My dream was that the FFVII Remake series would be a masterpiece adaptation of the original game in the same vein as Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings movie trilogy is an awesome adaptation of the book series: A great retelling for modern audiences, adapted for the medium, enhancing the experience and making it more accessible to newcomers.
For 90% of its runtime/playtime, for me, the FFVII Remake lived up to that dream. Everything was done with such intelligent intent and consistent quality that both the changed and the preserved formed a near-perfect marriage. The impossible dream that I've had in some shape or form for over 20 years actually seemed to come to fruition. It was that transcendental experience I was looking for.
Then it was all taken away. The ending ruins the journey, if only because an essential aspect of THE DREAM was a consistent level of quality through all chapters and for it to be an undeniably awesome entrypoint for newcomers to the Final Fantasy VII universe. What we get instead is a sequel in disguise. The dream of the remake is dead. Twenty years of dreaming, proven once again that it was foolish to fall in love with a franchise. Proving once again that it's better to not be so invested because it is, after all, just a video game. But I am at heart a dreamer. I couldn't help but to dream, even though I know the risk of heartbreak involved.
I pick up the controller to replay segments of FFVIIR, if only to gather screenshots and videos, but every time I do I feel like my arms and hands get cramped. Pushing buttons and moving the sticks is now an act of intentional exertion, comparable to moving on a treadmill while you are hungover. The awesome cutscenes pass by me in a haze and I can't even bring myself to enjoy those anymore. I gathered footage for a video but I can't bring myself to actually edit it together. What is even the point?
What makes me able to so easily research Compilation titles is because I am long past the stage of being invested in their relative quality. Because I love Dirge of Cerberus as a research topic, and that alone, I can't be hurt by its overflowing mediocrity and inconvenient spot in the FFVII canon. For me these are subjects to be studied and dissected, not something to be enjoyed and defended as some supposed examples of high art. That's why I am so conveniently exempt from the sincere emotion of "hating" the Compilation or even being annoyed by its mediocre parts: Because I barely give a shit about the quality of the Compilation.
Will I ever reach that point with FFVIIR? There was after all a time when I did care about the quality of the Compilation and when parts of it truly did anger me. Will the ending-ruins-the-journey disappointment of FFVIIR wear off and I'll be able to play and enjoy the game once more, without it feeling like a chore? Maybe, maybe not. That would be an impressive achievement, since there were so many more years of hope and anticipation for the remake compared to any of the Compilation titles. This is, without a doubt, the biggest gaming disappointment of my entire life. Might remain so for as long as I live.
Voices from my youth revisit me. It is my parents and my siblings telling my childhood self "It's just a video game", "Nothing to be upset about", "Why don't you go outside instead, for once?"
How I wish I didn't have to admit how right they are. But for the sake of my own health I have to admit it. FFVII and indeed FFVIIR are just video games; Nothing more, nothing less. You *can* be upset about it, but is it actually worth it? On top of that, I can't deny the value of some fresh air.