FFVII CHARACTER SMACKDOWN - The Neutrals Championship
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LicoriceAllsorts
Donator
Double poast!
That's just what Noppo wants you to believe, until he lures you and Brad into his master's lair.
Unlike the chocobo driver, Noppo can truly time travel. Here's a rare video clip in which he explains the method to some guests at the Ghost Hotel:
That's just what Noppo wants you to believe, until he lures you and Brad into his master's lair.
Unlike the chocobo driver, Noppo can truly time travel. Here's a rare video clip in which he explains the method to some guests at the Ghost Hotel:
LicoriceAllsorts
Donator
Noppo travels back in time to that nanoscond right after he threw the first punch at Big Bro's face, and hits him again before Big Bro has time to throw his own punch. Then he travels back in time to the nanosecond after that, and so on....
InterfaceLeader
Pro Adventurer
Let's be honest: Big Bro cares much more about being cute than about winning. All Noppo needs to is offer up a free make-over and access to the Ghost Hotel's extensive collection of wigs, and Big Bro would forfeit in a heart beat.
Big Bro wants nothing to do with your testosterone fuelled death match when he could be glamming up for his own fashion show.
Big Bro wants nothing to do with your testosterone fuelled death match when he could be glamming up for his own fashion show.
fancy
pants
- AKA
- Fancy
Noppo/Pete might be able to pull that off twice or thrice before before he wears his own hand out. He spends all day at the hotel—no matter what point in time you visit, he’ll be there. With the impossibly long shift that he works, he only has time to work, eat, and sleep. In other words, no gym time for this scrawny fella. So even if he were to time warp and get a couple of hits on Big Bro, there wouldn’t be much power behind the motion. He probably doesn’t even know how to throw a proper punch.
Big Bro on the other hand, well, you don’t gain the respect in the wrestling world without being able to take a couple of hits—especially when you consider that they’re coming from an third-rate clown who has no respect for the art of wrestling. And after Noppo/Pete breaks his own hand on Big Bro’s steel-like jaw, Big Bro can quickly body slam the disorientated and aching Noppo/Pete
Let's be honest: Big Bro cares much more about being cute than about winning. All Noppo needs to is offer up a free make-over and access to the Ghost Hotel's extensive collection of wigs, and Big Bro would forfeit in a heart beat.
Big Bro wants nothing to do with your testosterone fuelled death match when he could be glamming up for his own fashion show.
Big Bro may be a cross dressing enthusiast, but he’s no buffoon! In the world of wrestling, there’s a motto that every champ abides by: eyes on the prize. The wigs could very well be that prize! But he wouldn’t dare lose. He’d out up a fight, knock Noppo/Pete flat on his ass, and then take those wigs for himself.
Yo.
Do y’all hear that?
I hear a beat dropping.
Uh, yeah, what
Y’all try to play like Noppo/Pete’s got all the power
But Biggy Bro’s got it, he beats folks by the hour
Pete’s skinny arms and legs be snappin’ up like twiggies
You better turn away, this ain’t safe for the kiddies!
Training like everyday, Big Bro’s got all the muscle
He’s focused in on winnin, all he know is ‘hustle’
Ya boy Pete don’t stand a chance
his defeat will be quick
He’ll try the time warp dance
but by then he’ll be RIP
Yo judges, can’t you see? Big Bro’s got rights to hella boast.
Cuz when he’s done with Pete, Noppo will be a real ghost.
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Roger
He/him
- AKA
- Minato
The obvious and most simple answer to Noppo's work schedule is that he can't work anywhere else. This is obviously an emaciated unhealthy individual who doesn't possess transverable life skills beyond an creepy appearance that can be further enhanced by make up. He has exploited all his life by Dio in this way. Forced to man the counter at a hotel where no sunlight reaches him and even if he sneaks some bedtime in one of the rooms he'll have an intensily uncomfortable time.
Big Bro is one of Midgar's foremost martial artists and a force of personality that forces loyalty in those around Bro besides that. Bro can punch a man twice their size out in one hit and said person will be more hurt by the fact that he lost his bid to obtain one of Big Bro vaunted wigs.
It's difficult to imagine Noppo even being willing to put a fight against Big Bro should a confrontation between them come about.
The other less plausible explanation to Noppo's life of course is that Noppo is exactly what his appearance implies, a classic Nosferatu. This means that the location of the fight leaves him at a tremendous disadvantage. Not only is it clearly broad daylight but Noppo find himself in the desert sun in a town that mostly offers tentfoil for cover and small buildings with holes in the ceilings.
The fight would then likely involve Noppo scampering into the nearest shadows and Bro hurtling rocks at Noppo's cover with their Herculean strength. Either way, Big Bro won't lose to this poor indentured manservant, rather is Noppo's best hope to be enter a new life where he might not be taken advantage of for his appearance.
Big Bro is one of Midgar's foremost martial artists and a force of personality that forces loyalty in those around Bro besides that. Bro can punch a man twice their size out in one hit and said person will be more hurt by the fact that he lost his bid to obtain one of Big Bro vaunted wigs.
It's difficult to imagine Noppo even being willing to put a fight against Big Bro should a confrontation between them come about.
The other less plausible explanation to Noppo's life of course is that Noppo is exactly what his appearance implies, a classic Nosferatu. This means that the location of the fight leaves him at a tremendous disadvantage. Not only is it clearly broad daylight but Noppo find himself in the desert sun in a town that mostly offers tentfoil for cover and small buildings with holes in the ceilings.
The fight would then likely involve Noppo scampering into the nearest shadows and Bro hurtling rocks at Noppo's cover with their Herculean strength. Either way, Big Bro won't lose to this poor indentured manservant, rather is Noppo's best hope to be enter a new life where he might not be taken advantage of for his appearance.
InterfaceLeader
Pro Adventurer
No transferable life skills? Have you ever tried to run a hotel? Noppo's dealt with everything from drunk and unruly guests to thieving employees, all without allowing a single moment of stress to interfere with the charming and unruffled service he provides to his treasured guests.
We all know that wrestling is a scripted wink wink nudge nudge sport, where the winner is determined less by fighting ability and more by their ability to spin a convincing back story. That's why Big Bro rocks at the sport; nobody can deny his charisma and natural showmanship... but a martial artist he isn't.
Our hotelier on the other hand figured out how to travel through time via the power of dance -- not to draw attention to himself, no, nor for fame and fortune -- but simply so he could provide the best possible service for his guests. Anticipating needs is this guy's middle name.
A trip to North Corel is barely a hardship for him, whereas Big Bro will be exhausted from the long journey.
Noppo doesn't work at the most prestigious hotel in the most exciting place in the world because he has to. He does it because he is, quite simply, the best.
And he'll swiftly kick Big Bro's arse to the curb, just so he can get back to his beloved hotel.
Roger
He/him
- AKA
- Minato
Big Bro has maintained perfect order in his gym, Noppo allowed theft by Cait Sith from another guest room to go on under his roof, these claims of Noppo's diligence that require temporal manipulation don't ring true to me at all. As for getting to North Corel, Big Bro can pay for passage to the Corel Continent as he is the owner of a thriving business and is his own man.
The Ghost Hotel on the other hand must ALWAYS stay business no matter what happens in the world. Noppo isn't welcome to leave the Gold Saucer, him requiring to attempt to do so will likely see him thrown down to prison, after which he must traverse the desert and probably pass through the Sand Worm's digestive system on his way to the destination, an experience which he will go through as the rules of the Smackdown don't allow for failure to be at the location specified.
Channy
Bad Habit
- AKA
- Ruby Rose, Lucy
Quite frankly, Big Bro wouldn't even need to fight Noppo - just challenge him to a squat-off.
Look at this scrud? I don't think he's seen a leg day in this, or any century. He'd barely get through one, maaaaaybe two, before his osteoarthritis kicked in, rendering him completely incapacitated.
It's not even a fair fight
Look at this scrud? I don't think he's seen a leg day in this, or any century. He'd barely get through one, maaaaaybe two, before his osteoarthritis kicked in, rendering him completely incapacitated.
It's not even a fair fight
InterfaceLeader
Pro Adventurer
If Noppo was dumb enough to accept a squat-off as the terms of the competition then sure, his love of dancing through time rather than repetitively performing a mediocre bodyweight exercise would put him at a disadvantage.
But he isn't dumb, and he'd definitely just step forward a few decades in time to Big Bro's demise from natural causes, be declared the winner, then head back in time to resume his post at the hotel with nary a soul realising he'd been away.
As my esteemed fellow debater LiquoriceAllsorts pointed out...
It's just a jump to the left
And then a step to the right
But he isn't dumb, and he'd definitely just step forward a few decades in time to Big Bro's demise from natural causes, be declared the winner, then head back in time to resume his post at the hotel with nary a soul realising he'd been away.
As my esteemed fellow debater LiquoriceAllsorts pointed out...
It's just a jump to the left
And then a step to the right
Clement Rage
Pro Adventurer
If there's one thing these tournaments have taught us, it's that time travel isn't an automatic win, we've had like four timelords so far.
Noppo can rely on Dio's security to deal with troublemakers, meanwhile, Big Bro has to run his gym on his own, in a gang infested slum.
Wall Market doesn't seem like the place where, shall we say, alternative lifestyles, are tolerated (the Honey Bee Inn doesn't count as it's Shinra backed). Observe Skotch's reaction to Cloud taking off his dress.
In this environment, Big Bro is able to not only run his gym but command total respect from his customers, literally sending one of his disciples (a big, strong man that works out) flying when the unfortunate soul says the wrong thing. Despite the Corneos not liking his lifestyle, these armed mobsters don't dare cross Big Bro's gym.
Noppo can rely on Gold Saucer security in a pinch, he's likely never had to deal with anything himself. Add his emaciated appearance and tendency to burst into flames in direct sunlight and he's in serious trouble.
Noppo can rely on Dio's security to deal with troublemakers, meanwhile, Big Bro has to run his gym on his own, in a gang infested slum.
Wall Market doesn't seem like the place where, shall we say, alternative lifestyles, are tolerated (the Honey Bee Inn doesn't count as it's Shinra backed). Observe Skotch's reaction to Cloud taking off his dress.
And then they all pull guns.
In this environment, Big Bro is able to not only run his gym but command total respect from his customers, literally sending one of his disciples (a big, strong man that works out) flying when the unfortunate soul says the wrong thing. Despite the Corneos not liking his lifestyle, these armed mobsters don't dare cross Big Bro's gym.
Noppo can rely on Gold Saucer security in a pinch, he's likely never had to deal with anything himself. Add his emaciated appearance and tendency to burst into flames in direct sunlight and he's in serious trouble.
Mother
Pro Adventurer
- AKA
- B
Mhmm, okay, uh, uh, check this shit
Who the fuck is Pete? Ain’t nobody know ‘im
The truth of the matter is you just desperate to win
Blowing hot steam like ya life depends on these moments
But all I hear are lies from our Moogle opponents
It ain’t even embarrassing to lose to a ghoul
All o' Gaia knows Noppo’s wrath now don’t be a fool
From Sephiroth to Ruby Weapon to the hotel guests
He's the Gold Saucer Guardian, and in the words of Yoda, “To know, you best.”
Keepin' the ‘Saucer safe from hella monsters and warfare
Untouchable even by the silver-haired mothafucka with the sunsilk-ass hair
Biggy "Smaller Than Small" Bro acts tough with that gung-ho demeanour
But he actually hates to fight and chafe his baby-smooth fingers
In fact, perfectly waxed legs would be sprintin' the hell away from ol' Noppo
Wakin’ all the creatures of the desert cause his coward ass’ll be yelling, “NOPE-O!”
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LicoriceAllsorts
Donator
It isn't Big Bro who runs the gym, it's the Beautiful Bro.
fancy
pants
- AKA
- Fancy
FIN!!
This marks the end of round 1-7!
Spectators (and the audience!*) have 24 hours to cast their votes (either by posting in this thread or messaging me privately) for the champion that they have been swayed to stand behind. Your judge is...
solo player sab
At this time, spectators and audience members are allowed to post their thoughts on the match. Players are NOT ALLOWED to counter any of these comments with new arguments or to continue ‘battling’ in general. Any attempt to do so will count as an automatic loss for your team. Players are free, however, to pay compliments to your opponents and such. ^^
Players!
If you’d like to opt out of participating in the next round, tell me so now.. Otherwise, I’m going to assume you’re still playing and you’re going to be reshuffled into a new team.
In General
If anyone (players, spectators, audience, anyone) has any feedback, questions, or concerns regarding the rules, please post that in the master thread here. It’ll be easier for me to keep track of/find your feedback this way for future reference. Thank you!
Any non-participant who’d like to be shuffled into a team, please say so now.
LicoriceAllsorts
Donator
That was a rather slow round.
InterfaceLeader
Pro Adventurer
It was a slow round (I was on a plane and then jetlagged to death, sorry!) but I think your posting the clip from Rocky Horror Picture Show was a stroke of genius 
fancy
pants
- AKA
- Fancy
^Right, which was why I thought now would be the time to take a break if any. I noticed that the momentum of these rounds has been slowing down bit by bit anyway, but the 24 hours of dead air was something of a red flag for me 
.
The usual recess might last a bit longer as I’d like to hear everyone’s opinion on it before I reroll teams. Should we go forth with the fortnight break or do we wanna try to pull through two more rounds of this game? Again, the players make the game, but if there are some who’ve lost enthusiasm and need a breather, let me know!
Thanks for everything! Oi, and glad to have you back in the fold, Ergo!
EDIT: NINJA’D! Agreed, the time warp was one of my favourite bits. It’s uncanny how much Noppo looks like Riff Raff. I hadn’t even considered that when I photoshopped him looking “civvie”
. The usual recess might last a bit longer as I’d like to hear everyone’s opinion on it before I reroll teams. Should we go forth with the fortnight break or do we wanna try to pull through two more rounds of this game? Again, the players make the game, but if there are some who’ve lost enthusiasm and need a breather, let me know!
Thanks for everything! Oi, and glad to have you back in the fold, Ergo!
EDIT: NINJA’D! Agreed, the time warp was one of my favourite bits. It’s uncanny how much Noppo looks like Riff Raff. I hadn’t even considered that when I photoshopped him looking “civvie”
Clement Rage
Pro Adventurer
I'm not sure it's fatigue so much as 'who the hell is Noppo?'
My vote is keep going, we can wrap up Round 1 closer to Borderlands kicking off (which better be good, Fancy! *shakes fist*)
My vote is keep going, we can wrap up Round 1 closer to Borderlands kicking off (which better be good, Fancy! *shakes fist*)
LicoriceAllsorts
Donator
Two more rounds, please.
fancy
pants
- AKA
- Fancy
ROUND 1-7 WINNER
Thank you to spectators and audience members who voted!
VICTORY GOES TO TEAM MOOGLE
Let’s push through these next two rounds. Recess will last a little longer as to give players an opportunity to step in or step back!
Thank you to spectators and audience members who voted!
VICTORY GOES TO TEAM MOOGLE
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*FancySycamoreTree*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧
- BforB
- Channy
- Clement Rage
- Ergo Proxy
- Fancy (will spectate or play if neccesary)
- Joe - spectating (when he has the time)
- InterfaceLeader (on weekends)
- LicoriceAllsorts
- solo player sab - spectating
Let’s push through these next two rounds. Recess will last a little longer as to give players an opportunity to step in or step back!
LicoriceAllsorts
Donator
Gasp!
