FF7 Headcanons and Discussion

[Elisa Maza]

Headcannons, hmmm? Let me see...

Sephiroth is and will always be a virgin. He loves the blood on Masamune too much. Also, he believes that all people are inferior, so no man or woman was worthy of his boner.

Tifa spent five years blowing up shit, no relationships whatsoever (one-night-stands for sex are another story), because she was too emotionally wrapped around her revenge. Cloud's reappearance brought her hatred down a notch, because she saw that not everything about her past was gone. So, she slowly became ready for romance.

Aerith was faithful to Zack during his five-year absence. The day she wrote her break-up letter to him, she had a one-night-stand with Tseng out of emotional baggage. Didn't fall for him, though. Don't think she was a virgin prior Zack's appearance, though. Or during.

Cloud and Tifa had sex under the Highwind. Totally awkward, totally emotional. In short, a disaster that ended in a high note.

Barret totally lets Marlene dress him up in pink.

Reeve has his own factory, where he makes many Caith Sith's.

Tifa has slapped Rude at least once.

 

[Tetsujin]

Cloud and Tifa had sex under the Highwind.

They also did it without protection because it was too spontaneous and they thought they might die the next day anyway.
Tifa not getting pregnant was pure chance.

 

[Alessa Gillespie]

They also did it without protection because it was too spontaneous and they thought they might die the next day anyway.
Tifa not getting pregnant was pure chance.

people in ff7verse don't actually get pregnant, it's obviously caused by the magical cetra bringing a baby to your cabbage patch

this never worked because cloud doesn't know which veggies are cabbages anyways

 

[Tifabelle]

or mako has made Cloud infertile

 

[Makoeyes987]

Incidentally, another piece of head-canon is that Zee and Ryu are the incarnation of Cloud and Sephiroth for this very forum.

And I have NOT made ANYONE infertile, thankyouverymuch.

 

[Ryushikaze]

Incidentally, another piece of head-canon is that Zee and Ryu are the incarnation of Cloud and Sephiroth for this very forum.

Which one is which?

And I have NOT made ANYONE infertile, thankyouverymuch.

That's a lie and you know it.
You've never done it by accident though.

 

[X-SOLDIER]

I've always thought that one of the reasons that Barret is always really edgy because he never gets laid, because he doesn't want to bring in hussies around Marlene. That and he can't yank it since he lost his hand, and had it replaced with a gun-arm. This is also why he's more laid back in ACC when he gets a proper hand replacement.


X

 

[Alessa Gillespie]

I've always thought that one of the reasons that Barret is always really edgy because he never gets laid, because he doesn't want to bring in hussies around Marlene. That and he can't yank it since he lost his hand, and had it replaced with a gun-arm. This is also why he's more laid back in ACC when he gets a proper hand replacement.


X

dude can't he just use his other arm? that dude is picky as fuq

 

[Winter]

Y'know what I'm getting from this response? That you can't actually make an argument, and are resorting to being deliberately obfuscatory. Again. It's childish, Zee. Grow up.

>pap shoosh
>childish
that is so xenophobic, ryu.

also this thread is sort of a trainwreck now but @ tifa's virginity: you can have sex and not have it be the center or focus of your life and attention, and you can be sexually active without being promiscuous.

jeez, Zee suggested tifa wasn't a virgin and some of you were absolutely offended. you can hve sexual experience without behaving like Mindfang.

anyways back to your regulary scheduled thread, just tossing my two cents out there! kinda late oops

 

[Tifabelle]

it'd be hard initially using the other hand, but I imagine he'd get better with practice. I mean he must have had to use his other hand for everything else too, lol.

 

[Elisa Maza]

Incidentally, another piece of head-canon is that Zee and Ryu are the incarnation of Cloud and Sephiroth for this very forum.

And I have NOT made ANYONE infertile, thankyouverymuch.

I fuckin' love you for this post, Mako. XD

 

[Alessa Gillespie]

it'd be hard initially using the other hand, but I imagine he'd get better with practice. I mean he must have had to use his other hand for everything else too, lol.

it was my general impression that dudes used the other hand anyways when they wanted to feel like someone different was jerkin it for 'em

 

[Zee]

Incidentally, another piece of head-canon is that Zee and Ryu are the incarnation of Cloud and Sephiroth for this very forum.

unrequited kismesis

 

[Ryushikaze]

dude can't he just use his other arm? that dude is picky as fuq

Just doesn't feel the same.

>pap shoosh
>childish
that is so xenophobic, ryu.

Don't you start.

also this thread is sort of a trainwreck now but @ tifa's virginity: you can have sex and not have it be the center or focus of your life and attention, and you can be sexually active without being promiscuous.

I don't think anyone on the 'We don't think she had sex' side was suggesting EITHER of those things. Hell, I'm a sex positivist. I just don't think it happened in this instance.

jeez, Zee suggested tifa wasn't a virgin and some of you were absolutely offended. you can hve sexual experience without behaving like Mindfang.

No. We weren't. Zee suggested that Tifa wasn't a virgin. Some of us said that seemed unlikely for one reason or another. Zee's response was to suggest it was absurd to expect any attractive woman to be a virgin, an absurd suggestion. People weren't offended by it. They were derisive.

Back on topic- Sephiroth plays a mean musical saw on the Masamune.

 

[Ryushikaze]

unrequited kismesis

That'd be you for me, then.

 

[Zee]

That'd be you for me, then.

eridan, please...........................

 

[looneymoon]

Shit guys I put a glossary in the first post for a RAISIN sobs

@tifa being a virgin:

In what world does a beautiful hormonal teenage girl not have sex at least once?

you don't think I'm pretty Zee...............

You know, I always imagined Tifa so screwed up emotionally that she was a virgin well into the game...and not because she was so pure. I really see her as messed in the head...long after she knocks boots even. Which is why she is so screwily obsessed with the first man she gives it too... that's my head-canon.

I am 0k with this

shit maybe she and biggs had sex a few times who knows

actually i would watch that sex tape............................

I am 0k with this


Anyways, personal opinion: Tifa is painted as far too shy in the fandom. She's only really shy when it comes to Cloud. Otherwise she has no trouble being open and flirtatious.

Another head-canon: Tifa is actually really flirty, but doesn't realize she is being so. This often makes Cloud feel very morose and anxious, while Tifa is none the wiser.

 

[Ryushikaze]

eridan, please...........................

Contrary to what you might believe, I do not hate you. I don't know why you'd think that.

As such, the hate, if there is any, must come from you.

 

[Shademp]

In my head, Marlene is part-Cetra.

I know, I know. The only reason she can sense the flower girl at the end of OG is because, well, she is a kid and kids are supposedly still "close to the Lifestream". I don't recall the interview but somebody from the FFVII staff said that the kids are more alert to spiritual events because they left the "planet" not so long ago.

But the thought of having Marlene be the closest the planet has to a living Ancient/Cetra still persists in my mind. This makes it so that her father Dyne did not hear the voice of Eleanor because he was mad, but either because his Cetran blood allowed him to hear the voices of the dead or because Eleanor was Cetran enough to communicate with him.

A writing trope would also this mean that she immediately takes a liking to Aerith partially because their Cetran heritage forms a spiritual connection between them. *feels dirty writing garbage like this* Excuse me I need to take a really long shower...

So in my mind Marlene is part-Cetra and somehow she is meant to play a role in leading humanity back to a lifestyle closer to that of the Ancients, thus giving us the tranquil paradise seen 500 years later.

 

[Ryushikaze]

In my head, Marlene is part-Cetra.

I know, I know. The only reason she can sense the flower girl at the end of OG is because, well, she is a kid and kids are supposedly still "close to the Lifestream". I don't recall the interview but somebody from the FFVII staff said that the kids are more alert to spiritual events because they left the "planet" not so long ago.

But the thought of having Marlene be the closest the planet has to a living Ancient/Cetra still persists in my mind. This makes it so that her father did not hear the voice of Eleanor because he was mad, but either because his Cetran blood allowed him to hear the voices of the dead or because Eleanor was Cetran enough to communicate with him.

A writing trope would also this mean that she immediately takes a liking to Aerith partially because their Cetran heritage forms a spiritual connection. *feels dirty writing garbage like this*

So yeah. In my mind Marlene is part-Cetra and somehow she is meant to play a role in leading humanity back to a lifestyle closer to that of the Ancients, thus giving us the tranquil paradise seen 500 years later.

Bah. Everyone's Part Cetra. The Cetra entered the breeding population of humans long ago when they left the lifestyle. But it's very possible Marlene expressed it more than most.

What was special about Aerith was that she was 'purest' there was, and her Mom was the only fully genetic Cetra remaining that anyone knew about.

 

[Fairheartstrife]

Somehow I feel betrayed. I thought Zee and I had a hawt lesbian love/hate thing... Must be my head-canon.

 

[Shademp]

Bah. Everyone's Part Cetra. The Cetra entered the breeding population of humans long ago when they left the lifestyle. But it's very possible Marlene expressed it more than most.

Of course, of course. That goes without saying.

*proceeds to exorcise idea from head*

 

[Zee]

Contrary to what you might believe, I do not hate you. I don't know why you'd think that.

As such, the hate, if there is any, must come from you.

do you..........................really not get the concept of jokes....

Somehow I feel betrayed. I thought Zee and I had a hawt lesbian love/hate thing... Must be my head-canon.

I would blackrom for you anyday.

 

[Alessa Gillespie]

Somehow I feel betrayed. I thought Zee and I had a hawt lesbian love/hate thing... Must be my head-canon.

i think you need to exchange t-shirts of LOVE.......

like tifa and aerith have in my headcanon

 

[Ryushikaze]

do you..........................really not get the concept of jokes....

No, Zee, I get the concept of jokes. Maybe you should try making it more obvious what things are jokes and what things aren't. That's twice now in this thread something you apparently meant as a joke was taken as something other than one.