So after I fell asleep again I go out into the living room and my parents are full out fighting... about something. Just telling each other to shut the fuck up and "you want me to tell Tiff why I'm so mad? I'm not the bad guy here" etc. Now they're yelling out in the garage... and I've got no idea what the hell happened... O_o;
Fucking lag. It's not even ping - I have 11 to 20 ms ping with the server - but still I have fucking lag like terrible. Fuck you wifi, and fuck you shitty house with no working cabled internet. Alternatives are either cut off everyone else from the nets (which is okay, it would just get the women upstairs upset), or chuck a length of cable up the stairs through two doors, which is suboptimal at best.
Fucking lag. It's not even ping - I have 11 to 20 ms ping with the server - but still I have fucking lag like terrible. Fuck you wifi, and fuck you shitty house with no working cabled internet. Alternatives are either cut off everyone else from the nets (which is okay, it would just get the women upstairs upset), or chuck a length of cable up the stairs through two doors, which is suboptimal at best.
aaah my computer came out of sleep mode during the night for some fucking reason. Now it's running hot and being slow. fuuuuu. lappy needs a nap now, and I barely even got to see him. ;.;
3. Played on Dutch server just now, much better. My wifi reception's also maxed out, so that might also be related. Silly antennae on the receiver upstairs.
3. Played on Dutch server just now, much better. My wifi reception's also maxed out, so that might also be related. Silly antennae on the receiver upstairs.
1. It might help if there are a lot of WiFi's in the building - or the walls/ floor in the building might affect the signal, and trying different channel (as in GHz bandwidth used) might work. You can usually set channel on the WiFi router. Default is set to 6, I think, so you could try 1 or 11. Linkage
2. I was really referring to if there is a way to control how much of the bandwidth is spent by different entities. You can set that on the router as well.
3. Might be related to the two above.
I have this old classmate that I still have contact with (thanks to Facebook, etc.)
We aren't really friends, we just know each other.
Umm... he have these weird opinions about women. When we went to the same school/class he always talked about how men are much better than women in every way. He even got the other boys in class to take his side.
He talked about us girls in a negative way. He would call us fat, ugly.. whatever.
He brought up one of my insecurities infront of everyone.
Told me that I was fake.
And all this rambling about women being nothing more than a piece of shit.
And today he posted this long ass essay about how men are much smarter/better.. And I lost it. I can't handle things like this. I started to shake, and felt like crying because of my anger. You know why? Because I was stupid enough to try and argue with him about it. He pointed out that I'm dumber because I study Games/Movies-artistic in general, and that he will probably have a better job than me in the future. You can't argue with him. He tries to make you feel worthless. How can I prove him wrong? Because he certainly doesn't think he's wrong about anything.
I'm aware that he's been brain washed by his family though. They are all the same.
Leave him alone, rolling on his own pile of bullshit if he's happy with it. You won't change the way he thinks, no matter how stupid it is. Just let him be, ignore him.
What if he's always attacking women because he's jealous for not being one of us? That's the first thing I'd think.
@thread: It's so cold I have to type with mittens ;.;
aaah my computer came out of sleep mode during the night for some fucking reason. Now it's running hot and being slow. fuuuuu. lappy needs a nap now, and I barely even got to see him. ;.;
1. It might help if there are a lot of WiFi's in the building - or the walls/ floor in the building might affect the signal, and trying different channel (as in GHz bandwidth used) might work. You can usually set channel on the WiFi router. Default is set to 6, I think, so you could try 1 or 11. Linkage
2. I was really referring to if there is a way to control how much of the bandwidth is spent by different entities. You can set that on the router as well.
3. Might be related to the two above.
Should check, . Signal seems to be good according to windows though, and there's only two other wifis nearby. Will check out the frequency / channel business though.
The one weekend something exciting happened in Belfast (EMA's) and I'm not anywhere near it this week, apparently the atmosphere back home has been amazing, really buzzing...damn you Galway job
My mom got all worked up because I told her I wasn't going to commit to pick up my nephew. Short Version: She thinks I'm selfish
Also internet blockage. I wanted to read some fics but FanFiction is blocked out. A;LKJDSFL;AJELKFJASJDHFEHFJASDN
Sometimes when I don't get online for a couple days, I like to pretend that I'm going outside and doing stuff and totally not spending the entire weekend playing Pokemon.
There are certain times when it just hurts so much I feel like dying to keep everything from coming into my brain. What I feel like right now is one of those times. I hope that when it does come to finally dying my brain just stops because I can barely stand an hour alone with my thoughts let alone an eternity.
I Just want to force my body to sleep but my head is refusing to let me drift off despite being so ridiculously tired. I don't want to be awake. I especially don't want to be awake with these feelings and up out of bed. I'm afraid of getting out of bed because I'm afraid of doing something stupid.
I wish I felt comfortable enough talking to someone, ANYONE about this but I don't. I wish my online friends are online but everyone is asleep like they should be. The only thing I could think of was posting here because I don't know how else I could maybe not feel so alone.
^What I do when I'm in a shit mood is think about fictional stories I make up that have nothing to do with my life. I guess you could call it a "happy place" . Sounds like you need one too. As always, if it is so bad, seek professional help, and if you are doing that already, say what they're doing isn't working, and/or try a different professional.
- First world problem: I hate when websites are on slow servers.
No LinkedIn, I DO NOT want to read what my bachelor alumni's are doing for jobs. It makes me feel like a loser for not having a flashing title working in some huge Consultant or Oil company, even though I know I am happier working on my semi-new choice of career.
Is it so fucking much to ask to get some god damn sleep? I have to fucking close tonight and it's going to suck because apparently they're repaving part of the parking lot. There was no warning of this whatsoever and they have 2-3 trucks out there right now making a shit load of noise that they aren't even using. I have no idea why the truck right outside my window is on and making all that noise. I really fucking hate living here... if I had any idea I would have never ever come here. Next time I'm going to ask, "Do you do a shit load of road work, paving and otherwise loud things in the morning that would conflict with my work schedule?" and they better be fucking honest with me.
Going to school today was such a bad idea. I didn't sleep at all last night. But at the same time I don't think I could stand being at home and risk my mom realize something is up.
My head's hurting from trying to keep composed.
I started watching Skins. It's helping me block my mood at least for a while.
@Oracle
Yeah... I'm with Ghost X on the "finding something else to focus on"- thing. Anything, if it is games, music, writing, drawing, reading, exercising... it helps to get the brain out of its endless seems-to-be stuck pattern.
I think we all have days like those. You hang in there
i miss my mom and i wish alzheimer's never existed. i hate that fucking illness with a fierce passion because i watched it eat away at the only woman in my life who matters. i hate what its done to her, i hate seeing her the way she is and i hate that i can barely even remember the woman who raised me anymore.
and most of all, i hate living out my life like its just fine while shes rotting away in a fucking nursing home, losing her mind slowly.
sometimes, i wonder why im even in nursing. if i cant even take care of my mother, how am i supposed to be strong enough to take care of anyone else?
i just...the world is a black hole and everything is unfair. shes only 58. only 58 and shes had this piece of shit since she was 54.
. Sounds like you need one too. As always, if it is so bad, seek professional help, and if you are doing that already, say what they're doing isn't working, and/or try a different professional.
Now Shizuka is all alone. T-T
