Etros moral absolutionism makes sense considering she's a god and doesn't understand concepts of self defense and the value of life. It's stated that she just can't comprehend these gray areas of different issues. If she can't understand Yuel's years of suffering, then she probably wouldn't understand self defense.
Lightning should know better though. Psicom was gunning after her sister, they massacred innocent people, they forced others into exile. There was an issue that the threats were manufactured and Pscicom really believed they were fighting for the greater good(ala Yaag Rosh). But overall it was to protect her and those she loves.
The game did mention once that she felt some sort of guilt, but it was bullshit and out of place. Lightning's guilt in the first game was personal, because her actions hurt Serah, not some wider "I hurtz ppls tho," and the guilt didn't strengthen her resolve to fight. It's part of the larger reason why I think Lightning's characterization turned ridiculous.
We can't speak for all fal'Cie, though. I do believe they understood humans moreso than not. As for responsibility, it goes both ways. Humans didn't seem to be too thankful for what they got. In XIII-2, the science touted by the NPCs were all taught by the fal'Cie, though humanity may have evolved it from there. Only Gran Pulse, and then only in Oerba, did it seem like anyone told a fal'Cie 'thank you' for the things provided. Really, only in XIII did a fal'Cie start to manipulate humans... Save for gathering them up, and using them to increase the population, to increase the sacrifice. Humans were left alone on Gran Pulse, and for the most part on Cocoon.
I like the fal'cie, I think they were the better parts of the world make up in XIII. And I do think they are in the grand scheme of things, victims. But I don't think they are innocent. They were manipulative, they looked down on humanity, and they sacrificed innocent lives.
I don't think people didn't care about fal'cie feelings or disregarded them. In fact, everything points to them respecting the fal'cie. They were overdependent on the fal'cie, but that was largely by fal'cie design- they wanted humanity to be dependent, and this dependency largely stunted humanity's growth. That's what XIII-2 was celebrating, the innovation, creation, and creativity of humanity unfettered by dependency and infighting. Fal'cie might have jumpstarted their technology, but it was driven completely the way they wanted to, plus fal'cie technology was not completely compatible with their own science.
Humans were left alone on Gran Pulse, and for the most part on Cocoon.
I liked the differences between Gran Pulse fal'cie and Cocoon, rather than treated as superior or guardians, they were more like the forces of nature. They helped in some ways, and in other ways were cruel. Nobody really questioned it, because who questions nature?
Anyway, the fal'cie weren't exactly innocent there either. It's hinted in one of the cieth stones that one of the big reasons of civilizations downfall is because the fal'cie started branding a bunch of people when they were already struggling, and that prevented them from having the numbers to bouncing back after a civil war/resource shortage.
Well, I think I understand the discrepencies. The part where Etro 'didn't know her feelings' was an interpretation of what Etro was trying to show Lightning, and Lightning was trying to make sense of it all. It seems more like humans don't know (I say it's really 'don't respect') that the fal'Cie have feelings. It seems like humanity never tried to understand.
I honestly don't think it's that humans didn't respect feelings like I said before. I just really believe that fal'cie don't respect feelings, and thus couldn't come to terms with their own. This made them susceptible to looking down on humanity, but also being manipulated.
I think what Lightning was doing was spouting exposition, so it wasn't wrong, I just think the writing was awkward. Etros "doesn't have feelings" because they don't relate to feelings like people do. When they do go through emotions, it's foreign to them. It's obvious they do have emotions, when Dysley was dying he says "Sweet release, at last" meaning that they do emotions. But before this, Dysley wanting to end his life seemed to take the more "rational-hey-this-will-make-a-better-world" rather than one driven by his own desires.
I personally think he was driven by an emotive side that he didn't fully understand towards the end, and used the logical side to rationalize it. The same with Etros, she continued to hurt herself until she died, but didn't fully recognize because it was loneliness.
And that makes sense. Fal'cie aren't humans, they were created a goal, given a limited amount of power and tools to finish this goal. The game totes that l'cies are slaves are destiny, but imo it felt that the real slaves were the fal'cie, who don't even get the courtesy of being able to reject their goal. And they have to do it
forever. l'cies are given choices, fal'cie aren't, so of course they wouldn't be given emotions. Emotions would be okay for people without a fixed goal and who have free will, but make no sense for being treated like machines. So when they do begin to emote, they have no ability to comprehend them, it's not built that way.
tl;dr- humans aren't to blame for the suckage of fal'cie. It's Lindzei/Pulse Bhuni's fault.
Which also leads me to my annoyance of Lightning working for Bhuni. He started a system of slavery, which in turned made more slaves, living things forced to do something without given a choice. Etros might have fucked everything up, but she never forced anyone to do anything.