I had to deal with my brother being an asswhole while we're at the hospital with my mother who has to take chemotherapy. Obviously, my brother and I have always had a rocky relationship, but lately things are getting worse because he basically thinks he's WAY better than me, so he treats me like shit despite being only 17.
This causes situations like today, where he just went "I want to sleep, get out of the couch", in the hospital, and I ended up standing up, absolutely annoyed, and yelled at by my mother, because I had been noisy when angry. Well what do you expect? And she was all nice to him, while being mad at me.
And of course I can't tell my father because he's under a lot of pressure for various things, and because, despite being a really fair person, his ways are a lot more harsh, and things would get complicated. So here I am, absolutely pissed off with life and especially at my brother, having been yelled at various times today when all I'm doing lately is live to please my family's wishes, without having a life of my own. And that's all the "thanks" I receive.
Well, fuck this life, seriously. And dieing is not even a good solution because of the situation in my family, so I have literally zero escape means. I can't live, but I can't die either. What the fuck?
I feel I want to yell like I'm crazy, to hit the wall, break windows, anything to unload my rage. I actually bit my own arm when I was at the hospital because I was so fucking pissed off and I could not do anything about it.
And despite needing doing this kind of rant, I hate myself for doing it, which is absolutely fantastic.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.