FFVII CHARACTER SMACKDOWN - The Neutrals Championship

[Roger]

Let's talk about equipment. AT the peak of Cloud's career as a professional chocobo racer, Ester rewards him with Sprint Shoes (automatically start battle with Haste), Cat's Bell (Recover HP with every step), a Chocobracelet (provides formidable Defense, Magic Defense, Dexterity and Luck stats) and a Counterattack Materia. I don't think this poor child is capable of harming Ester decked out such as she is, and Counterattack being an automatic ability, Ester can even avoid killing Billy in self defense. It will be a terribly tragic display but the victor here cannot really be in dispute.

 

[fancy]

SHITE STARTED FROM RIGHT UNDER MY NOSE

Let the record show that the battle phase of Round 1-9 was initiated by Team Chocobo on 3 June, 14:20 GMT.

All players have until...
5 June, 14:20 GMT
...to sway their spectators.

Here's a link to a time zone converter in case anyone needs it.

Final round for a little while! Best of luck!

 

[InterfaceLeader]

Let's talk about equipment. AT the peak of Cloud's career as a professional chocobo racer, Ester rewards him with Sprint Shoes (automatically start battle with Haste), Cat's Bell (Recover HP with every step), a Chocobracelet (provides formidable Defense, Magic Defense, Dexterity and Luck stats) and a Counterattack Materia. I don't think this poor child is capable of harming Ester decked out such as she is, and Counterattack being an automatic ability, Ester can even avoid killing Billy in self defense. It will be a terribly tragic display but the victor here cannot really be in dispute.

Is it Ester who gives out these rewards, or is the Gold Saucer? I think you'll find Ester wouldn't wear Sprint Shoes - they wouldn't match her ensemble.

Spoiler

Look at those booties. The magic is in the aesthetic, not the speed.

I'm not going to deny Choco Billy is strong, because that's the same argument I used in defense of Chloe: working on a farm builds muscles. And that's Billy: all brawn and very little brain. Yes, sadly he's a bit of a local yokel. He's not smart enough to run the farm. Choco Bill does that; Choco Bill handles all the finances. Choco Billy isn't even allowed in the house: he stays in the barn to answer questions. But not just any questions. He has a small set of questions whose answers he has memorised, and that's it, that's all he can tell you. He always offers you the same options in the same order, even if he's just answered one of them. He can't take them questions out of order; it would muddle him too much. Why, even when you only have one chocobo in the yard, he asks you which one you want to put in the stable!

An idiot savant? He runs the vegetable store, selling a wide variety of greens and nuts -- and that means he has a great skill in recognising different plant life. He's a merchant and a botanist, both of which require quick wits and a good memory.


As to not being allowed in the house, why would Choco Bill have a room with three beds, if not to sleep himself and his two grandkids? No, they all bed down there, except when they have rented it out to travellers, at which point they all sleep in the stables. Choco Billy doesn't mind sleeping rough - whereas Ester probably throws a fit if she doesn't get a feather mattress stuffed with the finest Chocobo down!

 

[LicoriceAllsorts]

I'm not going to deny that Ester appreciates the good things in life, but that doesn't mean she can't rough it and tough it when she needs to. We're talking about a woman who's equally at ease down in Corel Prison or up in the winner's enclosure of Gold Saucer. This lady know how to conduct herself in every situation.

She doesn't 'throw a fit' when Mr Coats insults her; she doesn't 'throw a fit' when Cloud loses a race. She just gets on and does what needs to be done. Choco Billy can't do a thing unless someone gives him an order. He's a boy who needs to be taken in hand and she's the woman to do it.

 

[fancy]

Ester? Wouldn't Miss Her!

The shock! The horror! The attempts at defamation of the innocent choco family! Enough Team Moogle!

Choco Billy comes from humble roots—a family-owned farm on the far east side of the eastern continent, far far away from the hustle and bustle of Midgar and city life. But Pappy, as Choco Billy affectionately calls his grandpa, ain’t rear no fool!

Speaking of his grandfather…

Ain’t it curious that he’s the sole caretaker of the two kids on his farm? What happened to Choco William, his father, or Chana, his mother?

Chocobo. That’s what happened.

Everyone thinks chocobos are these cute, fluffy creatures who will just eat out of any randy’s hand and be domesticated. NAH. A step too close to a nest of baby chocobos with it’s mother about and these birds will maul the shit out of you with their razor sharp beaks. And that’s what happened to William and Chana. They took that step too close. And Billy might’ve fallen victim to the same fate if he hadn’t been so quick on his feet. The piece of bandage across his nose serves as a constant reminder of that day.

So, excuse him if he comes across as a little slow or needs to ask the same questions over and over when you greet. He needs that sort of order in his life after suffering such chaos and trauma!

You see, women like Ester can’t appreciate this sort of thing. She handles birds that have already been domesticated. Bird with spirits that have long been broken. And when she says she’s ‘handled’ by the way, she’s actually referring to her assistants, but they’re “not like real people,” so why would she credit them, right? Tsk tsk. Typical of the spoiled and rich. But folks like the choco family...?

I want you to look again at that piece of bandage and remember his fallen parents.

Ester would underestimate Choco Billy. She’s a busy woman—she doesn’t have time to be bothered with snot-nosed brats! Or so she would think. She’d approach Billy ready to bully him into submission, but Billy would surprise her. He’s resourceful—you learn to be that way when you deal with killer chocobos on a regular basis. He’d grab the latest issue of SHINRA MONTHLY off one of those lounge tables, roll it right up, and give Ester a good WHACK there and WHACK here, weaving in between her legs and using his seemingly boundless stamina to dodge her attempts to stop him and ducking into hard-to-fit spaces. Maybe he’d chew a piece of gum, macgyver a sling-shot out of rubber bands, and fling it into her hair. The possibilities are endless.

Moogle suggests that Ester isn’t a woman easily frustrated. Well, today is that day that patience is worn right out.

 

[Clement Rage]

Think my colleagues have this covered, but anyway...

Any Chocobo handling bonuses apply to both of these characters and cancel out.

But Ester doesn't just deal with Chocobos. She also deals with criminals, both to help them escape Corel prison and because fraudsters and strongarms are easly drawn to high stakes gambling. You need to be hardcore to keep your favourite bird from being poisoned by a rival or a jockey's legs broken by the Corneos because they won a race they were meant to lose. Ester has lived this long by being quick on the draw and taking no prisoners, in the high stakes world of professional gambling. Choco Billy, on the other hand, is only challenged by taking care of Chocobos that are well secured in stables (he doesn't even need to catch any himself.)

 

[fancy]

​

Friendly reminder to players that as of the 4 June, 14:21 GMT, you have less than 24 hours to sway Spectators.

Here's a link to a time zone converter in case anyone needs it.

Keep on keepin’ on!

 

[InterfaceLeader]

But Ester doesn't just deal with Chocobos. She also deals with criminals, both to help them escape Corel prison and because fraudsters and strongarms are easly drawn to high stakes gambling. You need to be hardcore to keep your favourite bird from being poisoned by a rival or a jockey's legs broken by the Corneos because they won a race they were meant to lose. Ester has lived this long by being quick on the draw and taking no prisoners, in the high stakes world of professional gambling. Choco Billy, on the other hand, is only challenged by taking care of Chocobos that are well secured in stables (he doesn't even need to catch any himself.)

Ester doesn't 'deal with criminals'. She's the pretty face that represents a well-oiled machine. Dyne/Mr Coates is the one who decides who gets to go up to race. And the Chocobo Races themselves are well managed by Dio and his crew (with a little help from Shinra themselves). Ester is the glorified elevator operator, who imparts a few tips on jockeying on the way.

She may have raised a few well-bred chocobo... but almost certainly with the help of a staff. For the most part, she just seems to stand around in the foyer of the chocobo square, watching the screens. How many successful jockey's has she even coached, anyway? What does she even do? Is that elevator pitch the sole extant of her 'coaching'?

Whereas Billy is always hard at work, feeding, mating, and exercising chocobo - many of which have been caught in the wild, and are difficult to handle!

 

[LicoriceAllsorts]

Ester doesn't 'deal with criminals'. She's the pretty face that represents a well-oiled machine. Dyne/Mr Coates is the one who decides who gets to go up to race. And the Chocobo Races themselves are well managed by Dio and his crew (with a little help from Shinra themselves). Ester is the glorified elevator operator, who imparts a few tips on jockeying on the way.

She may have raised a few well-bred chocobo... but almost certainly with the help of a staff. For the most part, she just seems to stand around in the foyer of the chocobo square, watching the screens. How many successful jockey's has she even coached, anyway? What does she even do? Is that elevator pitch the sole extant of her 'coaching'?

Whereas Billy is always hard at work, feeding, mating, and exercising chocobo - many of which have been caught in the wild, and are difficult to handle!

Yes, Billy is always hard at work.... standing there waiting for someone to ask him questions. When do we ever see him feeding chocobos, exercising chocobos, mucking out the chocobo stalls, mating chocobos? He just tells the customers what to do and then they do it.

Whereas with Ester we know for a fact that she's a hard working gal. Coates himself says, "There's no better manager in the races." She knows everything there is to know about how to handle chocobos and race to win. Her services are highly sought after. If you're with Ester, then everybody knows you're an up and coming jockey. She trains chocobos that don't lose easily. And, finally, she has the ear and trust of Dio. When she tells him Cloud and co were framed, he immediately believes her.

Ester is a woman of importance at Gold Saucer, and all the men respect her, not for what she looks like, but for the quality of the work she does.

 

[Roger]

But Ester doesn't just deal with Chocobos. She also deals with criminals, both to help them escape Corel prison and because fraudsters and strongarms are easly drawn to high stakes gambling. You need to be hardcore to keep your favourite bird from being poisoned by a rival or a jockey's legs broken by the Corneos because they won a race they were meant to lose. Ester has lived this long by being quick on the draw and taking no prisoners, in the high stakes world of professional gambling. Choco Billy, on the other hand, is only challenged by taking care of Chocobos that are well secured in stables (he doesn't even need to catch any himself.)

Ester doesn't 'deal with criminals'. She's the pretty face that represents a well-oiled machine. Dyne/Mr Coates is the one who decides who gets to go up to race. And the Chocobo Races themselves are well managed by Dio and his crew (with a little help from Shinra themselves). Ester is the glorified elevator operator, who imparts a few tips on jockeying on the way.

She may have raised a few well-bred chocobo... but almost certainly with the help of a staff. For the most part, she just seems to stand around in the foyer of the chocobo square, watching the screens. How many successful jockey's has she even coached, anyway? What does she even do? Is that elevator pitch the sole extant of her 'coaching'?

Whereas Billy is always hard at work, feeding, mating, and exercising chocobo - many of which have been caught in the wild, and are difficult to handle!

Dyne, a man that wants the entire world to burn is the one that selects which of his fellow criminals get sent up the elevator with Ester until Barret arrives. If it's a well-oiled machine, it's because Ester is the one that keeps it clean. Just because Cloud is a quick on the uptake and has outrun the Midgar Zolom on a Chocobo's back before ever applying to the races doesn't mean every racer has. Ester is the best manager in what is thriving business already that attracts a crowd of people betting on races (unlike Billy's deserted stables) because she can cow any hardened criminal into getting on a chocobo and follow her instructions.

This woman is going down in a scrap with a preteen boy? I don't think so.

 

[InterfaceLeader]

Have you ever had a fight with a scrappy 12 year old boy? They are quick, they bite, they have sharp knees and elbows, and an inexhaustible supply of energy. Sure, Ester is a bit taller, but even if she does have better coaching skills than we see, coaching hardly translates into physical strength, durability, or speed.

Sure, Ester would do great coaching someone else to fight. But she isn't coaching right now, she's on the spot, she's the one that has to fight... and there is ZERO evidence presented so far that she would do anything more than flail helplessly.

If she can handle hardened criminals it's less about her intimidating presence and more about what she offers - a chance to get out of prison, and a chance to win fame and fortune. The people she works with are pre-selected, and desperate to escape... they won't be fighting her, they are invested students.

But Billy? Billy grew up with an older sister, in a remote area of the country surrounded by monsters. He ain't no fool - and the tragic death of his parents instilled him a sense of caution and respect for both chocobo and monsters. What keeps the monsters of the grasslands from over-running the farm? Only the ceaseless work of the Choco family, all of whom take turns patrolling the boundary of their farm, and dealing with the varmints that might try and sneak in.

Youth and experience are both on the side of our champion, Choco Billy!

 

[LicoriceAllsorts]

At least Ester is coaching herself, unlike the Pilot who had to be coached by Cid!

Anyway, if you think that in all her years working in the man's world of chocobo racing, Gold Saucer, and Corel prison, Ester hasn't needed to fight off men on a regular basis, then you need more insight into what life is like for pretty girls. The mere fact that she's still working there in a position of authority, respected by all the men, is proof that she knows how to knock heads together when needs be. A swift clip round the ear from Ester will send Billy boy squealing for mummy.

 

[fancy]

Ester may be a very successful career woman, sure, but as my partner points out, this doesn't translate to martial prowess!

Ester knows how to talk a good game and appeal to the base desires of some hardened criminals, and that's precisely how she was able to get ahead. But this ain't a battle of who get talk their way into the best deals, but a battle of grit and strength, and our country boy has got this city slicker beat! He cares not for her promises of fame and fortune - he just wants to get back to his birds! And if it takes knocking this pretty lady flat on her ass to do it, well, that's exactly what Choco Billy is gonna do.

 

[LicoriceAllsorts]

Choco Billy is a peeping tom pervert who spends his life watching chicks do it together.

 

[fancy]

Perversion? No! Science? Yes!

 

[fancy]

*HOLD UP*

This marks the end of round 1-9!

Spectators (and the audience!*) have 24 hours to cast their votes (either by posting in this thread or messaging me privately) for the champion that they have been swayed to stand behind. Your judges are...

solo player sab
BforB
​

At this time, spectators and audience members are allowed to post their thoughts on the match. Players are NOT ALLOWED to counter any of these comments with new arguments or to continue ‘battling’ in general. Any attempt to do so will count as an automatic loss for your team. Players are free, however, to pay compliments to your opponents and such. ^^

Players!

If you’d like to opt out of participating in the next round, tell me in the fortnight that we’re on break. Otherwise, I’m going to assume you’re still playing and you’re going to be reshuffled into a new team.

In General

If anyone (players, spectators, audience, anyone) has any feedback, questions, or concerns regarding the rules, please post that in the master thread here. It’ll be easier for me to keep track of/find your feedback this way for future reference. Thank you!

Any non-participant who’d like to be shuffled into a team, please say so now.

 

[Mother]

congra

tulations​

on a fair
and exciting fight(indeed
indeed)
but who
will be greece
and who
will be troy(and who will be

the horse​

and a horse
they shall
be)
shooby?

- b b

 

[Mother]

alas
this fight
was daring
and too t h i c c for comfort
much was revealed of
the two contenders(green
and

so much​

promise

before them
as much as the prowess of
the lady ester

swayed me​

twas not given
her exact fighting procedure
therefore
my vote goes
to b illy(scrappy, with bite, no holds
barred
even for a lady)
a true street fighter
thus born

- b b

 

[Mother]

may the gods
forgive
this triple poast
for i thereby nominate
InterfaceLeader and LicoriceAllr

sorts​

for a wonderful
contribution
worthy of mvp

- b b

 

[fancy]

ROUND 1-9: WINNER

Thank you to spectators and audience members who voted!

Spoiler: Round 1-9’s Winner is…

VICTORY GOES TO TEAM CHOCOBO

Spoiler: Spectator’s MVPs

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*InterfaceLeader and LicoriceAllsorts*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

That’s going to be our last game for about a fortnight. A huge thanks to everyone that participated! I laughed, I cried, I shouted, “CURSES, THEY’RE GOOD!”

Till next time.

 

[Channy]

Apologies to my team I'd been kinda MIA last two rounds - things been all sorts of everyplace so I hope to be back in the game for round 2

 

[Clement Rage]

Can I ask who is on the cards this round, if that's allowed? Think I might spectate for this one.

 

[fancy]

^That’s fair! It’s going to be Deputy Mayor Hart and Shinra Manager. Do let me know if you’d still like to spectate!

 

[LicoriceAllsorts]

OMG, two of my favourites!

 

[Clement Rage]

Spectating this time, if that's okay.