Fangu
Great Old One
Today I seem to be stuck. I slept in because I have night shifts this weekend and want to be somehow prepared for that. (Now I just need to stay awake until, say, 5 AM tonight. Lovely.) So now I have to take a shower. But I can't figure out if I want to work out today - I'm still a bit sore from last workout. But no point in taking that shower if I'm going to take a run anyway... so yeah I have major issues in my life.
Also, bf coming home today after 5 days away is stressing me out a bit. I never stress when he's gone, but I stress when he comes home, because I just can't get used to him being back... it sounds strange. But I get all WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? It's like wherever he is in the apt he takes up space. It always take like a couple of days for me to get used to the fact that he's back.
I think it comes from me growing up as an only child with a single parent. I like having people around because I think I was lonely a lot as a kid and didn't like that, but when I have to be alone a lot, it puts me in some kind of strange mood. Also, the fact that bf left me for 4 months to study abroad. That is, we were still together and all of that, but I strongly resented him going and he did anyway, and everyone supported him and no one supported me. Those 4 months and the time after surely were the "dark ages" of our relationship, and I guess him leaving reminds me of that time he was away - I get all cold and I stop caring about him, somehow. I think our relationship "got real" during that time, it was no longer just being in love, our realities caught up. Maybe it was for the better, but that doesn't mean I had (and is still having) a hard time about it.
I think it comes from me growing up as an only child with a single parent. I like having people around because I think I was lonely a lot as a kid and didn't like that, but when I have to be alone a lot, it puts me in some kind of strange mood. Also, the fact that bf left me for 4 months to study abroad. That is, we were still together and all of that, but I strongly resented him going and he did anyway, and everyone supported him and no one supported me. Those 4 months and the time after surely were the "dark ages" of our relationship, and I guess him leaving reminds me of that time he was away - I get all cold and I stop caring about him, somehow. I think our relationship "got real" during that time, it was no longer just being in love, our realities caught up. Maybe it was for the better, but that doesn't mean I had (and is still having) a hard time about it.