Once upon a time in a land known as Sporks there lived a musical Dazzle Sparkle and a sarcastic Dull Girl. When Dazzle Sparkle met Dull Girl there was an immediate spark of chemistry.
Dazzle Sparkle: Hi. Umm, you smell good.
Dull Girl: Hi. You're purty.
Dazzle Sparkle and Dull Girl spent much time debating - a passion that they both shared. *foreshadow*
Dazzle Sparkle: Guess what I am.
Dull Girl: I dunno.
Dazzle Sparkle: C'mon. Whaddya think I am?
Dull Girl: Comic book character?
Dazzle Sparkle: I has a secret. *chuckles*
One sunny day Dull Girl meets Stinky Boy on a beach.
Stinky Boy: I fix cars.
Dull Girl: Why is Sparkle family not allowed on beach?
Stinky Boy: Sparkle family is Meyerpires. The same Meyerpires.
Dull Girl decides she does not care.
Dull Girl: I knows your secret.
Dazzle Sparkle: Crap. *eyes narrow*
Dull Girl: Does not matter. I lurves you!
Dazzle Sparkle: Me Lion. You Lamb. Together we Limb.
Dazzle Sparkle introduced Dull Girl to his family.
Dr. Sparkle: Welcome.
Mrs. Sparkle: You are brave to come here. We will not harm you.
Jazz Sparkle: Speak for yourself. I will stand over here by this ever present and much talked about staircase and keep my distance.
One day along came a big, bad Meyerpire named Jimmy Sparkle.
Jimmy Sparkle: I bite you.
Dull Girl: Ouch! That hurts! Srsly, my hand is on fire.
Dazzle Sparkle: I saves you!
Em Sparkle: Jimmy tastes good! *high keening sound whatever that is*
Jazz Sparkle: I has a match.
Dazzle Sparkle and Dull Girl attend prom and are very happy. Sparkle Dance. Sparkle Dance. Twirl. Sparkle Dance. Sparkle Dance. Twirl.
Dull Girl: Make me a Meyerpire.
Dazzle Sparkle: No. Never.
Then one day Dull Girl gets a paper cut.
Dazzle Sparkle: Yeah. I don't want you.
Dull Girl: Oh. Okay.
Dull Girl is sad. She finds Stinky Boy and they open up a monster garage.
Stinky Boy: These cycles rule! Oh, BTW - I lurve you!
Dull Girl: Uh, okay. But my heart still belongs to Dazzle Sparkle. But I don't mind leading you on.
Stinky Boy: I must have low self-esteem because I'll take it.
Dull Girl: Hey, my sarcasm is back since Dazzle Sparkle left. Is that a cowinky dink?
BillyBob Onyx: You look weird.
Stinky Boy's heart & uh, everything else furslpodes.
Stinky Boy: I no longer want you Dull Girl. I too has a secret.
Dull Girl throws self off cliff.
Dull Girl: Extreme sports rule! Goodbye...world...angel...*gurgle*
Crazy Sparkle: Snap out of it Dull Girl! We must go save Dazzle Sparkle!
Dull Girl: Okay.
Dull Girl slams into Dazzle Sparkle.
Dazzle Sparkle: Dr. Sparkle was right! Amazing! *chiseled chest planes, cheek bones*
Up in a castle turret far away from the maddening crowd enjoying St. Rock Sparkle Day the fate of our three friends is being decided.
Bi-Polar Sparkle: Should we kill you? No, we can't. Such a waste! But we must! No, please join us young friends.
Angry Sparkle: No! The Meyerpire laws claim them!
Rock Sparkle: I don't care.
Crazy Sparkle: I will make Dull Girl a Meyerpire.
They exit the Vulture Sparkle Debate Team city walls.
Crazy Sparkle: I'm sure glad we talked our way out of that. I bet that never happens again. *foreshadow*
Dull Girl: Make me a Meyerpire.
Dazzle Sparkle: No. Never.
So all the Sparkles and Dull Girl return to Sporks to live happily ever after. Until...
Psycho Grudge Sparkle: I will kill you Dull Girl! Your Dazzle Sparkle killed my Jimmy Sparkle. *tosses orange bozo clown hair*
Dazzle Sparkle: I will not let you hurt Dull Girl.
Stinky Boy: Yeah! I has a werewolf now! I won't let you hurt Dull Girl either!
Fight. Fight. Em Sparkle enjoys himself. Fight. Fight.
* Since the mythical residents of Sporks will never see another fight again I'll indulge a little more here reader.*
Fight. Fight. Rip. Tear. Fire. Incense.
Stinky Boy: *slobbers all over Dull Girl* Stay with me Dull Girl. I lurves you.
Dull Girl: Yeah, no can do. Dazzle Sparkle is back and the fairy tale nightmare is back on. I mean, can't you tell? My sarcasm is gone again.
Dazzle Sparkle: I will lurves Dull Girl forever. Every single day of forever.
Dull Girl: Make me a Meyerpire.
Dazzle Sparkle: No. Never.
Wedding Gown. Crazy Sparkle decorations. Music. Vows. Sparkle Dance. Twirl. Isle Esme.
Dull Girl: If you don't make sweet salt water taffy lurve to me right now I will die!
Dazzle Sparkle: Okay.
Bitten pillow. Or two. Feathers. Bruises. Broken Headboard. Ripped Lingerie. *fade to black*
Dull Girl: I don't feel so good. *vomit fried chicken*
Dazzle Sparkle: Uh, we better get you home to Sporks. Me thinks you has a demon spawn.
Airport. Dull Girl runs to Barbie Sparkle.
Dr. Sparkle: We must get rid of demon spawn.
Dazzle Sparkle: Agreed. I'll just loan Dull Girl out to Stinky Boy and that will take care of the problem.
Dull Dirl: No! I keeps the baby! I lurve him!!!
Barbie Sparkle: I'll help you Dull Girl. Think of some utterly ridiculous names to name our, I mean your baby while I get you a sippy cup full of O negative goodness.
Slurp. Slurp. Slurp. Bones breaking. Vomit. Eyes bursting. Spine cracking.
Dull Girl: Make me a Meyerpire.
Dazzle Sparkle: Huh? Sure, why not. I was just messing around all those other times. I cares not for your soul. It's not like you'll have to sacrifice anything anyways.
TWO DAY BLACKOUT NOT CAUSED BY MEYERPIRE SEXIN.
Dull Girl Sparkle: OMG! I am a super Mary Sue Meyerpire. I don't care about human blood. *yawn* I am in control of all of my emotions instantly. Watch me hunt for dinosaurs in my pale blue designer dress. Grrr.
Jazz Sparkle: *hangs head in shame* I is a failure at tofu lifestyle.
Mrs. Sparkle: *presses hands to face*
Crazy Sparkle: Wait! I made you a closet! I want to recommend a lawyer to you!
Dull Girl Sparkle returns from hunt in ripped dress and missing her Manolo Blahnik's.
Dull Girl Sparkle: Where is my Sparkle baby?
Loch Ness Sparkle: I am here momma! I just finished reading War & Peace by Tolstoy. Let me show you. *presses hands to Dull Girl Sparkle face*
Dull Girl Sparkle: Okay, enough of that. I need me some more Meyerpire sexin. *fade to black*
Dull Girl Sparkle: Okay I am back. Give me my Sparkle baby Barbie sparkle. (Say that five times fast)
Stinky Boy: Guess what Dull Girl Sparkle? I lurve Loch Ness Sparkle! We will be together in seven years.
Dull Girl Sparkle: Noooo!!!!
Bing Bong
Dr. Sparkle: Someone's at the door. I'll get it. Why, it's the Vulture Sparkle Debate Team. Come on in.
Crazy Sparkle and Jazz Sparkle run away.
Bi-Polar Sparkle: We have come to kill the Tofu Sparkle Family Unit. You has a child ripped off from an Anne Rice novel.
Angry Sparkle: Yes, my precious! Kill them all!
Rock Sparkle: I don't care.
Dull Girl Sparkle: Don't worry. I'll protect us with my Mary Sue love shield.
Dazzle Sparkle: That won't be necessary. I can hear that they only want to debate us.
Bi-Polar Sparkle: We have decided to kill you.
Dazzle Sparkle: No.
Bi-Polar Sparkle: But, we just decided. C'mon.
Dazzle Sparkle: No.
Bi-Polar Sparkle: But -
Dazzle Sparkle No.
Bi-Polar Sparkle: Okay, we leave. Sorry to bother you.
Crazy Sparkle and Jazz Sparkle return.
Dull Girl Sparkle: Oh Dazzle Sparkle. Listen to my thoughts.
Dazzle Sparkle: Ewww! All you think about is Meyerpire sexin. Oh well. I guess it will be something to do for the next couple of centuries.
And so all the Sparkles lived happily ever after. The End. *fade to black*