Nice try, Ergo, but everybody knows you don't get to be the world's most famous jockey by being either fat or lazy.
What we DO know is that the way you get to be a jockey is by spending some time in Corel prison. You have to be the strongest of the strong to earn the right to travel up with Ester and take your chances on the Gold Saucer racetrack. And you have to be the strongest of the strongest of the strong to win a name as the greatest jockey of all.
It's true we don't know anything about the Old Traveller of Kalm. We do know that he's old. The fighting skills of his salad days are just a memory. We don't even know for sure that he's a traveller. He might have collected all his objects by trading rather than travelling. All we know for sure is that he plans to go on a journey after he finishes trading with Cloud:
"I guess it's time to go on a journey for the souls of my departed friends......"
That kind of journey sounds more like a pilgrimage, a once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing, than a regular habit of his.
That said let's touch on a few of the things you stated previously. You mention that Joe is a legitimately nice guy. Would a nice guy stab an old man in an area that only has a rope to allow access to it's safe haven? Or would the nice guy Joe more than likely offer to help the man up into fort condor itself so he can rest?
I think the latter is more believable, and that's exactly why he will lose. Never underestimate an old person, they are angry and bitter at the youth of today and given the opportunity will shank you mid climb up a rope ladder with little regard for the concequence.
Our man is old, he probably doesn't have long left all could be argued as points against him but in truth that just makes him more dangerous. He has nothing to lose and everything to gain by taking on Joe. The guy is rich and probably carries a tonne of Gil on him. Our man could retire to the Costa del sol easily on the funds he could pilfer from Joe's cold dead corpse.
Let's also not forget that the items our man holds are literal struggle to the death items. They come from the hardest battles in the game and without him players wouldn't know how hard their sphincter could really contract. You may be correct that he may just have traded for them, but let's think about it this way. The weapons lay sleeping in northern crater all but forgotten by the world. There is literally no mention in the game that they would reside where they appear and yet this seemingly inconcequencial character just so happens to have the keys to helping you battle them and knows that they will drop these certain items if defeated?
Maybe our guy knows more than he lets on, maybe he's far more than he seems eh?
What does he do once you get all his special items? Does he sit their and await death? No he buggers off again possibly in search of the next big item that can push the limits of fighters.
Traveller does not seem like some unscrupulous 'anything to win' person. He's quiet and contemplative, intending on going on a pilgrimage for his dead friends. If he was materialistic, he'd just charge for his items, instead he gives them away for a guidebook and a rose, clearly he's not interested in money.
He doesn't say 'go kill the the most powerful monsters you can find' either, he just says he wants specific items, probably that have some kind of sentimental value to him. He doesn't know that the most dangerous monsters in the world have a thing for rare flora and music.
Traveller does not seem like some unscrupulous 'anything to win' person. He's quiet and contemplative, intending on going on a pilgrimage for his dead friends. If he was materialistic, he'd just charge for his items, instead he gives them away for a guidebook and a rose, clearly he's not interested in money.
He doesn't say 'go kill the the most powerful monsters you can find' either, he just says he wants specific items, probably that have some kind of sentimental value to him. He doesn't know that the most dangerous monsters in the world have a thing for rare flora and music.
You don't just wake up one morning and think. You know what I would love to trade this super rare materia for?? A very specific rose! I don't know where it is or who holds it but I'm certain someone in the world will find this one item I have no background information on.
He asks for these items because he knows what and where they are and who holds them!
Unlike Joe who only knows to stick his arse in the air while sprinting to the finishing line.
If he's such a great fighter why doesn't he go and get those items himself? Why does he hang around in Kalm waiting for someone like Cloud to come along, someone who can actually fight?
I've been assuming that when our noble NPCs are transported to the venue, they know why they're there. Otherwise, there's no reason for Joe and the Kalm Traveller to fight at all. They'd be much more likely to trade and swap stories. In any other situation they'd get on like a house on fire.
As completely relevant (read: not at all) as the content of the Kalm Traveller's character, curiosity and knowledge are in a physical fight, the sagely old geezer is frail enough to be totally uninterested in a fight.
Spiritless. Dead inside. Old AF. He couldn't give a toot about who wins this fight. He simply knows he wouldn't win, so he wouldn't bother.
Spunky. Fearless. Determination in his eyes. This is the look of someone who knows how to win, and wins often. If Joe has the physicality to wrangle a Chocobo and ride it into victory, then he sure as hell would know how to wrangle a drooping, limp, flaccid old man. He'd tie that rope right around the old man's arms and secure him tightly in place the way he'd secure a wild Chocobo to its post. Boom. Cornered.
That means ‘good morning’ in Japanese. I’m gonna keep misusing it cuz it’s the only greeting I know in Japanese. Besides, it’s always the morning somewhere eh??
Anyway, because Minato decided to opt out, I’ve decided to step in and help Moogle, rendering me incapable of spectating.
B
Oh, B
Can I call you B?
I think I’ll you B.
A drooping, limp, flaccid old man, eh? Oh, no, no, no. Little known fact about our humble little fellow here is that long before he was a Kalm Traveller, in his youth, he was the Wutai Traveller. He travelled extensively, specifically, in the wild and untamed beauty of Southern Wutai. There, he came across and was eventually adopted by a clan of martial artists that specialised in a form that is thousands and thousands of years old. They call this form: Wu-fu.
They taught him many things in that clan: patience, using your wit as well as your strength, endurance, and, you know, how to kick some booty if the time arises.
Observing
Training
Peeping
Trying his hand
Being a baws
My opponents cry, ‘Aha!! So if you’re saying he’s a fighting man, why doesn’t he go out himself to get kick butt and get these items??’
Because he has more important things to do!! As he learnt in Wutai, life is not all about proving how strong one is. He was wise enough to know that it would be easier and faster to ask for outside assistance in obtaining these items. He’s not a boaster! He ain’t too proud!
Unlike our Joe here….
LicoriceAllsorts is right—Joe is one of the worlds finest athletes. And boy does he know it. He wants *you* to know it, too.
Look at him.
Is all that get-up necessary? A total peacock this one!
Joe might’ve had a hard-knock life at the beginning, but what has he done since his fame? Who has he become? A narcissistic, womanizer who thinks much too much about his apperance and rides on the success of the true star of the chocobo races, Teioh.
Inside sources say that he can spend up to a good two doing just this, blowing kisses and winking at his reflection
Disgusting
As the saying goes, you are the company that you keep
Oh, yes, he can be a gentleman—when he wants to be.
The fight would play out like so—Joe, first of all, would be bothered and temperamental upon realising that he’s been whisked away to an unfamiliar and, most important, dirty land. He spent some time being in the bottom rung, he shan’t go back again! He would then see the Kalm Traveller, smiling at him gently, for he has long learnt to keep his cool in unsettling situations.
Joe would demand to know who he is, what are they doing here, and where by the Planet is his assistant?? The older man would look around, shrug, and resume smiling.
Joe would puff once and continue to ramble on trivial shit that annoys him, treating each problem as though it could mean the end of his world. The old man is unphased—he’s lived a long, full life. An overgrown brat isn’t going to shake him now. He’d turn around, observing his environment. Joe would notice…
H-how dare he?? Does the old bastard even know who he is???? He’s J O E.
The young jockey would march right up to him to throw a punch with the old man’s back turned because that’s what bullies and cowards do. Ah, but the old man would sense this and side-step, and scuff Joe’s shoes immediately afterwards.
“HEY!” Joe would exclaim, more outraged at the damage to his new cleats (??) than the fact that he missed his punch. He’d try to hit the Kalm Traveller again and the Traveller remains….wait for it…..Kalm. (badum-tsh). He side-steps and dodges Joes advances until the young man has worn himself out.
“S-stand still and fight like a man, you bastard!” he’d cry, panting for breath. That’s when the Kalm Traveller would raise a brow and decide that enough is enough. He would take a deep breath, bend his knees, ready his hands and WHACK, WHACK. He’d strike his windpipe and the side of Joe’s head, knocking him to the ground. And Joe would be too breathless to stand up and the Traveller would place a single foot on Joe’s head.
Joe would, between gasps, that demand that the bastard gets off of him.
“Admit defeat, and I’ll let you free.” he’d say kalmly.
“Never!” Joe would cry and the Traveller would dig in his heel just a little more.
“Ow! OW! Okay, you bastard! You win! Let me up!”
The Traveller would do just that and, just as he suspected, Joe would try to fight dirty and take another swing at the Traveller again. The Traveller would knock him out, look at him briefly, sniff, then walk away.
DON’T VOTE FOR JOE, JOE! HE’S NOT AS JOEY AS YOU! THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!!!!
That means ‘good morning’ in Japanese. I’m gonna keep misusing it cuz it’s the only greeting I know in Japanese. Besides, it’s always the morning somewhere eh??
Anyway, because Minato decided to opt out, I’ve decided to step in and help Moogle, rendering me incapable of spectating.
B.
Oh, B.
Can I call you B?
I think I’ll you B.
A drooping, limp, flaccid old man, eh? Oh, no, no, no. Little known fact about our humble little fellow here is that long before he was a Kalm Traveller, in his youth, he was the Wutai Traveller. He travelled extensively, specifically, in the wild and untamed beauty of Southern Wutai. There, he came across and was eventually adopted by a clan of martial artists that specialised in a form that is thousands and thousands of years old. They call this form: Wu-fu.
They taught him many things in that clan: patience, using your wit as well as your strength, endurance, and, you know, how to kick some booty if the time arises.
Observing
Training
Peeping
Trying his hand
Being a baws
My opponents cry, ‘Aha!! So if you’re saying he’s a fighting man, why doesn’t he go out himself to get kick butt and get these items??’
Because he has more important things to do!! As he learnt in Wutai, life is not all about proving how strong one is. He was wise enough to know that it would be easier and faster to ask for outside assistance in obtaining these items. He’s not a boaster! He ain’t too proud!
Wow! If this was a fake news smackdown, there's no denying Kalm Traveller would win easy. He sure knows how to doctor photos. Too bad he can't conjure up an elixir of youth for himself. There's nothing sadder than the old geezer who moans, as he's hitting the mat for the third time, "You know, sonny, in my day I could have taken you on with one hand tied behind my back." Yeah, but your day was somewhere in the middle ages, grandpa.
Unlike our Joe here….
LicoriceAllsorts is right—Joe is one of the worlds finest athletes. And boy does he know it. He wants *you* to know it, too.
Look at him.
Is all that get-up necessary? A total peacock this one!
Jockeys don't get to choose what they wear. They have to wear the colours of their mount's owner. That's their job, just like footballers have to wear their team's kit. Because - that's right - Joe is a pro athlete.
Joe might’ve had a hard-knock life at the beginning, but what has he done since his fame? Who has he become? A narcissistic, womanizer who thinks much too much about his apperance and rides on the success of the true star of the chocobo races, Teioh.
Gold Saucer is the Grand National and the Kentucky Derby of chocobo racing. When you're competing at this level, the quality of the rider matters as much as the quality of the bird.
Oh, yes, he can be a gentleman—when he wants to be.
The fight would play out like so—Joe, first of all, would be bothered and temperamental upon realising that he’s been whisked away to an unfamiliar and, most important, dirty land. He spent some time being in the bottom rung, he shan’t go back again! He would then see the Kalm Traveller, smiling at him gently, for he has long learnt to keep his cool in unsettling situations.
Joe's spent plenty enough time around chocobo stables to be used to dirt. It doesn't faze him. Nothing fazes him: he has nerves of steel. You have to be able to keep your head at all times when you're dealing with highly-strung, powerful chocobos racing at speeds that would cause you serious injury if you made a mistake or fell.
How exactly has the old man long learned to keep his cool?
Joe would demand to know who he is, what are they doing here, and where by the Planet is his assistant?? The older man would look around, shrug, and resume smiling.
Joe would puff once and continue to ramble on trivial shit that annoys him, treating each problem as though it could mean the end of his world. The old man is unphased—he’s lived a long, full life. An overgrown brat isn’t going to shake him now. He’d turn around, observing his environment. Joe would notice…
H-how dare he?? Does the old bastard even know who he is???? He’s J O E.
The young jockey would march right up to him to throw a punch with the old man’s back turned because that’s what bullies and cowards do. Ah, but the old man would sense this and side-step, and scuff Joe’s shoes immediately afterwards.
“HEY!” Joe would exclaim, more outraged at the damage to his new cleats (??) than the fact that he missed his punch. He’d try to hit the Kalm Traveller again and the Traveller remains….wait for it…..Kalm. (badum-tsh). He side-steps and dodges Joes advances until the young man has worn himself out.
“S-stand still and fight like a man, you bastard!” he’d cry, panting for breath. That’s when the Kalm Traveller would raise a brow and decide that enough is enough. He would take a deep breath, bend his knees, ready his hands and WHACK, WHACK. He’d strike his windpipe and the side of Joe’s head, knocking him to the ground. And Joe would be too breathless to stand up and the Traveller would place a single foot on Joe’s head.
Joe would, between gasps, that demand that the bastard gets off of him.
“Admit defeat, and I’ll let you free.” he’d say kalmly.
“Never!” Joe would cry and the Traveller would dig in his heel just a little more.
“Ow! OW! Okay, you bastard! You win! Let me up!”
The Traveller would do just that and, just as he suspected, Joe would try to fight dirty and take another swing at the Traveller again. The Traveller would knock him out, look at him briefly, sniff, then walk away.
DON’T VOTE FOR JOE, JOE! HE’S NOT AS JOEY AS YOU! THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!!!!
Considering the fact that Joe is widely known as a gentleman, and considering the calm and polite way he handled finding Cloud in the weighing room with his lady-love Ester, one can only applaud the above as a fantastical work of total fiction.
Joe is consulting his lawyer about the slander. Bully, indeed!
HEY GRANDPA, THE 1850s TELEGRAMMED; THEY WANT SLUT-SHAMING BACK. Très uncool. The opposite of a gentleman that respects women, like Joe. Unworthy of being Joe's opponent.
As completely relevant (read: not at all) as the content of the Kalm Traveller's character, curiosity and knowledge are in a physical fight, the sagely old geezer is frail enough to be totally uninterested in a fight.
Spiritless. Dead inside. Old AF. He couldn't give a toot about who wins this fight. He simply knows he wouldn't win, so he wouldn't bother.
Spunky. Fearless. Determination in his eyes. This is the look of someone who knows how to win, and wins often. If Joe has the physicality to wrangle a Chocobo and ride it into victory, then he sure as hell would know how to wrangle a drooping, limp, flaccid old man. He'd tie that rope right around the old man's arms and secure him tightly in place the way he'd secure a wild Chocobo to its post. Boom. Cornered.
As completely relevant (read: not at all) as the content of the Kalm Traveller's character, curiosity and knowledge are in a physical fight, the sagely old geezer is frail enough to be totally uninterested in a fight.
Spiritless. Dead inside. Old AF. He couldn't give a toot about who wins this fight. He simply knows he wouldn't win, so he wouldn't bother.
Spunky. Fearless. Determination in his eyes. This is the look of someone who knows how to win, and wins often. If Joe has the physicality to wrangle a Chocobo and ride it into victory, then he sure as hell would know how to wrangle a drooping, limp, flaccid old man. He'd tie that rope right around the old man's arms and secure him tightly in place the way he'd secure a wild Chocobo to its post. Boom. Cornered.
Nothing wrong with wanting what the heart wants. Joe isn't afraid to be himself. He isn't afraid of anything at all, unlike some old geezers out there that don't even know how to be true to themselves. If one can't even be true to themselves, how are they supposed to be a master fighter of Wu-Fu? Just yet another example of fake news. Sad!
Wow! If this was a fake news smackdown, there's no denying Kalm Traveller would win easy. He sure knows how to doctor photos. Too bad he can't conjure up an elixir of youth for himself. There's nothing sadder than the old geezer who moans, as he's hitting the mat for the third time, "You know, sonny, in my day I could have taken you on with one hand tied behind my back." Yeah, but your day was somewhere in the middle ages, grandpa.
^Speaking of doctored photos! The colour of his face doesn't even match the rest of his body!! Joe wouldn't happen to be friends with Johnny, would he? Riding on the backs of stronger men as always-- or at least, putting his face over them! FAKE NEWS!!
Fancy said:
Unlike our Joe here….
LicoriceAllsorts is right—Joe is one of the worlds finest athletes. And boy does he know it. He wants *you* to know it, too.
Look at him.
Is all that get-up necessary? A total peacock this one!
Jockeys don't get to choose what they wear. They have to wear the colours of their mount's owner. That's their job, just like footballers have to wear their team's kit. Because - that's right - Joe is a pro athlete.
Gold Saucer is the Grand National and the Kentucky Derby of chocobo racing. When you're competing at this level, the quality of the rider matters as much as the quality of the bird.
And are we sure that the whole, 'You wear what the mount owner wants you to.' counts here? Why is it that every other rider is indistinguishable from each other except Joe and Cloud?
So it seems he chooses to ride his bird with a loud coat and a friggin' top hat becuse he's nuts and has convinced himself that he looks good in that get-up.
LicoriceAllsorts said:
Fancy said:
Oh, yes, he can be a gentleman—when he wants to be.
Joe would demand to know who he is, what are they doing here, and where by the Planet is his assistant?? The older man would look around, shrug, and resume smiling.
Joe would puff once and continue to ramble on trivial shit that annoys him, treating each problem as though it could mean the end of his world. The old man is unphased—he’s lived a long, full life. An overgrown brat isn’t going to shake him now. He’d turn around, observing his environment. Joe would notice…
H-how dare he?? Does the old bastard even know who he is???? He’s J O E.
The young jockey would march right up to him to throw a punch with the old man’s back turned because that’s what bullies and cowards do. Ah, but the old man would sense this and side-step, and scuff Joe’s shoes immediately afterwards.
“HEY!” Joe would exclaim, more outraged at the damage to his new cleats (??) than the fact that he missed his punch. He’d try to hit the Kalm Traveller again and the Traveller remains….wait for it…..Kalm. (badum-tsh). He side-steps and dodges Joes advances until the young man has worn himself out.
“S-stand still and fight like a man, you bastard!” he’d cry, panting for breath. That’s when the Kalm Traveller would raise a brow and decide that enough is enough. He would take a deep breath, bend his knees, ready his hands and WHACK, WHACK. He’d strike his windpipe and the side of Joe’s head, knocking him to the ground. And Joe would be too breathless to stand up and the Traveller would place a single foot on Joe’s head.
Joe would, between gasps, that demand that the bastard gets off of him.
“Admit defeat, and I’ll let you free.” he’d say kalmly.
“Never!” Joe would cry and the Traveller would dig in his heel just a little more.
“Ow! OW! Okay, you bastard! You win! Let me up!”
The Traveller would do just that and, just as he suspected, Joe would try to fight dirty and take another swing at the Traveller again. The Traveller would knock him out, look at him briefly, sniff, then walk away.
DON’T VOTE FOR JOE, JOE! HE’S NOT AS JOEY AS YOU! THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!!!!
Considering the fact that Joe is widely known as a gentleman, and considering the calm and polite way he handled finding Cloud in the weighing room with his lady-love Ester, one can only applaud the above as a fantastical work of total fiction.
Joe is consulting his lawyer about the slander. Bully, indeed!
If the player has a chocobo with less than 120 max speed and less than 450 stamina and enters in a Rank S race, Teioh will be worse than the other computer players. If Joe finishes 3rd, 4th, or 5th, Teioh will hang his head down and Joe will get angry.
Nothing wrong with wanting what the heart wants. Joe isn't afraid to be himself. He isn't afraid of anything at all, unlike some old geezers out there that don't even know how to be true to themselves. If one can't even be true to themselves, how are they supposed to be a master fighter of Wu-Fu? Just yet another example of fake news. Sad!
You don't just wake up one morning and think. You know what I would love to trade this super rare materia for?? A very specific rose! I don't know where it is or who holds it but I'm certain someone in the world will find this one item I have no background information on.
He asks for these items because he knows what and where they are and who holds them!
If they were all on the most dangerous monsters, you might have a point, but the guidebook is held by a much weaker one. If he knew where they were and wanted them so badly, he'd just give directions.
I contend that the Desert Rose is just a Rose that grows in the Corel Desert -rare and difficult to find, yes, but by not in the possession of Ruby Weapon so much as uprooted by it by chance. The other two items are underwater, likely dropped by the traveller when swimming around somewhere in his youth using his Underwater materia.
In spite of Fancy's photography skills, (Joe did not give permission for use of his image btw), she has found largely footage of Traveller standing in the background. The one fight he's in, he's losing, and clearly about to be flipped over by that overextended arm.
Teioh is mountain Chocobo, and the fight is in a mountain. Home ground.
I feel like it's likely to be a cavalry engagement, at which point Teioh has the Traveller's Chocobo's stats, plus bonuses. No martial arts skills can save you from 800kgs of prime racing bird at full speed.
Edit: Re costuming, obviously the costumes are handicaps. He's so good that he needs to give the others a fighting chance by order of Dio. And CLoud's just not a good enough jockey to understand proper safety gear.
The battle is between Joe and the kalm traveller not Joe his chocobo and the kalm traveller. Of were bringing in mounts I see your chocobo and raise you the kalm traveller actually rides into battle atop ruby weapon.
So far the opposition has revealed startling revelations around their famous chocobo racer.
1. He's a narcissist who's obviously peacocking - it was claimed jockeys can't choose their outfit yet we know first hand that cloud can participate whenever he wants wearing his token purple boiler suit and as my esteemed partner in crime also shown, no other athlete wears a tophat.
2) Joe may in fact be a brony
If Joe has the physicality to wrangle a Chocobo and ride it into victory, then he sure as hell would know how to wrangle a drooping, limp, flaccid old man. He'd tie that rope right around the old man's arms and secure him tightly in place the way he'd secure a wild Chocobo to its post. Boom. Cornered.
What more can we say to that eh?
Kinda speaks to the true value of the man that he looks at an old man and thinks to himself. "You know what he would look great on all 4's with a saddle on his back and a gag in his mouth"
This is hardly indicative to the noble man our opposition previously tried to depict.
Spectators (and the audience!*) have 24 hours to cast their votes (either by posting in this thread or messaging me privately) for the champion that they have been swayed to stand behind. Our esteemed spectators this round are...
solo player sab
At this time, spectators and audience members are allowed to post their thoughts on the match. Players are NOT ALLOWED to counter any of these comments with new arguments or to continue ‘battling’ in general. Any attempt to do so will count as an automatic loss for your team. Players are free, however, to pay compliments to your opponents and such. ^^
Players!
If you’d like to opt out of participating in the next round, tell me so now.. Otherwise, I’m going to assume you’re still playing and you’re going to be reshuffled into a new team.
In General
If anyone (players, spectators, audience, anyone) has any feedback, questions, or concerns regarding the rules, please post that in the master thread here. It’ll be easier for me to keep track of/find your feedback this way for future reference. Thank you!
Any non-participant who’d like to be shuffled into a team, please say so now.
It’s hilarious!! And it’s all you can do, methinks, what with a good chunk of these characters having so little information on them (some don’t even have so much as an article stub). So folks might as well go for it if they believe their ‘fake news’ is plausible enough, haha!
Right!? That’s why I tried so hard to assassinate Joe’s character and discredit him as this spoilt jerk. It’s essentially what I did with Johnny, except Johnny actually had some canonical evidence set against him that made the pitch easier to sell.
I might’ve gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for the Joe the Firemen pictures LOL! After that it was like
Clearly, I’m the rando in white.
Bwahahaha but I loved it.
Thanks for the compliment by the way. ^^ Hahaha, no one can say that I don’t try!
So folks might as well go for it if they believe their ‘fake news’ is plausible enough, haha!
