I love Xehanort.
This fool came to the badlands looking for a war, and
waged one. For real. He
played to fucking win.
Terranort washed half their team.
Like. He won. If miracle plot magic of light hadn't happened... HE FUCKING WON ON THE FIRST GO ROUND.
I'm thoroughly
amazed at how woefully
unprepared and untrained Sora's group was.
What the fuck was that first attempt at them trying to fight? They were training??? They thought they were prepared???
Imagine being so weak that the enemy turns their back to you without fear of reprisal.
...And being so weak that the only thing you can do is suprisedpikachu.jpg
Like, I'm literally laughing in shock, amusement and
horror at how
bad every keyblade master (save for Riku kinda) performed the first go round.
Ventus
got bodied because in the end he's a child and doesn't know better. He runs up to "Terra" because he apparently forgot that his flesh is possessed by Xehanort!
Aqua stands there in shock. Does nothing. Even though she has a
direct opening to Terranort's blind spot to at least either hurt him or keep him from continuing his free win against Team Sora. She just stands there. Mouth agape at the horror that's befallen her friend.
Meanwhile, Terranort spots the next opening! Princess Kairi is just standing there like a slackjawed yokel and Axel,
bless his heart, guards her from being
utterly mutilated before she can draw her keyblade.
Unfortunately for him, he's been slacking on his strength training too and gets KO'd by one strike. Axel is reduced to nothing but a meatshield.
This shocking turn of events however fails to snap Kairi out of her daze and Sora,
god bless the fucking idiot, has to be the next one to initiate "Operation Human Shield" and rather than try to block the hit by guarding... He HUGS HER AND TURNS HIS BACK TO THE ENEMY. SMOOTH MOVE EXLAX.
Only Goofy...FUCKING GOOFY, THE BRAIN-TRUST OF THE SORA-DONALD-GOOFY TRIO, has the sense to use his SHIELD to
parry Terranort's strike and leave him open for reprisal.
And Donald...DONALD FUCKING DUCK... THE MOST HALF-ASSED MAGE EVER... has enough sense to see the opening, and GO FOR IT. He powers up a Zeta-Flare spell to blow away the enemy at the cost of all his strength. Granted, a foolish overexertion for one enemy but he showed enough sense to not just stare into space while the enemy just wrecks everyone around him.
Sora has the thousand mile stare and it takes Riku to snap him out of it because SURPRISE! The war's just started. All that's left to fight are Sora, Riku, Kairi, Mickey, and Aqua.
And the next enemy are Heartless. Granted, demon tides. But again. Heartless. Rather than steel their resolve and prepare to take out the mooks as best they can, watching each other's backsides.... They panic.
Like children.
Aqua somehow gets a PTSD flashback from 0.8 or maybe the spiral of the Demon Tide heartless hypnotized her, I have no clue! But she just
stares at the Heartless, relaxes her grip on the keyblade and
let's the heartless sweep her off her feet.
Kairi, who for some fucking reason
has yet to realize she has to fucking fight, is cradling a sleeping Axel and gets swept up too.
Mickey and Goofy, who were nursing an unconscious Donald, get swept up too! Because WHY NOT.
And it's just Riku and Sora. Sora has a fit and cries, pulling his best Tidus impression.
And Riku is left to try to defend against the horde of Heartless who eventually sublimate him into darkness.
Sora loses. The end.
Until miracle intervention.
Everything else that happens is cool and interesting. I stopped watching however to leave some modicum of this plot a surprise for when my copy arrives but... I'll leave with what I imagine Shantotto would say....
That first run of the Keyblade War was atrocious.
Xehanort was simply ferocious.
Sora's team performed like a bunch of boozers.
And in the end...They were just a team of total losers.