"Ladies and gentlemen, introducing: the WiiWii! It has an awesome TV experience! You can watch TV! It's great for watching TV! Watch TV on your WiiWii! Did we mention TV? You can totally watch TV! We all love TV, right? There's TV, plus more TV, and you can totally watch the TV! And the TV totally comes with a TV remote, and an excellent TV experience! So enjoy TV! TV is so great. And there is TV on our new system. Isn't TV wonderful? Plus there's sports! And you can watch them on the TV! That's right, we said TV! Moar TV, anybody? Gotta Love that TV! And we totally have TV! You can switch from your game straight to the TV! Let's talk about the wonderful TV! We haven't forgotten to talk about TV, have we? That's right: TV. You heard me, I said TV. Let's go WiiWii, with your wonderful TV! Let's say it: TV! Once more: TV! TV is so great! Isn't it wonderful that we have TV on our brand new console? And I think we mentioned sports earlier didn't we? Let's talk about sports. That's right, we have sports. Sports are great! We know you loved Wii Sports. Well now you can watch sports, too! Playing sports is totally a favorite pastime of gamers! We bet you even love sports more than gaming, right guys? Well we've got just the sports for you! EA sports! Play sports games! Watch sports games on your equally wonderful television! We need to talk more about the television. The TV, also known as the television, is totally featured on our new console! We know you wanna watch television! We have television all right. Plenty of television. Isn't it as awesome as TV? Oh wait, it's the same thing as TV! TV is great! WiiWii is about to become the next water cooler. It's got sports on the television! Let's talk moar about television. Who cares if we've already talked plenty about television? I'm thrilled to announce a live-action Mario television series. You're television and your TVs also allow you to watch sports! That's right: Sports. Sports on your television! Your TV! Don't you love the TV? Well we have plenty of TV to go around! Plus we've got Call of Duty! That's right: Call of Duty! And this time it's crossing over with Mario for Call of Duty: Boos. That's right, Mario and Call of Duty, in an entirely new Call of Duty, for the next generation. Call of Duty and Mario go so well together don't you think. And that's not even the best feature of this new Call of Duty. There's something else this Call of Duty also has! This Call of Duty, is a Call of Duty, with Mario, including Boo. One of the fascinating new additions to your squad, is a dog. This Chain Chomp, is someone you care about in Call of Duty. Call of Duty, Mario, Boo, and Chain Chomps. How does that not scream perfect Call of Duty? This Call of Duty will be the best yet. We're even considering making Call of Duty our new flagship series! We might even make Call of Duty a part of the Mario series, just like Donkey Kong, Yoshi, and Wario! Just imagine: Call of Duty characters and settings in our next Mario game. All of the new storyline, in Call of Duty, provides a huge focus on Mario and your Chain Chomps. The Call of Duty also provides a large focus on the titular Boos. You're gonna love the new Call of Duty. The next Call of Duty will also be completely Nintendo exclusive, because Mario is not allowed on non-Nintendo consoles. Call of Duty goes great with Mario. Call of Duty may even cross over with other Nintendo franchises such as Pikmin and Zelda. Our new Mario model is taken from actually scans of a real fat plumber. Now you can see a realistic Mario in Call of Duty! Call of Duty will be featuring a new character in the next Smash Bros. game: the dog from Call of Duty: Ghosts. We hope you will go out and buy a WiiWii when it comes out later this year! Oh yeah, and you can't loan games to a friend, and used games will require an additional fee. But to make up for it, you won't be featuring a virtual console nor will we allow you to play your GameCube, Wii, Wii U, etc. games. And in order to play, you need internet connection on at ALL times, even for single player! And for motion controls, instead of that old Wii remote, we have a Kinect rip-off: the Interkoars, which is what you will use to watch TV, by way which you do so by waving your arms and shouring at the screen! And remember that Mario TV show we mentioned? We're also gonna make terrible live-action TV adaptations of your other favorite games, including: Pokemon, Zelda, Mother, Metroid, Pikmin, Mr. Game & Watch, F-Zero, Star Fox, Kirby, Ice Climbers, Fire Emblem, Kid Icarus, Donkey Kong, Yoshi, Wario and of course, Call of Duty! All will be directed by James Cameron and George Lucas, the latter of whom will make sure every episode of every show features Jar Jar in some way, while the former makes sure every episode is a rip-off of something else. And the new Interkoars allows us to spy on you while you masturbate, like a technological ceiling cat! And our graphics are just as good as the Wii U's! We hope you will buy a a WiiWii, coming (hopefully) never to a store near you!"