. After brushing the faint layer of dust from the photo they’d taken as a family, she picked up the phone and dialed. After a few rings, the answering service clicked on.