FFVII CHARACTER SMACKDOWN - The Neutrals Championship
- Thread starter fancy
- Start date
Lestat
He/him
- AKA
- Ergo, V
Ahem she *tries* to push him off but he bites her hand off causing a Monty python rabbit of death moment where blood sprays across the bar before dying of blood loss.
I bid you good day Madame!
Lestat
He/him
- AKA
- Ergo, V
fancy
pants
- AKA
- Fancy
RIP Team Chocobo
Clever clever, but this brings to mind a disturbing pattern that I've noticed in this smackdown, and it concerns the size of the Guardian.
As you can see, the Guardian looks relatively tiny in this picture—about the size of a human being. And by the way my opponents have been presenting the entity (rock...thing?), you'd think it was about the size of a human or even smaller. Easily overwhelmed even by the likes of someone of Mrs Strife's stature.
This representation, my dear spectators, is an absolute falsity!
Observe this screenshot from the game, if you please.
The Time Guardian: much bigger than humans
I know what you may be thinking.
'What the hell am I looking at?'
THAT, my good ladies and gents, is the hero Cloud Strife, who stands at a lean 173 cm, standing atop of the Time Guardian. You could fit at least 9 more Clouds on that thing.
Are you seriously telling me that the Time Guardian here is being properly (and fairly represented in my opponent's so-called 'evidence'?
Surely not!
This begs the question...
If we cannot trust Team Chocobo to fairly represent the size of the Guardian when pitting the demigod against their champion, what else can't we trust??? There was already the lapse about Mrs Strife's supposed training in 'swordsmanship'. Oh, and speaking of which, where were these weapons kept? When we get a glimpse into Cloud's home in the game, we see a lot of things like a bed, a stove, a fridge, a table. Basic furniture for basic people. What we don't see is an armoury or weapons rack or anything.
At least I didn't.
Do you???
i don't see shit
But I digress. The point of this post is this: the Time Guardian isn't something to be pushed around. Again, we know that Cloud is 173 and relatively lean. It's not too farfetched to assume he gets this from his mother, who also appears rather slim and small.
Would you take a look at that tinyass waist.
Cloud's height was based on the average height of Japan. You know what the average height of women are in Japan? About 158 cm (or 5'2.6'')
I rest my case.
Get ready for dinner, Chocobo, cuz you'll be the chef's special after that roasting.
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^So he says but we have photographic evidence!
Clever clever, but this brings to mind a disturbing pattern that I've noticed in this smackdown, and it concerns the size of the Guardian.
As you can see, the Guardian looks relatively tiny in this picture—about the size of a human being. And by the way my opponents have been presenting the entity (rock...thing?), you'd think it was about the size of a human or even smaller. Easily overwhelmed even by the likes of someone of Mrs Strife's stature.
This representation, my dear spectators, is an absolute falsity!
Observe this screenshot from the game, if you please.
The Time Guardian: much bigger than humans
'What the hell am I looking at?'
THAT, my good ladies and gents, is the hero Cloud Strife, who stands at a lean 173 cm, standing atop of the Time Guardian. You could fit at least 9 more Clouds on that thing.
Are you seriously telling me that the Time Guardian here is being properly (and fairly represented in my opponent's so-called 'evidence'?
Surely not!
This begs the question...
If we cannot trust Team Chocobo to fairly represent the size of the Guardian when pitting the demigod against their champion, what else can't we trust??? There was already the lapse about Mrs Strife's supposed training in 'swordsmanship'. Oh, and speaking of which, where were these weapons kept? When we get a glimpse into Cloud's home in the game, we see a lot of things like a bed, a stove, a fridge, a table. Basic furniture for basic people. What we don't see is an armoury or weapons rack or anything.
At least I didn't.
Do you???
i don't see shit
But I digress. The point of this post is this: the Time Guardian isn't something to be pushed around. Again, we know that Cloud is 173 and relatively lean. It's not too farfetched to assume he gets this from his mother, who also appears rather slim and small.
Would you take a look at that tinyass waist.
Cloud's height was based on the average height of Japan. You know what the average height of women are in Japan? About 158 cm (or 5'2.6'')
I rest my case.
Get ready for dinner, Chocobo, cuz you'll be the chef's special after that roasting.
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LicoriceAllsorts
Donator
I see it now: Time Guardian is a Kinder Surprise.
LicoriceAllsorts
Donator
Dead happy because she just ate a Kinder Surprise and now she's playing with the toy.
LicoriceAllsorts
Donator
How did she go from bleeding to death to being a pile of ash? Time Guardian can't even get his trash talk straight, how can he hope to outwit Mrs Strife? I'm afraid time has run out for Time Guardian. Hasta la never, baby.
Channy
Bad Habit
- AKA
- Ruby Rose, Lucy
Mortal or immortal. Arms or no arms. Butt or no butt. You all seem to be forgetting that he is THE GUARDIAN OF TIME. All he has to do is freeze time and Mrs Strife is trapped in a purgatory of her own hell, never laying a finger on our combatant, never seeing her son again, trapped as a mundane woman without a freaking name.
That’s it. Game over. Call a hurse because a cab ain’t gonna do Mrs Strife any good.
That’s it. Game over. Call a hurse because a cab ain’t gonna do Mrs Strife any good.
solo player sab
normie trash
- AKA
- Sab
OHHHH BUT Joe my man, I think you DO know who's winning here.
I mean c'maaan! I know you can see it. I mean, look at it. The Time Guardian. A giant rock. You know what giant rocks remind us of, Joe? Giant rocks remind us of Earth. The same Earth to which we were banished by the Spiral King. But you know what Mrs. Strife is, Joe? Mrs. Strife is a drill. She is the drill that will pierce the heavens!!!
I know you can see it! I know you want to vote for Mrs. Strife! Reject common sense and make the impossible possible!!!! Believe in the me who believes in you!!!!!!!!
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LicoriceAllsorts
Donator
If he's frozen time then it's literally impossible for him to win, since nothing can ever move forward from that nanosecond when he freezes time.
By the way, how do we know that the Time Guardian is male?
But I don't think being the Guardian of Time is the same thing as controlling time. The Swiss Guards guard the Pope, but they don't tell him what to do.
Clement Rage
Pro Adventurer
If it could just freeze/edit time, why didn't it do it when various people were trying to get into the Temple? No, instead he grants the invader the power over time. Does the guardian of time even have power by itself, or can he only grant it to others?
Also, if his size means he can't fit into the bar, then surely Cloud's Mom wins by default.
And Cloud's Mom is certainly also going to win any drinking contest. Nibelheim is so isolated she probably has her own still, while I doubt a rock with teeth wanders into Turtle's Paradise too often.
Also, if his size means he can't fit into the bar, then surely Cloud's Mom wins by default.
And Cloud's Mom is certainly also going to win any drinking contest. Nibelheim is so isolated she probably has her own still, while I doubt a rock with teeth wanders into Turtle's Paradise too often.
LicoriceAllsorts
Donator
Doesn't that mean he can't actually leave the Mystical Temple? It sounds and looks as if his arms are part of the fabric of the temple. Which means he's a no-show, and forfeits the match. Ma Strife wins by default.
If he controlled time, wouldn't he be called the Time Controller, and not the Time Guardian? I mean, on Thomas the Tank Engine, is Sir Topham Hatt called the Fat Guardian, or the Fat Controller?
Channy
Bad Habit
- AKA
- Ruby Rose, Lucy
Well if we're going there, is Mrs Strife known as the momma bear of Nibelheim, she who will nag you into submission of settling down with an older woman (coughoedipuscomplexcough)? No, despite her claim to fame, she is simply "Cloud's Mum" a woman confined to her kitchen, without a vote to cast, barely able to put up her fists in a fight, much less take on a Guardian of Time. She can do no damage to our combatant.
She is but a dust mote on the fabric of time our Guardian protects, ready to be blown off and forgotten in the wind.
She is but a dust mote on the fabric of time our Guardian protects, ready to be blown off and forgotten in the wind.
LicoriceAllsorts
Donator
I don't think she's physically a part of her kitchen and therefore unable to leave it.
solo player sab
normie trash
- AKA
- Sab
I still don’t think a giant rock with a mouth would be able to square up in a bar fight. Because, again, this is a bar fight, not a “who-can-trap-who-in-an-endless-purgatory” contest.
What can the Time Guardian do in a fight, anyway?
I don’t know either, Spectators.
What can the Time Guardian do in a fight, anyway?
I don’t know either, Spectators.
LicoriceAllsorts
Donator
Yes, I guess the TG could knock Mrs S out that way - if it had legs, or even arms, that it could use to launch itself at her. It can't even roll at her because of its shape - it can only roll in circles. And that's supposing it could liberate itself from the fabric of the temple and get to Midgar.
fancy
pants
- AKA
- Fancy
THAT’S IT!
This marks the end of round 1-2!
Spectators (and the audience!*) have 24 hours to cast their votes (either by posting in this thread or messaging me privately) for the champion that they have been swayed to stand behind. Our esteemed spectator this round is...
Joe
At this time, spectators and audience members are allowed to post their thoughts on the match. Players are NOT ALLOWED to counter any of these comments with new arguments or to continue ‘battling’ in general. Any attempt to do so will count as an automatic loss for your team. Players are free, however, to pay compliments to your opponents and such. ^^
Players!
If you’d like to opt out of participating in the next round, tell me so now.. Otherwise, I’m going to assume you’re still playing and you’re going to be reshuffled into a new team.
In General
If anyone (players, spectators, audience, anyone) has any feedback, questions, or concerns regarding the rules, please post that in the master thread here. It’ll be easier for me to keep track of/find your feedback this way for future reference. Thank you!
Any non-participant who’d like to be shuffled into a team, please say so now.