Things that piss you off

I guess I might not come off this way, but I'm a person full of a lot of hate. I can admit it. When people wrong me or cross me, I loathe them. And I will continue to loathe them, even when I know they deserve sympathy.

Yep, I'm a bad person. I try and I try so fucking hard to stop hating people but I can't. Especially when they see nothing wrong with what they've done. I don't really know how I can forgive such horrendous actions without receiving some kind of apology.

My brother is my opposite. He takes their crap, puts up with it in silence and hurts over it later. I cuss, bitch, moan, throw shit and trash things. We deal with anger differently. At least, when the anger concerns my mom.

I've pretty much isolated myself from all my 'family' because I've realized that besides biological similarities, we have nothing in common. And yeah, I hate them all. The things they've done, the things they've said, to this day, I can hardly believe these were the same people I once trusted and loved.

My cousins over here in Canada I thought would be more understanding of our situation. Their mom is at a much worse stage of Alzheimer's than mine and you'd think we'd have gotten their sympathy for suddenly being branded the black sheep in this fucked up shit hole of a family.

But no. No we didn't. They joined the black sheep crusade and were 'pissed' at us for putting my mom in a nursing home like the rest of the ass hats I unfortunately share a link with.

What they failed to realize is that they have a big family. Four boys, one girl, all fully grown, own houses, pay bills, married with kids. What do we have? Me, my brother and my sister-in-law. They also didn't get that their mom isn't as aggressive as my mother so yeah, it's a lot easier to have nannies than it is for us because my mom almost killed one.

Their mom doesn't go eating out their fridge when she's diabetic like my mom did. How can they even compare it?

Anyways, they basically stopped talking to us after promising to help, blamed us for being bad kids and sided with the motherfucking Queen of crazies who lives in the U.S. In their mind, we abandoned my mother to her fate and don't feel a shred of guilt. Didn't invite us to the babyshower, didn't call us for ages, wiped our existence from their minds until, of course, THEY NEED US.

That's right; their mom has gotten so bad now that the doctors and nanies have told them that the way of the black sheep is the only way now; a nursing home. And who do they call? My brother because he knows the process, because he knows what to do and they NEED HIM. But before all that, not so much of a word, no phone calls and hell, they never even VISITED my mother.

Those selfish mother fuckers. Yeah, I fucking hate you. Yeah, I feel terrible for your mother because she's suffering like my mom. Do I feel pity for you because you're finally going through what I went through?

I'm trying to, but no. The truth is, I don't. My brother says it makes me bad and that I should treat others how I want to be treated but this fucking hate has been festering inside of me since we got that phone call two years back with my cunt of an aunt cussing off my brother at three AM. The fact that all these little shits can go fucking run their mouth, tell my brother off and never have the fucking guts to say it to my face has left me reeling for a confrontation because I want to tear them to pieces.

So yeah, I'm pissed and all that hate I thought buried just resurfaces whenever I hear mention of any of these assholes and I'm gonna keep trying to find that pity and sympathy and kind heart that I used to have back in the day. I'll let you all know when I get a hold of it.

I'm done.